Found Deceased WY - Gabrielle ‘Gabby’ Petito, 22, Grand Teton National Park, 25 Aug 2021 #84

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housewife

Coercive Control is a form of Domestic Violence
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The problem for many woman is they’re in love with the boyfriend’s image that they have in their mind (or in loving, fun filled good-looking couple pics) and not with who he really is. What’s worse is they often think they can change him.

For Gabby I wonder that as she’d thrown everything into the vanlife vlogging, she wouldn’t admit, even to herself, that she made the wrong choice in her partner. Maybe it was all about pride. I’m certainly not blaming her for that. As common as relationship breakups have become, it saddens me there’s still a tendency for people to judge, take sides and lay blame including speculation about who’s at fault when couples break up. We see it regularly when high profile marriages fall apart. Until that changes, sadly I think it’s hard for young women to find the courage to leave an unhealthy relationship, sometimes for fear of being perceived as a failure. JMO
RBBM
It's hard for all people to leave an abusive relationship. If it seemed as though Gabby didn't make a big deal about her abuse in Moab, it was because she knew speaking up about it would anger Brian even more. Domestic abusers employ many controlling tactics on their victim, including gaslighting (making Gabby doubt her own abilities to publish a blog, to succeed on her own). Coercive control essentially brainwashes the victim into feeling trapped.
 

housewife

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Yes, I recall a psychologist saying, some women are like water, they can no more stand up for themselves than the surface of a lake.

It's actually a good symbol of femininity in general, and Gabby seemed, to me, very feminine. And that's why some men are so attracted to those kinds of women, they're inherently submissive.

<modsnip>

Just from my observation, anything that threatens a man's sense of masculinity seems to potentially trigger violence when under stress (or alcohol/drugs) So, any suggestion she might prefer another man, or that she thought he was a lousy boyfriend compared with other potential men, or her expressing contempt for him: for example, chiding him for having been a bozo in the restaurant earlier.

IMO, if he was used to her idolizing him, her loss of respect could feel like a mortal wound to his identity, which triggers the outrageous life or death response.

Purely amateur opinion and speculation.
I don't think of submissiveness as a good symbol of femininity. It is not an inherent trait of being a woman. Also, mentally healthy adult men are attracted to women who stand up for themselves. Feminine women SHOULD stand up for themselves. It's part of being a mentally healthy adult.

People attracted to the submissive quality of the victim are really attracted to POWER. They are predators looking to exploit someone's trust or naivete for their own gain.

Gabby didn't have to mention another man to trigger Brian's violence.
Gabby herself doesn't trigger anything.
Brian himself feels anger and CHOOSES to behave in a violent way. It could have been a hair in his food. It could have been the weather. He would still express his anger toward Gabby as if it were her fault. Gabby did not "poke the bear" and goad Brian into murdering her. Brian was a big boy and should have impulse control no matter what emotion he is feeling.

I hope one day all victims can so easily "deftly slip away". Currently, our laws don't help in that regard. I hope we do better going forward.
IMHO
edit: spelling
 
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pizzaman12

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I dont think that is true. One witness saw him chasing her and slapping her, the next witness saw her trying frantically to get into her own van which he had locked her out of, crawling over him.

That witness stated he never saw BL hit her but that GP was punching him. In fact, the 102 page independent investigation report that just came out states

"The 102-page report, made by independent law enforcement agency, found that the Moab City Police officers who responded to the incident on August 12, made several "unintentional mistakes," including not citing Petito for domestic violence."

"According to the report, the investigation found that Laundrie would have been the victim and Petito the suspect after she told police that she hit him first."

Witness describes Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie's Utah fight | wtsp.com

Investigation completed in Gabby Petito, Brian Laundrie August domestic incident in Utah

I know much of that it based on the letter of the law and we know there is obviously more to it than that (such as the 911 call). My whole point was it's easy to play armchair quarterback when the responding officers received conflicting information. I have no doubt that this ordeal has been tough on the officers as well. Just my opinion
 

cnmccarthy

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Utah officers in Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie incident made 'unintentional mistakes' and 'failed to cite' Petito with domestic violence, city says

Thu, January 13, 2022

"The independent agency's investigative report finds that the officers who responded to the incident made several unintentional mistakes that stemmed from the fact that officers failed to cite Ms. Petito for domestic violence," the city's statement said.

The report evaluated how the officers, Eric Pratt and Daniel Robbins, responded to the incident with Petito and Laundrie, identifying a number of mistakes the officers made. It said the case report compiled by police labeled the incident a case of "Disorderly Conduct," when actually it should have been labeled as "domestic violence related."

The report also said the officers failed to enforce the law by not citing Petito, who was determined to be the aggressor in the situation, for domestic violence.

"They responded to a confirmed domestic violence incident and they had evidence showing an assault had taken place. The statements of all those involved, along with the evidence presented, provided probable cause for an arrest," the report said.

The report concluded the officers' mistakes were unintentional and that "they both believed at the time they were making the right decision based on the totality of the circumstances that were presented."

"There were mistakes made in how this case was handled. If this case was handled flawlessly, would it have changed anything? Nobody knows," the report said.


Did they all just forget that the first 911 call was from someone saying that Brian Laundry was punching gabby? It’s infuriating that they keep bringing up the Moab call and they don’t say anything about the fact that Brian was actually physically abusing her also.
 

CP244

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That witness stated he never saw BL hit her but that GP was punching him. In fact, the 102 page independent investigation report that just came out states

"The 102-page report, made by independent law enforcement agency, found that the Moab City Police officers who responded to the incident on August 12, made several "unintentional mistakes," including not citing Petito for domestic violence."

"According to the report, the investigation found that Laundrie would have been the victim and Petito the suspect after she told police that she hit him first."

Witness describes Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie's Utah fight | wtsp.com

Investigation completed in Gabby Petito, Brian Laundrie August domestic incident in Utah

I know much of that it based on the letter of the law and we know there is obviously more to it than that (such as the 911 call). My whole point was it's easy to play armchair quarterback when the responding officers received conflicting information. I have no doubt that this ordeal has been tough on the officers as well. Just my opinion
With respect, that is not true. The 911 caller did say that a man was slapping a woman. The other witness was at the cafe after the police had stopped them when they went looking to justify their judgment, IMO.
I am sorry but that police investigation to me is just a self serving covering up.
The policeman talking about his aggressive ex wife and laughing with BL about crazy women was highly inappropriate and very unprofessional.
 

cnmccarthy

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bbm
You're right -- they were adults and no real physical damage was done to either one, so they didn't/couldn't arrest either one for assault, etc. Some of the male officers should have been more sensitive to her, IMO, but at least they separated them for a night.
And Gabby, as usual, didn't make a big deal about him abusing her -- not sure why -- just her nature, I guess, and she was dependent on him for some things (driving, especially), and his abuse was probably slow and subtle, so she didn't probably realize how selfish and mean he actually was. They were a long way from home, too, and that was b.i.g, IMO. And they did have good times.

But she was, IMO, starting to stand up for herself more often, I think, and that's prolly when he lost it and did what he did.

When you are in this situation you are more afraid of what that person will do to you once behind closed doors again. So you lie. You also lie about how bad it is because you believe he can change and you don’t want the police/lawyers/parents/etc to separate you two. That’s why she didn’t make a big deal about it. She didn’t want anyone to know. MOO from past experience with an abusive partner.
 

cnmccarthy

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With respect, that is not true. The 911 caller did say that a man was slapping a woman. The other witness was at the cafe after the police had stopped them when they went looking to justify their judgment, IMO.
I am sorry but that police investigation to me is just a self serving covering up.
The policeman talking about his aggressive ex wife and laughing with BL about crazy women was highly inappropriate and very unprofessional.

Exactly. We all saw that there was another 911 caller that stated Brian was slapping gabby. So why is it not included in this review? Why is it NEVER brought up again? The caller was pretty specific with his details. So I just don’t understand how it is not considered a very important detail of the case.
 

MistyWaters

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RBBM
It's hard for all people to leave an abusive relationship. If it seemed as though Gabby didn't make a big deal about her abuse in Moab, it was because she knew speaking up about it would anger Brian even more. Domestic abusers employ many controlling tactics on their victim, including gaslighting (making Gabby doubt her own abilities to publish a blog, to succeed on her own). Coercive control essentially brainwashes the victim into feeling trapped.

So why is that? Young women today have access to so much more information and supports than a generation or two ago when the role of women was pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen and domestic violence wasn’t ever discussed. Has nothing changed?
 

MistyWaters

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Did they all just forget that the first 911 call was from someone saying that Brian Laundry was punching gabby? It’s infuriating that they keep bringing up the Moab call and they don’t say anything about the fact that Brian was actually physically abusing her also.

This caller?

“The caller was asked whether he saw Laundrie strike Petito. “The caller hesitated in his answer and stated he ‘maybe’ saw a push or a shove but nothing like a ‘full on punch to the face or anything’,” the report states.”
Gabby Petito should have been cited for domestic abuse by Utah police, review finds | National Post
 

CP244

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So why is that? Young women today have access to so much more information and supports than a generation or two ago when the role of women was pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen and domestic violence wasn’t even discussed.
With respect, it is not easy. And women in DV situations know that the most dangerous time for them is when they decide or try to leave as I suspect happened in this case. That is born out by facts.
 

MistyWaters

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With respect, it is not easy. And women in DV situations know that the most dangerous time for them is when they decide or try to leave as I suspect happened in this case. That is born out by facts.

I’m not suggesting it’s easy. But doing nothing isn’t the answer either. This tragedy can’t be rewound so surely the best that come out of it is for other young people caught up in a relationship involving domestic violence might understand why they must walk away?
 

CP244

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This caller?

“The caller was asked whether he saw Laundrie strike Petito. “The caller hesitated in his answer and stated he ‘maybe’ saw a push or a shove but nothing like a ‘full on punch to the face or anything’,” the report states.”
Gabby Petito should have been cited for domestic abuse by Utah police, review finds | National Post
No, that was not a caller. That was the witness that they canvassed for at the cafe. The 911 caller called because he said 'the man was chasing the woman and slapping her'. Why is this being ignored?
 

Satchie

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With respect, it is not easy. And women in DV situations know that the most dangerous time for them is when they decide or try to leave as I suspect happened in this case. That is born out by facts.
But I'm not at all sure Gabby (or many of the other women who've suffered the same fate), knew she was in that kind of danger. If she really believed her life was in danger, I can't imagine she'd not have asked a family member or friend for help, particularly during her week alone in a hotel room.

I don't think she ever imagined he'd do that. Because, of course, she herself would never, ever, kill someone. And I bet in her whole experience of life, that she'd never known or known of, anyone who murdered their fiance/girlfriend/partner. Or even seriously hurt them. I think it was just inconceivable to her.

JMO
 

nao

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Moo.... physical evidence was not showing assault. The police can take it out of a persons hands and charge felony assault without the person laying charges...if a person is show great injury.....but that was not the case. What was said to be witnessed is a mute point unless GP wants to lay charges. Moo
 

Satchie

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No, that was not a caller. That was the witness that they canvassed for at the cafe. The 911 caller called because he said 'the man was chasing the woman and slapping her'. Why is this being ignored?
IMO, because witness statements made in a 911 call are not given more weight by police than the statements they get directly from the individuals involved. The officer pulled Gabby aside to speak to her privately. If she'd said 'he chased me and slapped me', it would have had a different outcome.

ETA: also, I don't think the 911 caller left their name and contact info, right? So their reliability and memory can't be checked.

JMO
 

MistyWaters

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No, that was not a caller. That was the witness that they canvassed for at the cafe. The 911 caller called because he said 'the man was chasing the woman and slapping her'. Why is this being ignored?

I don’t think LE filing assault charges would’ve been at all helpful in this situation and it appears neither wanted charges laid regardless of witnesses however the review specifically references Gabby’s ‘confession’.

Gabby Petito should have been cited for domestic abuse by Utah police, review finds | National Post
A formal complaint by attorney Tanya Reeves on Sept. 21 argued that officers “coached” Petito — which is detailed in the report — even after she said “to be honest, I definitely hit him first.”

The City of Moab then commissioned the review of police actions. Its report, released Wednesday, said that “both (officers’) written reports are missing significant details as it relates to the who, what, when, where, and how as it relates to this incident.”

Because Petito had admitted to being the aggressor in a public skirmish, even if she wasn’t the “long-term predominant aggressor in this relationship,” the report said, she should have been cited. Laundrie had stated multiple times that he did not want to pursue charges against Petito.
 

Satchie

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So why is that? Young women today have access to so much more information and supports than a generation or two ago when the role of women was pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen and domestic violence wasn’t ever discussed. Has nothing changed?
Personally, I think it's all those romantic notions girls are fed. They need less Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast, and more Little Red Riding Hood.

JMO
 

MistyWaters

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Personally, I think it's all those romantic notions girls are fed. They need less Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast, and more Little Red Riding Hood.

JMO

That could be it.

Considering all the energy that’s went into such things as the #metoo movement and sexual abuse in general, it’s a crying shame if domestic abuse within established relationships has been overshadowed because it’s probably more common and far more dangerous.
 

borndem

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With respect, that is not true. The 911 caller did say that a man was slapping a woman. The other witness was at the cafe after the police had stopped them when they went looking to justify their judgment, IMO.
I am sorry but that police investigation to me is just a self serving covering up.
The policeman talking about his aggressive ex wife and laughing with BL about crazy women was highly inappropriate and very unprofessional.

bbm
Grrrrr, I remember that part and it made me mad as fire -- those two men laughing about crazy women -- I couldn't believe it when I read it (well, truthfully I guess I could :mad: ).
The policeman should have never given BL any excuse to bash Gabby while talking with the LE. That simply made BL feel more justified and more likely to hurt her again.
And he did.
 

Gardenista

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Exactly. We all saw that there was another 911 caller that stated Brian was slapping gabby. So why is it not included in this review? Why is it NEVER brought up again? The caller was pretty specific with his details. So I just don’t understand how it is not considered a very important detail of the case.

The witness who saw Brian slapping and hitting Gabby is in the review. He says while he was driving he saw Brian slapping her. The witness pulled over and then he saw Brian start hitting her.

I haven't finished reading it yet, but so far it's pretty much garbage to me.
 
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