Scathing obituary reveals lives of abuse, neglect

[ScarlettScarpetta]

Some of those family members weren't even born at the time so its kind of hard to blame them for what happened.

They feel abused now, by that horrible viral obit.

Two wrongs have never made a right.

It ain't about them. It is about this child's reality of her life. If they never dealt with that then that is great for them. I am thrilled they did not endure the same thing, But a life of abuse by their mother is their reality and they don't owe it to anyone else to be quiet about it. That is what perpetuates abuse.. People feeling they need to keep it covered.

 

[Schuby]

Some of those family members weren't even born at the time so its kind of hard to blame them for what happened.

They feel abused now, by that horrible viral obit.

Two wrongs have never made a right.

It's awful that they have been abuse by this obit. I really think they shouldn't discuss that publicly because it upsets me and two wrongs don't make a right.

 

[SapphireSteel]

I've heard a lot of crap in my life, and some of it has been said about me, by people you wouldn't even believe.

For this reason, I always look hard at the messenger and don't take a damn word for gospel until I have something I find to be "proof", no matter who is doing the telling.

In this case, there was no crime reported, no arrests, no attempts at justice while the abuser was still alive even. The other siblings did not agree with this obit apparently, but they weren't consulted.

Grain Of Salt.

 

[ScarlettScarpetta]

I've heard a lot of crap in my life, and some of it has been said about me, by people you wouldn't even believe.

For this reason, I always look hard at the messenger and don't take a damn word for gospel until I have something I find to be "proof", no matter who is doing the telling.

In this case, there was no crime reported, no arrests, no attempts at justice while the abuser was still alive even. The other siblings did not agree with this obit apparently, but they weren't consulted.

Grain Of Salt.

The children were taken and thrown into foster care. That means someone knew something.

 

[JeannaT]

Why should they be concerned with protecting the feelings of family members who obviously did nothing to protect them as helpless children? Frankly, I think the suggestion that a victim of abuse should choose silence to protect someone else's feelings is kind of offensive. I hate to use language that strong but I really think you may want to think about what it implies to say that.

Well, the four who are silent are the other four remaining siblings. I don't see how a sibling can be responsible for protecting other siblings.

This perspective of abuse often happens in families. You can have one child who thinks their parents are demons from hell, and they structure their whole lives around hating and trying to get revenge against their parents, and other children see the parent as a flawed human being and kind of distance themselves and get on with life.

To me, this looks like one of those cases where the kids all have kind of a different vantage point. They were in and out of foster care - but I don't think a parent can be blamed for an abusive foster care provider which seems to be what this author is trying to do.

Remember that book When Rabbit Howls that was so huge in the 70's? The other siblings either openly disavowed the contents of the book or said some of the incidents happened but they weren't really the level of abuse the author claimed. And the gang rapes she reported, they said, could not have happened because they involved people who were never in the same city/place in time raping her.

This obit just seems an extreme exaggeration. The use of terms like, "everyone she met adult or child was tortured by her" just smacks of someone who is mentally unstable. Really??? Everyone she met she tortured?

 

[Schuby]

Well, the four who are silent are the other four remaining siblings. I don't see how a sibling can be responsible for protecting other siblings.

This perspective of abuse often happens in families. You can have one child who thinks their parents are demons from hell, and they structure their whole lives around hating and trying to get revenge against their parents, and other children see the parent as a flawed human being and kind of distance themselves and get on with life.

To me, this looks like one of those cases where the kids all have kind of a different vantage point. They were in and out of foster care - but I don't think a parent can be blamed for an abusive foster care provider which seems to be what this author is trying to do.

Remember that book When Rabbit Howls that was so huge in the 70's? The other siblings either openly disavowed the contents of the book or said some of the incidents happened but they weren't really the level of abuse the author claimed. And the gang rapes she reported, they said, could not have happened because they involved people who were never in the same city/place in time raping her.

This obit just seems an extreme exaggeration. The use of terms like, "everyone she met adult or child was tortured by her" just smacks of someone who is mentally unstable. Really??? Everyone she met she tortured?

Lol, but I would say that about my late grandmother! And, yes, EVERYONE she met was tortured by her. Honestly, if I had written her obituary...

 

[Schuby]

Also, I agree that a parent isn't responsible for the abuse of foster care providers but I can certainly understand that child being extremely angry at their natural parent for allowing them to languish in an abusive environment.

 

[SapphireSteel]

Also, I agree that a parent isn't responsible for the abuse of foster care providers but I can certainly understand that child being extremely angry at their natural parent for allowing them to languish in an abusive environment.

Which is why adult children can, and do, report historical abuse to the police.

This lady seems to have held her silence until her mother died.

 

[txsvicki]

The abusive mom said that she was a nun for 8 years, or was that the daughter? The obituary seemed ok because it is calling attention to the system by mentioning how the parental rights were never terminated and how they were sent home on weekends only to be whipped with a belt. Not terminating rights must have saved the state money or the mother knew how to cooperate just enough for that to never happen.

 

[tlcya]

I sincerely hope that by writing and publishing that obit, those kids finally are able to reach some level of closure on what sounds like a horrific childhood.

 

[JeannaT]

Which is why adult children can, and do, report historical abuse to the police.

This lady seems to have held her silence until her mother died.

I would bet not. I would bet virtually everyone who knows the author of that obit has heard, ad nauseum, all this stuff and more.

Just from reading other articles.

 

[Linda7NJ]

Some of those family members weren't even born at the time so its kind of hard to blame them for what happened.

They feel abused now, by that horrible viral obit.

Two wrongs have never made a right.

I see nothing wrong with what they wrote.

I don't understand your statement "two wrongs"?

 

[SapphireSteel]

I would bet not. I would bet virtually everyone who knows the author of that obit has heard, ad nauseum, all this stuff and more.

Just from reading other articles.

Maybe so.

Everyone but the police, that is.

If the kids were whipped etc, why were they returned?

We know CPS is far from perfect, but if illegal assaults were involved, LE probably would have been called, even back then...especially as there were several of them, all able to back up the claims.

All opinion only, for all I know she could've belted them from here to next week - I just find posting an obit about it to be incredibly strange and spiteful, so strange as to make me question the motive.

Slandering her mother's name is clearly one motive, but according to the writer everyone hated her and already knew how awful she was so it seems kind of redundant.

Now the children of those siblings are having to cope with the fallout. Their family's history (false or not) is now common knowledge, even down here in Australia.

Those kids had the right to grieve in private...or at least, live privately, just like the rest of us.

For all we know, there could be a third generation being teased at school about their great grandma, right now.

 

[SapphireSteel]

I see nothing wrong with what they wrote.

I don't understand your statement "two wrongs"?

Abusing/neglecting your kids = wrong.
Publishing a slanderous obituary = wrong.

Those two do not justify each other.

 

[ScarlettScarpetta]

I don't think telling the world what was done to you is ever wrong. It is your story to tell.

 

[Linda7NJ]

Abusing/neglecting your kids = wrong.
Publishing a slanderous obituary = wrong.

Those two do not justify each other.

It's not slander if its true. The fact the children were in fostercare lends credence to the allegations.

 

[Linda7NJ]

I've never understood the desire to absolve people and elevate them to near sainthood when they die. I found the obit refreshingly honest.

I've read the obits of despicable people and somehow everyone around them came down with a strange case of amnesia ! It's a ridiculous attempt to rewrite history. I don't like it. I don't think it's healthy.

 

[SapphireSteel]

It's not slander if its true. The fact the children were in fostercare lends credence to the allegations.

Making the allegations to LE while the offender was still alive would lend more credence.

:cow:

I can see what you're all driving at re. victims rights, I just don't see any justification for smearing a deceased woman without taking affirmative action first...such as, pressing charges.

To me, it is the equivalent of taking an ad out and alleging a live person is a rapist, molester, etc, without going to the appropriate authorities first.

 

[QueenD]

Wow, never read an obit like this. Those poor children.

 

[ScarlettScarpetta]

Making the allegations to LE while the offender was still alive would lend more credence.

:cow:

I can see what you're all driving at re. victims rights, I just don't see any justification for smearing a deceased woman without taking affirmative action first...such as, pressing charges.

To me, it is the equivalent of taking an ad out and alleging a live person is a rapist, molester, etc, without going to the appropriate authorities first.

It is not smearing if that is who she was.

That is like saying it Castro's family had no right to post a rotten obit if they wanted. He was a monster, Should we just fluff it up because he is dead?

I know what you mean, and normally I think I would agree if it was anyone else, But these are the children who lived through it. The victims, She has no rights. She left them sad and broken. They get to say what they want. What would be the difference if they told their story in an article instead. Would that matter?

It is their reality and their life. The mother is gone. This is their last way to get peace.