Internet fury after customer describes on Facebook how salon owner 'made mom and her

[looneymama]

Hey, that's really sweet of you. Maybe I'm just overreacting! Both you and Merc have pointed out that indeed, you were responding to responses, not necessarily lecturing about this particular mom. That's totally fair and I should not jump all over posts so quickly. I think it is clear to me now that the thread just evolved into general discussions.

In my defense, I view people with intellectual or developmental disorders as precious jewels on earth, especially the kids. My dad used to have this theory that people aren't born with souls - they have to earn them. Except people born with those disorders. According to his theory they automatically received a soul at birth, just as pure of heart as can be. I understand his sentiment. I see such kids as among the most vulnerable and feel they need so much protection. And although I haven't walked in their parents' shoes, I have a pretty vivid imagination and I get this pang in my heart and swooping sensation in my stomach picturing how excruciating it would feel to hear or see someone be cruel or rude or whatever to the child such a parent spends every moment cherishing and worrying about. I'm sensitive about it so I guess I flew to their defense when perhaps there wasn't much of an attack from most!

Thanks for being patient with me, friends.

That is lovely and I would have to agree with your dad. I'm very familiar with that feeling you are talking about. I have a child with special needs. He is the most loving and compassionate person I have met in my entire life. I will never forget the first time I really realized that not everyone sees him like I do. I always knew that, but actually seeing it is different. It's like having your heart ripped out of your chest through the front of your throat. I've lost friends who want nothing to do with him. My relationship with my own brother is strained because he treats my son like an inconvenience and is rude and sarcastic when he talks to him and I wont tolerate that. Last year no matter what, he couldn't do anything right in the eyes of his teacher. It just destroyed his self esteem. Last school year was so emotionally exhausting, I realized that no one is going to fight for him like I will, so we did virtual school this year instead. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I will do it every year if that's what I have to do to get him the education he deserves and make sure he knows that I believe in him and will not give up on him.

He has made me a better person. I see beauty in everyone because of him. I will fight until the day I die with everything I am to make sure he knows that he is loved, he is worthy and he belongs...and I would do the same for anyone, because everyone deserves to feel like they matter.....except Jodi Arias....eff that chick. :floorlaugh:

 

[BethInAK]

I'm confused, this story seems like it's missing some pieces. Was the child screaming and disturbing the other clients? The story is carefully worded so as not to say what "Mott" was giving the mother a "tongue lashing" about. It manages to suggest that she was berating the mother for her child *being* autistic, which of course makes no sense. It also carefully uses the word "crying", which gives the impression of a child quietly sobbing. I don't know, I just have this feeling the kid was probably screaming. (Maybe I've had too many nice dinners out recently ruined by people who will let their toddlers wail endlessly at the next table.)

If that child is special needs and autistic the parent may not be able to control the childs behavior.

 

[BethInAK]

They can't refuse service for having a disability, but they can for causing a disruption.

Having a disability does not give someone the right to cause a disruption.

Of course it does.

This is an absurd statement.

A child with autism must remain completely quiet, because other people want them to?

 

[BethInAK]

She is still entitled to kick out someone causing a disruption, and she is not required to be nice about it. It's her place of business, if something is annoying her it doesn't matter if other people there are fine with it - she still gets the final say. Not sure why people are confused about that or think there is something wrong about it.

She has not done anything wrong. The problem is that some people have decided that she should have had to put up with the disruption, and when she did not, they are attempting to punish her for it. There is a word for that - it is called "bullying".

She has done something wrong. She screamed at the parent of a disabled child in public.

She can refuse to serve people but not because they have a disability - that is called discrimintation. I'm not sure I'm willing to say that this is what happened here but certainly there were many other things she could have done.

Like ask them to please come back later, ask them to take the child somewhere else, ask them to cut the kids hair in the office, give the kid a lollipop.

She's alienated an internet full of compassionate people. Hell, she alienated another patron enough for her to start a boycott. Clearly she did something wrong.

 

[BethInAK]

For context, I'm not talking about Denny's or a toddler-friendly family restaurant. I'm not talking about a couple of shrieks and then a parent taking the kid outside to comfort them. I'm talking about 8pm in an expensive sushi restaurant, with a table next to us with two toddlers in high chairs wailing the entire time, to the point I could not hear my dining companion speaking. This is not a theoretical scenario, this happened to me two or three weeks ago. None of the many adults at the table did anything about it. Every time I glanced over, I could see the restaurant manager staring at the table with an unhappy look on his face, knowing he couldn't intervene on behalf of the rest of his customers because he'd end up with a retaliatory review on yelp--or a Facebook lynch mob.

It's fairly common in the area I live. It's rude. Period. I avoid family-friendly restaurants as much as possible because I am sensitive to extremely loud noises (check out the PTSD thread in the Jodi Arias forum for backstory on that), but it doesn't really matter anymore, because in my area people will take their 3-year-olds to Ruth's Chris on Valentine's Day. This is not something that used to be done--fine dining was for adults (and well-behaved kids), not unhappy toddlers.

I am considerate of my neighbors and people around me. I don't blast loud music in my apartment, I don't shout in book stores or yell at the screen in movie theaters. I do not have an implied obligation to have a nice/expensive meal ruined just because there are children involved and I'm supposed to put their parents' enjoyment above my own.

This IS rude. I have seen kids screaming on planes and parents doing NOTHING - and I mean nothing, no game, no bottle, no food, no comfort, to stop it. I've seen kids playing tag in a restaurant while their parents leisurely eat dinner. Its rude as hell.

But this isn't the situation. We are talking about a disabled child. He can't help his behavior and his parents probably can't either.

 

[BethInAK]

But generally speaking if you are in a restaurant, say, how would you know if the child is autistic? Do you go up to the table and ask the parents? I don't think I could do that. And does that mean that other patrons should be less disrupted by the screaming of an autistic child than that of a "typical" child?

Even if you understand that the child cannot help it, it doesn't make it any less unpleasant when you are paying to have a nice experience.

Again, I don't know what the right answer is, but I do believe that those other patrons in my example should have the right to enjoy their meals without screaming.

Yes, it means you should be more tolerant of the screaming of a disabled child.

And of course you shouldn't ask, but you should say to yourself "that parent has put in a great deal of effort trying to calm that child, and the child is still screaming. Poor parent"

You should smile at them in your most sympathetic way, and make them not feel like a pariah.

Maybe the kid is autistic, maybe not, but it SUCKS to be the parent of that kid. The parent who is trying and failing deserves a little empathy, disabled kid or not.

 

[BethInAK]

Exactly, the kid deserves better than to have to have his hair cut at home with a bowl!!!

<dripping sarcasm>Oh no, he's DISABLED. We should keep him locked in the closet so he doesn't' BOTHER anyone</dripping sarcasm>

 

[BethInAK]

I have no idea how thinking that everyone deserves compassion makes me an intolerant person. In our day to day lives we have absolutely no idea what other people are going through. I would never say that people with special needs deserve less compassion. I'm just saying that everybody has their own struggles. Everyone deserves compassion. My heart is in the right place. Maybe this wacky ADHD brain of mine can't seem to organize my thoughts enough to get these feelings out of my head and onto my computer screen in a way that adequately conveys my thoughts. I don't know...

Everyone does have their own struggles, although some peoples are much harder than others.

So why would you be so angry and frustrated about your restaurant or salon experience being not as quiet as you dreamed it would be? It seems to me you want people to be "compassionate" (although what you described was "considerate") to you, but you don't' want to offer that to this family or another family.

 

[georgiagirl]

Why is this thread in the Bullying forum?