MI - Kelli Stapleton, attempted murder of 14yo daughter, Benzie County, 3 Sept 2013

Discussion in 'Recently Sentenced and Beyond' started by lost indie, Sep 7, 2013.

  1. lost indie

    lost indie New Member

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    This week a mother, Kelli Stapleton attempted to kill herself and her 14 year old daughter. The daughter had been in a treatment center for several months and had recently returned home. Issy....the daughter is extremely violent. Both mother and daughter survived but Issy is still in the hospital and the extent of her injuries are unknown. Kelli lit two grills and put them in her minivan with herself and Kelli inside. Kelli is now in jail charged with attempted murder.

    Kelli has a blog The Status Woe outlining her life with Issy and her frustrations trying to get help for her daughter. She did everything humanly possible and her efforts were paying off.

    I think what set her over the edge is the fact that the school that Issy was to attend told her and her husband that Issy would not be allowed to attend. Kelli was told she should homeschool. The reason given is that it would be a conflict of interest.....Kelli's husband and Issy's father is the principal of that school.

    It's a local story for me. I've read the news reports and read the blog after the fact. Of course I do not condone violence toward children...I feel much sympathy toward Kelli.

    Sorry....I am not able to provide links...(I am an idiot) but I am hoping someone can for me. Curious to see what you guys think.
     
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  3. scmom

    scmom New Member

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  4. Hejlena

    Hejlena Former Member

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    I went over to read some of this woman's blog, but know what?

    Huh uh. I will not find anything in there that will help me dig up empathy for a parent who tries to murder her child. Nope. Nada. None.

    EsPECIALLY if that child is severely disabled.

    I've worked with severely autistic kids for years and while I get that I can never understand the heartbreak of what is involved in raising a child who has Issy's struggles, that does not give her mother a pass to kill her.

    Ever.
     
  5. MsFacetious

    MsFacetious What a Kerfuffle...

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  6. MsFacetious

    MsFacetious What a Kerfuffle...

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    And in his own latest update to the tragedy, Matt showed a continued optimism for his daughter's recovery.

    "At this time, she is still unresponsive after being lifted from the medically induced coma she was put in for the treatment of her injuries," he wrote this week. "She has not yet been conscious since the incident. This is not entirely uncommon as some people go 24-48 hours before waking. We remain upbeat and positive as we expect to see many improvements in the next 12-24 hours."

    In the time since Matt's update was posted, PEOPLE has confirmed through a friend of the family that Issy is conscious, off of her breathing tube and talking, although she is still in the hospital.

    http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20732309,00.html
     
  7. squish

    squish New Member

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    I have NO sympathy whatsoever towards Kelli. I spontaneously recovered from Asperger syndrome when I was 16, and one of my pet hates is when parents of autistic people make the condition all about themselves, and talk about how hard their own lives are for having to look after their children. They need to remember that no matter how hard it is for them, it's worse for the autistic person who actually suffers from the condition.
     
  8. lost indie

    lost indie New Member

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    Glad to hear you "spontaneously recovered". I have never heard of that before.

    Kelli was being injured on a regular basis. Probably her husband and other children were as well. There are videos and pictures on her blog of the caregivers with injuries that appear to be severe.

    Kelli must have worried that Issy could possibly kill or permanently injure either herself or someone else. I do not believe it was all about Kelli at all. She was trying to keep EVERYONE safe including her child.

    We all have a breaking point.
     
  9. Mahouston69

    Mahouston69 Digital Imaging Specialist

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    I too am a Mother of severely Autistic, non verbal, type 1 diabetic 21 yr old man that requires hands on 24/7. A man, the school doesn't want, married to a professional. Yes, we do have a breaking point and if you do reach it, you take your problem and let someone else have it. You don't kill someone you love. Zero sympathy for Mom and Dad. Anger and disgust I have lots of. I would take her daughter for her, if she can't "take" it anymore and would rather she was dead. :(
     
  10. lost indie

    lost indie New Member

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    sorry you weren't there to take "it"....

    kind of a cold way to refer to a child...imo
     
  11. squish

    squish New Member

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    I am so offended at the part in bold. I wrote to Simon Baron-Cohen about it in 2010 and he replied. It's not unheard of at all. It was the most significant moment of my entire life and it feels like a miracle happened to me and no one has noticed. You don't know me or anything about me, there is no need to be nasty.

    "Keep her safe" by killing her? Yeah.

    The way I see it, this is discrimination against somebody with mental health problems. You would never be excusing a mother who tried to kill their child with a tangible, physical illness, no matter how difficult it was to take care of them.
     
  12. lost indie

    lost indie New Member

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    I did not mean to offend you. I have no idea who Simon Baron-Cohen is...... and I am delighted that you recovered. I do not think this has anything to do with Kelli though...
     
  13. squish

    squish New Member

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    <modsnip>

    It depends entirely on the individual. Autism is autism. They are just labels, however different subtypes are categorised (which are difficult to define, it's a contentious issue among professionals). Each individual will have a different personality and different issues. Asperger syndrome just means that the person did not have language delays as a child. So people who are classified as Asperger's can sometimes suffer far more severely than people who are classified as autistic.

    There is no link between violence and autism spectrum disorders, except that suffers are more likely to be victims. Issy may have been violent, but it's not an inherent trait of the condition. Difficult behaviours from autistic people are usually down to their own stress.

    Another one of my pet hates is when people diminish the importance of Aspergers/high functioning people just because they can talk. Also, most aspies insisting that it's a variation of normal, rather than an illness, tend to be the very high-functioning types. There is no way in hell I could have looked after a child before my "epiphany" (as I call it).
     
  14. squish

    squish New Member

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    The most prominent autism "expert" in the UK. (I say it in quotes because I don't believe it's possible for a non-suffer to ever be an "expert". That's like a vet thinking they know how it feels to be a cat).

    I originally briefly mentioned my own experience to explain why I'm personally outraged when I hear of cases like this.
     
  15. MsFacetious

    MsFacetious What a Kerfuffle...

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    Some thoughts:

    1. What if this woman tried to kill her daughter to protect other people?
    This girl was obviously violent, what if her mother believed that she was going to kill someone?

    If she says "I was just sick of taking care of the brat" that is one thing.
    But this sounds much more like a case of a mother who felt like there was no other option.


    2. You can't just hand over a violent and autistic person to someone. It doesn't work that way.

    This wasn't a cute baby/toddler that someone killed because they didn't want it.
    This was a nearly full grown, violent, disabled person... which few people would take on.

    There is not a "Safe Haven" for this case.
    She did not have the option of just dropping this girl off at a fire station.

    She would have ended up institutionalized, warehoused.
    Many people who have been in institutions think death would be better. :twocents:


    3. If people want to help they need to read this woman's blog instead of immediately condemning her.
    Understand what she went through, what she dealt with, the help she did not get.
    Then try to change it, so the next parent never reaches this point of desperation.

    http://thestatuswoe.wordpress.com/

    https://www.facebook.com/pages/Kelli-Stapleton-The-Status-Woe/441514065886958


    4. If you have never had the child you loved and raised physically attack you...
    You simply cannot understand the hopelessness and despair that come from that.

    To then deal with that on a regular basis is something I don't think I could handle either.
    But if I couldn't handle it? What would be my options? Not much.
    I have no family/friends that would take my child. No one would adopt this child.

    Until I hear otherwise I think this mother simply ran out of options.
    I think she did what she felt was best for everyone.
    It doesn't mean she was RIGHT, just that she thought it was the only choice left.


    5. A bit out there... but maybe this mother didn't intend to kill her child.
    Maybe she simply did this in order to finally get the child the help she needed. :twocents:
     
  16. squish

    squish New Member

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    But I do agree that there is very little help available for sufferers of autistic spectrum disorders (and all other disorders of the mind), or support for their carers. However it's not Issy's fault, and she would have been the one suffering the most from the appalling lack of services, treatment and support.
     
  17. MsFacetious

    MsFacetious What a Kerfuffle...

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    And perhaps her mother simply got sick of watching her suffer?
    Maybe her mother was trying to kill her because she didn't want her to suffer anymore?

    Maybe her mother was trying to kill herself out of shame for failing as a mother?
    Out of the guilt that comes from not being able to fix your child and make them better?

    There is just so much more that goes into this than most people realize. :twocents:
     
  18. lost indie

    lost indie New Member

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    I agree. Kelli has two other children as well.
     
  19. squish

    squish New Member

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    That may or may not be the case but it's not her place to choose to kill her.

    While it's true - and understandable - that many would prefer death for their disabled love ones than to condemn them to a care home, it's not her place to make that decision for her by killing her, and taking away all hope.

    It's Issy who went through the most. She is the sufferer of autism. It's she who needs help. Not her mother. Not denying that carers need a lot of support, but this is about Issy and I don't care what her mother "went through" it pales in comparison to what her daughter goes through every day.


    Again, nothing compared to what autistic people suffer. Kelli will never understand what her daughter's experience of life is. As usual, neurotypicals don't have empathy for autistic people, rather than necessarily the other way round. Issy isn't an unreasonable person choosing to be violent, she is disabled and her physical reactions are most likely due to the stress of her condition.

    It's not definite that no one would adopt such a teenager. When you try to murder someone you take away all hope and any chance they ever had.

    Doubt it, because Issy actually ended up injured.
     
  20. Hejlena

    Hejlena Former Member

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    I wish I could thank this five thousand times. Kelly may have reached her breaking point-that I understand. But she cannot kill or try to kill her daughter.

    Almost every day I check into WS or MSM and read about someone reaching their breaking point. Each person's breaking point is different, and many times we cannot forsee the ramifications of that person reaching their breaking point.

    Shewhoshallnotbenamed in FL clearly reached her breaking point and the world mourned the loss of bright little Caylee and openly, almost en masse, villainized Shewhoshallnotbenamed. Rightly so.

    But what I can not tolerate is the fact that, if your child is disabled or autistic or in some other way "a burden", then there is suddenly a debate about what your options or motivations were.

    You cannot kill another human being. Even if they are autistic and that makes things hard for you.
     
  21. lost indie

    lost indie New Member

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    comparing apples and oranges...imo

    she who shall not be named was not scared her child may harm anyone else...

    wish you were there to give Kelli respite care when Issy was violent...
     

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