CA CA - Hannah, 16, Devonte, 15, & Sierra Hart, 12, Mendocino County, 26 March 2018 #3

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This is in response to the "Black kids, white mothers" line...I don't know how to double quote.


I'm mad!!!!!!!! It's not true...it's simply not! Maybe it's true only in this case....but please don't lump all of us white moms with black kids together...PLEASE! We have enough prejudice to deal with. All the white moms I know raising black kids LOVE their children. I love my children. I don't feel it's appropriate to give examples here, but I will say, if anyone has ever raised a bipolar/psychotic child, they may know the kind of LOVE it takes to brave everyday so that she can have a healthy future.

Our words matter. The kids at my children's school are talking about this case (we live in California). They hear what's being said, so if you don't like white mothers...fine, but if you like their black children stop this rhetoric, it only hurts them in the end.

These women...were not all white mothers with black kids, they (or at least one) was controlling and ill equipped to raise traumatized kids of any color.

I agree 100% with every word you posted. And your post, your anger and sadness at the words are quite evident. I’m sorry for that. I am sorry you have to live with the knowledge that some feel that way. I, certainly, don’t. I see a human. A kind human helping and caring for another who needs it. Hugs.
 
I'm confused... so they are saying that the only time he wore this sign was at the protest with the photo with the police officer? And Devonte didn't like the attention?

He is wearing the sign around his neck while dancing in the video called Project Earth 2012... and then the video where he goes up and gives a long (in my opinion, inappropriate) hug to the guy playing guitar which is also apparently at Project Earth 2012. Then in the video at Thanksgiving, you see a young Devonte give what appears to be a spontaneous hug to the child on his right, in the middle of all them singing and dancing.

This is a small sample size of videos/pictures, but my original post was speculating about the origins of this "free hugs" sign ... not necessarily how Devonte felt about it when he was older.

Of course we will probably never really know the truth though, which is why we're all making speculations based on the small amount of information we do have.
 
Speculating on how the "free hugs" sign came about:

I have a feeling that the "free hugs" sign originated in Devonte's habit of being inappropriately affectionate. I wonder if they maybe started doing it as a way of alerting people that their kid was prone to "giving hugs" to people they encountered out in public.

It might have been a way they were trying to channel his tendency into something a bit more controlled. They might have thought that it was cute or endearing for people to see a little kid with this sign around his neck when he came running over to strangers, rather than having to explain why he was doing it (due to history of abuse). They also might have tried to use it to help him learn to manage the behavior - turning it into a positive thing - telling him you can give "free hugs" - rather than just having him run up to anyone he encountered and grabbing on to them.

As he got older, the use of the "free hugs" sign morphed into something where he may have felt pressured to act in ways that maybe he was beginning to grow out of. The parents then also managed to find a way to channel this "free hugs" thing into their political activism and their need to maintain a certain persona on social media. So it took on a life of its own, and maybe Devonte was struggling with that, which would be normal for a teenager to start doing.

Since we don't know if they ever got any therapy for these kids, its hard to know if they were ever given any guidance about how to manage inappropriate affection due to attachment problems. I can almost imagine caregivers, who have no guidance from therapists, trying to deal with this type of behavior and doing something like a "free hugs" sign on the child's neck in public.

just some speculation....


Free hugs was and is a big part of the Shangri-La festival held each fall at Harmony Park, MN. The famliy went to that festival at least from 2011 to 2014, even traveling the distance from OR.
 
I don't think we should efforts should be placed on follow up support services, assessments and outreach rather than trying to limit who can adopt who. In many articles people are commenting that the system failed the hart children and that is true! They were responsible for allowing the adoption and their should be due diligence across systems to ensure that they are in good care when no one is watching


IMO

I agree. One of the articles I just saw, said that 73% of black children adoptees, are adopted by white parents. So we cannot possibly shut down white/black adoptions without severely hurting these children.

I totally agree that the emphasis should be on support services and outreach so the children are not continuously failed by the system.
 
Free hugs was and is a big part of the Shangri-La festival held each fall at Harmony Park, MN. The famliy went to that festival at least from 2011 to 2014, even traveling the distance from OR.

Interesting... do you have a source for that?
 
View attachment 132543
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/us-news/two-mums-six-children-feared-12270159

So March adoption anniversary has just passed and Sarah's birthday is coming up in April. All.the.dates are to be celebrated.

It is so hard to be patient. Stuff has to trickle out eventually, right? If they both thrived or if Sarah struggled to make changes in private or with coworkers.

Still looking for date of official marriage.

Sorry to quote myself, but that's interesting. Her FB post, from the mirror article, celebrating the 9th anniversary is dated Mar16 saying they had celebrated a couple of days ago. Do they celebrate all the made up dates? CBS reports the adoption finalized in February, not March. Is CBS wrong or was Jen needing some good internet juju fuel that day and makes it all up as she goes along?
 

So, we have seen the photos and the explanation by the photographer of what was happening before the hugs photo.

We are guessing that the names of children published have to be approved by parents.

The kids are dressed cute and she has many pics of them at events where they would stand out. If you do not want to draw attention to yourself, it is easy to melt into the background.

So what kind of mind babble is she doing?
 
What do you mean?

If you're saying that that could be a factor in Devonte's "free hugs" sign.. I think its possible.

But I tend to believe that the reason Devonte is seen wearing this sign when he is older originated in his earlier behavior. It would be odd to take a "free hugs" sign and put it on a child who is very shy and introverted. It would make more sense to put such a sign (regardless of how inappropriate/wrong that decision is) on a child who has shown a pattern of being overly friendly/affectionate with strangers.

I don't think these women were sadistic to these children from the moment they adopted them. So that is why I am wondering about the origins of the "free hugs" sign. I do believe that the motivation behind the sign morphed as the years went on, and came to be used for different reasons than it probably originally did.

All just speculation, of course.

Can you relay the source of Devonte "innapropriately" hugging strangers on his own? I have not read that anywhere that he was known to being innapropriate with affection. If this is this from Jen's mouth no need to bother, Because I will not believe one single word this woman has said.
 
Instead of derailing the tread with lots of info, I recommend a google search to see all of the issues with “white saviors” , the appropriation of black amd other cultures, the queens and kings, the new Jim Crow, and lots of topics I am forgetting.

Matching up potential parents who really want a child to care for, and children who really want a permanent home and family, has nothing whatsoever to do with 'the appropriation of black amd other cultures, the queens and kings, the new Jim Crow...etc etc/'
 
I'm curious if there's a national databank of adoptable children. Otherwise how did 2 single, gay women, young and
just out of college decide to adopt siblings from Texas. Have we heard how they matched up and met these children?
 
I will post in a few minutes both of the transcripts from Ashleigh Benfield yesterday
 

So they hated the attention from the photo sooooooo much that after it finally started to die down, they went and gave another interview to the Oregonian and put themselves back in the news cycle. Interesting strategy!

I have a gaggle of cute little look-alike daughters and we get attention in public. One time the newspaper photog guy wanted to take a picture of them looking cute at the midnight Mass at the local Catholic cathedral for his Easter lifestyle photo compilation. I said ok. He wanted names so I gave him made up commonplace ones (think Emily, Jane, and Sarah). Not hard to avoid putting your name out there in lights if you want to.
 
I'm curious if there's a national databank of adoptable children. Otherwise how did 2 single, gay women, young and
just out of college decide to adopt siblings from Texas. Have we heard how they matched up and met these children?

www.adoptuskids.org Not our adoption route, but if you have an approved homestudy you can apply to adopt any of the children on this website. I am curious how they were matched as well, because usually that process is very difficult...requires a ton of paperwork and also takes months...
 
Does anyone know if Mrs. DeKalb put the requested food items out for Devonte on that last day? I've been holding onto the hope that she did, he took the food and he and two of his siblings ran away. However, the longer time goes on the harder it is to hold out hope. The food has either run out or is getting very low - not to mention if they were camping out in the elements. I've wondered also if in a fit of anger they dropped Devonte, Sierra and Hannah off somewhere because of the call to CPS and now everything was unraveling. I doubt now that's likely as someone would have had to have spotted three children alone by now. This case has really rocked me emotionally. I hope we all get some answers soon. The not knowing, the wondering if the remaining three are alive out there somewhere or in the water is just so agonizing. So many emotions over this horrible story. :(
 
Matching up potential parents who really want a child to care for, and children who really want a permanent home and family, has nothing whatsoever to do with 'the appropriation of black amd other cultures, the queens and kings, the new Jim Crow...etc etc/'

Literally every person I personally know without children who has adopted children who are white, Black, Hispanic, Vietnamese, extended family, arranged before birth, etc, have done so because they desperately wanted a family and couldn’t conceive for one reason or another extended health problems or trying for years. They all spent years either going through the overseas adoption process or years fostering to adopt. This judgment of white parents adopting children of color breaks my heart.

I don’t feel like it should surprise me though because even my friends with mixed race bio kids get practically shunned by certain communities and have to connect with other mixed families for any sort of advice on things like skin and hair care.


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Wow! They printed his name. Do newspapers have to get permission from parents before they print the name of a kid?
Ugh don't even get me started on this... suffice it to say my poor niece certainly remember when her irate auntie threw the biggest, loudest fit, at our local newspaper office, about media responsibility, random adults with cameras photographing children at play, custody issues, domestic violence, etc and on and on.

That was over 20 years ago, but, yeah, they should but don't always.

It may be different now, idk. Schools have to get permission, but maybe the media can photograph whatever if it's in public? Eta that doesn't explain the name thing but in my above story, they just asked the kids their names and they were in their own front yard but mom was inside and they didn't seek her out for permission.
 
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