GUILTY MI - Kelli Stapleton, attempted murder of 14yo daughter, Benzie County, 3 Sept 2013

[Flossie JMO]

So very sad, I pray Issy will be ok. I can't even imagine the struggles faced by Issy and her family over the years.

 

[Hejlena]

comparing apples and oranges...imo

she who shall not be named was not scared her child may harm anyone else...

wish you were there to give Kelli respite care when Issy was violent...

<modsnip>.

The bottom line is that killing another is against the law. And no, it is not comparing apples and oranges when comparing two mothers who killed their children. Both children are human beings who deserved a chance at life--one's chance is not simply taken away because she is Autistic.

Whether or not Kelly had options or didn't or didn't feel like they had options, trying to kill her daughter is not an option available to her.

Even if her daughter is Autistic. Even if her daughter had aggressive tendencies.

Not. An. Option.

 

[Flossie JMO]

Lost indie, your post made me think, was respite care available, and an option?

 

[Flossie JMO]

Lost indie and ms.f, I am very interested in the issues you raised.

 

[Hejlena]

Lost indie, your post made me think, was respite care available, and an option?

There is no MSM confirmation that respite care was unavailable. According to Kelli's blog, Issy was in residential treatment for over 11 weeks.

She came home September 3.

Her mother tried to kill her September 3.

 

[Flossie JMO]

There is no MSM confirmation that respite care was unavailable. According to Kelli's blog, Issy was in residential treatment for over 11 weeks.

She came home September 3.

Her mother tried to kill her September 3.

Thanks. Bbm, so it's unknown. Lots of questions imo.

 

[Liebchenmutti]

And perhaps her mother simply got sick of watching her suffer?
Maybe her mother was trying to kill her because she didn't want her to suffer anymore?

Maybe her mother was trying to kill herself out of shame for failing as a mother?
Out of the guilt that comes from not being able to fix your child and make them better?

There is just so much more that goes into this than most people realize. :twocents:

I suspect this woman has Münchausen by Proxy after reading all of her blog posts. The way this child has been exploited on that blog is disturbing.

Michigan has one of the most generous programs for help for autistic/disabled children. Many people donated large sums of money for this family, she was working with a treatment center, the child had good support.

On her blog the woman had one of her many personal conflicts with people working on her child's case. She comes across as histrionic and seems to revel in attention.

None of us know what happened, why it happened or what is going to happen.

We *do* know that the authorities denied her bail and have charged her with attempted murder of a child.

The one thing that really made me sick was Kelli in a You Tube video she posted on her blog where you hear a woman hysterically crying for a while and then you hear the child attacking her. NO NORMAL MOTHER DOES THIS TO HER CHILD. Sorry--I have no sympathy for her self-serving tale of woe--I have a 3 children with autism. I would NEVER post videos of them acting out. EVER.

There is medication, therapy, hospitalization, friends, family, etc. etc. etc. available for this woman. I have rarely seen a family with so much outside help and $$$$. For her to try to kill her child because she is disabled is NOT EVER THE OPTION.

I'm also curious why the woman was out of the hospital so quickly while the child was unresponsive for quite a while--she also left a strange message for her husband & that prompted him to contact authorities. Perhaps she just wanted the child to die.

It is absolutely ridiculous to start advocating eugenics--the Nazis had no use for "damaged" human beings, so they "euthanized' them. This child is a human being who has been used and exploited by a sick mother.

JMO

MsFacetious: I was just jumping off your post--I'm not directing anything I said towards you

 

[Liebchenmutti]

comparing apples and oranges...imo

she who shall not be named was not scared her child may harm anyone else...

wish you were there to give Kelli respite care when Issy was violent...

Please read Kelli's blog if you are in the dark about the amount of help that mother had.

She had many, many friends, a loving husband, a treatment center for Issy, a school district working with her, and generous state-sponsored options.

I have 3 autistic kids & I don't have the amount of help that she had.

Her blog is The Status Woe http://thestatuswoe.wordpress.com/

It is disturbing to me how she exploited her own child for attention. JMO

 

[LadyL]

there are various names given to murder when the victims are disabled, including 'mercy killing', 'compassionate homicide', and 'ethical euthanasia'

this guy's on parole after he killed his severly disabled daughter and he calls it 'euthanasia'

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Latimer#Parole


I hope Izzy recovers and that her daddy can get her the care she needs.

 

[Flutterby80]

While I can't imagine living the life of this mother (and I am right now thanking the gods that I haven't been dealt that card), the end result is that she made her entire family's life exponentially worse by what she has just done. Hers, her husband's and all of her children's. Whatever her reason...desperation, depression, brain damage due to closed head injuries inflicted by her daughter, some pervasive mental illness...whatever the reason, the result is horrific for them all. I read her blog, read her facebook, watched the videos...I am not going to throw stones but if she thought life was unlivable before, she hasn't seen anything yet. Feeling very sad for them all.

 

[not_my_kids]

I suspect this woman has Münchausen by Proxy after reading all of her blog posts. The way this child has been exploited on that blog is disturbing.

Michigan has one of the most generous programs for help for autistic/disabled children. Many people donated large sums of money for this family, she was working with a treatment center, the child had good support.

On her blog the woman had one of her many personal conflicts with people working on her child's case. She comes across as histrionic and seems to revel in attention.

None of us know what happened, why it happened or what is going to happen.

We *do* know that the authorities denied her bail and have charged her with attempted murder of a child.

The one thing that really made me sick was Kelli in a You Tube video she posted on her blog where you hear a woman hysterically crying for a while and then you hear the child attacking her. NO NORMAL MOTHER DOES THIS TO HER CHILD. Sorry--I have no sympathy for her self-serving tale of woe--I have a 3 children with autism. I would NEVER post videos of them acting out. EVER.

There is medication, therapy, hospitalization, friends, family, etc. etc. etc. available for this woman. I have rarely seen a family with so much outside help and $$$$. For her to try to kill her child because she is disabled is NOT EVER THE OPTION.

I'm also curious why the woman was out of the hospital so quickly while the child was unresponsive for quite a while--she also left a strange message for her husband & that prompted him to contact authorities. Perhaps she just wanted the child to die.

It is absolutely ridiculous to start advocating eugenics--the Nazis had no use for "damaged" human beings, so they "euthanized' them. This child is a human being who has been used and exploited by a sick mother.

JMO

MsFacetious: I was just jumping off your post--I'm not directing anything I said towards you

I would agree with your post completely, if it weren't for the part about no normal person posting a video of their child acting out. Not true. My 7 year old son has been diagnosed with pediatric onset schizophrenia. There are multiple videos of his acting out, discussing his command hallucinations, and describing what happens when he has a break with reality. Some of them are kept private, however, others are publicly available on my Facebook. Why? Because he's my son, and that is my life, and also in our case, because the best way to make people understand that his psychosis is not always violent (or alternatively, how violent it can be) is to show them. Just because it's not something that you would do does not mean that it is abnormal or exploitative.

That said, she had no right to try to kill her child, no matter how deluded her thinking is. One thing that you learn while raising a special needs kid is
how you control your own actions and reactions to them. It is heavily stressed in every form of therapy and family intervention, as I'm sure you know. She would have been able to identify the flaws and dangerous turn to her thinking and she chose to not do anything about it, except try to kill herself and the child. From her own blog, she says that she felt she was the screwup that got her daughter removed from the school. That's a "She's better off without me" type of thinking. Not a "I need to protect her by removing her from this cruel, cruel world" type of thinking.

 

[Liebchenmutti]

I would agree with your post completely, if it weren't for the part about no normal person posting a video of their child acting out. Not true. My 7 year old son has been diagnosed with pediatric onset schizophrenia. There are multiple videos of his acting out, discussing his command hallucinations, and describing what happens when he has a break with reality. Some of them are kept private, however, others are publicly available on my Facebook. Why? Because he's my son, and that is my life, and also in our case, because the best way to make people understand that his psychosis is not always violent (or alternatively, how violent it can be) is to show them. Just because it's not something that you would do does not mean that it is abnormal or exploitative.

That said, she had no right to try to kill her child, no matter how deluded her thinking is. One thing that you learn while raising a special needs kid is
how you control your own actions and reactions to them. It is heavily stressed in every form of therapy and family intervention, as I'm sure you know. She would have been able to identify the flaws and dangerous turn to her thinking and she chose to not do anything about it, except try to kill herself and the child. From her own blog, she says that she felt she was the screwup that got her daughter removed from the school. That's a "She's better off without me" type of thinking. Not a "I need to protect her by removing her from this cruel, cruel world" type of thinking.

Thanks for your post. I want to clarify what I meant about the video posting--I was disturbed by the mother's strange crying & whining that she did for the majority of the video--near the end her daughter attacks her. She wrote that in the video, she had already been attacked and she was trying to clean up the diet coke & water that her daughter threw around the kitchen--she for some reason made a video of her wailing and cleaning up the mess.

It came off as styling the mother as the victim and the daughter as some monster.

I have special needs kids, too. I know that when my son is banging his head or pulling someone's hair, the last thing I do is perpetuate a high stress scene--like that mother did with her dramatic wailing.

I'm sorry about your child--that is a tough diagnosis & you have my thoughts and prayers for strength! I can relate somewhat to your situation--we go through medications & therapies that seem to always need tweaking with my 5 yo son. Schizophrenia is a heart-wrenching thing to have to live with for you as a mother.

I read lots of blogs, and I'm not saying that posting videos aimed to illustrate a behavior you're struggling with is in any way wrong or exploitative. I found that Kelli's posting WERE disturbing in that they were intended to illicit sympathy and attention for HER and not in a healthy way.

Her daughter is 14 and has friends her age--I can't imagine having all those videos and commentary (especially the ridiculous pic of Kelli in the hospital bed) out there for everyone to read. It has a feel of "Look at ME!"

The whole tone of her blog is HER struggle--not her daughter's. She's obsessed with how it affects HER--and this last episode where she aggressively verbally attacked a woman at her daughter's school because they weren't doing things the mother's way is a great example of what I'm talking about--she needs to be in control, the center of attention.

I'd love to read your blog, BTW, if you want to share it! You can PM me if you want to share it.

 

[not_my_kids]

Thanks for your post. I want to clarify what I meant about the video posting--I was disturbed by the mother's strange crying & whining that she did for the majority of the video--near the end her daughter attacks her. She wrote that in the video, she had already been attacked and she was trying to clean up the diet coke & water that her daughter threw around the kitchen--she for some reason made a video of her wailing and cleaning up the mess.

It came off as styling the mother as the victim and the daughter as some monster.

I have special needs kids, too. I know that when my son is banging his head or pulling someone's hair, the last thing I do is perpetuate a high stress scene--like that mother did with her dramatic wailing.

I'm sorry about your child--that is a tough diagnosis & you have my thoughts and prayers for strength! I can relate somewhat to your situation--we go through medications & therapies that seem to always need tweaking with my 5 yo son. Schizophrenia is a heart-wrenching thing to have to live with for you as a mother.

I read lots of blogs, and I'm not saying that posting videos aimed to illustrate a behavior you're struggling with is in any way wrong or exploitative. I found that Kelli's posting WERE disturbing in that they were intended to illicit sympathy and attention for HER and not in a healthy way.

Her daughter is 14 and has friends her age--I can't imagine having all those videos and commentary (especially the ridiculous pic of Kelli in the hospital bed) out there for everyone to read. It has a feel of "Look at ME!"

The whole tone of her blog is HER struggle--not her daughter's. She's obsessed with how it affects HER--and this last episode where she aggressively verbally attacked a woman at her daughter's school because they weren't doing things the mother's way is a great example of what I'm talking about--she needs to be in control, the center of attention.

I'd love to read your blog, BTW, if you want to share it! You can PM me if you want to share it.

AH, okay, that makes a lot more sense. I know that with my son, he is very easily influenced by noises. If i were ever to have a breakdown in front of him, he would feed off that, and of course, go over the edge into psychosis. He exhibits some autistic traits, and that was one of his former diagnoses. Any type of emotional outburst is just a catalyst for his behavior, and I know that is pretty much a standing rule, you don't allow the child to feed off of your lack of control. I've been reading her blog and I agree that it is very oriented towards herself and her husband. A definite air of "Look at me, this is so hard for me, why don't we all feel sorry for me." That type of thing is always frightening for me, as a mother of a mentally ill child. I have met other parents like that, and typically, they are the ones that spend more time trying to get the child institutionalized, and "out of their hair" than they do trying to get the child appropriate treatment in the home setting. For example, the "back to school" picture. If she puts it on her blog that she is literally counting down the days until school starts, then I am sure that that impatience and desperation to rid herself of "the problem" is obvious to Issy as well.

A sad situation for the child.

 

[Liebchenmutti]

AH, okay, that makes a lot more sense. I know that with my son, he is very easily influenced by noises. If i were ever to have a breakdown in front of him, he would feed off that, and of course, go over the edge into psychosis. He exhibits some autistic traits, and that was one of his former diagnoses. Any type of emotional outburst is just a catalyst for his behavior, and I know that is pretty much a standing rule, you don't allow the child to feed off of your lack of control. I've been reading her blog and I agree that it is very oriented towards herself and her husband. A definite air of "Look at me, this is so hard for me, why don't we all feel sorry for me." That type of thing is always frightening for me, as a mother of a mentally ill child. I have met other parents like that, and typically, they are the ones that spend more time trying to get the child institutionalized, and "out of their hair" than they do trying to get the child appropriate treatment in the home setting. For example, the "back to school" picture. If she puts it on her blog that she is literally counting down the days until school starts, then I am sure that that impatience and desperation to rid herself of "the problem" is obvious to Issy as well.

A sad situation for the child.

My son is very sensitive to noises, too. He gets very sensory overloaded.

Another thing that caught my attention on Kelli Stapleton's blog was the post describing her positive feelings about dying. Basically, she states that she is unafraid to die, actually would be happy to die if it weren't for her autistic daughter. She wrote that if she had $5 million, she could die b/c that would be enough money to care for her daughter.

As a mother this is very disturbing to read, and this woman has 2 other children. :stormingmad:

I also read that she is unable to make her home life with her daughter structured--she mentions that Sundays her daughter just acts out like clockwork, and she tried taking her to Church, but she acted out and she "felt sorry for the congregation." She wrote that summers are horrible or difficult for mothers of autistic kids.

I wonder if her husband was aware that his wife had a problem before this happened.

 

[TorisMom003]

Several things I am curious about when it comes to this case.

1. How on earth did "mom" have so much free time on her hands to not only blog about her own life but to search, find and post ALL of the pics she uses in her blog? One would think that with a child that is as "hard to handle" as she claims Issy is that she would have next to no free time.

2. How on earth did "mom" snap or break from the stress of it all when she attempted to kill Issy the day she returned home from a 6 month facility? And did mom really attempt to kill herself when she left a message for her husband as to her plans to do something horrible?

I'm sorry but I have no sympathy for "mom". None. There is no excuse for what she did. I do however feel great sympathy for not only Issy but her other two siblings as well. Perhaps now they will be better off though without "mom" in the picture. Hopefully the kids can heal from this.

MOO

 

[TorisMom003]

sorry you weren't there to take "it"....

kind of a cold way to refer to a child...imo

Reading the post shows that the OP was not referring to the child as an "it". "Take it" anymore refers to the situation of dealing with the child.

MOO

 

[not_my_kids]

Several things I am curious about when it comes to this case.

1. How on earth did "mom" have so much free time on her hands to not only blog about her own life but to search, find and post ALL of the pics she uses in her blog? One would think that with a child that is as "hard to handle" as she claims Issy is that she would have next to no free time.

2. How on earth did "mom" snap or break from the stress of it all when she attempted to kill Issy the day she returned home from a 6 month facility? And did mom really attempt to kill herself when she left a message for her husband as to her plans to do something horrible?

I'm sorry but I have no sympathy for "mom". None. There is no excuse for what she did. I do however feel great sympathy for not only Issy but her other two siblings as well. Perhaps now they will be better off though without "mom" in the picture. Hopefully the kids can heal from this.

MOO

As to number 1, it's not that hard to find the time to do little things like blog. Even with a child that requires constant supervision, they do sleep sometimes, and even if it's 2 in the morning before they go to bed, you have to have that little bit of time to de-stress. That I understand completely.

As to number 2, I don't understand the explanation of her "snapping" the same day, either. She said in blog posts before that she was sick of being injured, sick of having no time for her other kids (who, notice, she didn't try to take with her) and having all of their resources drained. I think she planned this a good deal of the time that her daughter was in treatment, with the intention of pulling it off just right to get rid of Issy and not kill herself.

I have tried to come up with some compassion and I just don't have any this time. There were alternatives. They might have meant swallowing her pride and admitting that Issy's problems were beyond the help that she could provide, but they were options none the less.

 

[Linda7NJ]

Nothing but sympathy from me.

I'm just thankful I've never had to walk in her shoes.

That's not to demean all the wonderful strong courageous parents that do manage. Deep down I don't believe I could ever be one of them. Im not that strong.

 

[ms_x_to_the_m]

I saw that video where she is crying (or pretending as some suggests) and her daughter hits her. She seems to be crying and not wailing to rile the child.
I won't pretend to know what its like to have a special child. However, i do not agree with the criticism here. Everyone has their own breaking point. People have their own reasons to do what they do. I'll just leave it at that.
And no, I don't agree with attempting, or killing your own child. I have two of my own plus a 2 year old foster baby.
I "think" the school not allowing the child to attend could have been the breaking point. I pray for her, her children and husband. This will be tough to deal with.

 

[Mahouston69]

I'd still take her, right now if her parents don't want her.
Maybe Casey Anthony had just reached her "breaking point"...
I'm still disgusted. I know what it's like to live on zero restorative sleep, and yes have your own child attack you because they can't speak and are in pain or frustrated no one can understand their fears or the need to say "no". Heavens sake, I've done that with my own son, on top of making sure I don't kill or injure him with insulin every single day for 21 years! Nobody, no parent - has a right to choose life or death of their child based on their own inability to cope or do it alone. Why not, let some other institution or group home do it where they cannot? A far better option than murder?

Yes, it is as easy as walking into Child protective services and saying take her....what decent loving parent wouldn't die themselves, go to jail, or have to swallow their pride in court as they willingly terminated their rights. THAT'S Love...not selfish, killing you off so I can live without the burden that this disorder carries with it for most.