... what foster parent would want to stop a foster child from seeing its own mother, to the point the child is now calling its own mother "birth mum" during the last visit, a foster parent is someone giving up their own time to raise someone else's child, it appears in this case the foster parents are trying to adop and stop the child from seeing its own mum, its like they are pretending that they want to foster when in fact they actually want to adopt, its like everyone is thinking what loving people trying to adopt, im looking at the other side that this isn't right the child is in contact with the mother who doesn't want them adopted out and yet the family are gunning for this adoption using behaviour and sleeping as an excuse to stop the child from seeing its own mother while the foster mother is trying to get this adoption to happen
I find it interesting that FFC insists that she wanted foster children to have relationships with bio-parents. Whilst I don't think there is anything "conclusive" to mine in FFC's attempt to "surreptitiously" explore adoption (but I'm not going to fault someone for finding it "suggestive"), I do think it's telling that FFC did not want bio-parents to know about her or her husband's identity, when they had a choice in the matter.
I recognise the complexity in foster/bio parent relationships and being a foster parent (on top of raising a child, raising a child that isn't "yours," managing the impact from the child's relationship with bio-parents, dealing with "the system," etc). I can imagine being a foster parent, eventually wanting full custody, assuming full responsibility on shaping the children without the influence of bio-parents who
I might decide are not healthy influences as parents, nor on the foster/bio situation. Like, I GET THAT. 100%. But, if that is what you want, then
BE HONEST ABOUT IT.
Or, keep things 100% separate, and allow the kids to have the bond and very limited time they have with bio-parents, and just cope. That doesn't sound like a recipe for success.
For someone to portray themselves as being
invested in the foster children having a relationship with bio-parents, I can't help but think that requires some degree of initiating interaction with the bio parents (at least a good will attempt to make the situation "work").
With boundaries, obviously. I would see this as some effort at normalising an awkward and abnormal situation as much as possible, and attempt to show the children that the two sets of parents can get along (won't know unless you try), as well as get to know who these bio-parents are and what qualities they have to offer the children. Granted, perhaps it ends up being a fool's errand, as we're dealing with bio-parents who are volatile people. But, it also appears that these bio-parents were invested in the best interests of their children. To make assumptions that they wouldn't try to make the situation "work" or have qualities they can offer the children they can't, wouldn't really be fair (even if their endgame is to eventually get the children back).
Were fosters invested in the children's ultimate welfare unconditionally? Or were they operating from a place where they saw their adoptive rights over the children as being
the only good outcome? (i.e. "we're financially better off, we're socially more desirable, we don't have drug/legal issues, WE HAVE PLAYED JUDGE, JURY, and EXECUTIONER THAT
WE ARE BETTER PEOPLE and can give the children the better lives")
So, were the fosters "invested" in bio-parents having a relationship with the children? Where's the evidence? All I've read are the bio-parents being left completely in the dark during all of this, with no demonstrated regard for them or what they're going through, which has been entirely brought upon them by the foster parents--regardless of their guilty or innocence.
The sense of entitlement is off-the-charts.