Time for this Northerner to pick on the Southerners (since I haven't seen Daisymae around lately- just don't tell her :facepalm: )
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Some Southern sayings :blah::blah::blah:
She gets my goose.
He just makes my azz itch!
Yankees are like hemorrhoids: Pain in the butt when they come down and always a relief when they go back up.
That would make a bishop mad enough to kick in stained glass windows.
She could make a preacher cuss!
She could piss off the pope.
She could start an argument in an empty house.
He's about as useless as a screen door on a submarine/a trapdoor on a canoe.
That makes about as much sense as *advertiser censored* on a bull.
Quit goin' around your azz to get to your elbow.
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Yankees just can't pass for Southerners!
Link:
http://usercontent1.hubimg.com/6491396_f520.jpg
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RULES OF THE SOUTHERN LIFESTYLE
All good Southerners already know these, but in fairness to those Yankees who were dumb enough to stay down here:
1. Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hrs a day, so let them cook something they know.
2. Don't laugh at people's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, Mari Beth, and Inez have all been known to whip a man's azz for less than that.
3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda -- this can lead to a merciless beating. Down South it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi.
4. Don't show allegiances to any college football squad that isn't an SEC team. All the others are a bunch of candy azzes who get to play Wyoming every week.
5. Don't refer to Southerner's as a bunch of hillbillies. Many of us are/have been more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner), better educated, and generally much nicer to boot. We've got plenty of business sense (e.g.Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, and Netscape). Naturally, we can have lapses of judgment from time to time (e.g. Clinton, Fordice, Duke). We don't care if you think we're dumb, we know better!
6. We are fully aware that the humidity is high. Quit your *****ing, spend your money, and leave.
7. Don't order wheat toast at the Cracker Barrel. If you do this, everyone will know you're from Ohio. Eat the biscuits like God intended and for goodness sake, don't put sugar in your grits.
8. Don't attempt to fake a Southern accent. Nothing will incite a riot faster.
9. Don't go around talking about how much better it is back home. If you don't like it here, take your Yankee azz back home.
10. We don't play lacrosse, hockey or any of those other sissy azz Northern games, so don't ask about the scores. We...simply...don't...care.
11. We know how to speak proper English, we talk this way because we want to and we can. It's like playing jazz, you have to know how to do it right first.
12. Last, but by no means least...DO NOT try to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. This could lead to permanent expulsion and revocation of your work visa. Consider yourself just damn lucky that we let you come down here in the first place. Don't push your luck!
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The Difference between Southern and Yankee women
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new
wives straight on their duties.
The first man had married a woman from Alabama. He bragged that he had
told his wife to do all the dishes and clean the house. He said that it
took her a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to a clean
house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from So. Carolina. He bragged that he
had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and
the cooking. He told the men that the first day he didnt see any results,
but by the next day it was better, and on the third day, his house was
clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a New York girl. He boasted that he told
her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and
laundry folded. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day
he didnt see anything and the second day he didnt see anything but by the third day some of
the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye.
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Southern girl
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table when a very attractive blonde woman from Northeast Tennessee arrived.
She bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby....Southern Girl needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down....and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers...and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."
Moral - Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. But all men... are men.
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[video=youtube;Aaib8eF8rnc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aaib8eF8rnc[/video]
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Link:
https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/...hRnNY5uqvz-a94XekneIXH_sORruZgUWtzOt3GwmZaaOA