school tells girl to get a breast reduction after being bullied at school

[jjenny]

Hair lip is a medical issue that needs to be corrected. Which is completely different form breast reduction on a minor. A school shouldn't be suggesting surgery to a child as a way to deal with bullying. That is totally uncalled for.

 

[nursebeeme]

If the child had a hairlip, I think the school would be totally remiss in not suggesting plastic surgery!! They can punish children all day for bullying, but if a school counselor sees an obvious difficulty for a child, they would be remiss in not mentioning it to the parents.

Not like, well we can't possibly help you until you fix this. but like "um, this will make your child's life much much easier if you get the hair lip surgically corrected. This is causing her great pain and insecurity and will be the cause of insecurity for the rest of her life."

I don't know about this child in the original post, but has everyone seen that there's a brand new TV show - in the horrific vein of HoneyBooBoo, where everyone wants to sit and make fun of women with enormous breasts? It's unconscionable. Unbelievable. But reality. In the way that everyone wants to laugh at Honeybooboo and her family, everyone wants to laugh at women with big breasts. How truly awful.

Sometimes, it's a pure godsend that someone mentions to parents how to help a child who is being terribly bullied.

there is no comparison between cleft palate surgery and breast reduction.

:twocents::twocents::twocents::twocents::twocents:

 

[LinasK]

there is no comparison between cleft palate surgery and breast reduction.

:twocents::twocents::twocents::twocents::twocents:

You are so right! And Cleft Lip Surgery is usually performed long before age 13, unless you are in a remote area in an impoverished country like Mexico or China, where they may not have access to medical care. I've been part of medical teams that have donated their services in cases like this. Repairing a cleft lip is not only cosmetic, it's medically necessary for nutrition and speaking.

 

[Cubby]

Way to go school. Way to send the message that the bullies are right, there is something "wrong" with this girl and her breasts.

I keep looking at this thread title, coming in, getting mad, trying to post while staying within TOS and then not being able to find the words to express how angry this makes me.

BBM. You and me both. It took me until now to find the words I wanted to to add without earning myself a TO.

I've given this topic a lot of thought and can only come to one conclusion as to why the woman made such a comment. The only reason anyone would make such a comment is if they had poor body image themselves and were envious. I can not think of any other reason a grown woman would make such a comment about a young teen.

It's no more appropriate for a staff member to make a comment like that about a students breast than it is for a comment about a students genitals.

I hope the staff member has already been fired. :furious:

 

[BethInAK]

BBM. You and me both. It took me until now to find the words I wanted to to add without earning myself a TO.

I've given this topic a lot of thought and can only come to one conclusion as to why the woman made such a comment. The only reason anyone would make such a comment is if they had poor body image themselves and were envious. I can not think of any other reason a grown woman would make such a comment about a young teen.

It's no more appropriate for a staff member to make a comment like that about a students breast than it is for a comment about a students genitals.

I hope the staff member has already been fired. :furious:

While I agree that this staff member should be fired for this comment, I imagined that there was a mom on the phone lamenting how sad her daughter is that she gets picked on all the time, and the school woman on the other end of the phone either had personal experience with such a thing OR alternatively was trying to be sympathetic and helpful without realizing what they were saying. I could totally see if my best friend was telling me how her kid was being tortured due to giant *advertiser censored*, I would a) be effing outraged at the bullies and b) maybe suggest they do a consult with a surgeon.

I guess I'm hoping that wasn't intended as the schools "solution" but rather as an insensitive and entirely inappropriate suggestion intended to be sympathetic.

 

[Donjeta]

It is very inappropriate if that was indeed what the staff member meant but we have heard just from the other party of the conversation. Sometimes people do misunderstand, particularly if they are feeling highly emotional about something. The person could have said something like, "yes, it's terrible that she's being bullied about that, it's not like she can get a breast reduction or anything", trying to convey the sentiment that it's wrong to target anyone for things they cannot change about themselves, and a distressed mother could have misunderstood that to mean that she should get one.

 

[oh_gal]

I really feel for this poor girl. I was an "early bloomer". So much so, that the kids in school thought I absolutely "had" to be stuffing my bra. I went through 6, 7 and 8th grade being called "stove top" (for the stuffing). To this day, if I saw my primary childhood tormentor (Kenny P.), I do believe I'd try my best to deck him.

 

[Cubby]

For myself, I can not make excuses for the school staff member for making the comment in whatever context she meant. I don't care how sympathetic she was trying to be, there is never any reason to bring up a comment regarding plastic surgery to a students parent in regards to a bullying issue. There is just not.

As adults and professionals, we know what is and what is not appropriate to say in the work place.

Suggesting there is something wrong with a students body, intentional or not, and mentioning plastic surgery of any kind is wrong and crosses a huge boundary.

When I was in 8th grade a female teacher told me I was going to get pregnant because I had a 'boyfriend' I was allowed to spend time with provided we were in a group. The first and only time I ever got pregnant I was over 30 and it bothered me that this teacher made the comment. But in my situation, the teacher's comment was about my choices, not something with my body for which I had no control over.

In a world where so many young women have body image issues, I can not even begin to imagine why the staff member thought that comment was even remotely appropriate.

If it were a male teacher who made the comment, I don't think people would try to find excuses for this female teachers behavior. Why do we do that with females and not males? I'm not looking for an answer, just commenting...

 

[Cubby]

Just fwiw, I try to teach my son some witty comebacks for students or other kids rude comments. For example, if someone says FU to him, I suggested he reply with, "in your dreams and my nightmares", or "No thanks, your not my type".

Any kind of a witty comeback kind of turns it back around on the bully, and at least for me, kind of left me feeling a bit more empowered when I was the subject of rude comments and bullying. At least before it got physical and back then it rarely got physical.

 

[BethInAK]

For myself, I can not make excuses for the school staff member for making the comment in whatever context she meant. I don't care how sympathetic she was trying to be, there is never any reason to bring up a comment regarding plastic surgery to a students parent in regards to a bullying issue. There is just not.

oh, I think we all agree with this. No one was "excusing" the comments, just pointing out that the motivation that was stated as the only possible reason this woman could have was that she had poor self image. There could be lots of motivations. Doesn't make the situation any less wrong.

 

[BethInAK]

I really feel for this poor girl. I was an "early bloomer". So much so, that the kids in school thought I absolutely "had" to be stuffing my bra. I went through 6, 7 and 8th grade being called "stove top" (for the stuffing). To this day, if I saw my primary childhood tormentor (Kenny P.), I do believe I'd try my best to deck him.

There should be a "slap" function on facebook so you can find your childhood tormentors and get that out of your system.

 

[JeannaT]

there is no comparison between cleft palate surgery and breast reduction.

:twocents::twocents::twocents::twocents::twocents:

I didn't say cleft palate, which is a surgery that allows a child to swallow.

But I will say, there are women (I have a friend like this) who get breast reduction surgery because their breasts are so large and heavy they develop back problems. It's not just cosmetic, it's a health issue.

So we really don't know with this girl how serious this is. We're just having to guess. My guess is she's not just an "early bloomer" as some have said, but rather, she has a physique that could eventually cause her back discomfort. But again, I don't know. I can't imagine a counselor suggesting breast reduction surgery for a girl who blossomed early.

Additionally, the school didn't tell the girl this. They suggested this to her mother - and it's unlikely the girl would have ever heard about this had the mother not brought it to the attention of the general public, that the school counselor said she should get breast reduction surgery.

 

[Cubby]

I didn't say cleft palate, which is a surgery that allows a child to swallow.

But I will say, there are women (I have a friend like this) who get breast reduction surgery because their breasts are so large and heavy they develop back problems. It's not just cosmetic, it's a health issue.

So we really don't know with this girl how serious this is. We're just having to guess. My guess is she's not just an "early bloomer" as some have said, but rather, she has a physique that could eventually cause her back discomfort. But again, I don't know. I can't imagine a counselor suggesting breast reduction surgery for a girl who blossomed early.

Additionally, the school didn't tell the girl this. They suggested this to her mother - and it's unlikely the girl would have ever heard about this had the mother not brought it to the attention of the general public, that the school counselor said she should get breast reduction surgery.

What's a parent to do then when a schools response to a bullying issue is to suggest the child get plastic/cosmetic surgery to deal with the a part of the students body that is the subject of bullying?

No one would suggest bleaching one's skin if the student were being made fun of if their skin was dark. No one would suggest rhinoplasty if the student were made fun of for having a big nose. No one would suggest gastric bypass for a student if they were being made fun of for being overweight.

Besides, this students medical needs, should she have any, are protected by hipaa and nothing the school needs to be aware of.

If a parent is not getting satisfying results and support about ANY bullying issue, breast related or not, yes, they should seek to bring that to the attention of the media, so the school does not keep their inability to address bullying issues a dirty little secret.

This mother was seeking to address the bullying issue. Bottom line the school in turn made this about the victim making changes, not changing the bullies behavior.

 

[Public_Hysteria]

I could not have said it any better than you just did, Cubby.

Regardless of whether the lady at the school had good intentions or not, the mother went to the school about her daughter's bullying problem, and was instead told that her daughter should have surgery to 'fix the problem'. I fail to see how this addressed the bullying issue at all. If anything, it makes it seem like the school is blaming the child for being tormented, and for her physical appearance at that! Something that this poor girl has absolutely no control over. Way to show the bullies that they've won.

I'm not even sure a 13 year old would be able to have a breast reduction, considering she probably hasn't finished growing yet. I don't believe a surgeon would address the issue until she were a lot older due to this.

 

[lonetraveler]

Considering of all the woman that actually pay good money to increase the size through plastic surgery, I am not sure why you think that is unfortunate.

Believe me it can definitely be unfortunate. Breast reduction surgery would not exist if it wasn't necessary for some women.

I developed early and suffered for it. A boy in school would run up and hit me in the breasts with his fist and keep on running. School would do absolutely nothing about it. One day just before he hit me in the breast I pulled a pine limb out from behind my back and wacked him over the head. I had no problem with him after that day. Sometimes you just have to explain things a little differently to the bullies.

 

[LinasK]

I could not have said it any better than you just did, Cubby.

Regardless of whether the lady at the school had good intentions or not, the mother went to the school about her daughter's bullying problem, and was instead told that her daughter should have surgery to 'fix the problem'. I fail to see how this addressed the bullying issue at all. If anything, it makes it seem like the school is blaming the child for being tormented, and for her physical appearance at that! Something that this poor girl has absolutely no control over. Way to show the bullies that they've won.

I'm not even sure a 13 year old would be able to have a breast reduction, considering she probably hasn't finished growing yet. I don't believe a surgeon would address the issue until she were a lot older due to this.

Excellent post!!!:rocker:

 

[nursebeeme]

I didn't say cleft palate, which is a surgery that allows a child to swallow.

But I will say, there are women (I have a friend like this) who get breast reduction surgery because their breasts are so large and heavy they develop back problems. It's not just cosmetic, it's a health issue.

So we really don't know with this girl how serious this is. We're just having to guess. My guess is she's not just an "early bloomer" as some have said, but rather, she has a physique that could eventually cause her back discomfort. But again, I don't know. I can't imagine a counselor suggesting breast reduction surgery for a girl who blossomed early.

Additionally, the school didn't tell the girl this. They suggested this to her mother - and it's unlikely the girl would have ever heard about this had the mother not brought it to the attention of the general public, that the school counselor said she should get breast reduction surgery.

cleft lip is in the same area as palate. As a nurse I know this.

Here is a bit more info:

http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/guide/cleft-lip-cleft-palate


The girl was being bullied and the school suggests elective surgery as an alternative is NOT the same as the treatment for cleft lip and palate.:twocents::twocents::twocents::twocents::twocents:

also: this girl was being bullied... it mentions nothing about back problems.. only that she was being bullied at school.

 

[Donjeta]

I could not have said it any better than you just did, Cubby.

Regardless of whether the lady at the school had good intentions or not, the mother went to the school about her daughter's bullying problem, and was instead told that her daughter should have surgery to 'fix the problem'. I fail to see how this addressed the bullying issue at all. If anything, it makes it seem like the school is blaming the child for being tormented, and for her physical appearance at that! Something that this poor girl has absolutely no control over. Way to show the bullies that they've won.

I'm not even sure a 13 year old would be able to have a breast reduction, considering she probably hasn't finished growing yet. I don't believe a surgeon would address the issue until she were a lot older due to this.

BBM.

I don't think we know that for sure.
We only have the mother's version of what was said, and she could have misunderstood or misrepresented the comment.

It is possible that they are evil and misguided at the school but it happens quite a lot that people in emotional conversations have vastly different interpretations of what was actually said.

I didn't say cleft palate, which is a surgery that allows a child to swallow.

But I will say, there are women (I have a friend like this) who get breast reduction surgery because their breasts are so large and heavy they develop back problems. It's not just cosmetic, it's a health issue.

So we really don't know with this girl how serious this is. We're just having to guess. My guess is she's not just an "early bloomer" as some have said, but rather, she has a physique that could eventually cause her back discomfort. But again, I don't know. I can't imagine a counselor suggesting breast reduction surgery for a girl who blossomed early.

Additionally, the school didn't tell the girl this. They suggested this to her mother - and it's unlikely the girl would have ever heard about this had the mother not brought it to the attention of the general public, that the school counselor said she should get breast reduction surgery.

Was there a link saying it was the school counselor? The article in the OP just said "a woman" and "the school district".

If the mother called the school district it could be someone from the office who doesn't know the student and doesn't have a clue about whether the daughter is an early bloomer or in any way exceptional in that respect suggesting potential need for surgery later.

When Jackson called the school district to complain she said a woman suggested to me, "to have my daughter get a breast reduction," she told Fox2Now.com.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/01/1...y-tells-daughter-to-get-breast/#ixzz2ItzwxKuu[/B]

 

[oh_gal]

Considering of all the woman that actually pay good money to increase the size through plastic surgery, I am not sure why you think that is unfortunate.

Really?

I can give you a bazillion reasons why it is "unfortunate" to stand out from your peers because of a physical attribute. I lived it, and really cannot fathom such a callous response from another woman, of all things.

Unless I'm stroking out, and totally misunderstood your comment.

 

[TrackerSam]

Hair lip is a medical issue that needs to be corrected. Which is completely different form breast reduction on a minor. A school shouldn't be suggesting surgery to a child as a way to deal with bullying. That is totally uncalled for.

Don't mean to be picky here, but the term is 'hare' like a rabbit.