I had a cat that liked to play fetch.
The following story is true;
I lived with a woman and we had a cat named Hobbes that was the funniest cat I've ever lived with. We had another cat named Einstein. If a magic fairy came down and offered to turn them into humans Einstein would've looked at her like she was nuts while Hobbes would have jumped at the chance.
Before we start the main attraction I'll tell you this. One time Hobbes was doing something naughty, so I had my left hand held flat with his paws resting on them. My right hand was under his armpits and his paws were sticking straight out while I scolded him. While I was doing this he slapped me in the face with one of his paws. Claws retracted but still a slap. :crazy:
Ok, one night Hobbes was playing with and chasing another of the four total cats we had. I was on the floor watching TV and Hobbes kept chasing Twiggy around our apartment. While chasing her he jumped on my thigh and pushed off in order to try and tackle her, pushed off with claws out that is. The next time he zoomed by I grabbed the little *advertiser censored* and told him if he didn't stop chasing Twiggy I was gonna put him outside. (They were all outside cats.) It was November and a cold night. So of course he didn't heed my warning and I took him down the steps to the front door telling him I hoped the serial killer, who was still not caught (Arthur Shawcross), wouldn't get a hold of him and he'd end up on some Eastman students violin. (Yes, I am cruel. In my defense I was nursing a painful thigh wound.) :angel:
So I took him out and threw him out the front door. (not literally) After an hour my girlfriend told me he had probably learned his lesson and to let him inside. I went down the steps and opened the door and called for him. He emerged from under the porch. He looked at me and walked to the top of the steps turned around, sat down with his back to me. :snooty: I told him I knew what he wanted, he wanted me to apologize to him. I assured him that wasn't going to happen. He wouldn't budge. :snooty: So I went to pick him up and he ran under the porch. :runaway: I told him that if he didn't come in now it would be an allnighter for him and I didn't care if I found a catscicle in the morning ( :angel: ) but he refused to come in.
My girlfriend laughed when I told her this and saying that he was obviously mad at me she'd go get him. She goes down and opens the door and calls for him. He comes up the steps and sees it's her and goes back under the steps. :runaway: She comes up laughing about how he was obviously mad at me and would deal with me only and so we gave him another hour to come to his senses.
After another hour she tells me she doesn't care what I have to do. Just get him in, she doesn't want to worry about him all night. (Neither did I) So I go down to the door and call for him. He comes up the steps and turns around again. :snooty: I plead with him to come in. He sits there. :snooty: I tell him my girlfriend is worried about him. He sits there. :snooty: I tell him I don't want to worry about him either. He sits there. :snooty: Finally I tell him what he wants to hear. "Hobbes, I'm sorry. Now come in." He turns around and runs up to our apartment. :banghead:
His name went from Hobbes to slHobbes and then finally to Slobs. One day my girlfriend and I were eating HOT chicken wings. The cats were all meowing around us because they smelled the chicken. So my girlfriend dips her finger in the hot sauce and holds it down for them. Shadow comes up and sniffs it. He's not dumb enough to lick it. Einstein comes up. He's not dumb enough to lick it. Twiggy comes up. She's not dumb enough to lick it. Hobbes comes up, sniffs it, looks up at us and figures
if humans can eat it then he can eat it too. He takes one lick of her finger and BANG ZOOM!!! to the water dish! My girlfriend almost choked on her chicken wing she was laughing so hard.
I know it sounds like I was always annoyed with that cat but that's very far from the truth. I really loved him,
as I did all of our cats, and when he was lovey dovey he was a great cat to have in your lap.
He was just a :censored: *advertiser censored* cat!! :banghead:
This isn't him but he looked a lot like this cat.