I just spent over a month in the hospital, and while I was laying there, I would sometimes think about this whole case. Sometimes I compared my time in an "institution' (hospital) to KC's (jail)... Not the same thing I know, but still, similar in some respects.
The deadening boredom, the petty little things that made up the day's routine, the wish for freedom to get out and go about life as usual...the annoying stuff... the stupid clothes I had to wear, the lack of privacy, the being ordered around, the horrible food..the lack of phones, TV, internet.. not even much for books to read, and just nothing to DO.
One month and I was nearly out of my mind .. I felt I would have given all I owned to just get out of there and go home.. failing that any visitor .. my worst enemy!! would have been welcome, I would have loved to seen anyone, even though I did have visitors, I would have loved to have had more..
KC has been in a jail now for over a year.. and could have had plenty of visits, but refuses them apparently. And doesn't seem to be climbing the walls from boredom and such. At least I could move around the hospital a little as I grew stronger, but she is confined to that little cell all day, with maybe an hour out to shower and such like.
Considering her youth, her former pretty hectic party-type life, and her apparent lack of inner resources, I am baffled as to how she manages to stay reasonably together, over this length of time, if it was so hard for me in just one month.
What can she be thinking as day follows day? What keeps her sane ? Does she have some elaborate fantasy world that wasn't available to me? Some form of 'work' or 'recreation' to hold her attention, while I did not?
I only know I couldn't have lasted over a year as she has done. There must be something else going on here that I just don't understand.
I think KC is a bit of a sloth.
You probably would not have been happy sitting around in your parent's house all day, month after month after month when you were in your early 20's. Or spending all of your "dates" sitting around watching television. You probably like being busy and probably drive further than a block away from your home.
While it looks like people let loose at the parties KC attended, KC didn't have much of a life on a day to day basis. She didn't have a job. She didn't belong to anything, go to church or even take Caylee to the park and sit on a bench talking to other mothers regularly. She seems chained to her phone and computer.
KC is good at compartmentalizing. When she was living her beautiful life she was able to shut out thoughts about Caylee's final moments. She was NOT into self-flagellating. KC could barely tear herself away from worrying about where her relationship with Tony "was going" long enough to dispose of Caylee's body.
There was no remorseful sitting around after stealing from her dying grandfather. KC had phone calls to make. KC didn't beat herself up after killing Caylee, either. She called and talked to her parents on the day she killed Caylee. She talked to Tony and shopped for videos on the day she killed Caylee.
Just like KC said in her diary of days:
Hold your head high.
Smile.
Laugh.
Love unconditionally.
Tomorrow is a brand new day
I think KC is going to be able to read, answer her fan mail and dream about her fans the way she used to fritter away her days texting, instant messaging, talking on the phone and daydreaming about her boy of the moment.
She'll have her mirror, more makeup, books, fan letters, lawyers, fans, prison guards and relationships with other prisoners to take the place of her old admirers.
She'll have shrines in her cell and talk about Caylee anytime mention of Caylee will get her something. KC won't feel a twinge. Just like she was able to say Caylee was having a fun time with Zanny knowing full well what was left of Caylee had just dripped out all over her car trunk...KC will be able to move past what she
did that brought about her life circumstances.
In KC's world other people exist to be used. The place where KC is going is full of like-minded individuals. KC will fit in. But, she'll have to stay on her toes. I predict she won't be bored.
IMO