Also in response to posts about DV that re-victimize the victim.
Support system is key! But where is it for some? I still think of some of the people I worked with whether victim or defendant before retiring. The woman who had been abused by Dad and brothers her entire life, she paid a high price the times CPS was called and did nothing. She married a man like her father, friends with her brother. Had babies, was in the ER numerous time with broken bones, always covering up the truth. You grow up knowing there is no help and learn to accept what is as normal. Until one day years later her 12 year old son told her he was going to kill the father, it was after she woke up from a coma, a beating that left her brain damaged, affected her speech, motor skills, and thought processes. I met her when I was conducting the pre-sentence investigation on her husband for the court. Taking the beatings was the only way she knew to protect her children. another case; a father and 2 others tied a man to the basement pole. They beat and tortured him but not before bring the father's 4 year old son to the basement to make a "man" out of him by watching and being told to urinate on him. No wonder years 16 years later the now grown son was arrested for DV & assault. Later going to prison. I even think of my daughter, saved in the nick of time, we adopted her at the age of 12. Sexually abused by grandfather and father. It happened to all the girls in the family. The grandfather even impregnated his own daughter.Luckily for her she ended up in foster care and it was not to late for a good support system to help. It may be only us that have had a good support system who can help some of these children in foster care, or report things we see and not be daunted by when nothing happens the first time through CPS. I have seen what can take an innocent child and turn them in tomorrows victims or abusers. I have 3 bio kids (one passed away), 2 adopted. I think somehow I was born to be a mother. But seeing the reality and the tragedy, results of a child's cycle of life solidified it. When I was the age most were planning their retirement I chose to adopt a 2 year old child with cerebral palsy from overseas. I felt I had enough time left to give another child a "support system", the semblance of family and a chance. I write all of this because I agree completely with the need for a good support system. But where does it come from when it's not the family? WE sometimes see through rose colored glasses and judge through our life experiences. It's just not that black and white.