Post verdict discussions #2

[PlainJaneDoe]

Sending good thoughts to you and yours, Olli. I am so sorry.

 

[ollijack]

Thankyou. We never stop learning in this life do we?
xxxx to my WS family xxxxxxx

 

[HoolyDooly]

Sending good thoughts to you and yours, Olli. I am so sorry.

Me, too

 

[Maigret]

Hoping it all turns out ok for you and yours ollijack

 

[MsAnais]

Thankyou. We never stop learning in this life do we?
xxxx to my WS family xxxxxxx

Am sending you and all your family HUGE love and healing, Olli. I hope you're okay.xxxxxx

 

[HoolyDooly]

Did anyone in Aus catch the Nine Mornings show about 1 hour ago? I tried to get a link -no joy.


Discussion about narcissists and the women who believe and vouch for them - in particular TM and the lover of Gittany - cannot recall her name for the moment (maybe that is good as it seems at times she was seeking some fame). Psychologist in interview encapsulated what we have been discussing etc. He did say that though TM was naïve there is no way she cannot believe she did not have some input into the final outcome.....or words to that effect. The link may come on Nine tomorrow - I hope so and then I will post.

 

[HoolyDooly]

Oh for flamin' heck !!!
I just crafted a large piece and hit 'post' and the logon had dropped out. Now I cannot find it - though it autosaved a couple of times :tantrum:

Can anyone help? Is there a way of retrieving what auto-saved?:gaah:

KNUCKLE-HEAD ALERT

It just dawned on me that I could get my saved post by clicking on the left side of the box.:facepalm:
I must have been having a seniors moment... tee hee hee
Any way next time I want to submit 'a master-piece' I should do it though Word and cut and paste it in.

 

[HoolyDooly]

Am sending you and all your family HUGE love and healing, Olli. I hope you're okay.xxxxxx

Right back at you, ollijack

 

[Snails]

Today's weekend Australia magazine.

 

[MsAnais]

Today's weekend Australia magazine.

That's a really fascinating article. Gives more insight into their relationship from the perspective of Allison's female cousin. They noticed 'warning signs' of a controlling relationship - Allison became increasingly isolated socially, more insecure, had no autonomy etc. Seems like everyone around them could see what he really was - a manipulative bully.

 

[possumheart]

That's a really fascinating article. Gives more insight into their relationship from the perspective of Allison's female cousin. They noticed 'warning signs' of a controlling relationship - Allison became increasingly isolated socially, more insecure, had no autonomy etc. Seems like everyone around them could see what he really was - a manipulative bully.

Some exerts. It is less than 10% of article, so should be ok with Marlywings.

Jodie knew the defence would play the depression card, for the same reason she knew Allison could never leave Gerard. "We know she had anxiety and depression," she says. "But she's not the dumb wife who let her husband have an affair for four years. She was trying to make her marriage work ... She was terrified he would make her out to be a nutter and she wouldn't have got access to the kids. What control would she have had? She was an intelligent woman. She would have known how it would play out. What more control do you need than saying, 'You're going to lose your kids if you walk'?"

Gerard's brother, Adam, tries to bridge the divide. He's shaken hands with Geoff Dickie. He nods warmly to Jodie, sitting beside Priscilla Again today, and she doesn't know how to respond. So much water under the bridge.

She recalls Gerard disengaging himself at Dickie family functions, giving his wife and kids orders not with his voice but with his eyes, with a flick of his fingers. "It was so controlled in their lives," she says. "If Allison came and spoke to me he'd be on me in five minutes. Our last Christmas I had five minutes to speak to her without him standing beside me. Because he feared what I might say to her."

But if Jodie could go back to the night of April 19, 2012, she would tell Allison not to be strong. "Play nice," she says. "I would have said 'Play nice for as long as you can, plan your exit strategy and then, go hard. But until you've got a clear line of sight, play nice. Say "yes sir, no sir." Wait for your moment and go. If you're getting stronger, don't let him know that. Still play humble, play dumb, play stupid.' Her exit plan didn't work."

(Jodie Dann is a domestic violence court advocate, and Allison's cousin.)

 

[they'll get you]

Thankyou. We never stop learning in this life do we?
xxxx to my WS family xxxxxxx

(((((((((HUGE CYBER HUGS OLLI)))))))))))))
When these lessons upturn our lives, the question is what are we supposed to learn??
You have a mother's love which only mothers understand.

 

[emirates1957]

Thankyou. We never stop learning in this life do we?
xxxx to my WS family xxxxxxx

Your right dear Olli….we never stop learning, forgiving or loving especially when it comes to family.

 

[louisepiglet]

Hugs to you Ollijack. A mother's love knows no bounds. I hope your granddaughter recovers soon.

 

[FigTree]

Did anyone manage to grab the sound bite from 91WaveFM where they interviewed Allisons aunty(?) - it was at the beginning of an interview with an intelligence officer. She was talking of how Allison never had money - her cards were controlled by GBC and she never had any cash? I have listened to it and now cant find it. That snippet says a lot about his controlling behaviour.

 

[Aberline_1979]

I had to chuckle when I heard his wedding speech went for an hour and a half OMG and it was about him, no wonder he wanted to get up on the stand and talk about himself again.

HOLY S*%T!!!!! That is just f*%king crazy!! I wonder what Allison and her family (and the other guests!) were thinking?!?! Jeepers Creepers!! That's grandiose narcissism right there. Is it true that he also referred to his parents as his "Mummy" and "Daddy" a lot during the speech? :yuck:

 

[PlainJaneDoe]

Some exerts. It is less than 10% of article, so should be ok with Marlywings.





But if Jodie could go back to the night of April 19, 2012, she would tell Allison not to be strong. "Play nice," she says. "I would have said 'Play nice for as long as you can, plan your exit strategy and then, go hard. But until you've got a clear line of sight, play nice. Say "yes sir, no sir." Wait for your moment and go. If you're getting stronger, don't let him know that. Still play humble, play dumb, play stupid.' Her exit plan didn't work."



(Jodie Dann is a domestic violence court advocate, and Allison's cousin.)

^^^^^this^^^^^^^^^^^!

 

[Consider]

Hi Britskate

I admire your honest account.

You are true and brave and helpful beyond your residential zone.

Please speak as you do - often and more so - please - too many well meaning good and intelligent and well educated in positions to help - who are otherwise unable to conceive the reality of so so many.

So rough a task to request.

But otherwise this burden :
It falls upon the most beaten, downtrodden, knocked and MOCKED....

I FEEL a spirit in you that is not available to a lot of us; that is a massive struggle for the rest of us to express.

I'm getting braver, but I'm gutless too.

I gave up on everything I believed in and fought to hold onto when it was the worst thing for the children and me to stay, and I was fairly certain a future on our own could be catastrophic in so so many other ways : financially, home security, his onslaughts (physical, emotional, financial, plus his threats and his monitoring and endless lies to family, friends and the law).

Lawyers, LAW in Australia - don't get it (of all places) It's tough being yourself: good, kind, respectful, having faith in the system (especially when you/I/one did not let their own family in - bruises, threats, lies, ah the details)

Please speak more: Huffington Post, etc. You choose. I have the story but not the strength (I think that's the biggest problem - for most - worn down - lost faith in the system (whatever country) let alone lost faith in the person we trusted to share equally in our lives and those of our children's.

I try to forgive the lawyers and psychologists before the Family Court, the Judges... Let's face it : how could they ever conceive the reality shared by so many. They do their best. With all their KNOW & SENSE - can they really feel the punches, kicks, TRICKS! ? (they can't jmo)

We don't speak. We're in a corner of threat to survival - speak, and immediately someone suggests our truth is drama, manipulation....

You speak fairly, clearly and plainly.

Speak more please!

Often and ever.

Xx

I'd say most likely no unless that parent's parental rights are severely inhibited or terminated - which, in my experience, family courts are resistant to doing. There's a (somewhat misguided) approach that access to both parents is always! in the best interest of the child - and the parent(s) have constitutionally protected rights to parent their child(ren). As such, courts are hesitant to permanently remove parents from a child's life. That said, some jurisdictions allow for parental right termination on the very basis one parent murdered another.

In my situation, the court only suspended visitation, despite ample evidence of mental health issues and domestic violence, after my ex plead guilty to a sexual charge against a child. (He drugged and raped his 14 year old niece.) I was granted permission, despite his objection from prison, by the court to move my children abroad (Wisconsin -> England) but I am legally required to keep him apprised of our address, phone, and email. Any further modifications (like my new husband adopting, name change, etc.) would require I petition the Wisconsin court...which also requires I notify the other parent of my wishes. He could then object and it would be up to a judge to decide.

Here's where family courts fall apart most, in my opinion...if I don't follow the terms of the court order - it's me (who isn't abusive and hasn't ever harmed a child) who could actually lose custody to him, at least in theory, based on Wisconsin law. And folks wonder what keeps abused women staying in a marriage. There has to be massive reform in family courts pretty much globally ime.

JMO, FWIW

 

[jens]

I've had a terrible wake up...my youngest daughter, drug addict, has assaulted her 3 year old
daughter. My other two daughters have been made guardians of her two children.
My eldest two daughters lives are going to change forever, their children's lives as well, one even has to move into a bigger
house, one has to defer uni.
My tiny granddaughter was in Canberra hospital for 4 days. All our hearts are scared and broken.
But the thing is I am supporting my poor hopeless daughter, going to court, buying her healthy food,
loving her. My other two daughters understand but don't really.
I now understand how GBCs family have continued to support him....OMG, I love my daughter with
my soul even though I am horrified by what's happened.
Parents love is bloody awful, we just cannot turn our backs

Having grown up with a drug addict sister I saw the detrimental effect it had on my parents and has on us other siblings. It had been my wishes that my parents had at least an enjoyable and stress free time in their last few years before they passed away. Thankfully my father developed dementia so at the end of his life he was beyond knowing and caring. I am grateful for that! However, even in the last week of my mother's life (and my sister knew this) my sister continued to vent how she was depressed etc, and despite my mum knowing she couldn't help any more she never had that opportunity to relax and enjoy herself, something us other siblings are angry about. We still support our sister (never financially) but we all feel such sadness about how she made our parent's lives incredibly tough. As well, because my sister took up all their time it meant the rest of us missed out on having a normal relationship with them.

I feel for you and understand a parent's love is unconditional. I hope that your daughter is able to overcome her addiction and that her daughter recovers and isn't affected long term by the assault.

 

[Mystymiss]

Having grown up with a drug addict sister I saw the detrimental effect it had on my parents and has on us other siblings. It had been my wishes that my parents had at least an enjoyable and stress free time in their last few years before they passed away. Thankfully my father developed dementia so at the end of his life he was beyond knowing and caring. I am grateful for that! However, even in the last week of my mother's life (and my sister knew this) my sister continued to vent how she was depressed etc, and despite my mum knowing she couldn't help any more she never had that opportunity to relax and enjoy herself, something us other siblings are angry about. We still support our sister (never financially) but we all feel such sadness about how she made our parent's lives incredibly tough. As well, because my sister took up all their time it meant the rest of us missed out on having a normal relationship with them.

I feel for you and understand a parent's love is unconditional. I hope that your daughter is able to overcome her addiction and that her daughter recovers and isn't affected long term by the assault.

I always said you can't help someone unless they want to help themselves.

I told my adult sons that I loved them dearly but I will not help them with something they do with a criminal element. So if they were taking illegal drugs, theft, assaults etc don't expect me to shell out money for a lawyer, court fees, penalty fees, court order classes etc. They are big boys I've taught them better..