I am an adoptive mother to 6 children (both India and Africa), have been a foster parent, a bio parent, work at an adoption agency to find homes for kiddos whose parents are relinquishing/replacing them. I have also helped run international programs. I have adopted a infant with CP, a toddler/preschooler, two teens, and a non-related sibling group, so I understand adoption from both a personal and real life level as well as on a professional level. I have worked for two different agencies, one with a religious affiliation and one without.
Certain religious agencies seem to look the other way concerning stern discipline which is strictly forbidden for any child exiting the US foster system.
I can say that with all the agencies I have either worked for or with as both a parent and a professional, the only agency that ever "looked the other way" was a "non-religious" agency. The reason I mention this, is that I disagree with you that religion is the cause or that this issue/problem is restricted to those with a religious background. I think the real lesson here, is that NO ONE and no group of people are exempt from child abuse and therefore everyone deserves the same scrutiny. In the state I live in DHS has to sign off on all adoptions and the families intended use of discipline. Both agencies I worked for and all the ones I used with all kinds of religious affiliations did not tolerate or allow any type of corporal punishment. I have seen every type of person abuse their children. This problem is not limited to religion or it would be easier to fix.
"I have always been and will remain a dyed-in-the-wool advocate for permanency through adoption. But the adoption of older or challenged or previously institutionalized children requires a great deal of support and finesse. Michael Pearl's book should not be on ANY adoptive parent's bookshelf."
I agree that this book does not belong on anyones bookshelf and truly belongs in the garbage I also think that we need to be careful and realistic as to the pressures we put on adoptive parents. Permanency is ideal and a worthy goal, but it is NOT the only goal and should not be the only target. Many times a "die hard advocate for permanency" attitude is part of the problem for adoptive parents who think they have no other option but to stay in a terrible situation. I believe sometimes the best thing you can do for a child and even the most loving thing you can do for a child, is to recognize that you might not be the best parent for a particular child, raise the white flag and do the most loving thing for that child and allow them to find another home. Pride is the usually the number one reason that people won't relinquish, and sometimes it is due to a religion but ALWAYS it is the fear of what others will think. Because I work with replaced children, I have had the pleasure of seeing a really really hard thing for a parent and a child (a disrupted adoption) become a new and amazing story because 90% of the time that child does well in another placement, even the really tough cases.
For this family it may be religion, but religion is NOT the problem. Agencies are partly responsible, social workers, not enough training, family, friends and our laws are the real problem. The problem is that our laws are written to basically protect parents and the family unit. Once the adoption is finalized that child is seen by the law as having been born to those parents, so when an abuse report comes in, family reunification is the only and highest priority. I utterly disagree!! While those of us who are good adoptive parents see those precious children as born to us, sadly there are many who don't and those children need and deserve special protection under the law. Our laws need to change and need to protect adopted children with different provisions and tasks for DHS to carry out to determine if indeed it is best to reunify the family. I also think that 6 months of post placements for Internationally adopted kids is not enough. There should be continued oversight possibly once a year for the first 3 years with one on one alone time with children to determine their true well being, interview with a family friend and maybe it would be helpful if the agency conducting the report was not the placing agency so there was no bias to the family, the placement or the country.
You can blame religion if you want, but it will not solve anything or find a solution. We need to change the before, during and after process if we want real change and we need to change the laws.
I also think that while you may be aware of child trafficking, I have been in the adoption world for 12 years now and I have only ever been aware of one country with real ongoing child trafficking issues. That being said, I am sure that it has been and will be an issue from time to time, but I believe it is rare and not common in most countries currently placing children.
Adoption is both a beautiful thing and one of the most amazing things that you can ever experience, it is also really hard and will test you and challenge you in ways that cause you to grow or fail in ways you didn't know you could. It is definitely not for everybody and more people should be turned down.
Until then, I will continue to be thankful for families who see their inability, let go of their pride, see the best interest of a child and be willing to reach out for help from an agency who will not discourage a relinquishment but readily assist them in the process so that tragedies like this do not keep occurring. In all relationships, sometimes they work out and sometimes they don't and the sooner we accept that adoption may not be "forever" in some cases the sooner we lessen the guilt and anguish a family may have to admitting that they are in over their heads and there is something better for that particular child. Don't get me wrong, my children are in their "forever families" but some make a few stops along the way and better alive or not abused and replaced than stuck with no hope.
These parents deserve to go to prison, the authors of that book along with other books like it should be taken off the shelves and fined when abuse occurs because of their printed material and the little brother of Hanna should be allowed a separate placement away from the other Williams children and be allowed a chance at a new family.