I so agree with you on this. I think some people are just "problem avoiders" (certainly not saying that she would have thought THIS would happen). I have known Bob since I was a teen and his mom ignored EVERY problem and he and his sister had many. Mom had a very rough childhood and "made good" and I think she didn't want anyone to ever notice that their family was not absolutely perfect. If she acknowledged the problems, I think she was afraid that everyone else would realize there were problems. She ignored a pregnancy, a drug problem, teens having sex in her home, an alcohol problem, children stealing from her, and drugs being sold out of her lovely expensive home. She is a smart, well mannered, lovely woman who married a workaholic that left all "home" things up to her. All she wanted was the perfect family. She would do anything to protect that image.
I don't have any idea if that is what was going on here, but I do believe it is completely possible for an otherwise "normal" person to completely ignore out of control children by constantly pacifying any doubts by repeating the phrase "this is only a phase, he/she really is a perfect child".
It does look like her bedroom may have been on the main floor and his bedroom may have been upstairs. I am guessing she just "ignored" the fact that there was an upstairs and paid absolutely no attention to what was going on up there - housekeeping or otherwise. I also noticed that the master bedroom had a sofa in it. I am wondering how much time she spent "sequestered" in her room - that was a common situation in the family that I mentioned above. Mom had a large sitting area (basically a 2nd living room) built onto the master bedroom thereby making it easy to spend most of her time in her private space.
I can't imagine the position that she is in now. I can't imagine where one finds peace after something like this.
