Dad Shoots up Daughter's Laptop For Facebook Comments - Abuse or Good Parenting?

[krkrjx]

He refers to that in one of his facebook posts. He says he had CPS interview his kid to make sure they weren't forcing her to hunt for her own food with a spork, cut the grass with nail scissors or lock her in the basement.

I feel sorry for this guy. People are really going after him, psychologists, talking heads bloggers.

If my kid said I'd be on my own when I was old and needed someone to wipe my *advertiser censored**, or referred to a family friend as the "cleaning lady", etc., I would be very upset.

I understand his feeling. But I don't like parents destroying their kids things as punishment. Kind of childish thing to do, IMO. I think he should have sold it or given it charity.

His use of a gun doesn't bother me. Who cares how he did it?

As for him publicizing this, he posted it on her facebook wall. It was meant to be seen by everyone who saw the girl's rant against her parents. He was embarrassed, according to him and wanted her friends and their parents to know they don't raise her that way. Of course he didn't mean for this to go viral.

He refuses to do media interviews, even though many have offered he and his dad money. He says you don't get paid for crummy behavior and he knows they can twist whatever he says to their liking.

I will say that it appears the daughter has a step-mom and a small brother, maybe from her step-mom and dad? That can make a kid feel second best, even when their not. I hope dad explores that a bit.

But, the kid is apparently the first of any grandchildren and gets a ton of stuff, money and attention as a result and he's trying to make sure she learns the value of a dollar and hard work and what parents provide. Sounds like a decent man to me and a good dad. Maybe not his best moment but not abuse, IMO.

I think the girl's mom responded. I heard that on the radio. She apparently stated that the chores the girl is supposed to do each day mostly revolve around herself, like making her bed, doing her laundry, cleaning up after herself. She said the daughter was exaggerating. I am trying to see if her response can be found online.

My bolded part is my take on the whole thing. I think she was over the line in her comments but it is not atypical of what kids that age do sometimes. I do believe he could have handled this differently, though. Shooting up the computer--and videotaping the act--seems off for an adult. I do not think it has or will cause the daughter harm, and may teach her something in the long run. But he could have accomplished that by getting rid of the computer another way....a donation perhaps, with the daughter having to accompany him to do the deed.

I did that with my daughter years ago when she first got her driver's license but was not using it responsibly. When her failure to heed my warnings, advice, and rules resulted in an extremely unacceptable situation, I drove her to the DMV and had her voluntarily relinquish her license. It took a very long time for her to understand my action in that situation but she did eventually come to realize I was trying to save a life, possibly hers! I do not know for sure if that lesson would have been as easily learned had she seen me shoot up her driver's license with a gun, however.

 

[katydid23]

I think it may depend upon his other actions as a father. If he has NEVER been violent or aggressive towards his daughter and/or family, then I have no problem with his actions. Sometimes you need to do something shocking to get your kid's attention. imo

 

[Duckiegirl]

I think the child was being disrespectful but I think her father handled it in a very extreme way.

 

[mck16]

I think the child was being disrespectful but I think her father handled it in a very extreme way.

I think she was lucky he shot the computer. Poor child with that parenting no wonder she was comfortable posting her feelings on FB. Seems like a violent family to me. jmo

 

[Sassygerl]

I honestly just thought he looked like an idiot. IMO it would have been more powerful to drive her to a charity, donation drop off, something and have her hand it over personally. Basically IMO he was doing almost the same thing she did. He looks childish and stupid.

 

[kgeaux]

I think the answer to the question is best answered with another question. Did she learn anything valuable from this?

I think she was lucky he shot the computer. Poor child with that parenting no wonder she was comfortable posting her feelings on FB. Seems like a violent family to me. jmo

I've visited his Facebook page, and honestly, Hannah seems to have learned a valuable lesson. She and her dad have made peace, they BOTH have learned a lot! He might handle it differently if it happened today, but he did what he did, no going back.....and that in itself is one of the valuable lessons he mentions.

This dad has been raising money for muscular dystrophy, and because of the video going viral, the donations have grown exponentially. That is good!

 

[gitana1]

I think shooting the laptop was way overboard. I totally agree with what he's saying but using a gun is not the right thing to do, imo.

Perhaps a better way would've been to donate it and not tell her. Actually, now that I thought about it some more, why did he have to destroy it? He could've just used it for himself and not allowed her to use it. Period.

Quick comment (I've not yet read the article):

All he had to do was take it away, and give it to a school or charity in-need.

I don't really have a problem with his use of the gun because guns are a huge part of his and his daughter's culture. People from the west coast and the north tend to freak when guns are part of anything. But to him, guns are second nature. He mentioned his daughter was begging him for her own 45. They hunt, they target shoot, etc. So it's probably not a "violent" act to her in the sense that it would be for many from other parts of the country.

It bothers me that he destroyed the computer, though, gun or no gun because that seems childish and wasteful to me. It's punitive, not instructive. I think selling and dad keeping the money, or giving it to charity after wiping it clean, would have been much better. The first way, he would be repaying himself for what he spent. The second way, he would be showing the girl that other kids who get nothing are more deserving than she at the moment.

But, I feel bad for him because I think he was very hurt by what she posted so publicly and he just reacted. He didn't hurt her, maybe her dignity a little, but what she did to him was horrid. The man actually called his wife and cried after he read what his daughter wrote. I would have cried too. Cried due to the meanness of it and the fact that I raised such a kid.

He states that she is very demanding and gets lots of gifts but has a sense of entitlement,demanding $900 phones, etc., and he's trying to teach her not to be that way. So, I understand his frustration. I just think selling or giving away the computer would have been better.

 

[ohiogirl]

Definitely "overkill."

The only "lesson" the girl will remember from this action is the violence.

Sorry dont' agree at all. She knew what was up.

Don't give her an out.
Dad, chill out.

 

[ohiogirl]

This should never have hit the airwaves. There is too much violence going on to excuse this Dad's overraction. He was totally out of line to post this and she was totlly out of line to put this on her Facebook.
People have got to calm down.

 

[ohiogirl]

Not everything needs to be aired in public forums!

 

[ohiogirl]

I don't really have a problem with his use of the gun because guns are a huge part of his and his daughter's culture. People from the west coast and the north tend to freak when guns are part of anything. But to him, guns are second nature. He mentioned his daughter was begging him for her own 45. They hunt, they target shoot, etc. So it's probably not a "violent" act to her in the sense that it would be for many from other parts of the country.

It bothers me that he destroyed the computer, though, gun or no gun because that seems childish and wasteful to me. It's punitive, not instructive. I think selling and dad keeping the money, or giving it to charity after wiping it clean, would have been much better. The first way, he would be repaying himself for what he spent. The second way, he would be showing the girl that other kids who get nothing are more deserving than she at the moment.

But, I feel bad for him because I think he was very hurt by what she posted so publicly and he just reacted. He didn't hurt her, maybe her dignity a little, but what she did to him was horrid. The man actually called his wife and cried after he read what his daughter wrote. I would have cried too. Cried due to the meanness of it and the fact that I raised such a kid.

He states that she is very demanding and gets lots of gifts but has a sense of entitlement,demanding $900 phones, etc., and he's trying to teach her not to be that way. So, I understand his frustration. I just think selling or giving away the computer would have been better.

IMO, this is way too extreme a response from a parent. I understand it, but don't agree with it. I sympathize with him, but don't feed the monster.

 

[oh_gal]

At least he used the gun on the laptop, and not her.

I have thrown away my kids' toys to make a point, and believe me, it did. Whatever they were doing that they refused to stop doing, they now don't do anymore, because they know I mean business.

Maybe this was the only way to get through to her. Maybe nothing else had worked.

We are in danger of raising a generation of selfish, self-absorbed, entitled-minded youth, who will one day grow up to be selfish, self-absorbed, entitled-minded adults.

 

[txsvicki]

I haven't seen what age teen the girl is, but both her and the dad sound like a couple of drama queens. I can see getting upset and posting something on facebook, but to actually make a video and put it on youtube! Many parents are going through the same thing with barely have enough money to buy food and clothes. Hearing of someone totally destroying a laptop is a little offensive, and the dad called in cps himself. They are pretty busy with truly abused kids.

 

[kgeaux]

I haven't seen what age teen the girl is, but both her and the dad sound like a couple of drama queens. I can see getting upset and posting something on facebook, but to actually make a video and put it on youtube! Many parents are going through the same thing with barely have enough money to buy food and clothes. Hearing of someone totally destroying a laptop is a little offensive, and the dad called in cps himself. They are pretty busy with truly abused kids.

He explained why the video was on you tube.....it is a better forum for uploading videos. He uploaded it then linked it to her FB so that the 400 plus people who had the opportunity to see his daughter's post could see his response. He has expressed dismay that the video went viral.

 

[Donjeta]

The next time one of his kids gets mad and destroys something he is going to want to discipline them and say it's wrong and you've got to keep your temper in control and you can't break plates just because you don't like something that somebody said or did, and they'll point out, "But Dad, YOU shot a laptop."

JMO but the best way to teach our children to think about the consequences of their actions before acting is to show them a good example.

 

[MagnoliaMom]

I don't have a problem with him being angry, making his daughter face consequences (grounding, loss of laptop), or destroying the laptop in any fashion he chooses.

I do have a problem with him using youtube and facebook to embarrass and humiliate his daughter. It also seemed to be a means to lash out at the fb friends as a "how do you like those apples" one-upmanship.

I understand she was rude and disrespectful. I am glad he hates it and expects more from his daughter but he IS the parent and should not reduce himself to the level of a fb fight with his kid. I think he knows this and let his anger get the best of him. Who hasn't at times.

I felt uncomfortable watching it. I have many times felt like getting my flowered hammer and smashing my daughter's phone to tiny bits but I haven't and if I do I won't be posting it :innocent:.

 

[butwhatif?]

I don't have a problem with him being angry, making his daughter face consequences (grounding, loss of laptop), or destroying the laptop in any fashion he chooses.

I do have a problem with him using youtube and facebook to embarrass and humiliate his daughter. It also seemed to be a means to lash out at the fb friends as a "how do you like those apples" one-upmanship.

I understand she was rude and disrespectful. I am glad he hates it and expects more from his daughter but he IS the parent and should not reduce himself to the level of a fb fight with his kid. I think he knows this and let his anger get the best of him. Who hasn't at times.

I felt uncomfortable watching it. I have many times felt like getting my flowered hammer and smashing my daughter's phone to tiny bits but I haven't and if I do I won't be posting it :innocent:.

Totally agree!...only I didn't watch the video myself. Hearing about it is enough.

She did something stupid in the heat of the moment and so did he.IMO

One other problem I have with this, is I assume that at '15 going on 16' she would need that laptop for homework/assignments.
I hope that working in IT he made sure he saved any school work she may have on there.
Fair enough if if he wants to punish her (even though I think there were better ways to do it- like blocking her access to FB completely), but I hope it doesn't interfere with her ability to use the internet as a resource for her education.

JMO

 

[LinasK]

Totally agree!...only I didn't watch the video myself. Hearing about it is enough.

She did something stupid in the heat of the moment and so did he.IMO

One other problem I have with this, is I assume that at '15 going on 16' she would need that laptop for homework/assignments.
I hope that working in IT he made sure he saved any school work she may have on there.
Fair enough if if he wants to punish her (even though I think there were better ways to do it- like blocking her access to FB completely), but I hope it doesn't interfere with her ability to use the internet as a resource for her education.

JMO

Plus the fact-it was rash considering he spent $130 just the day beforehand installing software on it and is also going to charge her the cost of the bullets. I didn't like his daughter's attitude, but shooting her laptop on YouTube and posting it, is over the top!!! Violence and public humiliation are not the answer!:twocents:

 

[tlcya]

I am okay with a little public humiliation. It was a good deterent for me as a kid.

Sometimes I think public embarrassment can make one reevaluate ones bevaviors and find them undesirable. Hence a lesson learned.

Bullying, not okay. Public shaming, maybe we need to get back to that a bit.

If someone feels emarassed or ashamed when their behavior is highlighted for the world to see, then the behavior is one they will think twice about engaging in in future.

 

[cindysue]

I have 7 kids and if I found this post I would feel horrible that my child was seemingly so overwhelmed with things she felt exhausted. I think she was venting her feelings of being stressed and what this father did is going to be an obstacle in their relationship for a long time IMO. I feel for this child.