Yes they are, however lot of us who are familiar with abusers see the signs this man was likely abusive himself. Speaking from experience, a very chilled out person can be driven mad and to act in ways they wouldn't by someone who is a master abusive manipulator. This is moo. I think the relationship was toxic but I wouldn't be surprised if it was typical for him and not for her in the past. Not excusing violence on anyones part.