This was sent to me by a friend, I have no idea if this man really exists, but I thought it was hilarious. (and, right on)
Becoming Illegal (From a Maryland resident to his senator)
The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
309 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC, 20510
Dear Senator Sarbanes,
As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the IRS, I am writing
to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland
Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and
they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to
illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for
which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as
an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I
need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes
for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am
anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes
every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of
taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be
illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my
family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying
premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000
a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my
daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications,
as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United
States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden
of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance
premiums . This is very important to me given that I still have college
age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal
(retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would
be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Pete McGlaughlin
