As well, many parents don't know where to turn when there is a crisis within their own home. Particularly when their child is over 18.
Both laws and community resources need to be addressed in the wake of this and many other tragedies.
JMO
My experience with obtaining mental health care for my daughter.
When my middle daughter was 15/16 (diagnosed with ADHD age 6), she started exhibiting aggressive,impulsive, risky behavior. Luckily, I had been on medical leave from work for several months and was able to "notice" the change in her behavior - I often wonder if I would have noticed had I still been working 40 to 50 hours a week and keeping up with the usual activities of raising 5 children. She was already seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist for her ADHD and I documented the behavior to them. Their first assumptions - and mine was she was being a rebellious teenager heightened by the ADHD with mild depression from moving across the country from a big city to a rural small town a year prior.
When she was 16 1/2 she had her first suicide attempt. She was admitted to the behavioral health floor of the hospital for a 72 hour hold. Her psychiatrist and therapist were just down the hall behind the locked door to the clinic. They were not allowed to treat her during her stay on the ward because they were not the team on call when she was admitted and could not discuss her behavior or treatment with me while she was under the care of the on-call Doctor. I had no idea what the next step was when she was discharged - how do I keep her safe, etc. I asked nurses, the on-call Doctor and they all said I would have to discuss this with her primary psychiatrist and therapist at her next appointment. There were no pamplets or books anywhere on the ward about teenage suicide, depression - nothing.
She was discharged and over the next year she had several suicide attempts and an increase in risky, agressive behavior and depression. She was diagnosed with ultra rapid cycling Bipolar Disorder. Several different medications were tried to stabilize her moods - there were serious side effects with most of them - double vision, distorted speech, digestive issues,lactating or more extreme mania and depression. One severe reaction to a medication caused her moods to change at a very, very rapid pace. In 15 minutes, I watched her switch multiple times between anger, crying jags, hysterical laughing, moments of clarity of having no control over her mood,being emotionless, almost trance-like - over and over and over. She was often belligerent at school and I would have to go pick her up. She was very aggressive with me - no physical contact but she would block my path down the hallway and threaten to destroy furniture in the house or threaten her younger sister. One of the many suggestions her psychiatrist made to me was to let the police deal with her when she became aggressive and threatening, in part because when she turned 18 it would be easier for her to get mental health care rather than jail if there was already a police record of her having mental health issues. On 2 separate occasions, she became belligerent and aggressive at school, the school called me and I refused to pick her up and told them to call the police per Dr instructions - instead they brought her home and shortly after I would have to call the police due to her aggression and she would be admitted for 72 hours.
This experience was like being on a never ending loop of stress, mental exhaustion and fear she would hurt herself or others. If I had still been working I seriously doubt I would have been able to follow up with the suggestions and coping strategies made by her Dr and therapist. I needed to be on high alert 24/7 for over a year. On Top of the Bipolar symptoms she was also very angry at me because I could not "fix" her.
Fortunately for us and due to her many hospital stays in such a short period of time, our insurance appointed a representative over her case to review her files to see if there were any available treatment avenues to stabilize her before she turned 18 when we would no longer be able to make sure she received mental health care. The Representative suggested admitting her to a Behavioral Residential Treatment Center for 3 months - 10 hours away. Her psychiatrist and therapist agreed this was the only option we had to try to help her by placing her in a structured environment to stabilize her medications and to educate her on her responsibilities toward her mental health care. When we left her at the facility it was quite simply the hardest thing I have ever done. She turned 18 a month after leaving the Treatment Center.
Once your child turns 18 - you will not be informed of their medical treatment and cannot force them to go to appointments or take their meds and law enforcement cannot do anything unless they have proof your adult child is a danger to themselves or others. When she was around 21, she had a bad reaction to a new medication. She called me to tell me her car had been stolen and replaced with one exactly like hers by people wanting to plant drugs in her car. It did not matter that her key fit the ignition and would start the "replacement" car. It did not matter that all her belongings were in the "replacement" car - she was adamant her car had been stolen and replaced with an identical car. I tried convincing her otherwise but she didn't believe me and she said she was going to the police to file a stolen car report. Thirty minutes later the police called me and explained she was there and why, I told them I was aware of her claims and mentioned she had Bipolar Disorder. The officer said that while she obviously has a false idea about her car, she was not a threat to herself or others and she had a friend with her so there was nothing they could do. I told them I understood. An hour later she arrived at my house and proceeded to take the dashboard and door panels apart to find the "drugs". She realized it was indeed her car when she took out the backseat and found her necklace. Her reasoning was that the people she thought had stolen her car and replaced it with an identical one would not go to the trouble of putting her necklace under the backseat. She put her car back together and she was stable again.
She still had some rough and very risky times after turning 18 but she did not have any more suicide attempts, she never missed a psychatrist or therapist appointment, and she managed her mental health care very well. Her psychiatrist had told me that there was a chance her Bipolar Disorder would stabilize when her brain matured around age 25 and fortunately her moods did become somewhat more stable.
Today she is 35 yrs old, has been married for 6 years and is an excellent mother to my autistic 4 yr old granddaughter. Her husband is military and she has lived in 3 different locations in 6 years. Every new doctor she has seen in the last 6 years wants to change her diagnosis to Borderline Personality Disorder and ADHD after her first appointment based on what she remembers about her early mental health history which is very little and an 18 month period 5 years ago when she was very paranoid while on Buspar about the safety of her daughter from kidnapping, etc. A month after stopping Buspar the paranoia disappeared. They do not request the records from her former psychiatrist of 14 years, she has tried to give each of them medical records from those 14 years and they dismiss them and they will not accept any written statements from me. The only symptoms she has on the Borderline checklist are the symptoms that are also on the checklist for Bipolar Disorder. She does not have a fear of abandonment, she does not have an addiction problem, she does not have an eating disorder or poor self image, and she has a long history of strong, stable relationships with myself, her husband, her siblings, and long term friends and relatives. While living 2,000 miles away from family, she successfully managed taking care of her daughter and the household during the beginning of the Covid shutdown while her husband was on a 6 month deployment. Besides wanting to change her diagnosis, the new doctors all want to switch her medication around despite her present medication working well for her without side effects. I don't understand what motivates them to want to change a well documented 20 year diagnosis and the effective medications but it happens every time she sees a new doctor.
I apologize for my long post but I wanted to demonstrate that even with great insurance and the free time for a parent to pursue mental health care for their child that the process is frustrating and oftentimes unproductive and my daughter could have easily become a hostage to her mental health issues . We were very fortunate to have good insurance and a proactive advocate for her with our insurance company. We were very fortunate that I was not working during her teenage years and was able to be present enough to recognize something was off with her moods and for me to have the free time to take her to every appointment and the free time to advocate for her at school - most teens needing mental health care are not that fortunate. If I had not been home to witness her ever changing moods, if she had not had frequent appointments with the same psychiatrist and therapist for months and they got to know her and recognize the change in her moods - she may very well have remained to be seen as just a mildly depressed, rebellious teenager with ADHD and became another often disparged victim of societies views on teens and young adults like her.
chicago.suntimes.com
