CO- Dylan Redwine, 13, Vallecito, 19 November 2012 - #15

[Seajay]

:hen:

LOL Shoot. B said we'd be happier with a needle and a spaceship then we'd be if we dinged her again. I was not going to test that.:angel2:

 

[aust amateur slueth]

Apparently the first wife had some comments similar to the ones ER made, on Nancy Graces FB page. [ on the section that has Dylan wearing the suit..]

Yes I saw those comments, I wonder if she has been in touch with LE.

 

[BritsKate]

But I also think he would have been just as happy to stay where he grew up around all the friends he'd made over the years. He probably wasn't too keen to start with to leave his friends and school.

In an ideal world, maybe. Parents (single, married, remarried, divorced) make decisions everyday that are sometimes against the wishes of their child and sometimes those are made very much with the child's best interests at the forefront of the parent's mind.

I chose to move two small children 4000 miles away to a foreign country and a family court agreed staying with me, regardless of where I moved, was in their best interest. My eldest can't wait to move back to America but my youngest loves it here. There were much bigger (and more adult) considerations than friends, school, or even what remains of extended family. JMO

 

[Confusion]

Apparently the first wife had some comments similar to the ones ER made, on Nancy Graces FB page. [ on the section that has Dylan wearing the suit..]

You can't always believe what an ex says - mine says I was never a b****, but I could probably freeze water from 20 paces. I disagree completely, I've always been a b****! :furious:

 

[Confusion]

In an ideal world, maybe. Parents (single, married, remarried, divorced) make decisions everyday that are sometimes against the wishes of their child and sometimes those are made very much with the child's best interests at the forefront of the parent's mind.

I chose to move two small children 4000 miles away to a foreign country and a family court agreed staying with me, regardless of where I moved, was in their best interest. My eldest can't wait to move back to America but my youngest loves it here. There were much bigger (and more adult) considerations than friends, school, or even what remains of extended family. JMO

I keep wondering if the custody ruling would have been different if Elaine had to be out of town for work or other reasons at times, and Mark had moved 5-6 hours away, took the boys with him, and filed a custody hearing for while she was gone. :waitasec:

 

[vasportsmom]

You can't always believe what an ex says - mine says I was never a b****, but I could probably freeze water from 20 paces. I disagree completely, I've always been a b****! :furious:

When multiple ex's are saying the same things and adult children appear to be supporting them, there is probably more than just smoke.


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[Confusion]

When multiple ex's are saying the same things and adult children appear to be supporting them, there is probably more than just smoke.


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But all of my exes like me! And I'm still one. :sheesh:

 

[vasportsmom]

But all of my exes like me! And I'm still one. :sheesh:

Fine, no argument from me.


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[Seajay]

You can't always believe what an ex says - mine says I was never a b****, but I could probably freeze water from 20 paces. I disagree completely, I've always been a b****! :furious:

Yeh, my daughter has 2 exes and both of them think she's a b. They think I am too and I wasn't married to either of them. Just cuz they were losers and all...ya know???? LOL I do not take what exes say period. It's always colored. And they never admit what they did to precipated it.

 

[Confusion]

Yeh, my daughter has 2 exes and both of them think she's a b. They think I am too and I wasn't married to either of them. Just cuz they were losers and all...ya know???? LOL I do not take what exes say period. It's always colored. And they never admit what they did to precipated it.

I was told by one of mine that if she hadn't been married, he would have asked her out. Always bugged me that my mother usually got along better with guys I dated than I did. Oh well.

 

[Confusion]

When multiple ex's are saying the same things and adult children appear to be supporting them, there is probably more than just smoke.


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Have either of the older sons said anything publicly?

 

[Seajay]

When multiple ex's are saying the same things and adult children appear to be supporting them, there is probably more than just smoke.


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People change though. Some learn from their mistakes. I know I did. I've changed a lot from the way I use to be. Life experiences and age make you change priorities. I don't know if that's happened in this case, but I've seen it happened in others.

I've also seen some not too flattering things said about the other one as well. I'm not taking it as gospel even though it would benefit my theory greatly.

 

[Confusion]

People change though. Some learn from their mistakes. I know I did. I've changed a lot from the way I use to be. Life experiences and age make you change priorities. I don't know if that's happened in this case, but I've seen it happened in others.

I've also seen some not too flattering things said about the other one as well. I'm not taking it as gospel even though it would benefit my theory greatly.

I find it hard to believe that she's so bitter after being divorced for over 23 years.

 

[Seajay]

So when is Dylan coming home??? He has a lot of friends in Vallecito and Bayfield who sure do care about him. I hope wherever he is, he comes home soon.

 

[BritsKate]

I keep wondering if the custody ruling would have been different if Elaine had to be out of town for work or other reasons at times, and Mark had moved 5-6 hours away, took the boys with him, and filed a custody hearing for while she was gone. :waitasec:

There's really no hard and set rules when it comes to move-aways. Each case really is decided on its merit.

In Colorado the onus was on Elaine to prove to the court why a relocation would be in Dylan's best interest and further, that the move would not prohibit a substantial relationship with the non-custodial parent. (If Mark had joint physical custody and had Dylan in his home several days a week it's unusual that a court would allow a relocation). Relocation cases are a tough sell - better schools or a more lucrative job don't normally cut it as a reason to allow a child to be removed from the court's jurisdiction - and access to the other parent.

It depends on the circumstances, of course, but move-aways are no easy feat...and in some states if you lose the right to relocate your child you put yourself at risk of losing custody altogether too.

 

[JustCryssy]

As a parent, we do one of two things with each decision concerning our children
1. Do what's best for them.
2. Do what makes them happy.

I know this is going WAY back in the story, but what kind of parent forces a child to come visit them (with no specific plans) instead of letting them spend what is most likely the last holiday season with a grandparent?

For me, that speaks volumes about MR.
It's what put me on my thinking path and it's what makes me believe the former wives.

 

[SCHMAE]

As a parent, we do one of two things with each decision concerning our children
1. Do what's best for them.
2. Do what makes them happy.

I know this is going WAY back in the story, but what kind of parent forces a child to come visit them (with no specific plans) instead of letting them spend what is most likely the last holiday season with a grandparent?

For me, that speaks volumes about MR.
It's what put me on my thinking path and it's what makes me believe the former wives.

Actually that's a very good observation. MR's pushing the issue of visiting, knowing DR didn't want to and knowing DR might miss out on some final times
with an ailing grandparent, do point to something about MR. Either MR desperately loved and missed his son................. OR MR didn't give a hoot
what Dylan wanted. Which is more likely ?

 

[oceanblueeyes]

People change though. Some learn from their mistakes. I know I did. I've changed a lot from the way I use to be. Life experiences and age make you change priorities. I don't know if that's happened in this case, but I've seen it happened in others.

I've also seen some not too flattering things said about the other one as well. I'm not taking it as gospel even though it would benefit my theory greatly.

I know without a doubt that people can change. My ex was an obsessive jealous maniac the entire time we were married. Why I dont know. He was breathtakingly handsome but seem to have so little self confidence when it came to me. I never once gave him one reason to be. Maybe it was the age difference since he was 14 years older. But he abused me all through our marriage when our children werent around. Never once did he strike me in front of them and actually was/is a good father just a very bad husband. But anyway when I finally had courage to leave him is when he beat me the worst and put me in intensive care for three weeks and almost killed me.

It was the turning point of my life though because for once it was out of my hands and the police stepped in and he was held accountable. This is a man who neither drank nor did drugs. He had never even had a traffic ticket before. A very well respected business man in our community. If he had not put me in the hospital I would have probably still protected his image out of fear.

I got a RO when I got out of the hospital. Things got better with time. Then three years after we were divorced and I had remarried he came to me one day and he cried and cried and begged me to forgive him. I told him I would have to pray about it and I did. About a couple of weeks later I called him and told him I forgave him. Since that day he has tried everything possible to make up for the wrong he did to me by also apologizing to our children who also were angry with him at the time when they found out he had been abusing me. He has been a wonderful father who has felt so much guilt.

He is nothing like the man he was many years ago. My husband and I consider him one of our friends and I know without a doubt if we ever needed him for anything at all he would come in a nano-second. When I forgave him my life also got better for I no longer carried that toxic baggage around with me that only held me down. It was as if a boulder had been lifted from my shoulders. True forgiveness is a powerful healer and releaser.

imo

 

[SCHMAE]

I know without a doubt that people can change. My ex was an obsessive jealous maniac the entire time we were married. Why I dont know. He was breathtakingly handsome but seem to have so little self confidence when it came to me. I never once gave him one reason to be. Maybe it was the age difference since he was 14 years older. But he abused me all through our marriage when our children werent around. Never once did he strike me in front of them and actually was/is a good father just a very bad husband. But anyway when I finally had courage to leave me is when he beat me the worst and put me in intensive care for three weeks and almost killed me.

It was the turning point of my life though because for once it was out of my hands and the police stepped in and he was held accountable. This is a man who neither drank of did drugs. He had never even had a traffic ticket before. A very well respected business man in our community. If he had not put me in the hospital I would have probably still protected his image out of fear.

I got a RO when I got out of the hospital. Things got better with time. Then three years after we were divorced and I had remarried he came to me one day and he cried and cried and begged me to forgive him. I told him I would have to pray about it and I did. About a couple of weeks later I called him and told him I forgave him. Since that day he has tried everything possible to make up for the wrong he did to me by also apologizing to our children who also were angry with him at the time when they found out he had been abusing me. He has been a wonderful father who has felt so much guilt.

He is nothing like the man he was many years ago. My husband and I consider him one of our friends and I know without a doubt if we ever needed him for anything at all he would come in a nano-second. When I forgave him my life also got better for I no longer carried that toxic baggage around with me that only held me down. It was as if a boulder had been lifted from my shoulders. True forgiveness is a powerful healer and releaser.

imo

Amen Ocean! Happy for you to get a good life out of the ordeal !

 

[oceanblueeyes]

Actually that's a very good observation. MR's pushing the issue of visiting, knowing DR didn't want to and knowing DR might miss out on some final times
with an ailing grandparent, do point to something about MR. Either MR desperately loved and missed his son................. OR MR didn't give a hoot
what Dylan wanted. Which is more likely ?

I think he does care. He is older now and sometimes it takes age to realize what someone has missed and what is really important to them.

I dont think there is any evidence that he didnt give a hoot either, imo.

And we dont know if Dylan didnt want to go. He is 13 and certainly old enough to speak with the Judge to voice his own opinion in PRIVATE without trying to appease one or the other parents.

imo