Today was a sad day. My supervisor had a meeting this morning saying we were getting some help in. The new girl is from Rockport. She is an evacuee. As I was leaving the building i saw her break down crying, the look on her face brought me back to the day I lost my son. She was lost, helpless, and hopeless. In complete and total shock. I told one of my coworkers that she isn't ready to be back at work especially in a strange place. I was crying as I was talking to my coworker. I don't know if I can do this. Heartbroken. She evacuated with 11 members of her family. And we may have more coming to work. They need time. I know some will say that's it better to get back to work to have your mind on something else. I disagree. You have to be able to process the loss. I was heavily medicated after my son died. I didn't process it for quite awhile. Still haven't. I just wish there was a way to buy her more time to deal with her grief. I don't know what all she lost and I'm not going to ask her. I will try to give her a sense of normalcy which I do think she needs. I know I needed it. I needed people to talk to me about anything but loss. Normal conversation. I hope this makes sense. I'm a blubbering mess right now.
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Oh, totesmagoat, my heart goes out to you! So sorry you lost your son. That's the worst pain a parent can ever go through. Can't imagine how you got through it, or how that daily pain of his loss must hurt all the time.
Now, although the cause of her pain is different, you're seeing your own devastating grief, reflected in hers.
I believe you're absolutely on the mark about her needing more time to process her loss. You realize she needs the lifeline of connecting with other people to re-establish some sense of normalcy, but not by forcing her back to work so soon.
You are remarkably intuitive. So in tune with her emotions.
But I'm really sorry you're having to deal with all this on top of your own pain when you're trying to find your own footing with such terrible grief.
I hope there is someone you can talk to about all of this. Many employers offer counseling services through the employee benefits program. They might be able to help you try to sort through some of this.
I just got an email from a dear friend who lost his 20 year old son 17 years ago. The 29th of August was the anniversary of his death, and I had sent him a 'remembering, and thinking of you' message that day.
These were the words he wrote back, "Grief is the price of love, the stronger the love, the greater the grief."
totesmagoat, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this. Please keep us posted...