Found Deceased TX - Sherin Mathews, 3, Richardson, 7 Oct 2017 #7 *Arrests*

[i8mypaint]

Most nurses are caretakers, some of us are classic enablers and codependent, it is a blurry line we walk. What starts out in the beginning as being totally supportive and giving becomes abused by the sociopaths we can attract. When we care for patients they are entitled to all our compassion no matter how abhorrent their behavior. I had to learn NOT to be this way in my personal life and to insist on a partner who gave to the relationship as well. As assertive as I was at work, it is extremely hard to maintain that personally when your partner is an abuser and user of you. MOO

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Codependency is rough!! I am a codependent through and through. Just my two cents: I was a chef, in charge of a full kitchen staff of mostly males and stood my ground with no hesitation.... that being said, I would go home and get the crap beat out of me most nights. I was codependent with my abusive ex, and I enabled him. So at work I was one person, but at home it was a horror story.


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[Ghoulina25]

So, on the initial interview, they didn't mention that when they went to dinner, they left Sherin behind. If true, she was likely tied up or locked in a cabinet or already dead.

Just think about letting your three year olds entertain themselves alone in the kitchen for 90 minutes. Right. These people wouldn't risk that kind of mayhem, look at the garage, it is spotless. They would not set themselves up for a mess.

The spoons are driving me crazy. Why were spoons and a spoon wall hanging taken into custody?

There are only a few different scenarios l can think of where a large spoon would be needed. None of them are great.

 

[MarisaS1985]

So, on the initial interview, they didn't mention that when they went to dinner, they left Sherin behind. If true, she was likely tied up or locked in a cabinet or already dead.

Just think about letting your three year olds entertain themselves alone in the kitchen for 90 minutes. Right. These people wouldn't risk that kind of mayhem, look at the garage, it is spotless. They would not set themselves up for a mess.

The spoons are driving me crazy. Why were spoons and a spoon wall hanging taken into custody?

I wonder if something was thrown and splattered or splashed all over the place? I am not going to even suggest blood or body fluids because the house was searched and released very quickly and had Sini assist them in recovering things, so they didn't treat it like a crime scene that was sealed off like one would expect if it was bodily fluids. But, there could have been sauces, milk, juice etc, spots all over the walls and utensils that the parents may not have noticed during their cleanup that LE would have noticed as they were looking for ANY sign of a fight or struggle.

JMO

 

[katydid23]

There are only a few different scenarios l can think of where a large spoon would be needed. None of them are great.

There are two things that come to mind for me. My Irish grandma, who had 10 'wild ones', as she called them, had a huge wooden spoon on the kitchen wall, which she brandished at her brood when they came in causing trouble. She always threatened to 'thrash the wee ones' but I never saw her do it.

My mom used long wooden spoons to close the kitchen cupboards and keep my kids out of them. She'd let them sit on the floor and play with a drawer full of pots and pans, but the other cupboards were obstructed by the wooden spoons through the latches.

Could they have used them to lock their cupboard, while Sherin was kept in the kitchen for punishment?

 

[lorelei2017]

Yes! And nurses overwhelmingly have “caregiver” personality types. We tend to gravitate to people who need help which often leads to unhealthy relationship dynamics. Personally, even before becoming a nurse, I came from a dysfunctional background and ended up in an emotionally abusive (and eventually physically) marriage. I had to intervene between my now-ex and my oldest when he was “punishing” him a time or two and I knew I needed to get out but was unable to find the ability to walk away until the ex cheated and moved in with new girlfriend... most of this went down while I was in RN school and learning about dysfunctional relationships and personality types. Even during the turmoil at home, I was still a strong advocate for my patients in school and then work.

I have since treaded very carefully in the dating arena because I know my tendencies in choosing a mate [emoji846]

I say this to be two-fold, Sini could very well have been controlled and still been a strong nurse. AND, if things were escalating between WM and Sherin, Sini may have gone to dinner willingly to try to protect the child from further physical abuse or an escalating situation. The fact that WM stated that Sini went “willingly and without coercion” is very odd to me and sounds intentional and deflecting of blame.

Now, I am not absolving Sini of blame in the whole situation, but I am reserving judgement until more details come out...


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that is very odd! Like does he have to "coerce" her sometimes?

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[TeaTime]

Yeah, I know that wooden spoons can be used for paddling or keeping cabinets closed but something made LE collect them and take them from the house. Splatters on kitchen walls alone would not necessarily lead to taking the wooden spoons into custody more so than the stainless ones. And I don't for one second believe that there were dirty spoons left around at 8am for LE to match splatters to spoons.

I just wonder what lead them to collect the spoons and the wall hanging. What did they see that made them think "bag these"?

 

[lorelei2017]

Yes! Much of what I posted at the same time as you [emoji13]


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Twink!! I think many of us are on the same wavelength here anyway. And so many nurses are like this


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[MarisaS1985]

Yeah, I know that wooden spoons can be used for paddling or keeping cabinets closed but something made LE collect them and take them from the house. Splatters on kitchen walls alone would not necessarily lead to taking the wooden spoons into custody more so than the stainless ones. And I don't for one second believe that there were dirty spoons left around at 8am for LE to match splatters to spoons.

I just wonder what lead them to collect the spoons and the wall hanging. What did they see that made them think "bag these"?

It could also have been an early statement with older sister, she may have said that sometimes mommy and daddy punish with the wooden spoons. She wouldn't know that could get anyone in trouble. I have to assume she was interviewed to the best of the abilities of LE and CPS as soon as the Amber Alert was issued, if she had seen or heard ANYTHING it could have broke the case and kids that age generally don't lie about that sort of thing. I would think it routine to ask everyone, including other children at a possible abduction scene all sorts of questions based on their age.

JMO

 

[MissMalowe]

Assuming the theories about Sini being in an abusive relationship are true as well as Wesley's statement that Sherin was alive when they returned home from dinner:

Not a far-fetched theory I suppose since Wesley's own admissions suggest a level of frustration over a milk refusal high enough to result in a dead child and seemingly NO efforts to save her.

But even if he was an abusive husband, it doesn't remove the fact that Sini had a choice that evening. Perhaps her refusing to go with and leave Sherin alone would have resulted in Wesley's anger then being heightened and/or directed towards her disobedience instead. Perhaps their marriage was indeed a lot of her picking and choosing her battles.... But that evening she chose to comply and go along with him and leave Sherin alone at home. That was still her choice. It may have been two grim options (him being angry with Sherin or him being angry with her) but she still made a choice that evening......IMO, a foolish & very selfish one any way you slice it.

ETA: assuming Sherin was alive before & after the rest of the family dining out on the evening of 10/6

 

[TXNurse77]

Assuming the theories about Sini being in an abusive relationship are true as well as Wesley's statement that Sherin was alive when they returned home from dinner:

Not a far-fetched theory I suppose since Wesley's own admissions suggest a level of frustration over a milk refusal high enough to result in a dead child and seemingly NO efforts to save her.

But even if he was an abusive husband, it doesn't remove the fact that Sini had a choice that evening. Perhaps her refusing to go with and leave Sherin alone would have resulted in Wesley's anger then being heightened and/or directed towards her disobedience instead. Perhaps their marriage was indeed a lot of her picking and choosing her battles.... But that evening she chose to comply and go along with him and leave Sherin alone at home. That was still her choice. It may have been two grim options (him being angry with Sherin or him being angry with her) but she still made a choice that evening......IMO, a foolish & very selfish one any way you slice it.

ETA: assuming Sherin was alive before & after the rest of the family dining out on the evening of 10/6

Sooooo.... the scenario I have in my head is this:

WM: drink your milk so we can leave, if you don’t drink it, we will leave you here...
Sini tries to diffuse increasingly angered WM, Sherin’s noncompliance escalates
Sini becomes afraid WM will physically injure Sherin so she agrees to leave for dinner with Sherin left behind.

WM now is able to say “I didn’t coerce her” and it be the truth, but Sini was really doing it to try to de-escalate the situation.

All MOO and a product of my difficulty believing a fellow nurse was involved in the death of her baby... not that leaving the child behind is in anyway defensible, but what she thought was the best case scenario at the time...


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[angorwat]

.....
The fact that WM stated that Sini went “willingly and without coercion” is very odd to me and sounds intentional and deflecting of blame.
......

The affidavit in the arrest warrant is not a transcript of the statements from WM , as I understand from previous discussions. The LE might have specifically phrased that specific question and got an affirmative answer from WM and highlighting it so that the complaint in the arrest warrant fits the charged offense.
I don't think it is correct to infer that WM is turning on SM just based on the way affidavit is worded. It is the LE working hard to get an arrest warrant for SM . And getting her in jail might encourage either or both to talk more or work towards a plea.

 

[rosesfromangels]

Yeah, I know that wooden spoons can be used for paddling or keeping cabinets closed but something made LE collect them and take them from the house. Splatters on kitchen walls alone would not necessarily lead to taking the wooden spoons into custody more so than the stainless ones. And I don't for one second believe that there were dirty spoons left around at 8am for LE to match splatters to spoons.

I just wonder what lead them to collect the spoons and the wall hanging. What did they see that made them think "bag these"?

I'm thinking the other child said something about the spoons, and Sherin getting hit with them. Just guessing, but it rings true, doesn't it?

 

[ilovepierre]

I have a hard time having any sort of sympathy for Sini.
She allowed Sherin to die...whether she was involved or was just doing as WM said.
It's really no different than a mother who's in a relationship with another guy and he starts abusing the child and the mom just allows it to happen. She then tells LE "well he was controlling and I had no choice but to stand there. I feared for my life."
Sini is just as guilty as WM.

IMO

 

[edimmu]

No excuses for Sini whatsoever!! However none of us westerners know exactly the norm of the eastern culture that the Matthews were raised in & that culture could have played a significant role in the actions of both. One reason our world is in such a mess today is because different cultures are not always capable of understanding one another. JMO

I come from the same background as them and know the culture extremely well. Ask me any questions you have on culture!

 

[rosesfromangels]

Thank you for offering!
In doing research today, I kept coming across articles that emphasized abortions of females, and that females are very much second class. What is your perspective today?

 

[edimmu]

Codependency is rough!! I am a codependent through and through. Just my two cents: I was a chef, in charge of a full kitchen staff of mostly males and stood my ground with no hesitation.... that being said, I would go home and get the crap beat out of me most nights. I was codependent with my abusive ex, and I enabled him. So at work I was one person, but at home it was a horror story.


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I used to be a codependent and did loads of therapy. I am still recovering! Look up Lisa A. Romano. She does useful codependency programs.

 

[edimmu]

I wonder if something was thrown and splattered or splashed all over the place? I am not going to even suggest blood or body fluids because the house was searched and released very quickly and had Sini assist them in recovering things, so they didn't treat it like a crime scene that was sealed off like one would expect if it was bodily fluids. But, there could have been sauces, milk, juice etc, spots all over the walls and utensils that the parents may not have noticed during their cleanup that LE would have noticed as they were looking for ANY sign of a fight or struggle.

JMO

I was wondering if Sherin threw her glass of milk and it hit the wall hanging

 

[Rocco]

I have a hard time having any sort of sympathy for Sini.
She allowed Sherin to die...whether she was involved or was just doing as WM said.
It's really no different than a mother who's in a relationship with another guy and he starts abusing the child and the mom just allows it to happen. She then tells LE "well he was controlling and I had no choice but to stand there. I feared for my life."
Sini is just as guilty as WM.

IMO

I agree. She had money, she had a car, she had relatives in the area, and she had a phone to call 911 if he became violent. She didn't have to do what he said, if indeed it was his idea to leave Sherin at home alone while they went out to eat. Either it was her idea or it was his idea and she agreed. She's just as guilty.

 

[edimmu]

Thank you for offering!
In doing research today, I kept coming across articles that emphasized abortions of females, and that females are very much second class. What is your perspective today?

What you read is correct. Indians still believe in caste and in many castes being female automatically makes you second class. This is mainly because
- only men can get inheritance
- women have to pay a large dowry to find a "good" husband
- once a woman is married, she belongs to her husband and there is nobody to take care of parents when they are older
- having a son is seen as a privilege. People automatically look up at you.
- only women can bring dishonour on the family
- if an unmarried woman is raped, she is no longer of any use and society won't accept her

There are a million other reasons but these are the main ones.

However, the Mathews are upper middle class Christians from Kerala. Christians and Muslims don't have castes or dowry systems (Not to the extent of Hindus) Eg. My caste would just be Tamilian (Language my parents speak) Roman Catholic whereas the Mathews would be Malayali (language spoken by Mathews) Brethren. So if my parents wanted to find me a groom, they would just look for another Tamilian Roman Catholic.

The only thing common across every Indian is that women should submit to men and obey them.

 

[edimmu]

I agree. She had money, she had a car, she had relatives in the area, and she had a phone to call 911 if he became violent. She didn't have to do what he said, if indeed it was his idea to leave Sherin at home alone while they went out to eat. Either it was her idea or it was his idea and she agreed. She's just as guilty.

For most victims of abuse, the fear of leaving is greater than the fear of staying.