We are each living in our own little thought world and we have a tendency to believe others think like we do. They don't. As a retired therapist who has worked with convicted murderers, confessed murderers and abusive partners who were lucky enough to have been pulled off before killing their "loved one," I can reassure you that "s/he deserved to die 'cuz s/he was stealin' from me" (as in taking child support) is NOT an uncommon belief. Neither is "..she made me hit/stab/shoot her by saying abc...." nor is "..they'll never figure out xyz.." Imho, unless you are a murderer, you probably don't think like one.
Respectfully snipped...
Good to see you back on Michelles thread GrammaMaybe. I have to agree with you regarding how some people think and can justify their actions as someone elses fault every time.
In this case were looking at a guy with a violent and long criminal record who appeared to be pretty much still living with his parents in his 30s, going to work during the day and partying on nights and weekends. Hanging out in bars and spending most of his spare time and money on Star Wars related memorabilia and social functions.
Then he starts dating a beautiful bartender from one of his regular drinking establishments. Certainly someone who appears to be way out of this self confessed geek/nerds league as far as romantic partners go. And during this courtship she becomes pregnant. Likely not a planned event but certainly a blessing just the same. So they decide to make a go of it as a family. He buys a home for them, a car for her and an expensive diamond engagement ring. Problem is, hes not really the settling down type and the relationship starts to go sour. Accusations of infidelity, physical and emotional abuse and at least 2 attempts to break it off on her part before the final break up. Im sure he didnt want this to end but he really had no idea of how to be in a mature committed relationship. This was at least his third attempt at one and once again he failed.
So at one point she left him and moved in with her family. She took the car he had bought and put in his name, and he was already out the cost of the diamond engagement ring that had been lost in a fight, plus the home he had bought for them to live in as a family was now worth not much more than half of what he paid for it. And she had the children with her.
So he did what most angry men bent on revenge would do in that situation. He filed a paternity suit on her to get custody of the children. The paternity suit led to him getting joint custody rights but also left him with a $800 a month support payment to be paid to her. And then somehow he managed to convince her to return to the relationship for a short while (I'm not exactly sure but this might have actually been when the engagement ring was given to her as enticement) but once again his immaturity resurfaced and he basically threw her and the children out. She knew this situation was toxic and while she had tried to hold it together for the children, she knew it was time to let it go this time for good. So he filed a suit to recoup the money for the ring. The civil suit for the ring was somehow redirected to The Peoples Court and he only won back half of the $5000 he claimed it was worth. Who knows what he actually paid for the ring as $5000 is the maximum claim in that type of civil court case. And the value of the condo he purchased was plummeting daily. He would never recoup his losses from that purchase.
So do we think that this abusive, immature man who failed miserably at establishing a loving and trusting relationship with his new family blames himself for anything that happened? Not in my opinion. In his mind it was all her fault and she probably heard all about how he felt about that right up until the moment she disappeared from his home. Arguing was probably the only method of communication between them at that point and she was moving on while he was stuck living alone with the debt on the condo that was in his name only and the continued support payments that were helping to finance the car he felt was his that she was still driving. Not to mention the loss on the ring that he had just revisited by watching the airing of the PC show and seeing himself look like a fool. Im sure he felt she deserved whatever happened to her that day. Im sure he still does.
But we all know thats not how its supposed to go. People break up and fall out of love every day. And they take their losses with the maturity that grown adults should possess and move on. Hopefully maintaining some civility towards each other for the sake of any children they were blessed with. Unfortunately, it appears thats not the way DSJr rolls.
MOO...of course.
