Why are her parents coddling Casey?

[100%Agave]

I know this is very difficult to imagine, but remember that when Casey was Caylee's age, Casey was "their little angel". Not easy to picture now with what we know, but still the Anthonys have loved Casey for 22 years, and I don't see how you could just turn off that love off like a switch. They want to believe their daughter, regardless of the facts that have surfaced. Difficult to understand what they are dealing with, especially if they really don't know what happened!!

I don't think that it is difficult for anyone here to understand that they love her and that she was "their little angel". Anyone here who has kids knows this feeling. And most everyone would want to believe their children but you have to be realistic too. If your child has a history of lying, etc, you as a parent know this about them. You might not like it and try to do everything you can to change it but you still know it.

Even if you live your kids, when something like this happens you have to stop and look at the evidence and say to yourself "I know that she is lying. She has lied for years. I still love her and always will but she is going to tell me the truth this time." and them do what they can to make it so.

I love all my kids but I know who and what they are and I know when they lie. And it doesn't wash with me.

 

[jeannebreault]

I'm the step-parent of an adult child with borderline personality disorder.

IMHO Casey probably has bpd (at a minimum - usually there are co-morbid disorders as well) and it's very difficult to diagnose and treat.

A book was recommended to me by a mental health prof once at a time when the bpd in my family was "Baker Acted." The title is I Hate You, Don't Leave Me, and the title alone gives you a good idea about bpd. Another book for family and friends of someone with bpd is called Walking on Eggshells. 'Nuf said!

I suspect George and Cindy have developed, over many years, a pattern of dealing with Casey that minimizes the "drama." That might be what they are still doing now, either consciously or unconsciously. If consciously, they may have been advised by LE/mental health professional/etc to try to make Casey feel believed and comfortable and loved in order to have her open up.

I feel so sad for the entire Anthony family, including Casey. I think there are two explanations for her behavior: 1) mental illness or 2) under the control of "evil." In either case, they are up against something that is very complicated, cunning and baffling.

While we can all be armchair "analysts," speaking from personal experience, I know that by the time you've dealt with a bpd sufferer for long enough, you feel like the crazy one! Counseling for family members is definitely needed to not end up in a situation like this! Prayer helps, too! God can and will turn the worst of situations into a blessing.

After many years (and much counseling and prayer) I am no longer hostage to my bpd step-daughter, but it has been a painful journey. It's also painful to watch other family members continue to struggle with her. Some family members are on their own journey to deal with her, and others are in denial. All I know is I had to "apply the oxygen mask to myself before I could help anyone else."

This case is about as bizarre as they come, and Casey and her family are very easy to dislike and criticize.

Casey needs to be prosecuted and pay the price for what she's done already (lie, steal, etc.)...it's the only way for us to have a civilized society, and the only way she can at least begin to become a responsible adult.

If she is tried and convicted on any more serious charges (human trafficking, murder, etc) the same applies.

If any other family members aided/abetted in any of her crimes, or committed crimes of their own, the same applies.
:Justice:


JeanneBreault, Thank you for this insightful post into the dynamics of your own family so that we may all understand what maybe happening in the Anthony household right now.

I have to answer to some of the posts that these dynamics didn't happen just when Caylee went missing. They aren't "coddling" her but I will agree that it does seem that way because of their denial of facts in the case. "Coddle" is a good word that takes us back to when it all began very early in Casey's life. From past experience, the Anthony's were probably the type of parents who ALWAYS protected their daughter. They probably got protective/defensive of her when she may have bopped someone at school or didn't finish schoolwork and didn't think that it wasn't a problem. They probably took the attitude the teacher9s) probably had it in for her......EVERY year!!! If the teachers, as early as preschool/kindergarten, called them in on situations in class with her, her parents probably took the defensive and explained it all away. There are some parents that I have directly dealt with that have taken the "not MY child" attitude on serious situations or you just witness the abuse the kid heaps on their parents at an early age. I have at times advised parents to get a hold of the situation now.....early.....so that when they are older the abuse, the problems will not be problematic as the kids get physically bigger than them. Casey learned how to deal it out, the parents learned how to "handle" her and now they are repeating this "dance" in the public's eye. It may be strange to us but this is a very old dance they have been accustomed to doing. They didn't fix the bumpy road early on as they should have and now major structural damage has occurred. The Anthony's road CAN be fixed if they choose to accept the task of extensive work to be done so that they can help Casey. Alas, the Anthony's don't know any other road other than this convoluted ride with Casey and need to give themselves permission to stop and get off the ride. The maybe afraid of the backlash by her if they do it now. I pray that they find the strength to finally let go and not worry of letting her fall for the first time.

*Jeanne, I liked your analogy to applying your oxygen mask first before helping others*

You covered some important points, and if you read RG's blog you will see that you are spot on with the "not my child" syndrome. I can't believe all the parents who suffer with this syndrome...I have a lot of friends who are teachers and it's appalling to hear the stories. In my house, it is my child, even if it's not! The way I see it, the odds are it is my kid, so on the occasions I'm wrong, I just tell then they need to learn to deal with all kinds of people, including the ones who "have it out" for them. Not just today, in school, but in life. It's taken a while, but they don't too often blame things on other kids or teachers anymore.

Can you imagine if we (those of us in the 40+ crowd) came home and blamed this on others?! Who started this lack of accountability in children and their parents...Dr. Spock?

 

[monoxide]

The real reason why the parents are protecting Casey is because they helped her cover it up. It is obvious that she is not intelligent enough to hide the body as well as she did by herself. If Casey goes down so will her family because they have promised her that she will receive no time for all the crimes that she has committed. When she goes down Casey will spill her guts and not until then.

 

[dcorrigano]

I dont get why the A's do what they do. What I do know is if you break the law and i catch you, it will be me who calls the po po on you. My son was 4 or 5 he stole a pack of gum, I called LE and he sat in a cell, with me outside the door... finger prints and photo. The cop was wonderful made it all very real!! Of course I was always there but my son had no idea. He is now 18 and remembers that experience and would never break the law, in fact he preaches to his sister and friends about that experience.

Example 2. I found drugs in a drawer in the bathroom that belong to my now EX husband, I didnt talk to him at all before I called LE.

It is what it is, call it tough love or whatever you want... My attitude is if you dont give me a reason to call then I wont.... So I can say if KC were my kid, she'd be in jail for the first theft andI wouldnt be where we are today.....

 

[jeannebreault]

You make a great point here.. people with mental illness often have many of the same "ism's" as addicts.

A major part of real "recovery" from mental illness is "un-learning" our unhealthy behaviors and defense mechanisims and learning new ones much like addicts. Though many of us are dual diagnosed and end up in those rooms anyway.

I like the saying, "Alcoholism is 5% alcohol and 95% ism." Apply that to any "ism" you want.:crazy:

 

[monoxide]

I dont get why the A's do what they do. What I do know is if you break the law and i catch you, it will be me who calls the po po on you. My son was 4 or 5 he stole a pack of gum, I called LE and he sat in a cell, with me outside the door... finger prints and photo. The cop was wonderful made it all very real!! Of course I was always there but my son had no idea. He is now 18 and remembers that experience and would never break the law, in fact he preaches to his sister and friends about that experience.

Example 2. I found drugs in a drawer in the bathroom that belong to my now EX husband, I didnt talk to him at all before I called LE.

It is what it is, call it tough love or whatever you want... My attitude is if you dont give me a reason to call then I wont.... So I can say if KC were my kid, she'd be in jail for the first theft andI wouldnt be where we are today.....

:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:

 

[JustMy2Cents]

Then what's the answer?

Because they are DYSFUNCTIONAL.................

 

[concentric]

I must admit I haven't read all of the comments on this thread, but I believe they feel guilt about all of the blame being on her.

 

[JustMy2Cents]

Caylee was most likely murdered by her mother and callously disposed of in an unmarked grave but the Anthony's are either refusing to face reality or they simply do not care. Why won't Cindy or George give Casey an ultimatum? Tell us what happened to Caylee or you are going back to jail. It's that simple.
Casey is obviously lying about everything that has to do with Caylee's disappearance and Cindy responds by embellishing her daughters blatant and outrageous lies and then attacking the media and public for not believing her. In my opinion the Anthony's have aided and abetted a murderer and they continue to do so by providing Casey with a safe haven. I'm sure Cindy and George love Casey and they probably always will but their parental responsibilities to Casey ended the minute she became the murderer of their grandchild.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Brini]

Would you feel the same way if your child killed your grandchild?

That's SO hard to answer, because most of us would never allow the situation to get to that place, to begin with. A child's pattern of lying, stealing, and avoiding personal responsibility wouldn't be allowed to persist.

 

[pixarfreak]

From The Rev. grund http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=85212505&blogID=432783107

Casey has turned out exactly the ONLY way she could have turned out. She's never been held responsible for her actions. She has had her mistakes and the harm she's done others covered up and excused. Accountability has never been a part of her life. The common term we hear about Casey from close friends and family is that everyone knew she had "issues". Issues left unchecked, untreated and allowed to fester. Issues that were red flags a long time ago and should have been dealt with once Caylee was born. And, they weren't.

Casey is a messed up, broken person. I've been around her, her family and know enough about her life to know that the way she has turned out is a product of her environment. Add to that the possibility of drugs and peers who encouraged her slide into darkness and we are where we are.

but I am angry at the environment that allowed this to take place. Casey wanted to change, wanted to be different and to have a better life. I know because I heard her say it and I saw the desire in her eyes. But she could not sustain it, had no one to encourage it and followed a path someone else set before her. It seems to me that her life has spiraled downward into darkness to where we are now.



He really speaks volumes about the Anthony family. This is not your average family, sorting out and dealing with bumps in the road. This family CREATES the bumps and has no clue how to deal.

 

[concentric]

Bravo, Brini.

 

[JustMy2Cents]

I know this is very difficult to imagine, but remember that when Casey was Caylee's age, Casey was "their little angel". Not easy to picture now with what we know, but still the Anthonys have loved Casey for 22 years, and I don't see how you could just turn off that love off like a switch. They want to believe their daughter, regardless of the facts that have surfaced. Difficult to understand what they are dealing with, especially if they really don't know what happened!!

Nobody is asking them not to love their daughter. We are simply asking them to take the blinders off and act like responsible parents for ONCE IN THEIR LIFE. LOVING your children and raising them to be responsible adults is the hard way, giving in and coddling them is the EASY way to parents. Doing the right thing is ALWAYS harder than taking the easy way out.

 

[Gaia713]

I ask this as a serious question. Several here have posted that they have dealt with "Casey-like" family members.

Is pretending that you believe their lies the recommended way to deal with this type of personality? How exactly do family members deal with these folks?

I cannot believe that the manner George and Cindy Anthony are using - making up explanations and excuses for the daughter's poor behavior - is what any mental health professional would recommend. Or is it?

Any input from those who have "been there" would be appreciated.

I know that I am witnessing familial dysfunction. I just would like to try to understand what I am seeing a little better, if possible.

I do not think it's "pretending" to believe their lies. I think it's accepting the lies as truth. It's a lot of work to challenge a child's lies as they just make up new ones to cover the original ones. Sometimes you can do what the police did - follow her down until she has no where to go but to tell the truth, but that's very time consuming. If you go around thinking your children are perfect, you are living in a false world. I have worked with children for over 50 years and they lie all the time. Children are not the innocents that some people want to believe. I think Casey's parents have made excuses for her all her life. There were in denial as to her lying. She didn't just start this behavior. She's been doing this for years imo. But she's always gotten away with it before particularly with her parents.

 

[Gaia713]

I would probably do the same for my children. I'm envisioning myself in the Anthony's shoes and even though I'd like to say I'd turn out my child, I know in my heart I probably couldn't and I'm sure they feel guilty because they feel like if they hadn't forced Casey to have Caylee or raised her differently....

AYou can love your child and still let them suffer consequences for their actions. My dad backed me 100% but he always told me if I got arrested to not call him. That told me that if I got in trouble, I was on my own. I never feld abandoned by him in any way shape or form. The Hacking family loves their son, but they did not support what he did. It can be done. It isn't easy. It will tear you apart as a parent.

 

[dcorrigano]

I cant agree more, and on top of that not teaching your child there is ramification for their actions teaches them there are none. A parents job is not to be friends it is to raise them to be productive, thoughtful, responsible members of society. I love my kids heart and soul, and would never turn my back on them for any reason. But if the ramifications of their actions mean jail, then that's where I will be loving my child from.

Nobody is asking them not to love their daughter. We are simply asking them to take the blinders off and act like responsible parents for ONCE IN THEIR LIFE. LOVING your children and raising them to be responsible adults is the hard way, giving in and coddling them is the EASY way to parents. Doing the right thing is ALWAYS harder than taking the easy way out.

 

[Gaia713]

I would be devestated. I would be angry and I would be furious, but I also wouldn't want to lose my daughter too. The Anthony's have to know that their daughter could be facing the death penalty and it's got to be a very difficult position for them. They probably know they can't save Caylee, but I'm sure they would do anything from losing another family member.

The thing is that they are not lsoing their daughter. They can still talk to her while she is incarcerated. It's not like she's already dead. They "lost" her long ago when they gave up any control over her. Cindy manipulates, she doesn't control imo. She thinks she controls.

 

[Brini]

You covered some important points, and if you read RG's blog you will see that you are spot on with the "not my child" syndrome. I can't believe all the parents who suffer with this syndrome...I have a lot of friends who are teachers and it's appalling to hear the stories. In my house, it is my child, even if it's not! The way I see it, the odds are it is my kid, so on the occasions I'm wrong, I just tell then they need to learn to deal with all kinds of people, including the ones who "have it out" for them. Not just today, in school, but in life. It's taken a while, but they don't too often blame things on other kids or teachers anymore.

Can you imagine if we (those of us in the 40+ crowd) came home and blamed this on others?! Who started this lack of accountability in children and their parents...Dr. Spock?

Not sure, but it's breeding something nasty and pervasive.

Here's how a "tougher" love can work:

A friend's car was vandalized by a teenager. My friend called the cops. The kid's parents had NO problem with the arrest.

After the legalities were dealt with, the kid's father got him a summer job digging building foundations, so he could repay my friend for the damages.

My guess is that there were no further criminal behaviors.

Then, there is Judge Gregory Mathis. He was a self-described "." He was arrested five times.

As soon as he turned 18., his mom threw him out of the house. She posted a sign on the house that said, "No Thugs Allowed." When he was arrested, he sat in jail w/o visitors. As long as he acted out there was no money, no dinners at home-- nothing. Nada. No support, of any kind.

Later, he became the youngest judge to be admitted to the Michigan courts. He credits his mom's tough love.

Now, If I, at age 23, had spoken to my parents the way KC speaks to hers, I would not have lived to see 24. Any disrespect got my mouth slapped, hard.

KC appears to be the product of endless enabling. She is a 2-year old child in the body of a 23-year old woman.

 

[Gaia713]

Yes, on an emotional level we can all understand the horror of what the Anthonys face & we can understand them loving their daughter no matter what.

There are different ways to show love though. (Healthy & unhealthy)

You can can support your children & help them THROUGH bad times but you sure don't have to help them AVOID taking responsibility for the mistakes they made.

Why can't the Anthony's simply say, "We love Casey & we will not abandon her" instead of sending signals that they BELIEVE IN the dysfunctional behaviors & lies Casey continually presents to the world?

IMO, the Anthonys are NOT supporting Casey in a meaningful way.... they are only HELPING her to remain just as screwed up as she was the day she 'lost' her innocent child.

BRAVO!!!!!


What make sit so frustrating to everyone is that they cannot see what they are doing.

 

[Brini]

The thing is that they are not lsoing their daughter. They can still talk to her while she is incarcerated. It's not like she's already dead. They "lost" her long ago when they gave up any control over her. Cindy manipulates, she doesn't control imo. She thinks she controls.

Yes, CA thinks she controls. But, KC is REALLY the controller. She's the "mastermind child" in the closed system family. Alert to, and expolitive of the weaknesses of all the others.