2010.05.04 No one takes the blame for anything!!!

[pittsburghgirl]

Regarding the question of why anyone would accept Misty as a caretaker: What seems obvious to people whose brains aren't addled by drugs or who haven't been raised in deeply dysfunctional families isn't at all obvious to people who do drugs, who live with others who abuse drugs or alcohol, or who live in communities where drugs, leaving school early, and incarceration are the norm, not the exception. Many people applaud Crystal, but her father and her former attorney have said she has drug problems. That doesn't make her a bad person, but it should make all of us wonder about what is happening to her children, just as we should be concerned about the kids in the various branches of the Croslin family. There is no use, I understand, to point out that when we as observers blaming RC and the court for Crystal losing her kids is to do just what people excoriate RC for: turning a blind eye to the impact of addiction and drug abuse on children left in anyone's care. If RC was using and selling, if Misty was using and selling, if Crystal was using to the point of being non-functional, then there were really no viable parenting options other than foster care. And foster care can be, in many cases, just as bad or worse for kids than their birth family's environment.

If the question on this thread is why no one in this case takes responsibility, we should be aware that "taking side" just lets one inadequate parent off the hook. We become enablers in a way, preferring one side to another instead of taking the side of the children, who need at least one adequate parent (not abusing drugs or alcohol or in full addiction). Everyone failed these kids, and unless Crystal has gone to rehab and gotten clean, and has a plan and support to stay clean, Junior is still at risk. While he may not be exposed to anyone as morally vacant as Misty, he has one parent who is an addict (and can only really be "an addict in recovery") and another one who is in jail. I might also fault the parents of all of these young people for not getting any of them into rehab, and for going to court to support their custody fights, bailing them out of jail for all sorts of things (the Croslins are ridiculous in this area), and in general, enabling them to continue to use drugs, abuse drugs, break the law and avoid the consequences. They have brought down a plague on all their houses; but even their behavior stinks of the denial common in alcohol and drug abuse. And what, precisely, has changed in any of these households in the year since Haleigh disappeared? Who's in rehab? Who is back in school? Which family has gone into family therapy?

 

[summermood32]

I'm not sure how many of you have had Drug addicts as Family members or Friends.
I would like to share this with you, The only thing that matters is the DRUG!! It takes your heart away and makes you numb. You dont care about family or friends. You will lie cheat steal whatever you have to do to get high. When you do drugs other people can tell but the person that is high is in denial. The only person that can help a drug addict is there self. They have to want help not because they got in trouble because they want to.

 

[summermood32]

I don't know about ToC and TiC, but I know that Misty didn't attend school for very long. I believe that this contributed to her lack of concern for others and little sense of responsibility for her actions. In addition to their education in the rudiments of reading, writing, and 'rithmetic, children who attend school regularly learn important social skills like caring for and respecting others. It's clear that Misty wasn't learning appropriate behaviors or values in her home, and, sadly, she didn't attend school enough to learn them there.

I have a feeling that expected behaviors in school would not have been reinforced in the home, and if Misty complained about assignments, a teacher that she didn't like, or classmates with whom she didn't get along, I think that her parents just blew it off and told Misty that she didn't have to go to school. I suspect that Misty's parents did not hold educators or school administration in high regard. It seems that GmaH made an effort to send Misty to school, set some boundaries, and established some expectations for her granddaughter. Bless her for having tried to do the right thing! jmo

Also, How can a child in this day in time NOT attend school without parents going to jail? MC 8th grade or 7th Education Where was she leaving at the time and who was responsible for her then? Just curious!!

 

[chizap]

You are going to enjoy the beautiful minds here.
Many of us continue to seek justice though to its end.
As many have stated, someone has to continue to speak for those who cannot.

 

[Whisperer]

I am tired of this Crystal drug talk and her being equally inadequate. not true. The courts were wrong. rc had a record and a conviction six months prior and he got arrested while he was filing. Crystal had no arrests. Her mistake was honesty, something rc is not familiar with. RC already had physical custody when he went into court. For Crystal to trump that, she would have had to be pretty well off, financially.

JR is in a better place...period...thank God. This is the only good thing that has come out of this horrible and preventablel tragedy.

 

[TxLady2]

I'm not sure how many of you have had Drug addicts as Family members or Friends.
I would like to share this with you, The only thing that matters is the DRUG!! It takes your heart away and makes you numb. You dont care about family or friends. You will lie cheat steal whatever you have to do to get high. When you do drugs other people can tell but the person that is high is in denial. The only person that can help a drug addict is there self. They have to want help not because they got in trouble because they want to.

EXACTLY!! And most people do not realize how EASY it is to become addicted, and how HARD it is to stop. Also an addict needs the support of family and friends in order to beat the addiction, but when the family and friends are addicts too... well, it's a lose-lose situation.

 

[st777jo]

Concerned Papa and Pittsburghgirl, both of your posts hit to the heart of the Haleigh Marie Cummings. Thank you both.

 

[debs]

In my mind, "no one takes the blame" and "all that matters is the drug" are the same problem. There is a "first cause" which must be looked at, and it is that which has driven this case from the beginning. It is not Crystal losing custody or Ron taking the children from their mother. It is Ron's penchant for foisting off his parenting onto addicted young girls. Amber went VISIBLY from a pretty girl to a strung out doper. Misty was one of her best buds, and we know Misty has had a drug problem for some time (says her family).

He chose these two women to be the primary caregiver for his children in his absence. If he wants to use the "make an honest living" excuse, ok. But what about his children? Listening to just THAT day's events, he was supposed to work a few hours for his aunt (though we don't know if he did, because Misty described a day of sleeping and laying around and hanging out before he had to go to work, with no indication of WHICH job he was getting ready for).

He told the court he'd have them in a daycare or with his mother. Instead, he had a babysitter with a drug problem. Not only did she have a drug problem, but he'd spent a frenetic few days (according to Misty's friend NayNay) searching for her (where were the kids???) and she had to be coerced back to watch them on Monday with the bribe of payment from this same mother the court thought was going to watch them while he was off "making and honest living."

The first cause was that while Ron was "making an honest living" he couldn't be bothered to provide a caring environment for the children. He (and his mother, who the court believed would be watching them) left them with a drug-addled teenager, whose own family had let her run more than just wild. Pretending Misty was the best girlfriend ever, and excusing her drug use as "she was fine" and forgetting that she was herself underage and therefore Ron was committing stat. rape.......first cause: Ronald Cummings.

Drugs aren't the cause, and really the only bad parenting was in the final analysis was Ron's, who couldn't be bothered to do what it was he'd told the court he was going to do. In short, he lied to get his way, and got it, and now Haleigh is gone.

And it seems to me he sleeps fine.

 

[BetteDavisEyes]

Also, How can a child in this day in time NOT attend school without parents going to jail? MC 8th grade or 7th Education Where was she leaving at the time and who was responsible for her then? Just curious!!

Good question, and I wish that we had the answer. It seems that Misty's parents were incarcerated frequently during her early years and that the children were living with other family members. I've read that Misty spent some time with her paternal grandmother in Michigan as well as having lived for a while with GmaH in Tennessee. If Misty and/or her brothers were frequently shuffled off to live with relatives, child welfare agencies might not have been aware of where each was at any given time and whether or not they were enrolled in school. Very sad, imo, because school would have provided some measure of stability in the Croslin children's scattered lives. They would have acquired some valuable social skills and learned to accept responsibity for their actions which was not being taught in their home. jmo

 

[krkrjx]

They are all sorry they got caught, but no one has admitted that their lifestyle put the kids in harm's way. It is time for them to stop whining about being targeted by LE "because of Haleigh." They have been in jail for several months so if it was addiction that would not allow them to see their responsibility for Haleigh's disappearance, they should be able to see it now.

So far, they still believe that "if it weren't for Haleigh" they would still be free. It's time for them to admit, "If I had not been involved in drugs, Haleigh would still be here."

 

[tlcya]

Hi everyone. I have been reading here for a while as a guest, just became a member and this is my first post.

I agree that none of the players accept the blame for their part in anything. Even those who say they did wrong by doing drugs and admit they have to "learn a lesson" will within the same conversation blame LE for their being in jail. Or worse--they blame Haleigh.

Many of us point at the Croslin parents for TC and MC being the way they are, and I will concede there is something to that. However, there comes a time when every person has to accept responsibility for their own actions.

These "kids" knew the difference between right and wrong. Misty's comment on one of the UC videos that she didn't want "to get in trouble" means she knew what she was doing was wrong. I am not sure, however, that she truly believed there could be consequences. Misty had gotten away with a lot in her life and had seen others around her get away with a lot. This no doubt taught her that rarely are there consequences. Misty sits in jail fully expecting there to few, if any, consequences this time, as well.

We hear the Cummings clan (including RC's attorney) throwing out some rather loud hints that Ron was involved in drug deals for no reason other than to find out information about Haleigh. We hear Chelsea assuring Misty that she was "only helping a friend." We hear Tommy whine about all the things he has done in the past that he got away with.

Enough of the "blame game" already! We have heard excuse after excuse, whine after whine, each one blaming him/her/them--but what we have heard so little of to date are remorse and truth.

ALL MOO.

ITA and welcome! Glad you have stopped lurking and decided to join the conversation. Your post was a good one and I hope you will continue to share your thoughts.

 

[momuv3angels]

Personally, I don't think it's that complicated. I believe GGS and TN were taking up the slack for babysitting until they told Ronald you need to find someone (for various reasons). So, that's what he did. He didn't have to look any further past his daughter's bus stop. TN and GGS were not wrong in telling Ron to do that IMO. They were probably a little short on stamina and patience. I can relate.

So, if Ron was living the drug life and the grandmas were low on patience (with the knowledge that Ron was living the drug life), then who would we have left to care for the children? If even family won't take responsbility for their children or grandchildren, then who will? Neighbors? Foster care? or perhaps they are left to fend for themselves? Sadly enough, I have seen this happen in my own neighborhood and it's not a pretty picture...not saying thats' exactly what happened with Haleigh, but apparently the family members were satisfied with leaving the children in Mistys' care for long periods of time and that says it in a nutshell, IMO. So, if the caregivers of Haleigh and Jr. would not take responsibility for them by ensuring they were in a safe, drug free environment, then that explains why they are not willing to take the blame. They didn't feel compelled to take over when things looked gloomy for these kids and even now when Haleigh is gone partly due to their non-involvement (moo), they can't utter a word of regret for their actions or shall I say non-actions. Personally, I don't get the whole distant grandparent thing, some feel as though they have raised their children and shouldn't have to do so for their grandchildren...dude, thats FAMILY for crying out loud and if they are in crisis it's time to step in. ESPECIALLY when its' the children of the family who are suffering, IMO. Now, they are all pointing their fingers are everyone else, when it was the primary caregivers' (Ron mainly) responsibility. Also I just read the post concerning the court order for TN...didn't realize she was expected to babysit them in the legal agreement? Wow. Looks like she didn't take that very seriously. MOO

 

[SoSueMe]

Because I am a grandfather myself, one of the people I can least understand is Haleigh's grandfather, Johnny Sheffield. In 2005, after she lost custody of the children to Ronald, Crystal filed a couple of motions for re hearing. Accompanying one of these motions was an 18 item notarized affidavit from Johnny Sheffield that stated in very clear terms how he viewed Ronald as not only an unfit parent, but a dangerous menace to their safety because of his lifestyle. Testimony from Johnny Sheffield would have factored heavily into the Magistrate's ruling.

Problem was, Johnny Sheffield didn't show up for the hearing and without his direct testimony, the statements weren't allowed as evidence.

In looking into the history of the people in Haleigh's life, I couldn't help but find that Mr Sheffield had TWO assault charges in his past, one with a dangerous weapon. After reading his affidavit, and his criminal charges I couldn't help but ask myself, "What in the hell did these two people do to pizz off Johnny Sheffield?" He did NOTHING to protect the life of his granddaughter after telling the world about the danger that her life was in.

That is a part of this case that this grandfather will NEVER understand.

[Snipped]

Concerned Papa, I can see your frustration with this whole situation, but I can't lay a lot of blame on Mr. Sheffield. If what you say is true about his record, then I doubt his testimony would have carried much weight anyway. These are not people who are well-versed in legal matters. Perhaps he didn't know he had to show up for the hearing. Maybe he thought his affidavit would be enough for the judge. The fact that there was such an affidavit on file tells me where the blame should have been placed. It starts and ends with the parents, Ronald and Crystal.

Plain and simple, Ronald outsmarted and outlawyered Crystal to gain custody. In doing so, he should have provided adequate care and supervision for his children.

I have no doubt that you are the best grandpa in the world and that's evident by the love and affection we see in your posts about your grandchildren. You are also light years away from these people CPapa and I would say your grandchildren are very, very fortunate to have you in their lives.

Everyone failed this child like so many others.

 

[Pensfan]

I don't know about ToC and TiC, but I know that Misty didn't attend school for very long. I believe that this contributed to her lack of concern for others and little sense of responsibility for her actions. In addition to their education in the rudiments of reading, writing, and 'rithmetic, children who attend school regularly learn important social skills like caring for and respecting others. It's clear that Misty wasn't learning appropriate behaviors or values in her home, and, sadly, she didn't attend school enough to learn them there.

I have a feeling that expected behaviors in school would not have been reinforced in the home, and if Misty complained about assignments, a teacher that she didn't like, or classmates with whom she didn't get along, I think that her parents just blew it off and told Misty that she didn't have to go to school. I suspect that Misty's parents did not hold educators or school administration in high regard. It seems that GmaH made an effort to send Misty to school, set some boundaries, and established some expectations for her granddaughter. Bless her for having tried to do the right thing! jmo

Indeed! Bless someone for having tried with Misty. It's a shame she wasn't able to help Misty's mom. Don't know if you heard Granny Flo's statement about Misty's mom, but it sounds like she has always been a druggie and this means she probably drank alcohol while pregnant. Misty and her brothers were probably all alcohol affected in utero. Fetal Alcohol Effects or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome brings permanent behavioral and learning problems from day one of life. (It should be illegal to drink alcohol while pregnant.)

 

[pittsburghgirl]

I am tired of this Crystal drug talk and her being equally inadequate. not true. The courts were wrong. rc had a record and a conviction six months prior and he got arrested while he was filing. Crystal had no arrests. Her mistake was honesty, something rc is not familiar with. RC already had physical custody when he went into court. For Crystal to trump that, she would have had to be pretty well off, financially.

JR is in a better place...period...thank God. This is the only good thing that has come out of this horrible and preventablel tragedy.

You are saying the Crystal did not and does not have a drug problem? an addiction? The question of "taking responsibility" shouldn't begin or end with who was arrested or went to jail. Plenty of people are not adequate as parents simply because they are addicts or have psychological problems. Both Crystal's father and her former attorney have stated that she has or has had problems with addiction. My point regarding Crystal is that addicts, by definition, aren't living in the same reality as the rest of us, since their lives are controlled in large part by the need for and the consumption of drugs. My hope is that Crystal and everyone else in this case who has been and/or still is involved with drugs gets into rehab and stays abstinent or sober, and that their loved ones get into counseling for those who are dealing with addicts. The best hope for all of these people is for one, two, three or more of them to get help. I want to repeat what I said before: in terms of taking responsibility, we don't do these people any favors when we see one side involved with drugs and give them a "pass" while blaming the other.

 

[Beatrice]

Maybe it is because they do not have blame in Haleigh's disappearance.