"Who am I" in this Sad Saga?

[stmarysmead]

I think it's safe to say every one of us has been moved by the tragedy of Kyron's disappearance. Although we have seen very little hard evidence, there are many "stories" within the Main Story.

Depending on what resonates with each... individual... one of us, we can choose from many scenarios as the launching point for our opinions on this case. With whom can we most identify? Whose "burden" do we most "understand?" Whose mistakes do we most condemn? Who is most like you? Most like me?

There seems to be two sides to every coin. Our own emotional experiences do insert themselves into whether we see....

1. A wife cheated on while pregnant and vulnerable. (Desiree)
or
2. A woman who gave up custody of her child. (Desiree)

3. A cold, controlling husband/father. (Kaine)
or

4. A cuckolded loving husband. (Kaine)

5. An adoptive Father who emotionally abandoned his adopted son.(Terri's second husband)
or
6. An adoptive Father exploited financially by the natural mother. (Terri's second husband)

7. A victimized maligned well-meaning stepmother (Terri)
or
8. A self-involved "victim-izing" unstable stepmother.(Terri)

9. Bitter nasty ex-inlaws. (Terri's second marriage)
or
10. Anguished parents who saw their son exploited emotionally and financially by a woman who loved and left him. (Terri's second marriage)

All this reminds me of a game we played in college...wherein we examined a fictional tragedy and then assigned "responsibility." Who is most responsible? Who is least? There were no right or wrong answers but what emerged instead was more insight into ourselves.

There is a scenario in the list above that fits the dents in my heart. I will admit here, it provides the lens through which I "interpret" much of what I read.

I know "who I am" in this sad saga. It does color my impressions.

It occurred to me again today, that as we debate the different aspects of the case, we cannot know when we might be stepping on someone else's tender spot...or on the part of the story that most resonates with them for their own very valid reasons.

I apologize for not being more sensitive to this in my own answers....and I will try to do better going forward.

As more hard evidence is hopefully revealed, that will certainly provide new clarifications for all of us as we discuss the case...and hopefully much needed comfort and relief to those who truly bear the real burdens of this tragedy.

I'm still praying little Kyron may one day come home.

 

[citigirl]

There is a scenario in the list above that fits the dents in my heart. I will admit here, it provides the lens through which I "interpret" much of what I read.

I know "who I am" in this sad saga. It does color my impressions.

It occurred to me again today, that as we debate the different aspects of the case, we cannot know when we might be stepping on someone else's tender spot...or on the part of the story that most resonates with them for their own very valid reasons.

I apologize for not being more sensitive to this in my own answers....and I will try to do better going forward.

As more hard evidence is hopefully revealed, that will certainly provide new clarifications for all of us as we discuss the case...and hopefully much needed comfort and relief to those who truly bear the real burdens of this tragedy.

I'm still praying little Kyron may one day come home.

You've given us a lot of food for thought, st, .....

 

[liz b.]

I think it's safe to say every one of us has been moved by the tragedy of Kyron's disappearance. Although we have seen very little hard evidence, there are many "stories" within the Main Story.

Depending on what resonates with each... individual... one of us, we can choose from many scenarios as the launching point for our opinions on this case. With whom can we most identify? Whose "burden" do we most "understand?" Whose mistakes do we most condemn? Who is most like you? Most like me?

There seems to be two sides to every coin. Our own emotional experiences do insert themselves into whether we see....

1. A wife cheated on while pregnant and vulnerable. (Desiree)
or
2. A woman who gave up custody of her child. (Desiree)

3. A cold, controlling husband/father. (Kaine)
or

4. A cuckolded loving husband. (Kaine)

5. An adoptive Father who emotionally abandoned his adopted son.(Terri's second husband)
or
6. An adoptive Father exploited financially by the natural mother. (Terri's second husband)

7. A victimized maligned well-meaning stepmother (Terri)
or
8. A self-involved "victim-izing" unstable stepmother.(Terri)

9. Bitter nasty ex-inlaws. (Terri's second marriage)
or
10. Anguished parents who saw their son exploited emotionally and financially by a woman who loved and left him. (Terri's second marriage)

All this reminds me of a game we played in college...wherein we examined a fictional tragedy and then assigned "responsibility." Who is most responsible? Who is least? There were no right or wrong answers but what emerged instead was more insight into ourselves.

There is a scenario in the list above that fits the dents in my heart. I will admit here, it provides the lens through which I "interpret" much of what I read.

I know "who I am" in this sad saga. It does color my impressions.

It occurred to me again today, that as we debate the different aspects of the case, we cannot know when we might be stepping on someone else's tender spot...or on the part of the story that most resonates with them for their own very valid reasons.

I apologize for not being more sensitive to this in my own answers....and I will try to do better going forward.

As more hard evidence is hopefully revealed, that will certainly provide new clarifications for all of us as we discuss the case...and hopefully much needed comfort and relief to those who truly bear the real burdens of this tragedy.

I'm still praying little Kyron may one day come home.

Thank you for this interesting thread... May we also include :

The husband's brother,a RSO, who was jailed on about 6/16 ?


I can't readily identify with any of these people. Many of them seem quite dysfunctional. I have, though, raised 4 children, and cared for many more ( a couple of hundred) as a foster parent. You could say that I'm experienced with children in elementary school. And the thought of any of the children in my care disappearing from within their elementary school would * destroy* me..... I would have no peace or rest until they were found.

All JMO

 

[Simply Caustic]

RESPECTFULLY SNIPPED (AND ACCIDENTALLY BUTCHERED) BY ME, FOR SPACE....EVEN MORE RESPECTFULLY BOLDED AS WELL

Depending on what resonates with each... individual... one of us, we can choose from many scenarios as the launching point for our opinions on this case. With whom can we most identify? Whose "burden" do we most "understand?" Whose mistakes do we most condemn? Who is most like you? Most like me?......

There is a scenario in the list above that fits the dents in my heart. I will admit here....

I know "who I am" in this sad saga. It does color my impressions.

It occurred to me again today, that as we debate the different aspects of the case, we cannot know when we might be stepping on someone else's tender spot...or on the part of the story that most resonates with them for their own very valid reasons.

I apologize for not being more sensitive to this in my own answers....and I will try to do better going forward.

This post was brilliant. I cannot adequately express my gratitude simply by clicking 'thanks' in regard to this eye-opener: I consider myself somewhat blessed today, to have read this. I desperately needed this reminder, truly. Not just on Kyron's case, but a multitude of cases I read about daily....hell, I needed this reminder and NOT just on cases! It's been a long time since I've thought/said to myself, 'Now think about it clearly without your ingrained biases/preferences/history/etc.'

Thank you, thank you, thank you. This post resonated with me and I hope I'm a better sleuther for it! I know it's not entirely likely that I'll become entirely empirically-inclined overnight, but I sure was coloring the cases I follow with a heavy dose of my own biases.

:twocents:

 

[BeanE]

With whom can we most identify?

 

[ahoyhoy]

I know this sounds cheesy, but what resonates with me here is little Kyron. I think it's because nerds were my people growing up, and when I was in 'gifted' education, I had a dozen or so Kyrons as my classmates. I find his goodness and sweetness just glow from within him in photographs.
I myself have no children, but have always wanted a daughter, FYI. So my 'connection' to him is that I knew so many little boys like him growing up.

*******************
Off Topic:
This is my first post. I have been lurking here since late June. I later joined specifically in case Kyron is found murdered, because I will need a place to vent and mourn if god forbid it happens.
To whom it may concern, thanks for the site. I really like the respectfulness here for everybody involved, the intolerance of rumors, and the moderators for their fine work in keeping people on-topic.

Sorry for my own off-topic. Btw, I'm F, 39, live w/ BF in Indianapolis. Go Colts.

 

[LadyL]

awesome OP

thank you

 

[Simply Caustic]

RESPECTFULLY SNIPPED AND BOLDED BY ME


I can't readily identify with any of these people. Many of them seem quite dysfunctional. I have, though, raised 4 children, and cared for many more ( a couple of hundred) as a foster parent. You could say that I'm experienced with children in elementary school..... And the thought of any of the children in my care disappearing from within their elementary school would * destroy* me..... I would have no peace or rest until they were found.

All JMO

I think, (and correct me if I am wrong, please) but the impression I got from the Original Poster (stmarymead) was that we can ALL (or most) identify with something, even on a subconscious or vague level. For instance, if I had been cheated on by my spouse, pregnant or not, perhaps I could somewhat relate to the heartbreak involved and have a 'soft spot' for them. Or, if I were a teacher, I could appreciate the clutter and clamor of a crowded classroom, and be sympathetic to the teacher who didn't hear precisely what TM stated she had yelled across the room (or gymnasium?) Again, these are just a couple of quick examples. It's not to say that any of us, precisely, can relate to any of the case players and their dysfunctions as you say: It's more so that we need to be respectful of each other and the personal history/experience that colors our lives, when we make comments or judgments. Again, just my two cents.

 

[liz b.]

I think, (and correct me if I am wrong, please) but the impression I got from the Original Poster (stmarymead) was that we can ALL (or most) identify with something, even on a subconscious or vague level. For instance, if I had been cheated on by my spouse, pregnant or not, perhaps I could somewhat relate to the heartbreak involved and have a 'soft spot' for them. Or, if I were a teacher, I could appreciate the clutter and clamor of a crowded classroom, and be sympathetic to the teacher who didn't hear precisely what TM stated she had yelled across the room (or gymnasium?) Again, these are just a couple of quick examples. It's not to say that any of us, precisely, can relate to any of the case players and their dysfunctions as you say: It's more so that we need to be respectful of each other and the personal history/experience that colors our lives, when we make comments or judgments. Again, just my two cents.

Thank you for your response. I strive to be empathetic whenever I read or post on WS, and I have found that most people who post here are the same way.It is a wonderful form,IMO. However, I'm also reminded that WS is, after all, a crime message board. Many of the cases here involve people I cannot relate too. As fellow huiman beings,though, my heart always goes out to the victims of crimes.Always. As I indcated, I am a mom,and have much experience with small children. Perhaps the person I am most concerned with is Kyron himself....

All JMO

 

[human]

Very excellent post. And I do think that people's experiences are fairly evident when they are posting.

I know this may sound snarky, but LE has to be objective when looking at the crime and hopefully their own issues don't color their views. Hopefully, there are enough variety of views and life experiences that they take the information and look through an objective lens.

I think with the experience of the FBI and the other agencies, this has happened. As Kaine has said, he is data driven. I feel that with all of these agencies involved, that it is data driven as well.

Hopefully, the emotions of their experiences don't cloud the view.

 

[21merc7]

All this reminds me of a game we played in college...wherein we examined a fictional tragedy and then assigned "responsibility." Who is most responsible? Who is least? There were no right or wrong answers but what emerged instead was more insight into ourselves.

Respectfully snipped

Ah, the criminal defense class? Or just social history?

At any rate, I loved it.

It still is about Kyron, BeanE said it best, as usual.

Who is responsible? I am not certain, I have my ideas. But my ideas are not the evil step mother in the Cinderalla/Seven Dwarfs story. Since when did that involve the out dated idea that mustangs build a castle, unicorn, Prince Charming, actually I thought they built single men with a great deal of libido and no common sense, lol. A mustang is a white unicorn, or a red hot stallion?

I am probably way off, but I can only say this much today.

 

[KeenEyes]

ahoyhoy

 

[AbbieNormal]

I know this sounds cheesy, but what resonates with me here is little Kyron. I think it's because nerds were my people growing up, and when I was in 'gifted' education, I had a dozen or so Kyrons as my classmates. I find his goodness and sweetness just glow from within him in photographs.
I myself have no children, but have always wanted a daughter, FYI. So my 'connection' to him is that I knew so many little boys like him growing up.

*******************
Off Topic:
This is my first post. I have been lurking here since late June. I later joined specifically in case Kyron is found murdered, because I will need a place to vent and mourn if god forbid it happens.
To whom it may concern, thanks for the site. I really like the respectfulness here for everybody involved, the intolerance of rumors, and the moderators for their fine work in keeping people on-topic.

Sorry for my own off-topic. Btw, I'm F, 39, live w/ BF in Indianapolis. Go Colts.

Welcome to WS. If you have been reading here then you already know what a class act it is.

abbie

 

[passionflower]

WECOME! to AHOY AHOY...........BTW grandson thinks COLTS are the best!

 

[Billylee]

Ah yes, one of my favorite sayings....there but for the Grace of God, go I.

 

[Curious Me]

Sometimes - TMH seems like a gutsy lady that took on challenges, and put alot of effort into her goals and interests. She had control of her life. I can relate to that. Flip it so that her good qualities are now a detriment and it gets scarey - has control means good at planning, lots of effort towards her own selfish goals may turn out to be a bad thing depending on what her goal was. That's why it has been so important to understand where her mind was at.

The engineer husband with his data and non emotional awareness - was I married to him once?




Great post topic stmarysmead.

 

[Curious Me]

stmarysmead, I'm curious to know what your major was in college because this is such a good way to look at the players, and yourself.

You said in the intitial post:

"All this reminds me of a game we played in college...wherein we examined a fictional tragedy and then assigned "responsibility." Who is most responsible? Who is least? There were no right or wrong answers but what emerged instead was more insight into ourselves."

I hope others will join in with further posts.

 

[digger123]

I, too, have been "lurking" since Kyron disappeared after my good friend and neighbor - who is a member - told me about ws. This is my first post but I've been logging on many times a day and into the wee hours sometimes to read about the case and what you all are thinking. So, I agree with the above former fellow "lurker" that you give me a sense of community and hope that finding this little boy won't become any less of a priority as time goes on.

 

[SondraK]

WELCOME

Ahoyhoy & Digger123

Good first posts, glad to have you here....Blessings

Still praying for Kyron

 

[stmarysmead]

stmarysmead, I'm curious to know what your major was in college because this is such a good way to look at the players, and yourself.

You said in the intitial post:

"All this reminds me of a game we played in college...wherein we examined a fictional tragedy and then assigned "responsibility." Who is most responsible? Who is least? There were no right or wrong answers but what emerged instead was more insight into ourselves."

I hope others will join in with further posts.

I was an English major.I might add that whether sleuthing, discussing a work of literature or specific piece of poetry...in many ways, our "story" becomes intermixed and our "interpretations" can therefore be valid and yet, at the same time, different from the "truth" of the author , poet, or criminal's real intent.

At least that was the common opinion of the time when I was a student.

Let me add that I made an assumption with this post, that ALL of us relate FIRST to Kyron. That's why we are here, discussing this case....because of our fear, empathy, and horror at this little boy taken from his family, missing and having endured, at the least, this long, long separation. That's why he is omitted from the list I compiled. I cannot imagine anyone spending time discussing this case on an Internet board, unless Kyron was the primary reason for that interest.

I don't think there are just a few of us here who are thinking of Kyron. My belief is that we all have that great empathy in common.

I believe we are ALL here for Kyron.

But Simply Caustic is exactly right in describing what I meant in my post. (Thank you S.C.!) There are other stories within the case that MAY resonate with some aspect of our own personal histories...maybe not chapter and verse, but enough so, that we defend this individual because we had terrible unaccepting in-laws or blame this individual...because our ex controlled the family money. We demonize...or sympathize..in part based on the person to whom we can most relate....the person with whom we can feel some common ground.

I think, if we are generous to each other and accept we ALL are here for Kyron (unless, I suppose, someone wants to debate that)...and understand that some of us may see our own hurts and some tiny aspect of our personal history in different aspects of this case...we can be even more empathetic of each other as discussions continue.

Just an observation...and my own opinion only, of course.