Discussion in 'Up to the Minute' started by bogeygal, Jul 15, 2009.
She was so selfish IMO
Poor children, what happens to them now!
From bogeygal's link:
"There was no word on who would raise the children, named Pau and Christian. Bousada had once said she would look for a younger man to help her raise them."
That woman was completely delusional. Hope the money her son gets from selling the story of her death will really go to raising the children.
I had my first child at 23, my second at 39, and my last at 41. A lot of people (usually grandparents) think that I'm the younger one's grandmother, too. It bothers me a lot less than it used to. Now I just smile and say, "Yep, they're both mine. I had em the old fashioned way!"
But this lady........wow....what more can I say? The sad thing is, these children will probably have no memories of her (what do you remember from being 3?), unless someone tells them stories of her, and of course, they'll have pictures.
Selfish is kind of a harsh word, although I understand where you're coming from. "Lonely" is probably closer to the truth.
As others have said previously, she was incredibly selfish. It makes me sick to even think about it. Hopefully those twins will get adopted into a nice family and they'll adapt easily. They're so young, it's almost a plus for them. Easier than if they were 10 or 13 or something like that.
Bold is mine. She was in menopause for 18 years!!! No one should try to get pregnant after being in menopause for 18 years - my lord how could they not question her age.??? I guess she thought she would make money and be famous by having these kids.
The sloppy fertility clinic should set up a trust fund for these poor kids left alone because they couldn't be bothered to check her age - they should at least give them the money they made off this procedure. Maybe that will teach them to demand a birth certificate next time.
I really do sympathize with people who have missed their chance to be parents only to regret it, but the age limits seem to be set with good reason - I wish she had acted on her urge to have children 20 years earlier!
Very sad for these babies who just lost the most important person in their lives.
"Selfish" to me suggests that she went ahead and had these children, knowing she would die 3 years later. If we follow that line of reasoning, *anyone* who has a child, and then dies while that child is still young is "selfish". Because her mom lived to be over 100, this woman thought she would, too. She thought she'd live to see her kids reach their late 30's or 40's.
Now, I'm not saying we should all run out and have children in our 60's, don't get me wrong. But I think her reasoning (however skewed it may seem) didn't imply "selfishness" -- even though I can already hear the other side, "But she was in her 60s for crying out loud, she should have known better!" While it seems obvious that time wasn't on her side, maybe longevity ran in her family, who knows?
In the end, it wasn't "old age" that killed her, but cancer, which can strike people of all ages, even those with young children. Are those people selfish because they left their children?
Had she known she only had a few years to live, I wonder if she still would have gone through with it...
JMO, but any reputable fertility clinic should ask for absolute verification of age through a birth certificate.
My oldest relative (now deceased) lived to be 91 years old. But no way would I expect to live that long just because a relative did!
I was disgusted by the Octomom story and the lack of reason that fertility clinic displayed. This story just reinforces by belief that too many fertility clinics are lax and more interested in huge fees that are paid to them rather than the well being of the potential children they are literally selling to those who can afford them.
From the article:
Bousada told an interviewer at the time that the Pacific Fertility Center did not ask her for identification, and maintained that because her mother had died at 101, she stood a good chance of living long enough to raise her children.
How many of us have had children, thinking we'll live long enough to raise them?
Again, I am not supporting what she did, only showing that *in her mind* she wasn't thinking any differently than many parents do.
I agree with you about the trust fund, that is what I was going to post. Poor babies. I hope it helps that there are two of them and that they have each other.
I'm in pre-menopause (self-diagnosed), and I'll tell ya that it's no picnic. Why would she put herself through this?
I'd choose retirement over having and raising babies at that age!
Shame on them for not asking for a birth cert actually verifying the age of the woman they provided IVF too.
I'm not normally a hard hearted person, but there's been too much abuse demonstrated in the last few months by fertility clinics.
Case in point: Octomom who already had children she couldn't afford and was living off food stamps and 'disability payment's for either 3 or 4 of her previously conceived children...all of which whom she claims were IVF babies.
She even bankrupted her own mother by moving her brood into her mom's house and living off her mother's retirement check. Once she had bankrupted her mother, she moved on to find her own 'reality show' and left her own parents bankrupt while she has every intention of living a 'rich and good life' through the exploitation of those 14 kids that she never should have carried through IVF since she never has held a job in the last 10-12 years.
My sister feels the same way you do...she's 53, and although she's glad to see us come over, the length of time she enjoys our visits is getting shorter and shorter.
It's definately different chasing kids at 43 than it was at 23. For me, the only downside is that I had more energy then. Of course, now I have a lot more patience, so it balances out.
Even if the doctor's didn't ask for a birth certificate, it should have been so obvious that she wasn't of child-bearing age. Most doctor's want all the medical history of a patient before any procedure they agree to perform.
I wonder why they even have such policies if they don't bother asking for a birth certificate. That just prompts patients to lie to them, and that isn't good for the care regime they decide upon. Not good at all - either check for birth certificates, or they may as well just lift the policy altogether.
Here's another new article about this story:
Snipped: Slender with dark brown hair, she told the clinic she was 55 — the facility's maximum age for single women undergoing the procedure. When her sons were born in December 2006, Guinness World Records said she was the oldest woman on record to give birth.
Yes, anyone could die of cancer (or get hit by a bus) at any time. But being in your sixties and later certainly increases your chances of cancer, heart disease, stroke, and lots of other things.
The fact that she chose to have these children at her age AND she was single strikes me as incredibly selfish. The fact that their guardianship is not already handled and transitioning smoothly also tells me that she was in some kind of denial.
She didn't drop dead of an aneurism or heart attack; she died of cancer. Did it really never occur to her that she should make plans for the care of her toddlers? Perhaps have someone live with them and learn their routines and needs? Did no one around her have the nerve to ask or confront her? Honestly, it really seems like she just did whatever she pleased and she had no one close enough to ever question whether she was being reasonable or considerate or ethical.
"Selfish" is really being kind of nice about it.
ETA: Rereading a new article I see it doesn't specifically say that the guardianship is unclear. An earlier article made it sound as though no one in the family was really sure who would be taking care of the boys.
I thought the same until I read that she falsified documents from Spain to give to the doctor's office. She went to quite elaborate lengths to lie!
I can understand her desire to have a baby, she spent most of her years taking care of her mother and suddenly found herself alone, but I really can't understand why she felt she needed to have children this way. The eggs were not her own and there was no husband to provide sperm, why not try to adopt an older child instead of going through all this? Her mother lived a very long life, however nothing said about her father so I wonder how long he lived?
One of my grandmothers lived to be over 100, however none of her children did, my father (her son) died in his 70's and I really do not have any expectation of living that long myself just because she did.
A maternal instinct is wonderful but I wish she had turned that focus on children who were already in need. I hope the children will be cared for and loved, somewhere there may be a woman 40-50 years old who could give them the home they need, but a woman in her mid 60's is just to old Imo.
Separate names with a comma.