Ruben's letter. I copied it exactly but I inserted blank lines between paragraphs to make it more legible. I also noted any edits, which I inserted in "[ ]" brackets and colored blue.
Bridgette Matter, Monday, May 2, 2016 10:45 pm
First I'd like to thank you for taking the time to write me. And in responding to your questions or comments I'd first like to clarify what you said about what happened
[short word scratched out] and after me being released, that being "A distant haunting memory." That's far from the truth. Witnessing Lonzie die, was by far the worst experience of my life. Haunting - yes. But I doubt it will ever leave the forefront of my mind
[a word scratched out and "mind" is written above it]. Everytime I see my kids, I think of Lonzie. Everytime I see a baby period - Arin (Lonzie) is who I'm thinking about. I'm pretty sure with time, it will get easier, but for now it's still painful & hard to deal with.
You also asked what's next? I'm not sure. My mind is constantly spinning but just trying to take one day at a time right now. I guess I'm adjusting to prison ok for now. Like I told my dad, this is far from "Cheers", but everybody knows my name. When someone calls my name I stare & wonder where I know them from or if I even know them at all.
[scratched out word] Inmates and officers have asked lots of questions & also said what they think took place. Of course Lonna & I both know what's up & have remained quiet for obvious reasons, but somethings
[sic] are better left un-said... at least for now. I did tell police that they were wasting their time trying to track my GPS, but they did not believe me. My GPS never put me south of Greenland Rd. - your question of why did it happen..."the after," I can't answer. What I can say is that, contrary to
[three words scratched out] what the prosecutor said in open court on Feb. 5, Arin was given CPR, he started breathing again, had a seizure, then rapidly went downhill... I continued CPR, this time to no avail.
[bottom of page 1, back --> is written on the right]
And when it comes to my relationship with Lonna - yes, I still love her. We have talked a few times since the beginning of January after Lonna got jealous of Jessica - the mother of my three kids - in late Dec. for allegedly coming to visit me, which did not happen, she told me then, "We can end this ****
[WS auto edit - he wrote the whole word] right now, if you want?!" I didn't hear from her for the next 2 weeks, until they announced that she was going to testify at my trial. Testifying only to the alleged drug activity. Nothing else. But right after all that happen
[sic], Lonna passed word through her cousin & said she was sorry &
[scratched out word] still loves me & wants to make things work. At the time, all I could do was laugh & tell her cousin Tiff that Lonna is crazy, but surprisingly I wasn't mad. We have wrote each other, some letters getting through, some letters being confiscated. My 2 months in Baker Co. detention center was when I saw Lonna a few times a week. Officers didn't know what to think when they would escort me to rec & Lonna would see me I always get excited. And in court on Mar. 22, Lonna blowing me kisses & telling me that she loves me.
[short word scratched out and "So" written above] So this is not the time for bitterness & grudges. I refuse to do my time like that. She is the one person I want to see & talk to more than anyone. I miss all my family & friends, but I miss Lonna and
our [bolded and twice underlined] kids more than anything. My family can point fingers at Lonna & her family can point fingers at me - it's childish... that's not going to change a thing. Me & Lonna are adults & both covered for each other. Our families were naive & clueless. Write back anytime.
Best,
Ruben
http://mediaweb.actionnewsjax.com/d...tter-to-bridgette-matter-1_4358570_ver1.0.pdf