My son is being bullied

[LinasK]

I've emailed and left voice mails to the principal but no reply yet. Hoping I hear something Monday.

I always am waiting when the bus pulls up. Doesn't seem to matter to those kids. He likes the new bus much more so at least that's a good thing.

I really don't know his to contact their parents short of following them home. :banghead:

Make sure you publically hug him when he gets off the kids, and possibly say something to the other kids. I've found that when they think someone will protect their target, they'll back off.
There is one girl on swim team who is mean to my daughter in the showers and her mother is never around. I got tired of her never giving the shower head to my daughter, even when she asked her for it. I've gone to the coaches before with limited success. Last summer I finally got fed up when she handed it to another girl when my daughter asked for the shower head, so I just grabbed it out of mean girl's hand and confronted her directly!!!

 

[JeannaT]

Pink, I think there's a problem here with the whole system. Their entire method of dealing with bullying is very backward - they isolate the child being bullied, rather than attempt to deal with the bullies and stop the behavior.

I don't know what school district you're in, but I see this as a huge problem. Their whole philosophy is set up to fail - continuing to try to remove the victim from any contact with the bullies, rather than clamping down on the bullies is only the shortest temporary fix and will not result in long-term relief.

 

[JeannaT]

Make sure you publically hug him when he gets off the kids, and possibly say something to the other kids. I've found that when they think someone will protect their target, they'll back off.
There is one girl on swim team who is mean to my daughter in the showers and her mother is never around. I got tired of her never giving the shower head to my daughter, even when she asked her for it. I've gone to the coaches before with limited success. Last summer I finally got fed up when she handed it to another girl when my daughter asked for the shower head, so I just grabbed it out of mean girl's hand and confronted her directly!!!

I'm not sure I would hug a 12 year old boy in public, who was already considered a bullying victim. In fact, that's what moms threaten to do if their children don't at least show them the respect of acknowledging them in public - if you don't at least say hello to me when I see you at the school, I'm going to hug you. Boys that age are typically mortified of mommy hugging them where their friends can see.

 

[ATasteOfHoney]

The above poster makes a very good point (in post #22). Schools shouldn't single out the one being bullied 'cause it's a broader problem.

Also,

Where's the school's psychologist?

I gave many seminars to colleges and high schools against bullying (& cyberbullying which by the way, is a big problem amongst female teenagers).

Can't your school hold a "town hall" session where the proper protocols are taught regarding bullying? If done properly, kids learn that it's not *cool* to be a bully and it imparts a sense of shame in doing so. If I can put it bluntly, the bullies learn the message that it is not socially acceptable to be a dirtball bully and the kids learn to speak out about them. In so doing, the bullies are the ones that become otrascized; not the other way around.

There's hotline numbers, numerous websites, even Lady Gaga has a very good website against bullying. Your child's school needs to address this and get up to speed on bullying issues. There's a lot of resources they can learn about.

But they need to take action ... now!

 

[otto]

I've emailed and left voice mails to the principal but no reply yet. Hoping I hear something Monday.

I always am waiting when the bus pulls up. Doesn't seem to matter to those kids. He likes the new bus much more so at least that's a good thing.

I really don't know his to contact their parents short of following them home. :banghead:

That is exactly how I found the parents of the child that bullied my son.

 

[lost indie]

Pink, I think there's a problem here with the whole system. Their entire method of dealing with bullying is very backward - they isolate the child being bullied, rather than attempt to deal with the bullies and stop the behavior.

I don't know what school district you're in, but I see this as a huge problem. Their whole philosophy is set up to fail - continuing to try to remove the victim from any contact with the bullies, rather than clamping down on the bullies is only the shortest temporary fix and will not result in long-term relief.

Why on earth is the bullied child being "forced" to eat his lunch in the office? When will the schools wise up and force the bullies to be isolated at lunch and at other times they are being the bullies...

I was never bullied as a child....but I was terribly bullied in the workplace when I was a young adult. Yeah...a school bully taking it into the workforce.
You can't imagine it until it happens to you. Whatever you do, say, wear....whatever is made mockery of. Children shouldn't have to put up with that.

 

[CCmakes3]

You don't happen to have an older son or an older teenage friend/relative, do you? My 13-year-old gets bullied from time to time (he is just "that kid") but I can usually earn him a few weeks of relief by sending my very large 18-year-old son to pick him up from school every now and then. He basically just stands outside his car looking mean. I think this has a more desirable effect than me as a mom getting involved and risking him being labeled a "momma's boy." Kids are more afraid of older kids than they are of parents. :seeya:

Edited to add-- Duh! I just noticed you said this is your oldest son, but it doesn't have to be an older brother...any largish 15-20 year-old showing up at the bus stop to meet your son may do the trick. (Or perhaps a tough/gorgeous older female cousin??? Girls are just as scary as boys these days!).
;-) Bullies are usually superficial and easily impressed.

 

[LinasK]

You don't happen to have an older son or an older teenage friend/relative, do you? My 13-year-old gets bullied from time to time (he is just "that kid") but I can usually earn him a few weeks of relief by sending my very large 18-year-old son to pick him up from school every now and then. He basically just stands outside his car looking mean. I think this has a more desirable effect than me as a mom getting involved and risking him being labeled a "momma's boy." Kids are more afraid of older kids than they are of parents. :seeya:

Well the point is no matter who is there- someone else, preferably older than the kid is there to protect them, and cares about them and that sends a strong message to the bullies. Plus the risk that the bullies themselves will get in trouble/harmed physically makes it not worth it.

 

[CCmakes3]

Well the point is no matter who is there- someone else, preferably older than the kid is there to protect them, and cares about them and that sends a strong message to the bullies. Plus the risk that the bullies themselves will get in trouble/harmed physically makes it not worth it.

You are absolutely right. I didn't mean to imply that mom shouldn't get involved. I just learned the hard way that my son (as an individual case) was mortified by my attempts to protect him, and it really strained our relationship for a while. Judging by his Instagram posts, he was more distraught by my intervention than by the actual bullying itself. But it really depends on the kid, the bullies and the particulars of each situation as to how involved parents should get. My 18-year-old was instrumental in helping me figure that out as well.

 

[LolaMoon08]

I'm not proud of the "spur of the moment" actions I took when my niece, at 13, was being bullied by a group of girls on and off the bus... but, she was never bullied again. Nothing violent, but I sure had words with them.

I wouldn't suggest my approach. But, you do need to get into contact with the school board if the actual school continues to do nothing. School boards become a lot more interested if you threaten to get the media involved too.

 

[KrazyKatLadi]

If I don't hear back from the school tomorrow, I'll contact the Superintendent's office. No one has talked to my son about it yet so I have no idea what's going on.

Thankfully he doesn't have any classes with the three bullies so he hasn't seen them at all. He seems pretty happy with the new bus but I want those kids punished somehow. They can't just shuffle him around to solve the problem!

 

[JeannaT]

Pink, I think talking to the superintendent's office is a good idea. I've worked with our district board and superintendent, through council PTA, and can tell you that your super will probably respond to a very generic policy question.

"I am writing to ask what the policy in our district and with _____ school is toward curbing bullying. My son is currently being bullied and has been bullied in the past and the approach appears to be to isolate him during lunch and on the bus so that he is no longer available to the bullies or any other kids. As far as I know nothing has been done or said officially to the children who are bullying him. The only strategy seems to be to isolate my son. Is that the school district's policy on handling bullying on the bus and in the schools? I would welcome a chance to talk to you further. Regards, (and leave your phone number, address, and email address).

Best wishes. if you go to the super saying your son is being bullied and don't ask about the bigger school district wide strategy for dealing with bullies I don't know that you'll get much response - as it would seem an individual concern rather than a district policy concern.

 

[Karmady]

You don't happen to have an older son or an older teenage friend/relative, do you? My 13-year-old gets bullied from time to time (he is just "that kid") but I can usually earn him a few weeks of relief by sending my very large 18-year-old son to pick him up from school every now and then. He basically just stands outside his car looking mean. I think this has a more desirable effect than me as a mom getting involved and risking him being labeled a "momma's boy." Kids are more afraid of older kids than they are of parents. :seeya:

Edited to add-- Duh! I just noticed you said this is your oldest son, but it doesn't have to be an older brother...any largish 15-20 year-old showing up at the bus stop to meet your son may do the trick. (Or perhaps a tough/gorgeous older female cousin??? Girls are just as scary as boys these days!).
;-) Bullies are usually superficial and easily impressed.

Yes, very effective. And the support doesn't even have to be "threatening." My middle school son doesn't have a bullying issue, thank goodness. But my daughter has friends who still are in middle school and in 8th grade and they are, nonetheless, tasked with making a big deal of speaking to my son in the hallways, etc. This is to make sure his "social status" is as high as possible by having pretty, popular, older girls even acknowledge his existence. Obviously (at least I hope it's obvious) I had nothing to do with this. But my dd knows what middle school can be like, so she encouraged her friends to do it on her own. I don't condone the mind set, but it is what it is.

jmo

 

[shygrl]

Ask the school to set up a meeting with the boys parents and you. When my daughter had an issue with a little boy who wasn't bulling her, but just hanging on her all the time all I did was ask and the school set up a meeting. It was a way for us to all talk without anyone feeling intimidated. It also helped because it felt like the three of us (the principal, his parents and I) all could say our sides and come together to figure it out.

If no one calls back go up to the school and make your presence known. You can call people all day long and be ignored, but usually when you go there and as to speak to someone you get helped.

 

[Karmady]

Ask the school to set up a meeting with the boys parents and you. When my daughter had an issue with a little boy who wasn't bulling her, but just hanging on her all the time all I did was ask and the school set up a meeting. It was a way for us to all talk without anyone feeling intimidated. It also helped because it felt like the three of us (the principal, his parents and I) all could say our sides and come together to figure it out.

If no one calls back go up to the school and make your presence known. You can call people all day long and be ignored, but usually when you go there and as to speak to someone you get helped.

I had a similar situation that was worked out like this. However, I think the other parents had to agree to it. In my case they did and it all worked out really well. Solved the problem completely and there is no animosity between the families whatsoever. That said, it all depends on the parents' attitudes all the way around.

 

[CanManEh]

All you have to do is just confront this kid .you should nover have taken him off the bus in the first place get your kid into karate or is a dad at home all he has to do is speak up and the bully's will be so shocked that thier intimidation didnt work thats when your guy has the upper hand its scared by intimidation be as crazy as u can and u scare them off thats what the bully is doing well if you turn the tables it will end the problem and better then that it stops it for grade 7 8 9 10 11 12 for good...

 

[jilly]

I disagree. I don't believe we as parents have the right to reprimand someone else's child. Not only could it cause more problems for your child but their parents as well.

This is a school responsibility imo. I've been through it. There was one incident with my son where I knew the other parent and after telling the mother about it, the bullying stopped. It was on a school bus too. Isn't there a counsellor on staff? If that doesn't work, I'd keep at it with the school principal and keep going up the ladder.

And then there was my daughter. My kids went to private school and the bully here was the daughter of a very wealthy donor. It involved cyber bullying. I went through all the proper channels and nothing was being done. In desperation I finally ended up calling the police. They offered to go and talk to the parents. I was surprised and didn't realize that LE takes bullying very seriously. At that point I told the police that I'd try again with the school and did so mentioning that I'd filed a report with the police. The bullying stopped and my daughter rec'd an apology.

 

[al66pine]

... are situations like this: http://www.khou.com/news/local/High-school-girl-expelled-after-being-attacked-by-bully-227474401.html
"A student from Stafford High School is expelled after a fight that her family said she didn't start.
"It was Sept. 30 in the locker room at Stafford High and a student recorded the fight between Emily Ramirez and a classmate.
"The video was spread around school and eventually found its way to Ramirez's mom." BBM
I do not know who started the fight or if, as the article says- the other girl taunted her for a year, etc. Not drawing any conclusions about situation at the link, or your situation, PinkiGreen.

W. all the cellphone cameras around, chances are good that physical confrontations at school or bus will be recorded.
Those clips get circulated, many eventually on youtube, etc. and sometimes forwarded to school officials.

Even if there is reported 'bullying history' whether physical or non-physical, against a teen, if the teen is 'drawn into' physical self-defense and hits back, there's a chance that teen may end up being disciplined by the school.

JM:twocents: and I may be wrong.

 

[ziggy]

Gosh I'm sorry but I cannot believe what I'm hearing. You follow those kids home and talk to their parents!! How dare you be made to feel like you are some stalker. That is ridiculous. What kind of world is this where the school has the answer and is responsible for everything? Those parents are responsible and if they do not do something, you get evidence of these bullies and threaten a law suit or to publiclyhumiliate the parents.

I'm serious, bullying will only stop when you stomp your feet and do something. It's not enough to cower in a corner and expect someone or something else to do something.

Sorry I sound rough but bullying will not happen to someone like me who will take your **** and rub it in your face!

 

[KrazyKatLadi]

Yesterday afternoon I had a meeting with the moms of two of the bullies and the principal. Now I know why those kids are such jerks. They accused me of writing the note myself and basically they think my kid is weird and that's why he gets bullied.

Way to take responsibility for your kids! They're mad at me for telling on their kids and getting them in trouble. Not that they got in much trouble at all...2 day suspension. Which both moms told me didn't matter anyway since they'd just be playing Xbox together all day. :banghead:

The principal and I were both shocked by their attitudes. He even had a security guard walk me to my car because they were standing outside waiting for me.

So great. Now I've got two trashy women mad at me. What is wrong with people?? :banghead: