Okay, let’s go over these cases and see where the cops went wrong. NAMES: Howard and Beatrice Ainsworth BODIES FOUND: April 28, 1996 DETAILS: Howard bludgeoned Beatrice with a hammer and stabbed her with a bread knife. He then suffocated himself with a plastic bag tightened by a ligature. ALLEGED MOTIVE: A suicide note was written, but it didn’t really mention a motive. The couple had joined a right-to-die group six years earlier. RED FLAGS: Beatrice’s body was found in a rather odd position, as if she had been moved. Only a tiny amount of blood was on her. The knife was shoved into her skull with sheer force — something that the 78-year-old Howard wouldn’t have had the strength to do. The hammer had been washed in a sink, which doesn’t make sense if he was about to kill himself. A second hammer was found at the scene, as well as another ligature. The bag on Howard’s head was covered in blood, implying that he was already wearing it when he killed his wife. A bottle of pills was left on the floor, but the medication hadn’t even been prescribed to the couple. Finally, Howard could’ve been forced to write the suicide note. These details don’t make any sense for a murder-suicide. Also, Howard and Beatrice firmly believed in dying with dignity, but the extremely gruesome crime scene contradicts this. NAMES: Donald and Auriel Ward BODIES FOUND: November 26, 1999 DETAILS: Donald bludgeoned Auriel with a ceramic hot water bottle, stabbed her with the shards, and suffocated her with a pillow before he slit his throat and stabbed himself in the heart. ALLEGED MOTIVE: It was concluded that Donald had a disturbed mind. He had also expressed concern over a test for prostate cancer. RED FLAGS: Donald didn’t have a history of mental illness; there was literally nothing to indicate that he was a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off. He stabbed himself after he slashed his throat, which seems unlikely for a 73-year-old to do (though I guess it depends on how deep he cut it). There were also stab wounds to his groin. (Because that’s totally something I would do to myself before committing suicide. Don’t question it, guys. Just assume that I’m into cock and ball torture. Don’t think for maybe one second that I was ******* murdered.) NAMES: Michael and Violet Higgins BODIES FOUND: February 21, 2000 DETAILS: Michael bludgeoned Violet with a rolling pin and stabbed her in the neck with a pair of scissors, then strangled himself with a coat hanger. ALLEGED MOTIVE: Reportedly, Violet had threatened to put Michael in a home due to the fact that he was suffering from Parkinson’s disease. RED FLAGS: Michael had Parkinson’s. It would be difficult for someone with this disease to pull off such a despicable act. There’s also the fact that he was somehow able to throttle himself to death; he would’ve passed out before he could finish himself off. NAMES: Kenneth and Eileen Martin BODIES FOUND: November 10, 2008 DETAILS: Kenneth bludgeoned Eileen with a blunt instrument and cut her neck and wrists; he then slit his throat, slashed his wrists, and hanged himself. ALLEGED MOTIVE: Eileen suffered from dementia and Kenneth just couldn’t put up with her anymore, especially after finding out that he was now ill. RED FLAGS: 77-year-old Kenneth cut his throat. Then his wrists. And then he hanged himself. Even if he wasn’t an old man, I’m pretty sure it’d be difficult for him to do that to himself. NAMES: Stanley and Peggy Wilson BODIES FOUND: February 18, 2011 DETAILS: Stanley beat Peggy, strangled her, and then stabbed her in the neck. He proceeded to stab himself in the neck. ALLEGED MOTIVE: Stanley was mentally ill and paranoid. He simply had an episode that ended tragically. RED FLAGS: Stanley, who was 92 ******* years old, somehow overpowered his wife and did this disturbing stuff to her. There are probably other details that I forgot to include or got wrong. Feel free to correct me. The most obvious red flag in all five of these cases is the brutality. Regardless of your partner’s age, why would you choose such a slow, bloody, absolutely disgusting way to kill them and yourself? It doesn’t add up.