Army Mom Refuses Deployment

[WhyaDuck?]

http://usmilitary.about.com/od/punitivearticles/a/87.htm
You can and will be arrested for "missing movement". We had several of these cases while I was in. Ours were usually sailors out partying in a foreign port and not making it back before we pulled out of port.

(Snipped for emphasis.)

Sounds like a 1950s musical.

 

[STEADFAST]

(Snipped for emphasis.)

Sounds like a 1950s musical.

 

[MarleneM]

The needs of the Army come first. Single parents with underage children don't belong in the service. Period. Give her a general discharge and a one-way ticket back home. Problem solved.

Spoken like a true military parent with a wonderful, wonderful breathing and supportive spouse/partner or no kids at all.. If only we were all so lucky. Personally, I have no plans to cash in my 18years because I'm worried about the timing of next year's deployment with my underage kids. I'll figure it out like I always do and retire on the money 20y + 0d.

 

[RainbowsAndGumdrops]

So the details that are between the lines, that the woman isn't stating - my version...

Woman's mom can't watch the baby for a yera and sends the baby back home.
Woman is given a 30 day extension
Woman doesn't have a plan
Military says they'll consider letter her leave on a family hardship waiver
Military tells her not to leave the base while they consider the hardship waiver.
(some action happens here)
Military arrests the woman.

Last I checked, leaving a base after being told not to is called going AWOL (absent without leave) and will land you in jail. If I were a betting woman, I'd bet that this woman was arrested for going AWOL and that it has nothing to do with the baby or any other sob story she creates.

 

[STEADFAST]

So the details that are between the lines, that the woman isn't stating - my version...

Woman's mom can't watch the baby for a yera and sends the baby back home.
Woman is given a 30 day extension
Woman doesn't have a plan
Military says they'll consider letter her leave on a family hardship waiver
Military tells her not to leave the base while they consider the hardship waiver.
(some action happens here)
Military arrests the woman.

Last I checked, leaving a base after being told not to is called going AWOL (absent without leave) and will land you in jail. If I were a betting woman, I'd bet that this woman was arrested for going AWOL and that it has nothing to do with the baby or any other sob story she creates.

I have the impression it went like this:

Woman fills out Family Plan without giving any real thought to whether it would work out. Or maybe woman figures if it doesn't work out, they can't deploy her, so win/win.

Woman sends child to mom during pre-deployment training, and sure enough it doesn't work out.

Command gives the woman an extra 30 days to find child care.

Woman doesn't find any and simply does not show up for her scheduled flight to Afghanistan to join her unit.

Woman is arrested for missing movement. Child is put into base day care overnight.

Woman is released from pre-trial detention the next day but is confined to base to await Army decision about what to do. Woman's mom comes and gets baby.

 

[Salem]

Thank you all for the kind words about my son. He still misses the military and would re-enlist in a minute if he could guarentee the kids would be well cared for.

I do think maybe we don't have the whole story here and I do hope this young mother can find a way out of this situation without having to suffer a dishonorable discharge.

Salem

 

[oh_gal]

I think we are in the minority here. I cannot believe how many people want to see her punished for wanting to stay with her child instead of sticking him in foster care or with someone who might not put his best interest first. Yet we gripe and complain about other mothers not putting their kids first.

For the record, I am not saying this young woman should be punished because she wants to be with her child. I'm a mom; I understand the emotion behind that feeling.

However, if that were all this was, she had the option to leave the military, as has been previously stated on this thread. I think it's a bit more "involved" than that.

 

[oh_gal]

I have the impression it went like this:

Woman fills out Family Plan without giving any real thought to whether it would work out. Or maybe woman figures if it doesn't work out, they can't deploy her, so win/win.
Woman sends child to mom during pre-deployment training, and sure enough it doesn't work out.

Command gives the woman an extra 30 days to find child care.

Woman doesn't find any and simply does not show up for her scheduled flight to Afghanistan to join her unit.

Woman is arrested for missing movement. Child is put into base day care overnight.

Woman is released from pre-trial detention the next day but is confined to base to await Army decision about what to do. Woman's mom comes and gets baby.

(above BBM)
Good theory, Steadfast! I think it's probably really accurate, and it's the part I bolded above, that really is the crux of the matter for me -- it smacks of pure selfishness to me. Selfishness to her child (that she couldn't bother, or care enough, to make rock-solid arrangements for), selfishness to her mom (hey, what's one more kid for her to watch?!!?? which obviously, according to mom, was too much); selfishness to her country; selfishness to the soldier and his/her family -- parents, spouse, kids) that had to take her place.

 

[miimaa]

The military ask single moms and dads to leave kids in Foster care all the time and guess what happens? Some of them children get ADOPTED out from foster care because the parents are not there to fight for them. Don't think it happens? IT DOES. I was a foster child and seen it I was a foster mom and seen it. Sad but True.

There is a lot of single parents in the service and by Gosh there is jobs right here in the USA they can do but no the service wants to send them over seas where they could lose the only parent they have. Guess what not every has family suporitt and sometimes you think you do only to find out you don't. This should not mean they shouldnt serve their county but it does mean The Military should find them jobs they can do in the USA. You can SERVE in the service without going to war and it's a shame people think your not serving unless you do so.

I was in the military and I'll repeat what was told to us: THE MILITARY SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR CHILDREN. When a woman gets pregnant she has the option to leave the service. IF she decides to stay then she must have a care plan in place. Same deal for a single dad. I doubt any deployed soldier wants to be in Iraq, but if the military starts letting single parents stay Stateside I guarantee you there will be a lot more pregnancies.

 

[miimaa]

I never understand these cases considering there's plenty of low-cost child care facilities on bases. However, it does bring up something that I've always wondered. Why doesn't the military provide free child care for soldiers and their families? Seems like it would go a long way to raise morale in a stressful situation and protect the children of people who HAVE to go to work (and usually need the spouse to work, too, in order to provide.) At least free child care for E-1 to E-3 or 4, when most would be very young and getting little pay.

The military provides free birth control. Why should the military provide free daycare? If you are E1-3 YOU should be using birth control because you can't afford a child right now. There is also the option of leaving the military for a woman that becomes pregnant. If she stays she knows the conditions.

 

[Lyn1001]

Kat, I'm sure you won't find a reference to refute what 6angels has seen or heard regarding the military referring parents to the foster care system. There is nothing in writing, however the comments by senior enlisted and department heads to the single/dual military parents that cannot muster for work because of conflict with their family's needs (ie sick children, school/daycare hours et al) are commonly recited as: "Your kids didn't come in your seabag." or "You signed a family care plan." and "Either figure it out and get here by xx:xx, or be prepared to sign your report chit."

Successful military careerists are those with either the blessing and support of a stay-at-home spouse that manages their personal lives (home, kids, finances), or have no family obligations at all. Dual military, divorced and single parents face many hurdles and challenges in meeting both the long hours at work while then going home to be the head-of-household and often lone parent to their child(ren). The stress and obligation to both worlds often leads to cases of neglect or abuse in military children seen repeatedly every. year.

I agree the mother in this case should be separated on an adsep discharge. She'll have to find another way to support her family, but at least she'll be there for him as a mother. Risk of brig time is exactly what motivates military parents to leave their toddlers locked in a bedroom alone for days rather than tell their Supervisor they can not come into work because they can't find a suitable daycare provider. It is more common than anyone thinks, and it stems from fear of losing your livelihood or being otherwise punished because you eventually found yourself in the position of having to make a choice between taking care of your child and reporting for duty as ordered.

While 'missing movement' such as in this case is a much larger offense that begs the question of the amount of effort the mother put into planning for her deployment, there is a much higher frequency of military parents that are counseled and/or put on report for having to miss too many days of work/watches because of their obligation in their 'single-parent' role. I'd much rather read about this mother getting discharged and having to find another job in this economy, than to read her baby was sent into foster care while she sat in jail because she didn't want to leave him. I also wouldn't want to read another blurb about yet another military kid that died from neglect because their military parent couldn't find daycare to cover them in order to work the crazy hours and shifts (holidays/weekends included) the military throws at every member.

.

I don't know any job that lets you miss an excessive amount of time due to the needs of children. Unless the child has something that can qualify you for FLMA leave. There are plenty of single civillian parents who scramble to make arrangements for their children so they don't get fired from their jobs. There are also plenty who do get fired because they do not make arrangments. The miliary is no different than any other job. You know your job description up front. If you don't think you can make it work after you have a kid, then you have the option to separate. No job is going to let you not do what you were hired for just because you have a child. If circumstances change after you've already been doing your job, then you decide if you can continue doing the job or need a job change.

 

[Lyn1001]

And I love that people say that getting pregnant is a choice. Like all pregnancies are planned, birth control is 100% effective and accidents never happen. Having a baby is a choice, getting pregnant not so much. Chances are those same people would have judged her for having an abortion if she had chosen that route. Some people can never win.

Not having sex is a fullproof way not to become pregnant. Anytime you have intercourse, whether protected or not, you run the risk of pregnancy. If you don't want to deal with that risk, don't have intercourse. However, I am a realist and understand not everyone feels that way. If this is a case of an unplanned pregnancy, then the mother had the option of seperating from service. It was her choice not to seperate and to not show up for deployment. She had choices every step of the way.

On a personal note, my child was unplanned. However, I knew that since I was engaging in intercourse, there was a chance of me becoming pregnant. The timing of my pregnancy was not ideal. I did take responsibility because it was my CHOICE to engage in an activity that can result in pregnancy, no matter how careful you are.

 

[Angels_Not_Forgotten]

From what I have read, and my very limited knowledge about the military, i'll just say, i'm in support of this woman. Your hormones ALONE change you into a complete different person for a year or even YEARS after having a child. She had a plan (That everyone seems to think she thought nothing about and has a wonderfully sinister laugh to tag along with) that she had no care or thought for and when it didn't go through she said whatever too. WE don't know this. From what i've read, maybe she is in the wrong, but for now, from what i've read, the bottom line is, i'm a mom, and NO FREAKIN way am i putting my kids in foster care. The 30 day's extension was nice. now i'll wait to see what happened between that and the arrest. I reserve my right to change my mind as more info comes about...but I do feel for this woman.

 

[oh_gal]

From what I have read, and my very limited knowledge about the military, i'll just say, i'm in support of this woman. Your hormones ALONE change you into a complete different person for a year or even YEARS after having a child. She had a plan (That everyone seems to think she thought nothing about and has a wonderfully sinister laugh to tag along with) that she had no care or thought for and when it didn't go through she said whatever too. WE don't know this. From what i've read, maybe she is in the wrong, but for now, from what i've read, the bottom line is, i'm a mom, and NO FREAKIN way am i putting my kids in foster care. The 30 day's extension was nice. now i'll wait to see what happened between that and the arrest. I reserve my right to change my mind as more info comes about...but I do feel for this woman.

It could be as you outline here. [However, she didn't have to put her child in foster care. That was only bandied about because "mom" fell through, and she had not thought about a "Plan B". She could have found someone else to take care of her baby (i.e. the baby's father...baby's father's mom, aunt, sister, etc.). As dysfunctional as my family is, I can think of at least 5 people I'd place my child with, if I absolutely had to (meaning, them, or foster care.), not to mention, 2 or 3 friends.]

Again, it could have happend as you stated above (she couldn't ignore her maternal promptings) ....or....it could be that here was a young woman who thought she was getting one over on the military, or, at the very least, having her cake and eating it too (I get to stay in the military, draw all the benefits, and stay safe and warm at home), while the rest of her unit deploys.

 

[Angels_Not_Forgotten]

It could be as you outline here. [However, she didn't have to put her child in foster care. That was only bandied about because "mom" fell through, and she had not thought about a "Plan B". She could have found someone else to take care of her baby (i.e. the baby's father...baby's father's mom, aunt, sister, etc.). As dysfunctional as my family is, I can think of at least 5 people I'd place my child with, if I absolutely had to (meaning, them, or foster care.), not to mention, 2 or 3 friends.]

Again, it could have happend as you stated above (she couldn't ignore her maternal promptings) ....or....it could be that here was a young woman who thought she was getting one over on the military, or, at the very least, having her cake and eating it too (I get to stay in the military, draw all the benefits, and stay safe and warm at home), while the rest of her unit deploys.

I understand, and if it did happen this way then yes selfish is a word I would use to describe her. But maybe, I don't know, i see so many children in headlines as neglected and dead, well, it could have been worse maybe *sigh* and I can tell you, I don't have ANYONE other than my husband and his family who i could send my child to. I don't really speak to my fathers side of the family and my mother i haven't had contact with since i became pregnant. i'm just thinking it may not be so easy for her

 

[Lyn1001]

I understand, and if it did happen this way then yes selfish is a word I would use to describe her. But maybe, I don't know, i see so many children in headlines as neglected and dead, well, it could have been worse maybe *sigh* and I can tell you, I don't have ANYONE other than my husband and his family who i could send my child to. I don't really speak to my fathers side of the family and my mother i haven't had contact with since i became pregnant. i'm just thinking it may not be so easy for her

I don't want to speak for everyone, but one of my personal issues with it is that if she was truly having such a difficult time finding someone, she could have spoken to her superiors and seperated herself from service, rather than not showing up for deployment. She knew what the consequences were for that.

 

[miimaa]

From what I have read, and my very limited knowledge about the military, i'll just say, i'm in support of this woman. Your hormones ALONE change you into a complete different person for a year or even YEARS after having a child. She had a plan (That everyone seems to think she thought nothing about and has a wonderfully sinister laugh to tag along with) that she had no care or thought for and when it didn't go through she said whatever too. WE don't know this. From what i've read, maybe she is in the wrong, but for now, from what i've read, the bottom line is, i'm a mom, and NO FREAKIN way am i putting my kids in foster care. The 30 day's extension was nice. now i'll wait to see what happened between that and the arrest. I reserve my right to change my mind as more info comes about...but I do feel for this woman.

She would not have had to put her son in foster care. True situation: single dad in the Navy has a family care plan where very good friends care for his daughter while he is on ship. The woman is actually the daycare provider while he is on land at his permanent duty station. If those very good friends are transferred or move for whatever reason he would have to find someone else. Just like you and me and all the other parents that work.

 

[Angels_Not_Forgotten]

True situation, my best friend went into the military and had to place HER son in "temp" foster care for 6 weeks until ex came home from military. The child was "accidentally" adopted and the two had to actually FIGHT for their rights back. It was ridiculous. As i said, yes, I do feel for her and I hope what she did was for the right reasons.

 

[miimaa]

I got pregnant while I was enlisted in the Army. I was near the end of my enlistment and wanted to stay in but my future husband did not want to re-enlist with me. He would have been my dependent and cared for the baby if I re-enlisted. For personal reasons, not an option for me to have a stay-at-home man. I could have stayed in as a single mom knowing full well that if I were deployed I would have to leave my baby with someone. I completed my enlistment, got out and married. After we divorced I seriously considered going back in BUT I knew that I would have to give custody of my little boy to either his father or my mother. Back then (1988) the regulation was a single parent entering the service had to assign custody to someone else. If I had stayed in the military as a single parent I would not have to give up custody but I would have to have someone care for him while I was deployed.

This mom knew all this. It did not come as a surprise to her. She is not a special case. If she could not meet her military obligation because of child care issues then she should separate and build a life elsewhere.

 

[petra]

I don't want to speak for everyone, but one of my personal issues with it is that if she was truly having such a difficult time finding someone, sepshe could have spoken to her superiors and seperated herself from service, rather than not showing up for deployment. She knew what the consequences were for that.

I really know nothing about military service.
How can you seperate yourself from service, can you just quit or do you sign up with a binding contract for a certain time period?
Thank you.