You know what....I must be a really lousy writer if I appear to be blaming the victim.
All I can say is I know the fanatics the Inmans were - and how and why Summer's actions were against their religion and their beliefs...how she was considered a sinner and adulteress in the "churches" and the "Inman's" eyes.
You can pretend that I am blaming the victim if you wish, but I assure you it isn't the case. I also think if this was your own daughter going through this same scenario, and having her life threatened - you would see and read things differently. If not....so be it.
After reading through many of your posts I think you mean well but from the perspective of being a survivor of domestic abuse myself I feel the need to make a few statements based on what you've written...
- You don't 'taunt' as a survivor. You attempt to pick up the pieces of your life. After years of being controlled, repressed, humiliated, embarrassed, being made to feel useless, total control, constant criticism, and crippling fear you TRY to pave a 'normal' life for yourself and your children.
For some survivors this includes a new relationship, a move, a job (or several) to support your children as your spouse uses money to control and refuses to give you any to benefit your children...
- Statistically the most dangerous time for abuse survivors is when their abuser feels a loss of control (usually when the survivor is attempting to leave). It has nothing to do with religion, fanaticism, or morality for abuse stems down to one very primal condition called CONTROL.
- Summer sadly did everything right. She wanted better for herself and her children. She sought to protect herself as best she could. She had immense strength and an unadulterated love for her children. Unfortunately she did not have precognition and could not foresee three people she trusted, she loved, betraying her and her children in the worst way imagineable.
- The true 'price' of entering into a marriage/relationship with an abuser is a piece of your soul. You do not think 'Gee here's a guy that will threaten to kill me in a year'. Abusers lure you in with making you feel there is nothing on this earth as lovely as you...and then they study you and twist all that they learn into ammunition. It is only later that you see all the warning signs since hindsight is 20/20. You spend the rest of your life paying for the abuser's mistakes. The damage done to your spirit - and that of your children - is unquantifiable.
- Your advice about DV shelters is good but even that is not infallible. Some states lack appropriate resources for dealing with DV. Sometimes survivors are still not believed...in my case I had a difficult time proving abuse to the court's satisfaction because I had hidden so much of it for so long due to sheer embarassment. Restraining orders are often useless because of the superiority many abusers feel they have and/or the unique psychology of hope survivors often experience.
- IMO, this is not a case of coulda, woulda, shoulda. We have a young woman who found the strength so many cannot...she left an abuser for the benefit of her children. She did everything she could to highlight her abuse for the criminal justice system. She attempted to stabilise her children's lives, provide for them, and three people who felt they were entitled to play God are at fault. Nothing more and nothing less.
