(snipped) I do have to say I love the statements here by people who say they would drill their kids to get the truth and then make them own up to the consequences, ha ha (Maybe Gabby said that?). More my style.
Ha Ha Yes, that was me :loser:. My own kids are not angels. They've made some mistakes and have had to own up to them and face (and suffer) consequences. They're great kids, but they're human. Sometimes we learn by making mistakes. IMO it's not the mistake that is so bad, but the lack from being allowed to learn from it.
I get what you are saying in your post (sorry but I snipped it for space). I've seen the same thing - parents making excusies. Generally I think these parents fall into one of three categories:
1. They truly don't believe that their kid made a mistake. I'm not talking about being in denial, but I'm referring to the parents of kids who have been SO well-behaved all of the time.... kids who were on HS honor roll, Eagle Scouts, volunteers, Alter Boys, etc. etc. - very active and involved in church, all around "good" kids who have never once caused trouble. Those kids sometimes go to college where there's no supervision and even when they've been taught right and exhibited only the best behavior, most ALL kids make a few bad choices w/ no one there to guide them. Sometimes those choices have severe consequences and given their past, I think some parents truly can't believe it. Even though some of these boys have drug/alcohol charges, I'd bet that there's nothing in there past which would give parents reason to believe he would ever hide a body.
2. Some are in denial. They have their head so far in the sand and are completely oblivious to their kid's behavior, but they just "expect" he will behave well (with little training). When the behavior is bad, they are in complete denial of it.
3. Some parents know their son behaves badly but they just have so much "hope" that he will improve. When a kid is sent to school with dirty underwear, chances are he won't be able to get them clean. My point is that many parents send off their kids to college, with "baggage". These kids have made mistakes (sometimes BIG ones) and haven't quite worked out their issues. They know that a college education will help their son's future, but without having fixed the issues, will the kid really get that degree? I think they're so hopeful and unsure where to turn. The kid doesn't want help or doesn't think there's a problem. Sometimes it's easier to get him (and his dirty underwear) out of the house. It's not a university's place to clean his underwear, but the parents don't know what else to do. I think these parents think that sending their son off to get a degree with everyone else, will grow him up and "clean his underwear". It sometimes works, b/c he matures, but often not. These parents already know there's a problem with their son but NEED someone else to "fix" it b/c they haven't been able to (and perhaps not for lack of trying). When the kid does something wrong, they blame the school - I honestly think this is out of desperation b/c they so badly want their son to be on a better track.
I guess I tend to understand why parents do this. It's wrong, but I understand it. I think some parents are so desperate and want to help their kid and it's just easier to blame others. It's sad. For me, I think my kids would probably prefer a prison sentence than have to be cooped up at home with me drilling them! :floorlaugh:
