BPD angle: My sister has this. She is not on medication or in therapy, so I'm seeing it without those filters. One of the common traits is the categorizing of people as "good" or "bad." Someone in our family has been on the bad list for years. Currently we are all on that list so she's not talking to anyone.
BPD could explain why she just up and left her entire family. BUT you'd think someone would be missing her! (Although, it is kind of a relief to be on the 'bad' list for a spell to get a break when your loved one is not medicated or in therapy for their illness.)
First, I know it's very rough in having a loved one with BPD. I cannot begin to describe how AWFUL I was as a teenager and up until I was almost 30. I stabilized by 30 but I was in therapy and pursuing betterment from age 12 onward. i wasn't diagnosed till later in life with BPD. there are no pills for this because it's a personality disorder. There is no magical anything with it, and that's why it's so damn frustrating. DBT and CBT are what works, that and a lot of dedication. i won't dare say I grew out of it, but I did mature and because I'm so self aware - I can honestly say I'm far better than i ever was (hence all the regret). I do hope your sibling has access to therapy and support groups. It's very isolating although most BPD will tell you that hearing how we "operate" or think makes us all feel like monsters. It's such a double edged sword that's made 100000x's worse because of our way of thinking.
i think you answered your own question regarding why no one looked for her. Maybe she did quit talking to her family and deemed them as bad. Maybe she was not a very easy to deal with teen or young adult and her parents washed their hands of her : "they are dead" was her answer as to why she had no parents. Maybe they were dead, to her. it's that way of thinking in regards to abandonment when you feel people have given up on loving you. i know we all like to believe that no one could possibly give birth and just choose to not seek their child out when they no longer hear from them. Truth of the matter is, it happens ... a lot. We are also talking about eras where irrational teen girls were frequently shipped off to psych wards because their parents couldn't and didn't know how to deal. The entire "out of sight out of mind" thought process.
I'm not here to diagnose LEK with anything at all, but she seems to be more BPD than say .. schizoid. When you deal with this disorder there are various aspects that come with it. for instance, being able to reinvent yourself to fit in anywhere. wanting to fit in so bad that you will change everything about yourself in order to be accepted - but that's fleeting due to boredom. there is normally an above avg IQ that comes with it ... i don't know if this is from isolation/books and self awareness or what. She was obviously image obsessed to a degree. Her ex boyfriend had remarked she had too many issues for him to deal with - and I, for whatever reason, really want him to elaborate. i think he holds a huge key to this. her husband holds absolutely little here, he isn't very aware or even involved it seems. I hardly find substance in her ex in-laws. An ex boyfriend who after all these years still recalls her and her behavior? That's what we need. God, I wish he'd join WS!
i think we all can agree that she did in fact snap. She became a shell of herself due to the divorce looming over her head. Like it was pointed out, BR leaving her meant she would virtually have to start over but before that could happen..she would have to get a lawyer and she would have to go to court. Her secrets were a ticking time bomb and soon, in court, things would be revealed and i'm pretty sure that was more upsetting than any of us could imagine. if you combine the loss of a marriage, her in-laws obviously VERY involved in all aspects (right down to the brother in-law attending the divorce therapy sessions!!! and speaking for her husband!), a child that was in the toddler stages, and then you top it off with her past plus her stolen identity of sorts.. you get one hell of a breakdown.
I'm going to go on a limb here and just assume that she had no assets, no retirement fund and no way of supporting herself and a child plus a house and whatever else - without Blake. She probably felt her in-laws would fight her for custody of her daughter. She must've felt like they stood a chance (money, knowing the right people in office and already feeling she wasn't adequate). she could control Blake or at least control what they shared about themselves to one another, she could not however control her in-laws. It's entirely possible that she wasn't actually running from anything in her past. Hell, maybe she just really wanted to have a new identity and wash her hands of everything that hurt (she struggled with depression, self harm and those aren't fun things). So, maybe - just maybe - (if she was BPD) she began hanging with a bit of a very left wing / anarchist group. This would explain how she came into contact with the Loom books. Maybe she gained info on how to change her identity. And speaking as someone with BPD, once I get something in my head that I'm going to do - there is NO stopping me. We get lil' obsessions of sorts and rarely follow through with them, lots of half hearted attempts. i could see her getting this game plan to reinvent herself and then it just sort of escaping her once she had her thrill from it.
it really breaks my heart that she by all accounts was lonely. her daughter was her life and she may have taken her own life to save her from being possibly taken from her or also finding out that she is living a lie. But then that doesn't explain why she chose to do this in the drive way on Xmas eve. I can only guess that there was a convo leading up to her suicide, one we may never hear about or at least the truth regarding. she snapped, she chose to hurt them in a way she knew would really get to them. her actions regarding her suicide speak volumes. She was very mad and she was going to make damn sure they felt bad. That's a terrible thing to do to someone! That also shows her lack of clear thinking, stability and maybe an insight to something terribly ugly about her.
has there been any talk about the ex boyfriend? Is he alive and is the investigator that's doing all these public talks and such .. is that investigator working for the family (or sides with them)? I really think the ex bf could shine a big ole light.
I have wondered from the start if there isn't a storage locker of some sorts that she kept.
