Who is GBC? An armchair psych discussion

Discussion in 'Allison Baden-Clay of Australia' started by Kimster, Jul 15, 2014.

  1. Snails

    Snails New Member

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    I'm not sure if he has been formally assessed by a psychiatrist. The relationship counsellor (Carmel Ritchie) had a pretty good handle on him from the beginning though. When she asked Allison for a "snapshot" of herself she said "I'm a wife and mother" when she asked GBC the same question he went through a long list of his "accomplishments". Very grandiose.
     


  2. they'll get you

    they'll get you CHRIS. P. BACON

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    I find the best treatment is to turn on your heal and walk away. Problem solved. It's never too late. Once I realise there is something wrong they can't see me for dust.
    Once bitten, never ever again.

    Maybe that's a personality disorder. It's called 'self preservation against getting hurt'.
     
  3. Kimster

    Kimster Former Member

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    Check out this book I read after being in a relationship with a manipulator. The book dealt well in explaining to me what had just happened, because I couldn't figure out what went wrong at first. Again, I was like Allison, trying to keep my marriage and family together. I had no idea then that I was with a master manipulator.

    http://articles.chicagotribune.com/...personal-issues-difficult-people-nasty-person
     
  4. Snails

    Snails New Member

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    I got a divorce and my problem (& depression) was solved, but not before his large family put me and my kids through hell. I've been happily remarried now for almost seven years. Life is good. :)
     
  5. Kimster

    Kimster Former Member

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    Check out this comment from the book link in my last post:

    "Don'ts: Don't taunt, name-call or get physically violent. Also, never tell an invalidator he or she is wrong; it starts a war".

    :tears: I wish we could go back in time and warn Allison.
     
  6. Opinionsgalore

    Opinionsgalore New Member

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    Identity erosion is a tool of this type, have you asking questions about yourself to divert your attention away from what they are doing.

    Control is their drug of choice. Pulling someone's puppet strings to make them dance, make them cry, make them angry then gaslight and tell you that YOU are have the problem, projection is their other favourite tool.

    ((Hugs)) so happy to hear you got away and robbed him off his free ride.
     
  7. Opinionsgalore

    Opinionsgalore New Member

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    I've been looking for a link that confirms we all have traits of personality disorders, I HAVE read one, but I can't remember what my search term was.

    Big BIG difference between having some traits of a disorder and BEING personality disordered.
     
  8. they'll get you

    they'll get you CHRIS. P. BACON

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    Ditto snails.
    My Honey is the total opposite of my first. He's my bestie. I purposefully searched for the opposite. Many are attracted to that bad kind and make the same mistakes over again.
    As I said once bitten never ever again.

    Others baggage is too heavy to carry.
     
  9. they'll get you

    they'll get you CHRIS. P. BACON

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    Kimster have you heard of 'separation assault'?
    This is the most dangerous time.

    Could you imagine, after having endured countless verbal or physical attacks from an abusive partner, finally getting up the courage and strength to leave them, only to find out that the nightmare isn’t over? In fact, just the opposite — the violence is increasing and intensifying?

    This very real and extremely dangerous phenomenon is called Separation Assault. Abusers, who perceive that their victim is getting away from them, become more determined and more aggressive to make sure that “If I can’t have them, no one will!”
    Law enforcement and the courts have come a long way in prosecuting abusers and protecting victims. But there is still a long way to go. Awareness of the “separation assault” danger zone is crucial for any woman contemplating an escape from abuse.
    http://blog.drphil.com/2010/10/26/when-leaving-your-abuser-isnt-enough/
     
  10. Mrs G Norris

    Mrs G Norris Well-Known Member

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    You know what .. GBC's parents didn't expect much of him, all he had to do was be a boy, toss the Baden name around a bit, marry a girl from a nice enough family, and he gets handed a business he drives into the wall .. maybe he was just spoilt.
     
  11. Snails

    Snails New Member

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    http://psychcentral.com/personality/

    "Most people can relate to some or all of the personality traits listed; the difference is that it does not affect most people's daily functioning to the same degree it might someone diagnosed with one of these disorders. Personality disorders tend to be an intergral part of a person, and therefore, are difficult to treat or "cure".
     
  12. Opinionsgalore

    Opinionsgalore New Member

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    Woohoo - thank you ((hugs))
     
  13. Snails

    Snails New Member

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    And more-

    http://www.sevencounties.org/poc/view_doc.php?id=564

    "*It is important to remember that everyone can exhibit some of these personality traits from time to time. To meet the diagnostic requirement of a personality disorder, these traits must be inflexible; i.e., they can be regularly observed without regard to time, place, or circumstance. Furthermore, these traits must cause functional impairment and/or subjective distress. Functional impairment means these traits interfere with a person's ability to functional well in society. The symptoms cause problems in interpersonal relationships; or at work, school, or home. Subjective distress means the person with a personality disorder may experience their symptoms as unwanted, harmful, painful, embarrassing, or otherwise cause them distress. The above list only briefly summarizes these individual Cluster B personality disorders. Richer, more detailed descriptions of these disorders are found in the section describing the four core features of personality disorders."
     
  14. beechworth

    beechworth New Member

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    Absolutely, I agree!

    Yes often the two go hand in hand. I think the narcissistic beliefs and behaviours are like a "protective hard shell" - a kind of defense mechanism, beneath which is a gooey insecure fragmented self esteem/self image.

    Jeffrey Young suggests that people who have "entitlement schemas" (see definition below) may develop this belief system as a defense or "overcompensation" for feeling inferior and defective deep down.

    ENTITLEMENT / GRANDIOSITY (ET)
    The belief that one is superior to other people; entitled to special rights and privileges; or not bound by the rules of reciprocity that guide normal social interaction. Often involves insistence that one should be able to do or have whatever one wants, regardless of what is realistic, what others consider reasonable, or the cost to others; OR an exaggerated focus on superiority (e.g., being among the most successful, famous, wealthy) -- in order to achieve power or control (not primarily for attention or approval). Sometimes includes excessive competitiveness toward, or domination of, others: asserting one's power, forcing one's point of view, or controlling the behavior of others in line with one's own desires -without empathy or concern for others' needs or feelings.


    http://www.schematherapy-nola.com/what-is-schema-therapy

    http://www.schematherapy.com/
     
  15. beechworth

    beechworth New Member

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    Oh, and Schema therapy is an option for treatment but prognosis is poor due to the lack of insight.
     
  16. Champagne4lulu

    Champagne4lulu New Member

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    Just saw on 7 news he made a call to his parents after arrival at wolston. Sobbed into the phone and proclaimed his innocence. Why would he do this? Is he in denial? Keeping up the rouse? Does he actually believe it now? Or.... ??????
     
  17. Neuromancer

    Neuromancer New Member

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    Thanks all for your interesting insights here. I'm a bit late getting back to the discussion so I'll toss in a few random points that have occurred to me rather than replying to any one post in particular.

    Re narcissist vs sociopath/psychopath. Narcissism is a symptom of both Antisocial personality disorder(psychopath/sociopath) and NPD (obviously). The main difference between the two is that narcissists *care what people think of them*. Both are manipulative, personally exploitative, lacking in empathy, compulsive liars and see others as objects to be used, but narcissists *need* other people to see them as being fabulous; psychopaths don't care what people think of them, as long as they can *get what they want* from them. If you want to get Freudian - narcissists are all about ego; psychopaths are all about id (base desires).

    Which makes our G such a classic textbook NPD, with his whole need to portray himself as the big man about town. I was interested to see that even his brief profile on one of those dating sites betrayed his rampant narcissism: in the profile sections on "smoking/drinking" he posted (words to the effect of) "I do not smoke" "I do not drink" - he even had to insert an "I" into a simple yes/no answer, lol.

    Something else that has come up in the discussion over whether he wanted to dump Allison to be with TM or vice versa - the answer I'd suggest is neither. Two things:
    (1) a narcissist's whole raison d'etre is securing sources of narcissistic supply (other people, aka victims, who look up to the narcissist, reassure him that he's awesome, and *have emotional reactions to his behaviour*, thereby supplying the emotional stimulus he lacks. They never have just one - you need a backup in case the first one comes to her senses and runs off. Three or four is better.
    (2) having two (or more) lovers fighting over him is the narcissist's ideal - what an ego trip! Losing one or the other is a massive loss to the narc (literally a "narcissistic wound"). Even if he views both of them as stupid, inferior, annoying women, he also needs them, much more than they need him, because without them he is literally nothing - his whole (false) ego is constructed upon the feedback from other people.

    Re the BC family - narcissists collect victims. Victims tend to be kind, generous, giving, non-critical individuals, or other personality disorders like histrionic PD (drama queens) or borderline PD (low self-esteem, poor boundaries), that match particularly well with Narcs. So in a narcissistic family you'll have a fairly even breakup between narcissists and trained victims - they're not all bad, they're just conditioned by a lifetime of systematic abuse. (and on that topic my guess is NBC - NPD; EBC - histrionic, OW - borderline, other son "relatively normal guy who escaped as soon as he could but tending towards low self-esteem/borderline").
     
  18. Neuromancer

    Neuromancer New Member

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    One good book I read (i forget which) aptly described personality disorders as "people to avoid". The fact that you can do that shows you're an aware person who hasn't been conditioned to think that PD behaviour is normal.

    If you *can't* walk away, then it's a problem.
     
  19. Tigerlily75

    Tigerlily75 Well-Known Member

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    I can't believe how many of us here have the same ex. I have a 15 year old daughter with mine. He presents very well to the world, but we had to get an intervention order and she hasn't seen him in more than a year. Only recently she has some text message contact, and is very well aware of NPD thanks to an excellent psychologist who knows all about it. And yep - total indulged Mummy's boy, and anyone who disagrees with them is "jealous".

    I see him in GBC, in Oscar Pistorious, in Simon Gittany. Their families too.

    The life long effects after dealing with a narcissist/sociopath should never be underestimated. Poor Allison had no clue what she was dealing with, as most of us don't, and for a very long time thought it was her fault, as most of us do. It's heartbreaking.

    They need to teach this stuff in high school.
     
  20. DunnoZo

    DunnoZo New Member

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    I am so using this experience to teach my kids. In fact, my daughter just deciding to study psych/social work!
     

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