eyestowardHeaven
Nothing but the truth
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2009
- Messages
- 497
- Reaction score
- 684
I'm going to make this a message to our community, since I know so many read along here. Just when you think you've hurdled one issue, or twenty...then another comes along...and another.
When something like this happens, you have to do things you don't want to do, make decisions you don't want to make, think things you don't want to think - it all gets dumped in your lap. The searching, meetings, phonecalls, media, questioning, researching, passing on tips, doing our own "detective" work. And Mom's animals have to be cared for, her bills still have to paid, her taxes have to be filed, her house kept up, the land maintained. All the while you're trying to love your kids through this and live your daily life that is not at all normal anymore.
It's a struggle to know how much and when to tell your kids about what has happened. They need to know the truth, but how much? If they don't hear it from us, they're going to hear it at school. What's the BEST thing to do for the kids?
From the outside looking in, maybe it doesn't seem like we're doing what we should but we're doing the best we can with what we know. The public doesn't know what we know. I think it's wonderful that people aren't giving up hope, but we no longer have the hope that she will be coming back to us, that she's alive. We have a different hope - that people will know how much we love her, that people will see her faith through us, that people will want that kind of faith for themselves and grow closer to God. I have the hope that in all we have lost, our faith is still strong and our kids will see that and live their lives close to God. I have the hope that people will see if we can get through THIS, you really can get through ANYTHING if you trust in God. At a certain point, I couldn't go on pretending like she was coming back when I knew she wasn't, and I couldn't lie to my kids anymore either. My daughter asked me two nights ago if we were going to have a funeral for Ninny. I said yes. But when? Do you know how many times I've asked myself that? I have no idea when. When do you have a funeral for someone who you know is gone but you can't find their body?
My youngest brother and his family have moved into Mom's house. There came a certain day, a horrible day, when things were pretty clear to us what the outcome would be, and we sat that night and cried together. And we talked about what Mom wanted. One thing for sure and certain is that she wanted my brother and his family to have the house if something happened to her. There was no question about that among us. We've never argued about the decisions that we've made and we won't, because of our love for her. It's time for that home to have life in it again, to have peace and love and family filling it, because that's what she WANTED. That will always be the place where we feel closest to her.
It was harder than hell to tell our kids that Ninny's in Heaven. It wasn't easy to go through her things or for my brother and his wife to move in her house. What about my sister in law and her family, losing her dad, Gary on Nov 1st? They didn't even have time to grieve for him before this happened - it makes me so mad, it's so UNFAIR. None of ANY of this was a choice for Mom or our family. People took those choices away. You have no idea what a strain this puts on marriages and the toll it takes on your kids. It tests every drop of faith you have, but we're still standing, and we're doing it for Mom.
Every day, it's still not real. We just want to find her. And I think we deserve that much.
When something like this happens, you have to do things you don't want to do, make decisions you don't want to make, think things you don't want to think - it all gets dumped in your lap. The searching, meetings, phonecalls, media, questioning, researching, passing on tips, doing our own "detective" work. And Mom's animals have to be cared for, her bills still have to paid, her taxes have to be filed, her house kept up, the land maintained. All the while you're trying to love your kids through this and live your daily life that is not at all normal anymore.
It's a struggle to know how much and when to tell your kids about what has happened. They need to know the truth, but how much? If they don't hear it from us, they're going to hear it at school. What's the BEST thing to do for the kids?
From the outside looking in, maybe it doesn't seem like we're doing what we should but we're doing the best we can with what we know. The public doesn't know what we know. I think it's wonderful that people aren't giving up hope, but we no longer have the hope that she will be coming back to us, that she's alive. We have a different hope - that people will know how much we love her, that people will see her faith through us, that people will want that kind of faith for themselves and grow closer to God. I have the hope that in all we have lost, our faith is still strong and our kids will see that and live their lives close to God. I have the hope that people will see if we can get through THIS, you really can get through ANYTHING if you trust in God. At a certain point, I couldn't go on pretending like she was coming back when I knew she wasn't, and I couldn't lie to my kids anymore either. My daughter asked me two nights ago if we were going to have a funeral for Ninny. I said yes. But when? Do you know how many times I've asked myself that? I have no idea when. When do you have a funeral for someone who you know is gone but you can't find their body?
My youngest brother and his family have moved into Mom's house. There came a certain day, a horrible day, when things were pretty clear to us what the outcome would be, and we sat that night and cried together. And we talked about what Mom wanted. One thing for sure and certain is that she wanted my brother and his family to have the house if something happened to her. There was no question about that among us. We've never argued about the decisions that we've made and we won't, because of our love for her. It's time for that home to have life in it again, to have peace and love and family filling it, because that's what she WANTED. That will always be the place where we feel closest to her.
It was harder than hell to tell our kids that Ninny's in Heaven. It wasn't easy to go through her things or for my brother and his wife to move in her house. What about my sister in law and her family, losing her dad, Gary on Nov 1st? They didn't even have time to grieve for him before this happened - it makes me so mad, it's so UNFAIR. None of ANY of this was a choice for Mom or our family. People took those choices away. You have no idea what a strain this puts on marriages and the toll it takes on your kids. It tests every drop of faith you have, but we're still standing, and we're doing it for Mom.
Every day, it's still not real. We just want to find her. And I think we deserve that much.
