Ted Haggard now "completely heterosexual"

[Paladin]

My ex husband, unbeknownst to me at the time of our marriage, was ending a 23 year long sexual relationship with a man. When I learned of it he denied that he was a homosexual, he said it was just a bad habit, like alcoholism. He also said that he fought the urge to be with a man every single day. Church "cured" him of wanting men, he said. He hated me and treated me like dirt. I feel that he resented me for being a woman and he resented living the lie that I represented. He has now remarried and treats his new wife the same way.

As far as I know, being gay doesn't make you an a-hole. Being an a-hole make you an a-hole.

 

[Ang50]

The reviews I read said the same thing, Ang. Of course, some people think the irony only enhances the message, but it may well detract from the balance.

I look forward to seeing it.

Nova - let me know what you think. I'm very interested... What I thought was "Oh, how the mighty have fallen..." w/ regard to Haggard in the movie. However, I could clearly see that he was engaging and charismatic. His message is a problem for me, but I could easily see how people could buy in.

 

[Amraann]

It's so true that genuine change of any magnitude doesn't happen in a flash...therefore, his conversion feels phony and - as you point out - insulting to his loved ones. I agree that those who claim to have his best spiritual interests in mind are doing him no favors by participating in this type of deception.

He is what he is..... It is sad that he has to ignore who he really is because of the world he lives in (chooses to live in)

 

[Ang50]

Oh no you don't. :hand: Keep your hands off Angelina!!! She's mine.

Seriously, what is it about that woman?

It's because she's so cool... she's like that one girl in high school, you know - that one. For me, it was the girl who dared to wear a catsuit (full on bodysuit) to school. Only she could pull it off, and damn, she looked good. It's Angelina's power and beauty. I would be likely to follow her like a puppy - I know I'd lose my cool.

 

[Ang50]

As far as I know, being gay doesn't make you an a-hole. Being an a-hole make you an a-hole.

Well said. BUT - the self hating that comes from thinking that the way you are is "wrong" has to also contribute. Knowing that you're living your life constricted has to make you unhappy. It is unfortunate that our society cannot be more accepting so that adults feel free to love whom they wish w/o repercussions.

 

[southcitymom]

It is unfortunate that our society cannot be more accepting so that adults feel free to love whom they wish w/o repercussions.

So true, though we have made some strides. I hope we'll continue to make more.

 

[Nova]

As far as I know, being gay doesn't make you an a-hole.

No, but I can tell you from experience that pretending 24/7 is really exhausting. We all tend to get cranky when we're tired.

(ETA this is not meant to excuse the abusive ex-husband's behavior. I mean, in this day and age? As the Australians say, "Wake up to yourself!")

 

[Maral]

"A fellow minister says the Reverend Ted Haggard has come out of intense counseling, convinced he's "completely heterosexual."

I got a kick out of Rosie's comment on today's The View. She said this minister's "cure" for homosexuality is just to "pray the gay away".

 

[Nova]

I got a kick out of Rosie's comment on today's The View. She said this minister's "cure" for homosexuality is just to "pray the gay away".

It would be funnier if so many of us hadn't tried it - and suffered so miserably in the process.

 

[Ang50]

As far as I know, being gay doesn't make you an a-hole. Being an a-hole make you an a-hole.

We have a good friend who was in Mabel's exhusband's situation. They had two kids, and we think he's always known he was gay, but couldn't even face it until his parents died. When he began to work through everything, he was horrible to his wife. He was horrible during the divorce, and she hates him now, and no one can really blame her.

However, he is a truly wonderful man who found a truly wonderful man to be partners with and they are so happy. I'm certainly in a great marriage, but when we're with them, I really feel like we are in the presence of GREAT LOVE. Both of them really appreciate who they are and what they've found in a way that my husband and I might never b/c we never had to search and struggle.

 

[Mabel]

No, but I can tell you from experience that pretending 24/7 is really exhausting. We all tend to get cranky when we're tired.

(ETA this is not meant to excuse the abusive ex-husband's behavior. I mean, in this day and age? As the Australians say, "Wake up to yourself!")

My ex's family is very close and very anti-gay. There's no way he would ever out himself to them. My ex himself, in spite of his long term sexual relationship with another man, is homophobic. He refused to allow my young sons to sleep over at their friend's houses or to camp out in the back yard like the other boys did because he was worried they'd give in to temptation.

 

[Nova]

My ex's family is very close and very anti-gay. There's no way he would ever out himself to them. My ex himself, in spite of his long term sexual relationship with another man, is homophobic. He refused to allow my young sons to sleep over at their friend's houses or to camp out in the back yard like the other boys did because he was worried they'd give in to temptation.

I'm not unsympathetic to his problem. My family was also very close and very religious.

But at some point, a guy has just gotta "cowboy up." (That's a rodeo term I got from an Annie Proulx novel. It means "be a man" about something.)

I don't know if you still speak to your ex, but please feel free to tell him I said so.

 

[southcitymom]

I'm not unsympathetic to his problem. My family was also very close and very religious.

But at some point, a guy has just gotta "cowboy up." (That's a rodeo term I got from an Annie Proulx novel. It means "be a man" about something.)

I don't know if you still speak to your ex, but please feel free to tell him I said so.

Annie Proulx knows all about cowboys like you, Nova!

 

[Nova]

Annie Proulx knows all about cowboys like you, Nova!

Annie Proulx is a goddess! I have read every one of her books and eagerly await the next one.

 

[Maral]

It would be funnier if so many of us hadn't tried it - and suffered so miserably in the process.

That is so sad, Nova. What I pray for is that one day soon society can be better educated about sexual orientation and homosexuality so that no one has to go through any anxiety and guilt because of who they are.

 

[Mabel]

I'm not unsympathetic to his problem. My family was also very close and very religious.

But at some point, a guy has just gotta "cowboy up." (That's a rodeo term I got from an Annie Proulx novel. It means "be a man" about something.)

I don't know if you still speak to your ex, but please feel free to tell him I said so.

He would have to admit it to himself first and I don't think he'll ever be able to do that. Is it possible that he could have a sexual relationship with another man that lasted over two decades or that he could pick up men in bars to have sex with and not be gay??

 

[Nova]

That is so sad, Nova. What I pray for is that one day soon society can be better educated about sexual orientation and homosexuality so that no one has to go through any anxiety and guilt because of who they are.

Sorry, Maral. I didn't mean to make this heavy (which is why I added the little emoticon).

And one does learn something in the process: if you pray for something (such as "Please, God, make me straight") long enough and hard enough, yet to no avail, maybe God is saying, "No."

Pretty valuable lesson, IMHO.

(ETA: now I'm afraid this sounds bitter in black and write print. What I mean is it is crucial that we all learn that God isn't our short-order cook. In my case, I eventually came to see being gay as a gift, because it affords one a different perspective on the world. And I certainly haven't found it a hardship for many, many decades.)

 

[Nova]

He would have to admit it to himself first and I don't think he'll ever be able to do that. Is it possible that he could have a sexual relationship with another man that lasted over two decades or that he could pick up men in bars to have sex with and not be gay??

No, it is not possible.

(In fairness, there is a sense in which all these labels are so inexact, they are virtually meaningless. But in the sense I think you mean, yes, your ex is a homosexual.)

 

[samhoney]

Yep, and after intense counseling, I am convinced I am the tooth fairy

LOL!!!

 

[AlwaysShocked]

"There's even an expression for a "temporary lesbian" in the community, but it escapes me at the moment."

I believe that is called "doing an Anne Heche".