Deborah Bradley's Estranged Husband Speaks - Where Is Baby Lisa?

[STEADFAST]

Does DB get any benefits of still being married to him?

As his spouse, she receives free medical and psychological care and low-cost dental care, as do any of his children (including Lisa if he enrolled her in DEERS.) She also has the privilege of shopping at the commissary and PX, where prices are generally cheaper. Other benefits that she gets are free legal advice (though not representation), priority in hiring by the federal government and many private companies, free help and counseling in many life areas, possible payment of any educational costs, free or cheap large life-insurance policy on her husband, significant discounts on hotels, rental cars, etc.

I can't even remember everything that I get as a military spouse. She would give up a lot, monetarily, if she divorced her military husband.

She gets these benefits even if they are separated.

 

[MamaK]

As his spouse, she receives free medical and psychological care and low-cost dental care, as do any of his children (including Lisa if he enrolled her in DEERS.) She also has the privilege of shopping at the commissary and PX, where prices are generally cheaper. Other benefits that she gets are free legal advice (though not representation), priority in hiring by the federal government and many private companies, free help and counseling in many life areas, possible payment of any educational costs, free or cheap large life-insurance policy on her husband, significant discounts on hotels, rental cars, etc.

I can't even remember everything that I get as a military spouse. She would give up a lot, monetarily, if she divorced her military husband.

She gets these benefits even if they are separated.

He's a reservist though, so the rules are a little different. She can only get Tricare Prime (this is basically the free healthcare) while active (deployed or training for 30+ days).
http://www.military.com/benefits/co.../tricare-for-activated-guard-and-reserve.html
Even then, if she's not near a military health facility, she would need to qualify for Tricare Prime Remote, which would require her to have the same address as the service member. http://www.military.com/benefits/co...erve-and-guard.html?comp=7000022779075&rank=5
Also, she would need a dependent ID card for all of this. They're good for 5 years so if she had just gotten hers before they split up, then she could still have it. I think I remember seeing somewhere that they split up 4 years ago??? I could be totally wrong though and I'm not digging through a bunch of links to find it either. :crazy:

Honestly, I really don't think DB is getting a bunch of freebies, especially since SB is a reservist now. He would have needed to send her a copy of his deployment orders and if they haven't communicated in 2 years then that didn't happen. I'm not sure that they are near a commissary to make it worth the drive for the cheaper food. She's not working outside the home and was working at a Payless when she met JI (according to the JI article), so she's not asking for spousal preference for employment. So, IMO no scamming, no taking advantage of the system here. :innocent:
IMO MOO :twocents:

 

[Jacie Estes]

He's a reservist though, so the rules are a little different. She can only get Tricare Prime (this is basically the free healthcare) while active (deployed or training for 30+ days).
http://www.military.com/benefits/co.../tricare-for-activated-guard-and-reserve.html
Even then, if she's not near a military health facility, she would need to qualify for Tricare Prime Remote, which would require her to have the same address as the service member. http://www.military.com/benefits/co...erve-and-guard.html?comp=7000022779075&rank=5
Also, she would need a dependent ID card for all of this. They're good for 5 years so if she had just gotten hers before they split up, then she could still have it. I think I remember seeing somewhere that they split up 4 years ago??? I could be totally wrong though and I'm not digging through a bunch of links to find it either. :crazy:

Honestly, I really don't think DB is getting a bunch of freebies, especially since SB is a reservist now. He would have needed to send her a copy of his deployment orders and if they haven't communicated in 2 years then that didn't happen. I'm not sure that they are near a commissary to make it worth the drive for the cheaper food. She's not working outside the home and was working at a Payless when she met JI (according to the JI article), so she's not asking for spousal preference for employment. So, IMO no scamming, no taking advantage of the system here. :innocent:
IMO MOO :twocents:

BBM There are 2 Aldi stores within a few minutes of her house, that would be the cheapest for her to shop rather than commissary.

 

[gwenabob]

BBM There are 2 Aldi stores within a few minutes of her house, that would be the cheapest for her to shop rather than commissary.

May I ask what an Aldi store is? Thanks.

 

[STEADFAST]

He's a reservist though, so the rules are a little different. She can only get Tricare Prime (this is basically the free healthcare) while active (deployed or training for 30+ days).
http://www.military.com/benefits/co.../tricare-for-activated-guard-and-reserve.html
Even then, if she's not near a military health facility, she would need to qualify for Tricare Prime Remote, which would require her to have the same address as the service member. http://www.military.com/benefits/co...erve-and-guard.html?comp=7000022779075&rank=5
Also, she would need a dependent ID card for all of this. They're good for 5 years so if she had just gotten hers before they split up, then she could still have it. I think I remember seeing somewhere that they split up 4 years ago??? I could be totally wrong though and I'm not digging through a bunch of links to find it either. :crazy:

Honestly, I really don't think DB is getting a bunch of freebies, especially since SB is a reservist now. He would have needed to send her a copy of his deployment orders and if they haven't communicated in 2 years then that didn't happen. I'm not sure that they are near a commissary to make it worth the drive for the cheaper food. She's not working outside the home and was working at a Payless when she met JI (according to the JI article), so she's not asking for spousal preference for employment. So, IMO no scamming, no taking advantage of the system here. :innocent:
IMO MOO :twocents:

While he was activated, she had all the privileges of an active-duty military spouse. I know she could have Tricare Prime because I do not live anywhere near a military hospital or anywhere near where my husband is deployed and I've got Tricare Prime. I have never had to pay a dime for health care at my civilian dr's office or at any clinic or lab -- Tricare pays 100%. She could have called his unit to obtain a copy of her husband's page 2 of his orders for her i.d. card, if he refused to send it. Don't know whether she'd drive the 70 miles to her nearest commissary -- I would definitely drive that far for the significant savings at the commissary. Obviously, she didn't take advantage of her privileges while she could have.

(This, at least, means she was probably NOT staying married to him for the benefits!)

 

[MamaK]

May I ask what an Aldi store is? Thanks.

http://www.aldi.us/index_ENU_HTML.htm
It's a grocery store that has really good deals. They are all about saving on overhead so they can have the cheapest prices. Not the most comfortable shopping experience because everything is crammed in but good prices. I haven't lived anywhere with one for awhile but I used to go all the time in college. I miss Aldi's...

 

[Kat]

He's a reservist though, so the rules are a little different. She can only get Tricare Prime (this is basically the free healthcare) while active (deployed or training for 30+ days).
http://www.military.com/benefits/co.../tricare-for-activated-guard-and-reserve.html
Even then, if she's not near a military health facility, she would need to qualify for Tricare Prime Remote, which would require her to have the same address as the service member. http://www.military.com/benefits/co...erve-and-guard.html?comp=7000022779075&rank=5
Also, she would need a dependent ID card for all of this. They're good for 5 years so if she had just gotten hers before they split up, then she could still have it. I think I remember seeing somewhere that they split up 4 years ago??? I could be totally wrong though and I'm not digging through a bunch of links to find it either. :crazy:

Honestly, I really don't think DB is getting a bunch of freebies, especially since SB is a reservist now. He would have needed to send her a copy of his deployment orders and if they haven't communicated in 2 years then that didn't happen. I'm not sure that they are near a commissary to make it worth the drive for the cheaper food. She's not working outside the home and was working at a Payless when she met JI (according to the JI article), so she's not asking for spousal preference for employment. So, IMO no scamming, no taking advantage of the system here. :innocent:
IMO MOO :twocents:

Also their child was born while father was active duty. He would have been enrolled in deers shortly after birth. He would have been issued an ID card. That child is eligible to obtain tricare prime by paperwork filled out by the activated reserve member. (a lot of this changed after the start of the war).

http://www.bop.gov/news/PDFs/guide_reservefamilymemberbenefits.pdf

In addition, if DB does not have a valid ID card she can still shop at the commissary PX or access post in order to obtain medical care for her son if she has a form.

Personal note: I worked at Aafes for a while and we would get parents of children who's other parent was a reservist or we would get grandparents or guardians of military children (id card holders) that would come in and ask before they purchased for the children if it was okay. Just a quick glance at the form and the ID card and the person's own ID was all we needed to complete the transaction.

About extra pay: http://www.military.com/benefits/resources/deployment/extra-pays-received

Reservist's that have been activated to get all the benefits of pay that regular active duty get. (this was a big change after the beginning of the war). Now if he shares I don't know? But, it isn't needed to communicate in order to share the money.

We have what is called a discretionary allotment which is a voluntary allotment. For those unfamiliar how that works is when the Gov does it's direct deposit into the service members acct. any allotments are dispersed prior to that deposit. So in other words, life insurance gets paid, Tricare gets paid, Dental gets paid, if you live in housing that is privatized the rent gets paid, and any discretionary and non-discretionary allotments get paid out prior to deposit of pay in service members acct.

Just an aside. I do not think that Lisa was given an ID card because her own father is involved in her life and provided a home for DB and Lisa and Lisa's brother too. But who knows? All JMHO and recollections.

 

[seekjustice]

May I ask what an Aldi store is? Thanks.

Grocery store

 

[ThoughtFox]

Uh, how to say this . . . :crazy:

If he couldn't contact his child maybe there were . . . phone issues? As in, phone numbers changing, phones turned off, unpaid bills, etc. I'm talking stateside, not on his part.

It's not like this spectacular Mom was sitting her kids/stepkids down in front of Skype every day to talk to estranged parents, especially one overseas. It works both ways like that...

And besides, we know the Irwin family has telephone issues!!! :twocents:

 

[Jacie Estes]

May I ask what an Aldi store is? Thanks.

Hi gwenabob.:seeya:

It is a store that has really good prices; when we lived in KCMO I could buy cases of soup for 5-6 dollars and a lot of staples that the Elders on the rez wouldn't get in commods. Gallons of water were much less than the $2.50 a gallon spring water prices on the rez. One year, when we were going up to the rez at Christmas, I bought 6 turkeys at a really good price, the regional manager was there and asked why I was buying 6 turkeys. When I told him I was taking them to the Elders in SD, he gave me six more. After that I did most of my shopping there.

http://aldi.us/index_ENU_HTML.htm

btw josh is still an idiot and his daddy is a jail bird

 

[Jacie Estes]

http://www.aldi.us/index_ENU_HTML.htm
It's a grocery store that has really good deals. They are all about saving on overhead so they can have the cheapest prices. Not the most comfortable shopping experience because everything is crammed in but good prices. I haven't lived anywhere with one for awhile but I used to go all the time in college. I miss Aldi's...

gotta love that quarter thing for the shopping cart :floorlaugh:

 

[Irish_Eyes]

So the only way I think SB is relevant is from the aspect of what light he can shed on DB.

Even though I harbor some suspicions about Lisa's parents, what I take from this is that there really wasn't a lot of bad juju between SB and DB....and that says as much about DB as it does about SB, IMHO. It doesn't sound like he was fighting for custody or visitation, or that she was pursuing child support (which she could have done, having lived separate and apart from him for all this time). Whatever their present arrangement is/was, it seems like until now, it was what they chose to do as two adults.

 

[In da Middle]

gotta love that quarter thing for the shopping cart :floorlaugh:

Yep get up to grab a cart and realize you don't have a quarter on you. Go back to the car, scrounge for a quarter, go back and get a cart. It is worth it though.

 

[MamaK]

While he was activated, she had all the privileges of an active-duty military spouse. I know she could have Tricare Prime because I do not live anywhere near a military hospital or anywhere near where my husband is deployed and I've got Tricare Prime. I have never had to pay a dime for health care at my civilian dr's office or at any clinic or lab -- Tricare pays 100%. She could have called his unit to obtain a copy of her husband's page 2 of his orders for her i.d. card, if he refused to send it. Don't know whether she'd drive the 70 miles to her nearest commissary -- I would definitely drive that far for the significant savings at the commissary. Obviously, she didn't take advantage of her privileges while she could have.

(This, at least, means she was probably NOT staying married to him for the benefits!)

I think it really does just depend on where you live. I looked into moving where my mom lives now when dh was deployed a couple years back. I would've had to change to Tricare Standard because it's outside of a prime service area. It was part of the reason why I decided to stay where he was stationed. I don't know if there's any rhyme or reason to how they determine that. My stepdaughter lives outside of a prime area as well, and she's only about a 1-1.5 hours from a post (although it's really small.) :crazy:

 

[Jacie Estes]

Yep get up to grab a cart and realize you don't have a quarter on you. Go back to the car, scrounge for a quarter, go back and get a cart. It is worth it though.

LOL I miss there and Alter Ego and a lot of other places.



AND as I said half hour ago ------> :seeya: fftobed: :snowflake: :snowflake:

 

[STEADFAST]

The commissary prices are cost + 5% for all items. I don't think you can get cheaper than that, even at Aldi's. As a reservist's wife, she has commissary privileges, whether he's activated or not. Here's a web site showing the benefits Army reservists and their families get when they are in drilling status (not activated.) Not all of these benefits apply to spouses. http://myarmybenefits.us.army.mil/Home/Benefit_Library/Federal_Benefits_Page.html?type=Component

Soldiers are not allowed to choose whether their families receive benefits and support or not.

[SIZE=-0]The various branches of the military require their members to provide support for family members.[/SIZE][SIZE=-0] . . . [/SIZE][SIZE=-0]The Department of the Army has very specific provisions regarding interim support of dependents. . . . [/SIZE][SIZE=-0]When the military member/NCP fails to enroll the child(ren), the client/custodial parent must provide the RAPIDS/Pass and ID office with the military member/NCP's full name and Social Security number along with the required documentation to effect enrollment. The client/custodial parent can provide the documents in person or by mail.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-0]Once the client/custodial parent supplies the Verifying Officer at the military installation with the DEERS documentation listed above, the Verifying Officer asks the military member/NCP to enroll the child(ren). If the military member/NCP refuses to enroll the child, the Verifying Officer enrolls the child and issues a military identification card.[/SIZE]
http://info.dhhs.state.nc.us/olm/manuals/dss/cse/man/CSEcS-04.htm#P348_29857

 

[RT51]

They have a child so they can't represent themselves pro se. At least one would have to hire an attorney. We would charge a minimum of $1,200 retainer, and that is only if it is a non contested dissolution.

Depends on where you are I think. My ex-dh and I divorced 10 years ago. We had 2 minor children at the time. We did not have lawyers and did it on our own. Cost us all of $250.

This is in no way concerning SB & DB, just responding that it depends on what state you are living in at the time of the divorce.

 

[Lera213]

Amen to that last statement!

His service in the military and consideration for the care of his son while he is deployed could also be a reason they haven't divorced. Also, when custody issues are involved, it's wise not to seek a divorce without legal counsel. Until now, he may not have thought a formal divorce was that important, and believed his son was being well cared for. He may be changing his mind now, however.

MOO

I have to agree here. Not seeing the kids is not a bad thing because he is deployed. I don't know about Army but in the Air Force, depending on the job lets taking flying. The active duty person who has custody of a child would have to have someone that could care for his son in a moments notice for an undetermined time frame. That isn't easy to do if you live out of state with no family. While we don't know what his situation is, and being deployed to Iraq and who knows if he did a double tour or not.

He would not also come out and bash DB either, it wouldn't be wise if you are talking to an attorney to get custody. Less is better, and he can only go off of what DB was like that he knew. To me it sounds like he was really taken back of what is going on. Shock is an understatement. Easy to arm chair quarterback and if your not familiar with the Military even worse. I say we all step back and give this man some time to work this out. After all we owe that little amount for gratitude in serving our country. MOO

 

[gwenabob]

Hi gwenabob.:seeya:

It is a store that has really good prices; when we lived in KCMO I could buy cases of soup for 5-6 dollars and a lot of staples that the Elders on the rez wouldn't get in commods. Gallons of water were much less than the $2.50 a gallon spring water prices on the rez. One year, when we were going up to the rez at Christmas, I bought 6 turkeys at a really good price, the regional manager was there and asked why I was buying 6 turkeys. When I told him I was taking them to the Elders in SD, he gave me six more. After that I did most of my shopping there.

http://aldi.us/index_ENU_HTML.htm

btw josh is still an idiot and his daddy is a jail bird

Thanks. Now I wish I had one in my neck of the woods.

 

[captivagrl]

Until they divorce legally, Mr. Bradley is the presumed father of Lisa. This legal technicality is important to this case, imo. I do not think Mr. Bradley is involved with her disappearance. It speaks to the family (DB and JI) dynamics/finances. It must be considered. Legal paternity is a factor, it just is.

Also, IF a woman has no income of her own and is living with a man with his own home, job, etc...she could feel "stuck" "vulnerable"? Or, is she a woman that creates a situation where she has children with men and expects to be supported? IMO, these things need to be considered.