Unadopting a Child...

Discussion in 'Up to the Minute' started by michelle, Oct 9, 2006.

  1. michelle

    michelle Joy comes in the Morning

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  3. bakerprune64

    bakerprune64 Former Member

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  4. Amraann

    Amraann Former Member

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    NO what is sad is that this child after having already abused by the system is now being betrayed by the people that promised to be his parents.

    No one is suing GOD for betrayal when their child is born not so perfect.
    IMO the non disclosure of this childs previous abuse (which NO DOUBT directly relates to these issues) should be compensated in the form of an enourmous sum of money to be used to help this child and hire people to watch him elsewhere when the grandchildren visit.

    These people adopted this child they swore they would be his parents.
    In my mind this is no different then a biological child turing their child over.
    SO what if she can't foster other children anymore?
    Her loyalty needs to be towards this child she promised to love and if its not then she is NOT a parent and has no right to have any children in her home.

    Now if this was some biological child my guess is she would make one hell of an effort to seek help for him not cast him off.

    Furthermore when you adopt a 9 year old who has been tossed around through the system your an idiot if you don't think your going to have some problems and should have him put in therapy immediatly.

    But hey! He was a throw away kid all his life why should now be different?
     
  5. CyberLaw

    CyberLaw Former Member

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    Instead of "punishing" the child for the abuse inflicted upon him by his "biological parents" and the "system" instead of "making the situation" worse by "throwing" away this "damaged" child, why doesn't someone "step up to the plate" and help the child. Ensure that he gets treatment" so that he can be a productive member of society and he is "given" a chance not to spend the rest of his life in Prison, for more serious crimes, that are in the "future"
     
  6. BhamMama

    BhamMama Former Member

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    Couldn't have said it better if I tried!

    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]


     
  7. michelle

    michelle Joy comes in the Morning

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    I took the article to mean that she was NOT informed of his past about abuse and other troubles ect....Maybe she did not want to Foster a child who had that because she had grandkids and other children around.

    Some people may not be cut out to handle that. Maybe the State did not inform her fully of all of his past. I think if you adopt you should be aware of their History, after all you are taking another person in your home and family. I would want to know. And I would be very upset if they molested my children or other family members. :twocents:
     
  8. tuppence

    tuppence New Member

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    :waitasec:

    She adopted him when he was 9 and now he's 15? I think it's a little late to throw them back after six years. However I think the state owes her compensation to pay for him getting counseling/treatment.
     
  9. michelle

    michelle Joy comes in the Morning

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    I agree with that. Something needs to be done if they were not up front with her. I also dont want to see the child thrown back into the foster care like he was in before but I can understand her concern.
     
  10. 2sisters

    2sisters New Member

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    I am on the fence on this one. The mother is protecting her gandkids from a possible molester nad she wasnt to still be able to see them but then where does it leave this badly abused child.
     
  11. Amraann

    Amraann Former Member

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    Michelle although I agree with this in theory..
    She did not just take in some other person. She adopted a child thereby commiting to being his parent and all that goes along with that good bad and otherwise.
    I agree its wrong that those who should have disclosed these issues were terrably wrong and I feel that should be atoned for but not at the expense of this child. Like CyberLaw said above.

    Michelle, in any case of having or adopting a child you never know how they will turn out. Its just the nature of being a parent.
    If she was a foster mom before that then she KNEW what this child most likely had been through or at least the likelyness after spending 9 years in foster care. If not at the hands of foster parents or his own then by learning it from other kids in the system.
    You are not adopting a 9 year old who has no issues. No one can possibly believe that.

    And there is just no garrantee that any child adopted or not abused or not is going to turn out perfect.
    SO if you commit to being a parent then you must be one.
    IMO this women is simply unfit to be a parent to any child.
    It is her job and legal responisbility as his parent to handle it weather she feels up to it or not. Plenty of parents do not feel "up to" dealing with issues that arise. We figure it out and deal with it.

    If your child turns out to have issues as a parent you address them and modify things in your life to accomodate as well as seek them help YOU DO NOT cast them aside.
    She can sue the agency and make accomodating him and seeking him help a heck of a lot easier.
    I am not all crazy lawsuit happy but they broke the law by not disclosing and they should pay for it not this poor kid.
     
  12. Amraann

    Amraann Former Member

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    Her grandchildren do not live with her.
    She can make arrangements for her 15 YO when they do visit.
    And since the molestation took place when he was only 12 I am not so sure I would consider him a budding pedophile as much as a troubled abused child who was acting out things that happend in his own young life.
     
  13. 2sisters

    2sisters New Member

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    I know, it is just such a hard issue though. I have opinions that go both ways. First and foremost, the child needs a loving and caring home that obviously the adoptive mother can not/will not provide. if he remains in the house she will only resent him.
     
  14. michelle

    michelle Joy comes in the Morning

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    I think that is what may happen. He may be better off not with her now. I dont know, I am clueless of the adopting laws and what not. The link says he will still wants her as him mom and the law in that state says that it can stay that way....So is that why she is paying child support??
     
  15. englishleigh

    englishleigh Authentic Southern Belle

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    Totally agreed!!!! Don't throw him away, get him some help...commit him to a mental hospital for a time, if necessary, but visit him, love him & remain his family!!!!!!!
     
  16. Moe

    Moe New Member

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    This story is truly heartbreaking, I read it this morning and still can't figure out how I feel about it.

    Sending the kid back to a mother who does not want him would be a terrible thing to do. The poor kid, it's not his fault he was born, yet no one ever stood up to the plate for him. He is in for a very troubled life. I feel for the adoptive mother too if she had no knowledge of his real backround.

    Bottom line, too mant screw ups and not very much time before this boy turns eighteen. So very, very sad for all parties and I pray this type of thing does not happen all the time.
     
  17. Amraann

    Amraann Former Member

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    I would have to agree with both of you that she will resent him.

    My point is that I hope irregardless the state doesn't let her adopt anymore or foster any either.
    Clearly she is not parent material if she could turn her back on him rather then seek him help.
    She is paying child support because he is in some state placement.
    Personally inlight of her choice I think that is perfect.
    If she is going to turn her back on him then she should have to pay support and for treatment and the things he needs.

    My posts above were not meant to mean I think she should NOW keep him.
    But I certainly do not support anyone who would abandon their child especially a child already suffering from years of abuse and instability.
    I do think she had other choices and IMO she is taking the easy way out.
    Someone should tell her.....
    Guess what lady??? Being a parent isn't always easy!
     
  18. SadieMae

    SadieMae Former Member

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    I'm sorry Moe...but that statement just kinda disturbed me. None of us knows what our children will become even if we gave birth to them. A mother can't pick and choose her birth childs characteristics, we get what we get. The childs background agreed may have an effect, but there are so many stories of serial killers, mass murderers, etc, that have been described as having the "perfect childhood". That being said, there are many children from abusive family backgrounds that are sane, productive and healthy adults.
     
  19. michelle

    michelle Joy comes in the Morning

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    See, in my mind when I think of a "foster parent" I think of someone who is willing to deal with anything that includes abuse whether it is physical or sexual. Also any other problems or disorders the child may have. That is why in my heart I dont think I could be a foster parent. I am not cut out for the task and I have TONS of respect for those who do. I feel for the child who is thrown out and not wanted anymore that is sad. I also feel for this woman, ONLY if she was not told of his whole history and asked about it. That would be wrong on the States part. From what I have read about most adopted children from foster homes it seems most have been abused in some way or another. I dont know if she thought she was getting a "perfect child" or what but if you are a foster parent I think you should be up for anything.
     
  20. SadieMae

    SadieMae Former Member

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    I couldn't agree more with you. What child from a perfect family ends up in foster care anyway? To even be in the system means there are problems in this child's background.
     
  21. Amraann

    Amraann Former Member

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    I have no symathy for her.
    There is just NOWAY IN HELL she assumed this child would have no problems.
    He wasn't adopted till age 9 and she had already been a foster parent.
    So although the state was 110% wrong.
    SHe can't say she thought she was going to get a 9 YO from foster care to adopt who she expected to have no issues.

    If she was simply a foster parent for him and did not adopt him I would think a bit differently.
    She adopted him that is an entirely new ball game.
     

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