Kyron Horman's stepmother is a profile in contradictions....

[human]

Except:

Tarver, who struggled financially, agreed to give up his parental rights.

that sounds like she petitioned to have his rights terminated and he in fact did not fight it.

Poor J. At least he is with his bio dad now . I think that is really important to get over any hurt or anger that he may have had about bio dad's actions.

 

[tlcya]

In my own experience. My bio dad, who was not a consistent part of my life after my parents split, was offered the option to

1) pay up several years worth of back child support for myself and younger brother, or

2) sign away parental rights permanently so that my stepfather may adopt us.

ETA this small thought - the judge heavily encouraged him to take option 2
Bio dad opted to sign away the rights he had never bothered to take advantage of or enjoy anyway, thus clearing the way for my brother and I to have a father in life and in name.

Not saying this was the case with Terri's son and bio father. Simply expressing that there are many reasons this may have ocurred, mine is just one.

 

[human]

I've been doing this for 27 years. For the first time ever (over the last several years), I've been seriously afraid of what would happen if I lost my job. It's scary as hell. In spite of the glut/shortage cycle I alluded to above --- which does exist --- this has a different feel. And it's not a pleasant one. /ot

I live by a city that is a regional medical center. Nurses are being cut, although new nurses seem to find a job.

A lot of us oldies are getting ready to retire (I'm not a nurse) but my age bracket is huge, so there will be jobs opening up.

The problem is that people don't have health insurance or bad insurance and are putting off medical care which affects the health care industry. So fewer staff to do the same or more amount of work. Not a safe situation.

(as an aside, I have two complete family health insurance plans which we pay $24,000 a year out of pocket for. That does not include my employer's portion. My hubby has to take his because he is in a small group and he pays for his completely. Do we still have medical bills? Yes, we do. I can't imagine what people do with crappy insurance.)

I have been searching for Terri's crimmie record, but all I can find is Dede's which I posted somewhere on here as well. That has not been talked aboutin media either.

 

[Calliope]

I live by a city that is a regional medical center. Nurses are being cut, although new nurses seem to find a job.

A lot of us oldies are getting ready to retire (I'm not a nurse) but my age bracket is huge, so there will be jobs opening up.

The problem is that people don't have health insurance or bad insurance and are putting off medical care which affects the health care industry. So fewer staff to do the same or more amount of work. Not a safe situation.

Nope. And studies have proven that adequate appropriate staffing leads to better patient outcomes and actually saves healthcare dollars. But then again, healthcare in this country has always focused on crisis management rather than logical, preventative care. (don't get me started LOL)

(as an aside, I have two complete family health insurance plans which we pay $24,000 a year out of pocket for. That does not include my employer's portion. My hubby has to take his because he is in a small group and he pays for his completely. Do we still have medical bills? Yes, we do. I can't imagine what people do with crappy insurance.)

I have been searching for Terri's crimmie record, but all I can find is Dede's which I posted somewhere on here as well. That has not been talked aboutin media either.

Thanks!!!!

On this thread ? Anything that would be relevant to this case (is it enough to start a thread?)?

 

[nonfictionrocks]

Nope. And studies have proven that adequate appropriate staffing leads to better patient outcomes and actually saves healthcare dollars. But then again, healthcare in this country has always focused on crisis management rather than logical, preventative care. (don't get me started LOL)



Thanks!!!!

On this thread ? Anything that would be relevant to this case (is it enough to start a thread?)?

I have been away for a couple of days and of course unable to read all the posts BUT DDS has a criminal record?!! Can anyone please point me to that thread. TIA

 

[human]

Nope. And studies have proven that adequate appropriate staffing leads to better patient outcomes and actually saves healthcare dollars. But then again, healthcare in this country has always focused on crisis management rather than logical, preventative care. (don't get me started LOL)



Thanks!!!!

On this thread ? Anything that would be relevant to this case (is it enough to start a thread?)?

where in the heck is it? I don't have time to look right now, but it's 2 Drug and alcohol charges. Not specified what.

It's not on this thread for sure, but on WS for sure.

 

[Aedrys]

she could have his parental rights terminated. It's done where I live.

You petition the court. He has to answer. But he may have chosen not to answer. The case goes forward anyway.

We've talked about terminating my stepdaughter's mother's rights since she hasn't been in her life since the girl was five. She'd had to be notified, and I think she could contest it, but if she doesn't contest it, then the rights would be terminated. We haven't done so so far because we're afraid she'd contest it. So it can be done, but I think the parent who's rights are being terminated can try and contest it. Fortunately, if we did it, I don't think she'd have a chance in hell to win, but still. The kid has enough problems without delinquent mom showing up in her life again.

Oh, and we've talked about terminating rights through me adopting my stepdaughter, which would result in a termination of rights of the bio mom. But I think she could contest it if she wanted to. I don't know if it's a "your rights are being terminated, respond by this date or they're gone" or what. It's not like we'd have to get her permission, more like here's what we're doing and you have a chance to respond to it if you want to. I'm guessing that's what happened with J's bio dad and he chose not to contest it in court.

 

[SmoothOperator]

We've talked about terminating my stepdaughter's mother's rights since she hasn't been in her life since the girl was five. She'd had to be notified, and I think she could contest it, but if she doesn't contest it, then the rights would be terminated. We haven't done so so far because we're afraid she'd contest it. So it can be done, but I think the parent who's rights are being terminated can try and contest it. Fortunately, if we did it, I don't think she'd have a chance in hell to win, but still. The kid has enough problems without delinquent mom showing up in her life again.

Oh, and we've talked about terminating rights through me adopting my stepdaughter, which would result in a termination of rights of the bio mom. But I think she could contest it if she wanted to. I don't know if it's a "your rights are being terminated, respond by this date or they're gone" or what. It's not like we'd have to get her permission, more like here's what we're doing and you have a chance to respond to it if you want to. I'm guessing that's what happened with J's bio dad and he chose not to contest it in court.

What you have described above along with tlcox post upthread is very similar to the process of terminating rights that I understand. That indeed it is the other bio parent petitioning to have rights terminated rather than the parent in question seeking this out thru the courts and requesting or offering to terminate his/her rights.

The few that I know personally that have been thru this procedure(one being a relative) they are the ones seeking to have the rights terminated(for a variety of reasons). This too is what I naturally ASSUMED was the case with J**** that it was Terri seeking to terminate bio dads parental rights thus providing the opportunity to have her second husband(who might I add that IMO was more financially stable therefor ABLE to provide for more in monetary support)adopt J****.

The situation that was recounted in the article in this thread where Terri makes the comment [which I found to be more than plausible and knowing what little of Terri's personality, ways, etc that have been described sounds fitting with how she chose to make lifelong decisions that would benefit HER THE MOST] about Ecker's parents "using up her son's inheritance" is just one example of what IMO was Terri's motive for terminating Tarver's rights making way for a man with more of a financial gain for herself, err uh I mean for J**** benefit. :roll eyes:

But I guess the whole "Terminating of Parental Rights" could possibly vary from state to state as do so many family laws and procedures.

Did notice however that the thoughts and actual personal knowledge of the procedure for "Terminating" were indeed very similar to what I know of them[ which admittedly is in no way a great deal of knowledge especially in detail] but that I wasn't completely "off base" in my earlier assumption that Terri very well could have sought the "Termination".




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[pufnstuf]

We've talked about terminating my stepdaughter's mother's rights since she hasn't been in her life since the girl was five. She'd had to be notified, and I think she could contest it, but if she doesn't contest it, then the rights would be terminated. We haven't done so so far because we're afraid she'd contest it. So it can be done, but I think the parent who's rights are being terminated can try and contest it. Fortunately, if we did it, I don't think she'd have a chance in hell to win, but still. The kid has enough problems without delinquent mom showing up in her life again.

Oh, and we've talked about terminating rights through me adopting my stepdaughter, which would result in a termination of rights of the bio mom. But I think she could contest it if she wanted to. I don't know if it's a "your rights are being terminated, respond by this date or they're gone" or what. It's not like we'd have to get her permission, more like here's what we're doing and you have a chance to respond to it if you want to. I'm guessing that's what happened with J's bio dad and he chose not to contest it in court.

Pretty sure that Guardians Ad Litem are usually involved in the termination process as the advocate for the child. It's not a guaranteed thing that rights would be terminated. The GAL has the voice that the judge will listen to, above all others.

The biological mother's rights would have to be terminated before an adoption could proceed.

 

[T-Rex]

Yes, I would love to know that (add'l record) too! Juvenile? Something that made LE focus on her from the beginning? (If it's drugs, I don't care, except that could lead to other suspects.)

 

[GrainneDhu]

All you have to do is goggle this and throughout the US, States are cutting teaching positions. Here in NH it has become a huge problem. We also have no sales tax or income tax.

I know teachers that have taught for 10 plus years and they are now on the list to subsitute because their position has been eliminated.

That's almost exactly what happened to one of my friends in my midwestern state.

She taught full time for nearly 20 years, then had a series of health problems (bad knee, etc) and went on substitute status for three years, assuming she would get a full time contract again without much trouble.

Well, that was in 2005, when the local economy was doing pretty well.

When she wanted to go back to full time starting in 2009, things had changed radically. She's applied in every district in a 45 mile radius and has yet to find a job, even though she has glowing references from before her hiatus and from the schools she substituted at during her hiatus.

She owns a house outright, so she could sell it and move. But the bottom dropped out of the local housing market (as it has almost everywhere) and she would probably only get about 70% of what it was worth five years ago.

She has several certifications, can teach K-12, etc, and none of that has made a bit of difference. Each school she substitutes at says that they would love to hire her... if a position comes open.

What is happening is that teachers who have fulltime contracts are holding onto them. Fewer teachers taking hiatuses, retiring early, stopping work, etc, because the economy is so uncertain and everyone is worried.

My friend is now seriously investigating renting out her house and going to Japan or South Korea to teach English. The only thing really holding her back is that her kids are starting their families and she desperately wants to be with her grandkids.

The money would be really good, though.

It is a conundrum.

 

[wondering1]

Pretty sure that Guardians Ad Litem are usually involved in the termination process as the advocate for the child. It's not a guaranteed thing that rights would be terminated. The GAL has the voice that the judge will listen to, above all others.

The biological mother's rights would have to be terminated before an adoption could proceed.

I was a GAL in termination proceedings. It is far from guaranteed. Quite the contrary. At least in the jurisdiction where I served, it was almost impossible and took FOREVER.

That's why I'm speculating that TH had Ecker already lined up to adopt J when Tarver's rights were terminated. It's pretty easy in that scenario so long as bio dad consents. As I also mentioned previously, I was adopted by a step-dad under exactly those circumstances. The Judge met with me and my bio Mom and stepfather briefly beforehand, and then it was done.

 

[eyes4crime]

I was a GAL in termination proceedings. It is far from guaranteed. Quite the contrary. At least in the jurisdiction where I served, it was almost impossible and took FOREVER.

That's why I'm speculating that TH had Ecker already lined up to adopt J when Tarver's rights were terminated. It's pretty easy in that scenario so long as bio dad consents. As I also mentioned previously, I was adopted by a step-dad under exactly those circumstances. The Judge met with me and my bio Mom and stepfather briefly beforehand, and then it was done.

bbm

Guess I'm having difficulty with the way Tarver and Ecker are being portrayed.

Sounds like they are both flimsy, compliant, guys with no backbone of their own. I want you to give up parental rights and I want you to adopt!!!! Got it!!! Interesting that both men can be flung around by a tigar like Terri. Doesn't say much for Kaine. moo

I understand why people are demeaning Terri, but why the men? moo

ETA: If terri was after money and power, why would she end up with such flimsy guys. Why would she end up with a meth user? Neither guy has much of anything. One has invasive, judgmental parents, but what else? TIA

 

[wondering1]

bbm

Guess I'm having difficulty with the way Tarver and Ecker are being portrayed.

Sounds like they are both flimsy, compliant, guys with no backbone of their own. I want you to give up parental rights and I want you to adopt!!!! Got it!!! Interesting that both men can be flung around by a tigar like Terri. Doesn't say much for Kaine. moo

I understand why people are demeaning Terri, but why the men? moo

That wouldn't be my speculation at all. Based on what I know, I suspect that Ecker was probably a very kind person and kind of a doormat for TH. They dated briefly, she took up with Tarver and when that didn't work out, wound up with Ecker again -- who was there for her. I would guess he had a bit of a crush and considered himself lucky to have finally *won* her. Not a wimp, just in love and probably quite blinded by it. I don't see that as a bad or weak. Quite the contrary. I would consider myself quite lucky to find a man like that.

As far as Tarver, I don't attribute the qualities you mention to him AT ALL. According to the article he gave up his rights because he was having financial problems. Nothing to do with being flimsy or compliant -- unless you mean flimsy or compliant wrt to the court. Since its the Court, not TH, that was ordering the support and terminated his rights. jmoo

 

[ami]

A thought just occurred to me.

In the article linked in the OP, KH was quoted as stating that TH "spent money like water".

It strikes me as odd that on the one hand he seemed to be aware of her spending habits and then, on the other hand, previously claimed to have had no knowledge that she had hired (i.e. spent money on) a landscaper.

IMO, if a husband is insisting that his wife is spending money like water, I'm assuming he also has detailed knowledge of what she's spending *his*or *their* money on (knowledge on which to base his claims). I'm assuming he has kept close track of household expenditures, in order to support the accusation that his wife has been overspending.

Why does it seem that KH selectively remembers what he *knows* and what he doesn't know, in terms of what it seems he wants the public to be informed about regarding his estranged wife?

Furthermore, I'm also curious that he would even be inclined to release info to the public (via the media) about his estranged wife's spending (since, IMO, it has no bearing on Kyron's disappearance).

MOO

My colander is ready to catch the flying tomatoes. Chicken cacciatore sounds good for dinner tonight.

So I'm married to a man who spends money like water, and I am in charge of the household finances and I have NO CLUE what he spends our money on. I know some of the stores he buys from on credit, because I can look at the statement, but it doesn't itemize what he bought there. I don't know what he buys with the amounts of cash he takes out of our account.

It simply doesn't follow that just because Kaine can see money flooding out of their account, he knows in detail where it's going.

[eta: it's even likely my husband could have hired a landscaper - how the heck would I know if I wasn't home and he paid the guy in cash? I'd just think he mowed the lawn while I was at work.]

 

[loves2bmom]

Yes, I would love to know that (add'l record) too! Juvenile? Something that made LE focus on her from the beginning? (If it's drugs, I don't care, except that could lead to other suspects.)

There are 10 cases listed including the 2 domestic with each former spouse. My problem is that I don't know the charges. They are listed by a code only. I can clearly see which one is the DUI but the other 7 cases...I'm trying to find the code definition. Could be simple traffic violations but I think at least a few of them are a bit bigger than that. ?? The oldest one goes back to 1988. Anyone know law codes for court cases?

PS. Is this even allowed? Guess I'll find out!

 

[eyes4crime]

That wouldn't be my speculation at all. Based on what I know, I suspect that Ecker was probably a very kind person and kind of a doormat for TH. They dated briefly, she took up with Tarver and when that didn't work out, wound up with Ecker again -- who was there for her. I would guess he had a bit of a crush and considered himself lucky to have finally *won* her. Not a wimp, just in love and probably quite blinded by it. I don't see that as a bad or weak. Quite the contrary. I would consider myself quite lucky to find a man like that.

As far as Tarver, I don't attribute the qualities you mention to him AT ALL. According to the article he gave up his rights because he was having financial problems. Nothing to do with being flimsy or compliant -- unless you mean flimsy or compliant wrt to the court. Since its the Court, not TH, that was ordering the support and terminated his rights. jmoo

My mistake - I thought your post indicated that Terri had all this planned and that she was cast as a predator. Probably got that from other posts. Sorry! moo

I wasn't aware that Terri knew Ecker in her early college days in junior college. I thought she met Tarver 1st, married, bought a Chuby's franchise, with Tarver, and mom & dad, franchise failed, meth problems, needles, Aids + HIV -, divorce. moo mho

This question isn't directed at you, but for anyone?

Do people think she roped in Ecker for the purpose of adopting her son? Why would she chose someone like him, no money, enmeshed with mom and dad? moo mho

Terri did file a lawsuit after her accident and received money...her parents did help so the two could get a house. She sure didn't go after guys with money, so what was her agenda? I don't understand the reasoning why so many profile her as a greedy predator. :waitasec: moo mho TIA

 

[human]

That's almost exactly what happened to one of my friends in my midwestern state.

She taught full time for nearly 20 years, then had a series of health problems (bad knee, etc) and went on substitute status for three years, assuming she would get a full time contract again without much trouble.

Well, that was in 2005, when the local economy was doing pretty well.

When she wanted to go back to full time starting in 2009, things had changed radically. She's applied in every district in a 45 mile radius and has yet to find a job, even though she has glowing references from before her hiatus and from the schools she substituted at during her hiatus.

She owns a house outright, so she could sell it and move. But the bottom dropped out of the local housing market (as it has almost everywhere) and she would probably only get about 70% of what it was worth five years ago.

She has several certifications, can teach K-12, etc, and none of that has made a bit of difference. Each school she substitutes at says that they would love to hire her... if a position comes open.

What is happening is that teachers who have fulltime contracts are holding onto them. Fewer teachers taking hiatuses, retiring early, stopping work, etc, because the economy is so uncertain and everyone is worried.

My friend is now seriously investigating renting out her house and going to Japan or South Korea to teach English. The only thing really holding her back is that her kids are starting their families and she desperately wants to be with her grandkids.

The money would be really good, though.

It is a conundrum.

O/T. Tell her to go back and get some kind of certification in special education. She can look and see what they need in her area. Those jobs seem to be always available.

 

[human]

There are 10 cases listed including the 2 domestic with each former spouse. My problem is that I don't know the charges. They are listed by a code only. I can clearly see which one is the DUI but the other 7 cases...I'm trying to find the code definition. Could be simple traffic violations but I think at least a few of them are a bit bigger than that. ?? The oldest one goes back to 1988. Anyone know law codes for court cases?

PS. Is this even allowed? Guess I'll find out!

can you post and maybe someone can read the codes? This fits with my info, but i can't find it. Just going from memory.

 

[SmoothOperator]

My mistake - I thought your post indicated that Terri had all this planned and that she was cast as a predator. Probably got that from other posts. Sorry! moo

I wasn't aware that Terri knew Ecker in her early college days in junior college. I thought she met Tarver 1st, married, bought a Chuby's franchise, with Tarver, and mom & dad, franchise failed, meth problems, needles, Aids + HIV -, divorce. moo mho

This question isn't directed at you, but for anyone?

Do people think she roped in Ecker for the purpose of adopting her son? Why would she chose someone like him, no money, enmeshed with mom and dad? moo mho

Terri did file a lawsuit after her accident and received money...her parents did help so the two could get a house. She sure didn't go after guys with money, so what was her agenda? I don't understand the reasoning why so many profile her as a greedy predator. :waitasec: moo mho TIA

Above BBM. Of course I can only speak for myself but I don't think that Terri with Ecker, Tarver was "premeditated" so to so speak but rather when seeing an angle of opportunity that could benefit her she would then set out to make it happen..

As in yes, she knew Ecker prior to marrying Tarver and I agree with wondering1 in that Ecker probably was "taken" with Terri, a bit of a doormat, and possibly trying very much to please Terri in any way possible. As do alot of women they find these behaviours to be a "turn off"(go figure thats a whole nother subject of why women go for the "bad" boys and the "good" guys do finish last).. But I suspect that this nice, kind young man was not a "challenge" to Terri, hence her dumping him and going for more of a "bad" boy(for the many reasons you listed above(drugs, risky behaviours, etc)and married the "bad" boy...

You see, As I said I don't think Terri was a predator in the since of premeditating out whom her prey would be and plans of "attack" on them. Especially in her younger years I do not think this was the case. I think that as her life has progressed that she has become more and more "out for what benefits Terri first and foremost" but I do not believe that way back then this was her original mindset, I think that has taken many years of developing...

I think that as the bad boy relationship "played out" that she realized this was not going to be beneficial to her in any way. I think she possibly was changing her way of thinking and deciding that going after the guy she was attracted to and "loved" wasnt necessarily gonna be the way that things would work out best for her. Hence you have her leaving Tarver. I suspect that the small towness of where she grew up she found Ecker still very much interested, close by, and there for her. I don't think she left Tarver with intentions of getting with Ecker rather just found that after divorcing Tarver that Ecker ended up being there for her and at that point she started looking at things from her new found way of "what would be beneficial for her" vs. what she was attracted to. She saw that Ecker would do probably anything humanly possible to try to make her happy (i.e. having his parents fund her schooling, providing for her in ways a drug addict did not&could not, and most importantly would comply willingly to adopt her son very much guaranteeing a better financial future than the "bad boy" ex could ever provide)...

I think that Terri assessed the situation, very much realized her new way of thinking was gonna lead to a much better life for her and thus she set out to make that happen. Married Ecker, decided with Ecker to have him adopt after Tarver's rights were terminated, and has very MUCH continued to benefit from those decisions made years ago(i.e. still receiving child support from Ecker and possibly insurance for J**** along with possibly J**** still being a beneficiary to Eckers worth{&no ones claiming its millions but who knows what his worth&ins. policies are worth} when he passes[and yes the last two are just speculations but nonetheless very real possibilities]

You say then why is Terri not a "made" woman, living it up if she planned, plotted, or schemed as some of us have thought she possibly has esp. in more recent years and I say #1 people even with this best of intentions and well thought out planning of their lives still end up nowhere near where they planned to be, this is just part of life how it works, plans go awry a million times a day... And #2 whose to say that what she'd achieved with Kaine wasn't pretty darn close to having it the way she planned(i.e. not having to work, nice cars, extravagant vacationing) I'd say for allot us this would be "having it made"...JMO