Texas Dad makes son wear "Bully" sign on street

Discussion in 'Bullies and Stalkers' started by MsFacetious, Oct 7, 2013.

  1. MsFacetious

    MsFacetious What a Kerfuffle...

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    ....stand on a streetcorner this week with a sign reading, “I am a bully. Honk if you hate bullies."

    http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/10/0...-sign-in-public-punishment/?intcmp=latestnews



    Father criticized for shaming bully son makes sign of his own: 'I am not sorry!'

    After some criticized Lagares' punishment as being too harsh, he returned to the corner with a sign saying he had no regrets for his methods.

    ---------------

    "I'm not going to allow my child to be someone else's pain.
    We don't need another Columbine."
    :clap:

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/father-shamed-bully-son-article-1.1478295#ixzz2h3YJDrnM
     
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  3. killarney rose

    killarney rose Well-Known Member

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    I have mixed feelings. Dads heart seems to be in the right place, but I'm not too sure about his methods. Shaming his son might just build anger inside so that might result in more bullying. I wonder has he tried talking to the boy or considered counseling?
     
  4. EGirl

    EGirl #RockportStrong

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    Shame is a useful learning tool if used appropriately. Why in the world should someone not feel shame for something done wrong. I just don't understand that sentiment.


    The bigger problem is when your child never learns shame.
     
  5. BeginnersLuck

    BeginnersLuck New Member

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    I disagree with the fathers approach. Most likely there is a deeper reason why the boy is being a bully. The father says in the video, he has tried every punishment he can think of, but he didn't say anything about counseling to get to the root of the problem.

    Here is the video:

    http://www.wwlp.com/news/national/bullying-boy-publically-punished
     
  6. LadyL

    LadyL Well-Known Member

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    yep, dad can do no right in some people`s eyes

    at least he`s trying
     
  7. ArianeEmory

    ArianeEmory I know the pieces fit

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    The irony here is killing me.
     
  8. LadyL

    LadyL Well-Known Member

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    the deeper reason is that we`re primal animals and it is a natural component of social behaviour

    look at any social animal group for similarities

    the difference is that we human beings have higher brain function which allows us to shame one another out of behaviour we dislike

    heck, other animals have the shaming technique too - just that theirs is more violent (more primal)

    in this case, perhaps this kid wasn`t shamed early enough in his life and so the parent has to use a more extreme method now (many children only need a gentle talking to when young)

    JMO. IMO. MOO.
     
  9. BeginnersLuck

    BeginnersLuck New Member

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    Here is a article on understanding bullying and how to help them stop.

    http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/no_bullying.html#

    There "could" be a number of things going on in the boys life and he is reacting by lashing out at others. I'm just not sitting real well with public humiliation being the answer to his problem. IMO, there is a good chance that it will result in more issues.
     
  10. Karmady

    Karmady Former Member

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    There is no irony, imo. Bullies publicly shame people for that of which they should not be ashamed. The father is publicly shaming his child for that of which he should be ashamed, but for some reason, is not. Big distinction, imo.
     
  11. Ausgirl

    Ausgirl Enough Is Enough!

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    I find this method of punishing a child absolutely disgusting. I highly doubt it teaches the child anything but how to hold vast resentment for the parents.

    It smacks of desperate acts by parents who should probably have put a great deal more time and care into teaching their kids how to behave in the first place.

    If a parent has to resort to emotional abuse at this level to get the message across it MIGHT be time for counselling or a child psych/family assessment to see what's really going on.
     
  12. Brightbird

    Brightbird New Member

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    I think there is a difference between shaming and humiliation. Imo, this father was humiliating his son. Labelling the boy a bully and getting a bunch of strangers to express hatred towards him could backfire.
     
  13. LinasK

    LinasK Verified insider- Mark Dribin case

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    It boils down to: Two wrongs don't make a right. Victimizing the bully, while it might feel good, isn't ultimately the way to teach him bullying is wrong, and may turn him into more of a bully.
     
  14. ScarlettScarpetta

    ScarlettScarpetta When the going gets tough, drink coffee

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    I think he wanted his son to see what it really felt like. I just have never had this issue so I don't how it feels to be frustrated over a child who is a bully.

    I get his point and maybe this is the thing that will resonate with the boy. We don't know. But I much rather see a father do something than nothing.. To stand up to his child and say this is not okay and follow through then let him continue the behavior and do nothing.
     
  15. December

    December Verified insider - Kathy Jones case

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    Yeah.. it's really hard to guess what is right.

    But, if the kid was pretending like he was never getting punished no matter what he did, then maybe the father wanted everyone to know that the kid was not getting a pass at home? Different punishments are effective on different people.

    I don't have kids, so I have no idea what to do.
     
  16. tlcya

    tlcya Well-Known Member

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    I would have been A-okay if the "honk if you HATE bullies" part was not included. I am all for making a child know there is certain behavior that is shameful. That they SHOULD be ashamed to commit.

    I am not for encouraging others to "hate" my child or his behavior.

    there is a middle ground here and I feel this guy crossed it with that bit. MOO
     
  17. December

    December Verified insider - Kathy Jones case

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    yeah.. maybe it would have been better if it said 'honk if you think bullying is wrong" or something of that nature...

    the sign could have been worded better.

    what if it ONLY said "honk if you hate bullies" and did not identify the kid as being a bully himself? then the kid would see how people feel about bullies.

    eta
    but i continue to not have kids, so idk what i would do in this situation.. i wouldn't want my child to be a bully is all i know for sure..
     
  18. cluciano63

    cluciano63 Well-Known Member

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    I don't know if this extreme measure will work. But what will? I doubt very much that "talking" to kids who bully helps. Bullying is not on the decrease, despite all of the media and hoopla, it is constant and seemingly worse. Making "rules" against it does not work.

    The obvious answer is probably parenting, at a much younger age. But we seem to be in an age where parents tell their kids how special and great and unique they are from the day they are born, and then act surprised when they believe it. JMO
     
  19. tlcya

    tlcya Well-Known Member

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    One I share wholeheartedly.
     
  20. gitana1

    gitana1 Verified Attorney

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    I think feeling shame is a good tool, but causing shame is not.

    Much bullying is learned at home. What allows a child to develop a sense of shame is parents helping them to use their logic to understand the feelings of others and to develop empathy. IMO, this is Not that. Instead, it is parenting at its most primitive.
    It's like biting a toddler who bites to show them how it feels. Ick.

    I remember once a little daycare kid I had had cancer. She was 5. She came to the school one day to say hi, totally bald. One of my others daycare kids, a 6 year old boy, started laughing at her and asking why she had no hair, in a very mean way.

    I will admit. I was very angry.

    But, I didn't lash out. And i didnt shave his head and have everyone stand around laughing at him, which would be the equivalent of what the father in this story did. Instead, I took him aside and I explained what was happening, that the little girl was very, very sick and might even die. I told him how hard this was for her and all she wanted to do was see her friends, but he had to take away that tiny moment of fun for her. I told him to sit there alone for awhile and think about it. When I came back a few minutes later, he was bawling and very contrite.

    I allowed him to develop his own sense of shame. I didn't shame him. Big difference, IMO.
     

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