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Woman Rejected From N.Y Eatery For Looking Too Masculine

Discussion in 'Up to the Minute' started by White Rain, Jul 4, 2007.

  1. White Rain

    White Rain Active Member

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    Looking at the pic of this woman, she doesn't really look "masculine" to me...Granted SOMETIMES it's hard for some people to tell these days (I try to look for a prominent adams apple but sometimes still have trouble telling!)
    I can surely see her humilation in this...I was once filling out a job app. and had to take my youngest daughter along (no choice here as the co. I worked for bankrupted and I had no $ for child care) and the manager happened to be a butch-looking female, anyway my daughter made some loud comment about the "boy" right in front of the manager...I wanted to sink thru the floor! Needless to say, I didn't get that job!
    This woman said she was in the restroom when the bouncer barged in...had I of been her I would have dropped my drawers immediately after volunteering too albeit there were no underage kids in there...
    On one hand I commend the staff for acting quickly on what they thought may have been a male in the womens restroom...on the other hand I feel for this woman and others like her who have to face uncertainty/humiliation like this.


    NEW YORK — A bouncer at a popular West Village restaurant ejected a lesbian customer from the bathroom after last month's gay pride march because she looked too masculine, the woman charged Monday.
    Khadijah Farmer, 27, said the incident happened June 24 at Caliente Cab Company on Seventh Avenue South, where she had gone with her girlfriend and another friend to have dinner after the march.
    Farmer said she was using the women's bathroom when a male bouncer burst in and banged on the stall door, saying a customer had complained that there was a man in the women's room.
    "I said, 'I am a woman and I am where I am supposed to be,"' Farmer said. "I offered to show him some identification. I was told that's neither here nor there." more at link http://www.foxnews.com/index.html
     
  2. White Rain

    White Rain Active Member

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    my internet/websites seem to be screwed up tonight...the above story is on fox.news. com....sorry that link won't take you to the actual story....if anyone else can provide the actual link it will be appreciated.
     
  3. sherri79

    sherri79 Former Member

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  4. White Rain

    White Rain Active Member

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  5. txsvicki

    txsvicki Active Member

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    This lady and her companions were also told to leave the restaurant.
     
  6. White Rain

    White Rain Active Member

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    I definitely think this could have been handled better, but one side of me is glad that the restaurant took steps, the parent side of me that is, the thought of any "man" in the women's rest room, or vice-versa (could easily happen) terrifies me although I don't let my children go to the restroom alone....that being said, it was a MALE bouncer who bursted into the restroom, I understand they may want some "muscles" involved in case there was a big scene...but couldn't a "male" bouncer have waited outside while a female employee of the restaurant checked it out first?
     
  7. Lanie

    Lanie Active Member

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    I live in a small town in a small county, and we seem to have a larger than normal lesbian population, and I know quite a few who dress in a ?manly fashion. Looking at the video when this woman walked up to the podium, I think she was dressed in clothes that my husband could wear and not be thought of as feminine. I don't know if she always dresses this way, is deliberatly trying to look manyly, or if this was a gay parade thing, however, my feeling on this is if you are confused for a man on several occasions, and you do nothing to try to correct this, then suck it up. To me this rates right up there with getting multiple facial tattoos and piercings and then being offended because other people stare. Having been in co-ed bathrooms before, this wouldn't have bothered me personally, but if I were disturbed by such a thing, I would not have been ok with seeing an id (how hard would it be to get a fake id if you wanted to be a man going into women's restrooms) and I certainly would not want to see whether it was a vagina or a penis in the pants. (And come on, has no one ever heard of the American guy marrying the Asian guy thinking it was a woman and not finding out for 7 years?) I just really feel people need to take personal responsibility for themselves, especially as in this case, when all this gender confusion is a matter of individual choice.
     
  8. KrisNine

    KrisNine New Member

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    I guess, to me, she doesn't look like a man at all.
     
  9. deanws

    deanws Former Member

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    I thought it was a man when I looked at the picture. :confused:
     
  10. deanws

    deanws Former Member

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    No! I have never heard of this case!:eek:OMGOSH! How sad! :silenced:
     
  11. englishleigh

    englishleigh Authentic Southern Belle

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    I think she does look like a man and I can see where they'd check on the situation with her being in the ladies' room, but she should have been allowed to show ID (or drop her pants, lol) or whatever it took to prove she was female, and she shouldn't have been thrown out.
     
  12. deanws

    deanws Former Member

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    Agreed. :crazy: I can just see the cop busting into the stall.....drop em mister or I'll shoot!:eek: LOL!:crazy:
     
  13. Glow

    Glow Active Member

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    good post and by the way, lanie I think we live in the same town~


    My sister is gay and has a very waifish boyish appearance for sure. She always handles any situation of gender confusion gently and with great humor. That has always gotten her through with no problems. She is well aware that she has chosen a certain "look" for herself and she has also chosen ahead of time what her mental attitude about any confusion that "look" might cause others will be. Works like a charm.
     
  14. Nova

    Nova Active Member

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    So people have an obligation to look a certain way so that restaurant bouncers can be assured of their gender? Nonsense.

    (ETA: I would completely agree with you if the woman in question were suing just because she had been called, "Sir." That she might well expect. But being accosted in a bathroom stall and thrown out of a restaurant goes way over the line.)

    How is that going to help? There are plenty of men who can "pass" as very convincing women; they will be in the ladies room if they like. So we stifle freedom of the individual and we still can't keep penises out of the ladies room.

    The bouncer waaaaaay overreacted, particularly in New York City. Let's hope the restaurant's business suffers and the bouncer is fired.
     
  15. angelmom

    angelmom The love stays...forever in our hearts

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    How rude! Once they ascertained she was a woman, why did they have to ask her to leave? They should have been apologizing all over themselves for acting like such idiots.
     
  16. OneLostGrl

    OneLostGrl I'm going against the grain- I'm going sane

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    My friend is a Lesbian and is very masculine looking and "acting" (wears boxers rather than panties, men's cologne, clothing, wallet in back pocket etc). If she did not have breasts one would not be able to tell that she is a female.

    However, she is a female and I have no doubt that if questioned or accused of having mens "parts", she'd simply lift her shirt for them to clear things up. She is a riot!!

    She is proud and secure in who she is- many straight people can't say the same- and I am lucky to be able to call her "friend"!
     
  17. deanws

    deanws Former Member

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    I agree. Now they are going to offend so MANY people. What jerks.:mad:
     
  18. FlowerChild

    FlowerChild Peace And Love

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    She was in a STALL for pete's sake! What difference does it make what PARTS she had or didn't have? Not like she was accosting someone or calling attention to herself. Transgendered people often are mandated to use the bathroom matching the sex they wish to eventually become. It isn't a crime unless you are in there attacking someone, being lewd or inappropriate. When I go to the ladies room I sure am not wondering what the sex of the person in the private stall next to me really is. Does this bouncer accompany everyone to the bathroom and into the stall to determine their sex and behavior? Why didn't they send a woman employee in? A woman would have known right away she was female and I wouldn't have dropped trou for a man in the ladies room either. Everything about this is just WRONG in so many ways.... :banghead:

    I would have been MORE offended that the BOUNCER was in the ladies room!!!! :eek:
     
  19. southcitymom

    southcitymom New Member

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    Me too, FC. I've got to say that I'm really surprised this happened in NYC. It would be ridiculous if it happened anywhere, but I think of New York as being a bit more progressive regarding gender "issues."
     
  20. SadieMae

    SadieMae Former Member

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    So what she looked masculine! That's not a reason to have her removed from the restaurant. What next? Asking a man to leave because he looks too feminine? Telling someone to leave because they are obese,etc? The bouncer/restaurant was WRONG. She was there like everyone else, to enjoy a meal.
     

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