IL - Matisha Goens charged with abandoning baby, Chcago, 1 Jan 2010

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caution: the following is a rant but certainly not meant to offend anyone - I respect everyone's opinions here ... just that mine differs a little

:rant:

we don't know for sure that the baby is hers or that the baby is healthy (she does look healthy with her cute little chubby cheeks though)

she could've gone the proper route and put her baby up for adoption, if it is indeed hers

yes, I'm grateful this baby is safe but I also think it's a sad state of affairs when we are no longer shocked by abandoned babies but are commending someone for leaving her in a police station instead of a dumpster

I think that should count as a mitigating factor when she is prosecuted but I don't agree that she should escape prosecution completely, just because she didn't hurt/kill the baby

:eek:fftopic:

:baby: every baby has a right to a safe, healthy, happy existence & I am worried that society is going in a dangerous direction with safe haven laws and the attitude that "well, at least she wasn't hurt"

we should have a 100% expectation that she not be hurt and a 100% requirement that parents of any age actually care for (or give up for adoption legally) their offspring

we should be making it clear to parents of any age that the buck stops with them - they accept a lifetime of responsibility for another human being when they decide to have sex and they will suffer the legal consequences if they decide to shirk that responsibility

it shouldn't be a choice whether or not to abandon one's baby and it shouldn't even enter theirs or our consciousness that abuse and/or death would be an alternative

I think we, as a society need to aim a little higher

rant over: thank you for tuning in

:saythat:
 
Expensive stroller, expensive blanket (Pooh carp ain't cheap) and diamond earrings...
Where is the actual mother? Hoping not face down in a ditch somewhere.

I don't believe the woman that dropped her off was her mother...gut feeling.
 
LadyL said:
caution: the following is a rant but certainly not meant to offend anyone - I respect everyone's opinions here ... just that mine differs a little

:rant:

we don't know for sure that the baby is hers or that the baby is healthy (she does look healthy with her cute little chubby cheeks though)

she could've gone the proper route and put her baby up for adoption, if it is indeed hers

yes, I'm grateful this baby is safe but I also think it's a sad state of affairs when we are no longer shocked by abandoned babies but are commending someone for leaving her in a police station instead of a dumpster

I think that should count as a mitigating factor when she is prosecuted but I don't agree that she should escape prosecution completely, just because she didn't hurt/kill the baby

:eek:fftopic:

:baby: every baby has a right to a safe, healthy, happy existence & I am worried that society is going in a dangerous direction with safe haven laws and the attitude that "well, at least she wasn't hurt"

we should have a 100% expectation that she not be hurt and a 100% requirement that parents of any age actually care for (or give up for adoption legally) their offspring

we should be making it clear to parents of any age that the buck stops with them - they accept a lifetime of responsibility for another human being when they decide to have sex and they will suffer the legal consequences if they decide to shirk that responsibility

it shouldn't be a choice whether or not to abandon one's baby and it shouldn't even enter theirs or our consciousness that abuse and/or death would be an alternative

I think we, as a society need to aim a little higher

rant over: thank you for tuning in

:saythat:
Click to expand...

I actually agree with you, LadyL, in that it's not okay at all to abandon a baby ever, and I don't mean to imply that. There are better ways to handle it if you can't or don't want to take care of your baby any more.

I think I read way too many stories about babies who are hurt and murdered, that I'm just grateful this little one wasn't. Maybe I've lost a little perspective. The ones who are hurt and murdered, it just upsets me terribly. I wish more of the people who do these atrocious things would stop and make a better choice. Even if it's not the best choice. A choice in which a baby ends up alive and well, instead of hurt, damaged, or dead is a choice I'm just grateful for right now. The bad alternatives are just so horrifying.

I did see an article today that said this baby was healthy and unharmed. I think it was the one the pic I posted was from.
 
We all need to keep in mind that this child most likely does not have just one parent or family. DHS must investigate to make certain that there is not a family member ready and willing to take this little one. Can you imagine your granddaughter or niece dropped off at even a safe place without your knowledge? Many parents in crisis don't want to admit that they are struggling. We need to see how this plays out.

The stroller is a nice one but the earrings don't tell us much. In the Latino culture, many baby girls get diamond studs as gifts upon their baptism. When we lived in Texas, we adopted a baby girl from Korea. A dear friend (who happened to be Latina) gifted her with diamond studs. We took her immediately to have her ears pierced so she could wear them.

An interesting note about this child is that she's approximately 6 months old. That's a unique age (as any parent can attest to). It's a very angelic time. Babies are typically cuddly and easy to manage at his age. They are not yet mobile and are past the colic-y stage. This is when they begin to really engage, giggle, play, eat solid foods.

This story makes me very sad as our next Korean adoption was of a baby girl whose Momma took her to the adoption agency at age 6 months, sat down and nursed her, signed the papers, and said good-bye. If this is the Mom, she's bound to be hurting.
 
We can all pray that she's "healthy and unharmed" but we know what that meant following the recent Amber Alert in Phoenix. Sorry to be so negative but that phrase continues to haunt me. This child just lost her family. She's not unharmed. Abandonment is a primal wound and ALWAYS harms. This is not to say that she cannot grow up adored in an adoptive or relative home but the wound is there.

IMO, so many people forget that our reality is not a child's reality. We're taken by this child's loveliness and seemingly healthy condition. We would be ready and willing to swoop her up and spoil her rotten (that's the very normal rescue reflex that most people have). However, this little girl has just had a very traumatic and life-changing event occur. Her sad eyes make me tremendously sad as I've welcomed home so many children with those same eyes. It takes years to heal them.
 
Maybe she didn't know she could turn the baby over to the DCF/child services for that area and things would be fine. Some folks don't realize that. They want to hide this, but this can not be hidden. Because children are registered at birth, there is a paper trail. At some point, folks are going to be asking about her child... which she will not have.

The 30 day drop off/safe haven law.. that is to catch those who have had a child, but haven't registered it. Hence, no one knows there is a child to watch out for.

I agree, it's wrong to go after the 'mom', if she is the Mom. But the reason they have to find the Mom, isn't just because it's the law/wrong. But to prove the child is available for adoption. This child might have been dumped, but she isn't eligible for adoption until her parents release her. Then someone in her family might want her.

This maybe one of those cases where the Mother/woman is afraid what might happen if the child is raised with 'other' caregiver choices. Whom if she turned the child over, would be in line to be eligible to relieve the child, before it could be adopted out.
 
Of course they have to investigate. What if this baby has medical issues? What about her history? Her father? Her grandparents? That's all assuming that this was the mother who abandoned her, and not an accomplice to a murder/kidnapping or something.

Maybe the mom is suffering from PPD or PPP and dropped the baby off without the father's knowledge or consent, hundreds of miles away. I'm sure the reunion would take place quickly, but I'm not sure we should ever dismiss child abandonment as an automatic 'good thing' when we don't know the reasons. Maybe it wasn't for her own good, but because the mom is in a violent situation and this was a desperate situation. I'd think she'd leave a note, but people do loony things when they're under diress. I'd like the mom to be found so she can be investigated as to her fitness to parent. She might have done this in a moment of panic and now fears she can never have her little girl back under fear of arrest.

The investigation could actually help her, although Safe Haven laws as they are she'd probably be facing arrest.
 
Missizzy said:
We can all pray that she's "healthy and unharmed" but we know what that meant following the recent Amber Alert in Phoenix. Sorry to be so negative but that phrase continues to haunt me. This child just lost her family. She's not unharmed. Abandonment is a primal wound and ALWAYS harms. This is not to say that she cannot grow up adored in an adoptive or relative home but the wound is there.

IMO, so many people forget that our reality is not a child's reality. We're taken by this child's loveliness and seemingly healthy condition. We would be ready and willing to swoop her up and spoil her rotten (that's the very normal rescue reflex that most people have). However, this little girl has just had a very traumatic and life-changing event occur. Her sad eyes make me tremendously sad as I've welcomed home so many children with those same eyes. It takes years to heal them.
Click to expand...

BBM

I see the same thing you see in her beautiful eyes, Izzy. A very sad baby girl. I hope that her mother, if that is who dropped her off, is safe and only did this because she had no other choice, as Spangle suggested. Maybe she did this to protect her from something. Either way, my heart hurts for this baby's sadness. She may be healthy and physically unharmed, but her eyes tell me that she is far from unharmed emotionally. ITA with everything you said here.

I agree with believe09, I would be happy to give her a safe and loving home...
 
<snip>

CHICAGO (WBBM) -- Police say they would like to speak with the woman who abandoned a six-month-old girl in the South Side Grand Crossing police station New Year's Day.

What they don't intend to do is arrest her.
....

"Obviously, she was well cared for," Bresnahan said.

She said police are more worried about the state of the child's mother.

"We're not looking at this as a criminal act," she said. "We're looking at this as an act of desperation."

All Bresnahan seeks is a call to police by someone who may know more about the girl, who is 25 inches long, weighs 17 pounds, is Hispanic, has brown eyes and black hair and has a light complexion.

Bresnahan said, because state law allows a mother 72 hours to reconsider a decision to give up her child, authorities are willing to reunite mother and child if that is what is determined to be best. If the parents are determined to give her up, Bresnahan said authorities seek to learn more about the child so that the adoption can go more smoothly.

She said she had "total respect" for the woman, and said the child is fortunate to have been left with police instead of outside in this weekend's frigid weather or in a place, such as a train station, where no one might realize for hours that the child has been abandoned.


more here

http://www.wbbm780.com/6-month-old-abandoned-at-police-station/6019456
 
Loving children who were not born to me has taught me so much. I gave birth to three boys before we started adopting. I remember being totally "over the moon" when my husband got off the plane with our little four month old Korean princess, swathed head to toe in pink. I adored her from the first moment. That didn't surprise me. But she seemed so forlorn at first. It was months before her true personality started to shine--stubborn, loyal, fair, out-spoken, bright (hasn't changed a whit in 26 years!!)

It really wasn't until we had my husband's travel photos developed and I got to see our girl's foster mom holding her, that I understood. There's a precious photo of the foster mom looking out a window trying not to cry as my husband left with the baby. This foster mom had raised our girl from the age of 8 days. It wasn't until the moment I studied that photo that I realized that my daughter had a life before me. And not only the four months with her foster mom but the nine months inside her birth mom's body.

I've done a lot of counseling over the years with families awaiting a placement. This issue comes up again and again. A child born into a family, even one born at home in the same bed he/she was conceived in has a transition into this world. Newborns are not tickled to be thrust out into the cold bright world. We adults, excitedly congratulate each other and take zillions of photos of the new little one often never thinking about what they see through their innocent eyes. We need to remember that children define their lives through consistency and routine--with what they've already experienced. They truly do "love the ones they are with".

While this precious baby girl will most likely move on and have a wonderful life with a new family, we can't forget that she's grieving the family she came from. Children's lives do not begin at rescue or adoption. We don't "save" children, we add a chapter to their lives.

Just wanted to share something that really changed the way I looked at children.
 
If this mother has fallen upon hard times or even realized that she is not capable of being a mother, I have to respect her courage in leaving her child in a safe place. It is not the perfect scenario, but it's better than many of the alternatives we have seen. I think there might be some mothers out there today that need to hear the message that this police dept is sending out. You are not in trouble, you did the right thing.

Many mothers don't find out that they are unable to parent until after that 30 day mark. I would rather they have an option than be forced to parent when a childs welfare is at stake.
 
I'm so glad they are reaching out to the young woman in this way. Thank you, TM, for posting. I'm with the rest of the posters that believe this little angel was left somewhere safe for a reason. I'm so grateful that this young woman had the good sense to do what she did rather than some horrid and irreversible alternative.

I'm not saying that I think she did this for the best reasons. She could have been desperate and strapped for cash and saw no other way or she could just be selfish and wants to party and have freedom and not be a mom anymore, who knows? I'm still glad she was smart enough to leave her somewhere that she knew she would be safe. Or she could be turning in an abducted child which is even better, IMO.
 
The gentle approach that they are taking is the right one.
If the woman that left her really was her mother. I still have doubts.
If she was, then I respect her too. Most women, by the time they get to the point where they will abandon the baby, are capable of killing it instead. I don't like it, but it happens too often not to be true.
Or they don't have the guts to abandon the child, so they keep them, even though they don't have the means or motivation or skills and that is, in some cases, worse than giving them up.

Given the alternatives, I applaud her too. She did more than some mothers can be bothered to do for their kids.
 
After everything that's happened this past year, I am just glad she is alive. Hopefully, a loving, caring adoptive parent will remove the sadness from her eyes.

Thank God she was dropped off there rather than sold into slavery or killed, IMHO.
 
This could have ended so much worse..........whatever needs to be worked out, she is alive and safe...
 
Thanks for that beautiful post, Missizzy. *sniffs*

Prayers for this girl's next chapter, and for her parents and any other family members too.
 
I think the mom should be identified just in case a temporary hardship occurred that the young woman saw no way around. Perhaps with some help in place they can be reunited.

She should not be charged with a crime.

I also believe her daughter deserves some answers and medical history. I am sincerely thankful baby wasn't thrown away like garbage and was dropped off somewhere safe. IMO That demonstrates the mother loves this baby a great deal.

I also am not willing to rule out the mother could be a victim of foul play and the woman abandoning her...well who knows.....
 
Linda7NJ said:
I think the mom should be identified just in case a temporary hardship occurred that the young woman saw no way around. Perhaps with some help in place they can be reunited.

She should not be charged with a crime.

I also believe her daughter deserves some answers and medical history. I am sincerely thankful baby wasn't thrown away like garbage and was dropped off somewhere safe. IMO That demonstrates the mother loves this baby a great deal.

I also am not willing to rule out the mother could be a victim of foul play and the woman abandoning her...well who knows.....
Click to expand...

The fact that she chose a police station rather than, say, a hospital emergency room leads me to think there's a lot more going on than meets the eye...
 
carbuff said:
The fact that she chose a police station rather than, say, a hospital emergency room leads me to think there's a lot more going on than meets the eye...
Click to expand...


Maybe...or maybe it's what was in walking distance.
 
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