Understanding The Anthony's Parenting Style

[summermood32]

When you bring a child in this world you don't get a manual when they are born! You could be the best parent in the world and your child go the other direction!

 

[Elley Mae]

Cindy is the controlling force, George has been in the dark for years. Cindy has no parenting skills,she has allowed Casey to lie and steal with out any repercussions, she said early on that Casey always lies,but eventually she will tell me the truth.That is pure BS. Cindy has lied and has probably lied for years to cover for Casey. Cindy said under oath that Casey worked at Universal,yet never saw her with money or a check. In Amy's interview she said Cindy doubted that Casey had a job. Did Cindy not lie under oath. Cindy said on TV That just because Casey lies doesn't make her a murderer,she has learned from the best.George has no idea how much money Cindy has given Casey over the years, his name is not on the account.Cindy took out a 2 mortgage.Their separation was at the time of Casey being pregnant. This is one of the most dysfunctional families that I have seen in a while.

 

[ArtichokeHeart]

I'm not sure that I really should make any in depth comments on their "parenting style"...Suffice it to say that I would not pick any of the above choices and that the description would include incompetent and stupid...

I'm in this catagory as well. The listed choices make no reference to the authorative lack of morality in the Anthony's especially Cindy.

She is more of a tyrant than an authority figure. She sets no limits or boundaries. She uses force only when in a rage and when it affects her personally such as when she picked up Casey from Tony's and made her come home. Or when she almost strangled Casey when she found out she had drained her grandparents retirement account. Yet she had no influence in getting Casey to graduate High School., or to use protection when having sex, or to find help for her sociopathic ways.

George is authoritarian...a bit scary I think..an uptight personality.

It's sort of like screaming and yelling when you dog poops on your rug and then handing the dog a biscuit and cuddling it on your lap. The dog gets confused and keeps on doing it.

 

[Karate Dad]

Is Denial a Parenting Style?

 

[tiredofthis]

Well, when JG told Ca that KC stole money from him, she said it was just one time. That makes it ok? This girl was never taught to be responsible for her actions. They Indulged her.

I know. If my mom had found out that I stole money from someone she would have yanked me up by my hair, marched me over to the person, and made certain I apologized and paid the money back! She would have done this whether I was five or twenty-five.

 

[kiki the parrot]

CA's parenting style is, in a word, narcissistic--a combination of both permissiveness, as well as authoritiarianism. The child's learned narcissism in turn is rooted in a needy, controlling parent's over-indulgence or excessive smothering and lack of any consequences or accountability (licentiousness) simultaneously with overly harsh or critical inacceptance of a child's failures or mistakes. It results from parenting extremes based not on the child's needs but instead on the parent's own neediness. (Because it is always about the parent, the child is likely to be given leniency when they most need limits, and condemnation when they most need grace and empathy.) This narcissism in turn is passed on as a child is deprived of both of necessary boundaries AND permission to fail, taught neither a realistic sense of self in relation to others nor appropriate correction or consequences--IMO, unconditional love.

 

[elfie]

I'm not really certain since I've only seen what has been in the news, but from comments that JG made I suspect authoritarian for CA and authoritative for GA. If the comments are true, she was hard on KC verbally but did not follow up with natural consequences.

 

[lobo34]

The A's remind me of my parents. Let me explain...

I couldn't get away with *anything* If I screwed up it was my responsibility. I started working when I was 16. I'm married (have been over 10 yrs, have a son, but I'm not being a "proper" parent!)

HOWEVER, my brother, the *crown prince* (yes, that's their name for him) could do no wrong. 5 DUI's, no problem. My parents tried to cover for him as best as they and money could. Couldn't finish school? They petitioned the University to extend his time. He adopted two dogs? Well, they're living at my parents house. He's an addict and an alcoholic (been in rehab 4 times) no, he just couldn't handle his break-ups with his girlfriends. He's 31 years old, they pay his rent, utilities, medical, life ins. auto insurance (yes he still has a car) Oh, and did I mention that he was busted with cocaine in his wallet? Nope, according to them, his "friend" must have put it there. Oh, and he's still never worked a day in his life!

Sorry, but that's one of the reasons I haven't followed the A family antics... It hits a little close to home!

 

[PhoneBoothBandit]

Oddly, by most accounts Casey's friends and acquaintances have said that she doted on Caylee, and I even believe one said (paraphrasing) Caylee was 'her world'.

So what I'm more interested in is what happened from point A (Casey 'doting on Caylee) to point B (did this change/ what caused the change?) to point C (what happened to Caylee?).

I believe it was Jesse that said Casey only more recently started partying more... I suppose all will be revealed in time.

 

[Janis396]

The A's remind me of my parents. Let me explain...

I couldn't get away with *anything* If I screwed up it was my responsibility. I started working when I was 16. I'm married (have been over 10 yrs, have a son, but I'm not being a "proper" parent!)

HOWEVER, my brother, the *crown prince* (yes, that's their name for him) could do no wrong. 5 DUI's, no problem. My parents tried to cover for him as best as they and money could. Couldn't finish school? They petitioned the University to extend his time. He adopted two dogs? Well, they're living at my parents house. He's an addict and an alcoholic (been in rehab 4 times) no, he just couldn't handle his break-ups with his girlfriends. He's 31 years old, they pay his rent, utilities, medical, life ins. auto insurance (yes he still has a car) Oh, and did I mention that he was busted with cocaine in his wallet? Nope, according to them, his "friend" must have put it there. Oh, and he's still never worked a day in his life!

Sorry, but that's one of the reasons I haven't followed the A family antics... It hits a little close to home!

Wow, we could be sisters. I have a younger brother (baby of the family) who did very similar things, and it was always someone else's fault in my parents eyes. Never did he face ANY consequences. Well, this year (he's 35 now) he managed to somehow get my parents retirement home put in his name, take most of the rest of their valuables, and then promptly kicked them (a couple in their 70's) out on the street with nothing. So he and his barfly girlfriend could then live their trashy life off my parents hard work for the last 50 years. The rest of us "not so wonderful" kids had to come up with the money to help them relocate and find a place to live. They literally were left with NOTHING. Now my parents live in an old run-down rented duplex and my dad is a stocker at a gas station/mini-mart earning minimum wage. This was a man who earned 6 figures most of his life. He will now have to work until he dies just to survive.

That's what that type of "parenting style" gets you in the end.

 

[curiositycat]

Wow, we could be sisters. I have a younger brother (baby of the family) who did very similar things, and it was always someone else's fault in my parents eyes. Never did he face ANY consequences. Well, this year (he's 35 now) he managed to somehow get my parents retirement home put in his name, take most of the rest of their valuables, and then promptly kicked them (a couple in their 70's) out on the street with nothing. So he and his barfly girlfriend could then live their trashy life off my parents hard work for the last 50 years. The rest of us "not so wonderful" kids had to come up with the money to help them relocate and find a place to live. They literally were left with NOTHING. Now my parents live in an old run-down rented duplex and my dad is a stocker at a gas station/mini-mart earning minimum wage. This was a man who earned 6 figures most of his life. He will now have to work until he dies just to survive.

That's what that type of "parenting style" gets you in the end.

This is one of the saddest things I have ever heard. Problem is, it's not just one family that this happens to. I recently did some freelance counseling with a couple that moved into our community up in the CO mts. from Alaska. They were on the run from their drug addicted 40 year old son. He had practically held them hostage for drug money. He also lived with them, robbed them blind and abused them! They are the nicest couple you could ever meet. One in her seventies, and the other in his eighties. In what should be their "golden years" they are on the run in fear for their lives.
This is what happens to parents who can't say no and practice "tough love"

 

[zadari]

The A's remind me of my parents. Let me explain...

I couldn't get away with *anything* If I screwed up it was my responsibility. I started working when I was 16. I'm married (have been over 10 yrs, have a son, but I'm not being a "proper" parent!)

HOWEVER, my brother, the *crown prince* (yes, that's their name for him) could do no wrong. 5 DUI's, no problem. My parents tried to cover for him as best as they and money could. Couldn't finish school? They petitioned the University to extend his time. He adopted two dogs? Well, they're living at my parents house. He's an addict and an alcoholic (been in rehab 4 times) no, he just couldn't handle his break-ups with his girlfriends. He's 31 years old, they pay his rent, utilities, medical, life ins. auto insurance (yes he still has a car) Oh, and did I mention that he was busted with cocaine in his wallet? Nope, according to them, his "friend" must have put it there. Oh, and he's still never worked a day in his life!

Sorry, but that's one of the reasons I haven't followed the A family antics... It hits a little close to home!

wow had that been my son his butt wouldve been put in a treatment center and it wouldve been billed to him .. i have always told my son you get yourself in trouble you pay the price not me .. so he minds his business .. but i have taught him that from the get go . and my daughter will be taught the same .. you just have to do it in a loving but firm way .. never let your kids get the upper hand on you either . it takes alot of consistancy but it pays off in the end .you listen you talk to them guide them and dont always make decisions for them . let them use thier own judgement to a point but make them realize they are the ones who will have to pay for what they do wrong in life and mommy/daddy are not and sometimes cant bail you out ..i always tell my son you want to make adult decisions than you have to deal with what happens to an adult when its the wrong one ..of course if its anything dangerous or where he could get hurt i lock him in a guilded cage and tell him no LOL j/k im very proud of my son .. he is a good person but he likes that death metal crap and some of the words i dont like at all! doesnt seem to change his dimeanor though so that tells me he isnt easily swayed like some kids are with music and friends . if his friends try to talk him into doing something he shouldnt.. he comes and talks to me (im his shrink ) rofl .we are close and i love it

 

[gunther]

I was thinking about the case on the way home and it seemed to come to me that maybe Casey never grew up. She seems to make up stories and avoid responsibilities in the same way a little child would. It's a stretch but maybe she wasn't mature enough to realize the serious consequences of certain actions, like a small child who lies and goes their merry way, then puts on a show of sadness when caught.

 

[CarrieBean]

I think she would have to have some serious developmental delay for that to be true. That doesn't appear to be the case.

 

[Pollywog]

And lets not forget, "children learn what they live". I think KC got a lot of her "ways" from her mother. Her mother certainly allowed her to be the way she is.

This poor baby never stood a chance with this so called "family" and the sad thing is Klee may have grown up to be the exact same as KC.

 

[butwhatif?]

I was thinking about the case on the way home and it seemed to come to me that maybe Casey never grew up. She seems to make up stories and avoid responsibilities in the same way a little child would. It's a stretch but maybe she wasn't mature enough to realize the serious consequences of certain actions, like a small child who lies and goes their merry way, then puts on a show of sadness when caught.

Also called learned helplessness. With her family as the enablers. But I do believe its more than this.
My sister is just like KC. NOt as young and 'pretty', but the lack of emotion, and maternal instinct is just the same.
The way they say the words they think we want to hear, but with zero emotion or passion behind it. They just dont feel it.
In the beginning, I gently tried to help my sister.The whole family did. I booked a psych appt for her and went along for support and she sat there and lied through her teeth.
I had custody of her 3 children for several months, at the age of 21 when she was 27. She got them back after doing a parenting course.
Then we tried tough love. that didnt work either.
Nothing worked because its not something they can learn. The only thing that could possibly make a difference is medication, to get their brain chemistry where it needs to be.
My sister has now not seen any of her older kids in years, and doesnt even rememeber their birthdates.And the last baby she had 3 yrs ago was taken away before she even left the hospital. She is not a drug addict, or alcoholic.She never beat them.she was just completely absent and self focused. She has borderline personality disorder and wont do what she needs to do to get better.

My point is, that it cannot be blamed entirely on her upbringing, lack of boundaries and the enabling her family did.(thats not what you said, but what many posters do)
My sister and I grew up under the same roof in the same dysfunctional circumstances, and we are two completely different people.I have a mental illness too, not the same one, but i take my meds, talk with my psychologist honestly, and I try my hardest not to let it affect my children.
I know people dont like to go down the mental illness route, but by exploring it and understanding it, it may just prevent the same thing happening in the future....jmo

 

[irishinme]

I found it difficult to pick one style in this poll. However, CA & GA sure seem to be enablers.

KC, 22, is an adult. Considering her known behavioral history, I can't quite understand why was she allowed to continue living at the parent's house.

TY for posting this.

 

[JulieR]

Also called learned helplessness. With her family as the enablers. But I do believe its more than this.
My sister is just like KC. NOt as young and 'pretty', but the lack of emotion, and maternal instinct is just the same.
The way they say the words they think we want to hear, but with zero emotion or passion behind it. They just dont feel it.
In the beginning, I gently tried to help my sister.The whole family did. I booked a psych appt for her and went along for support and she sat there and lied through her teeth.
I had custody of her 3 children for several months, at the age of 21 when she was 27. She got them back after doing a parenting course.
Then we tried tough love. that didnt work either.
Nothing worked because its not something they can learn. The only thing that could possibly make a difference is medication, to get their brain chemistry where it needs to be.
My sister has now not seen any of her older kids in years, and doesnt even rememeber their birthdates.And the last baby she had 3 yrs ago was taken away before she even left the hospital. She is not a drug addict, or alcoholic.She never beat them.she was just completely absent and self focused. She has borderline personality disorder and wont do what she needs to do to get better.

My point is, that it cannot be blamed entirely on her upbringing, lack of boundaries and the enabling her family did.(thats not what you said, but what many posters do)
My sister and I grew up under the same roof in the same dysfunctional circumstances, and we are two completely different people.I have a mental illness too, not the same one, but i take my meds, talk with my psychologist honestly, and I try my hardest not to let it affect my children.
I know people dont like to go down the mental illness route, but by exploring it and understanding it, it may just prevent the same thing happening in the future....jmo

I agree with everything you said except..........Casey is NOT pretty, I can't understand why everyone thinks she is I just don't see it. LOL I think it is great that you get help with your illness, that is what makes you a better person and by the looks of your children it is affecting them in only a good way. It is hard to understand mental illness until it effects someone close to home and even then it is hard to understand, but I am glad more and more is coming to light on it.

 

[Vegas Bride]

Imo many parents do allow their grown children to keep living at home. C & G are not alone in this. I can think of many families that will make excuse after excuse for one of their own. Not long ago a cousin of a young woman was telling me how she just wasn't being treated right by the authorities and had gotten a tough jail sentence because her parole officer did not like her!!! I held my tongue but ummm do you think that her jail sentence just might be for what she did, it was not the po's fault she ended up in jail! and if in fact the po does not like her, well there just might be a reason for that!! The parents keep hoping that 1 day their child is going to get their act together and become a responsible member of society. Would "tough love" have helped Casey? It's hard to say. Supposedly Cindy got after her on the 15th and we now see the results of that! Hindsight is 20/20 and I'd bet money that C & G are now wishing they had done some things differently, but would it have made a difference?

VB

 

[sweetwater]

I'm having trouble choosing one. The choices seem to suggest consistency. I think there are psychological and emotional issues in this family that would defy simple categorization. I think how things went in that family would depend on what mood Cindy was in that day and everyone would adjust accordingly. I guess I would call that "The Crazymaking Style" of parenting or the "Matriarchal Controller" style!

I agree with you, completely. Masterfully crafted crazymaking.
I did vote indifferently permissive, though.