Girl, 16, moves in with 49-year-old teacher

[Floh]

I guess I just don't understand the double standard here. A 16 year old dates a man 33 years older than her, but clearly she's only a child. A 16 year old murders someone, but clearly they must be tried as an adult. So which is it? Are you saying that all 16 year olds *must* be duped since they don't have the mental capacity yet to know they are being taken advantage of? Not all 16 year olds are built the same way mentally. If she's old enough to give consent I don't see the problem, legally or morally. There's no scientific objective that identifies that 16 year olds can't make sound decisions about relationships.

I don't recall ever saying a 16 year old should be tried as an adult. did i?

i do see a problem with this youngster moving in with a 49 year-old.

i do believe she hasn't the mental capacity to have made this decision. she has been taken advantage of.

before you mention it once again, i am aware there has been no law broken.

 

[Paladin]

How can you tell for certain she was taken advantage of? Because of the age or because of the teacher/student relationship? And how exactly did it happen? I'm trying to understand how you can trick someone into liking you.

If our laws are based off of morals, then how is this morally wrong?

 

[Floh]

Both because she was his student and because of her age.

he took advantage of her.

 

[Paladin]

he took advantage of her.

You said that before. I'm asking how.

 

[Floh]

You said that before. I'm asking how.

I know, being a teacher, how youngsters look up to me. she would have looked up to her teacher. and he would know this and acted in what i consider an inappropriate way.

he has vastly more experience than a 16 year-old.

i can't state it any more plainly than that.

 

[angelmom]

I think it is interesting that a lot of EU countries think the US is so repressed and backward for our attitudes about children and sex and drugs - older age of consent, drinking age, etc.

BUT they think we are so violent and can't believe we try "children" as adults who commit adult crimes at 15 or 16 years old.

I am not taking a side here. I think it is a fascinating distinction. Are 16yos children or not?

In my mind, they are and it applies across the board. Those who commit adult crimes should go to adult court only because family court has no real means to deal with them. But if that were corrected, I would much prefer for them to be handled as juveniles instead of being tossed away with the lifelong criminals.

Same with consent. I think a 16yo and a 17 or 18yo can give consent to one another, but a 16yo cannot give consent to a 49yo man! That is why the law is written such as it is in certain states to avoid "Romeo and Juliet" situations.

Which is it?

 

[Paladin]

I think it is interesting that a lot of EU countries think the US is so repressed and backward for our attitudes about children and sex and drugs - older age of consent, drinking age, etc.

BUT they think we are so violent and can't believe we try "children" as adults who commit adult crimes at 15 or 16 years old.

I am not taking a side here. I think it is a fascinating distinction. Are 16yos children or not?

In my mind, they are and it applies across the board. Those who commit adult crimes should go to adult court only because family court has no real means to deal with them. But if that were corrected, I would much prefer for them to be handled as juveniles instead of being tossed away with the lifelong criminals.

Same with consent. I think a 16yo and a 17 or 18yo can give consent to one another, but a 16yo cannot give consent to a 49yo man! That is why the law is written such as it is in certain states to avoid "Romeo and Juliet" situations.

Which is it?

Hehe, what do you propose? My friends say there is an equation you use to determine if the age gap is too high.

(Your age / 2) + 7 = Minimum age other person must be

So...I'm 28. Divided by 2 is 14 + 7 = 21. That's how old a girl must be in order for me to even consider dating her.

So if you're 49, let's be generous and round down, so 24, add 7, he should probably be dating a 31 year old, at least.

I just don't particularly like the notion that 16 year olds are so easily duped.

 

[angelmom]

Hehe, what do you propose? My friends say there is an equation you use to determine if the age gap is too high.

(Your age / 2) + 7 = Minimum age other person must be

So...I'm 28. Divided by 2 is 14 + 7 = 21. That's how old a girl must be in order for me to even consider dating her.

So if you're 49, let's be generous and round down, so 24, add 7, he should probably be dating a 31 year old, at least.

I just don't particularly like the notion that 16 year olds are so easily duped.

In GA I think the age of consent is 18 OR 14 w/in 4 years. So a 14yo w/ an up to 18yo wouldn't be tried. Or a 16yo w/ a 19yo would not be tried. But a 13yo w/ anyone would be tried. I think that's generally okay. I agree that 16yos are wiser than some give them credit for, but I also allow that they are more naive than THEY often believe they are and that a 35 or 45 year old could easily take them in.

Your equation is one I have heard before, and more of a dating guideline for making sure you are not in the cougar/trophy wife category. I actually find it to be fairly reasonable at any age. I am 38, so I could (theoretically - if I don't want my own thread!) date someone from from 26-62. A little dicey around the edges, but I definitely wouldn't go beyond those numbers! Actually I am one of those who is quite happy that my DH is just 2 years older.

Are you really only 28? That explains a lot!

 

[Paladin]

Are you really only 28? That explains a lot!

I'm sure once I have children I'll be leading the charge against people like this.

I just like playing devil's advocate.

 

[angelmom]

I'm sure once I have children I'll be leading the charge against people like this.

I just like playing devil's advocate.

Yeah, I can't wait for you to have a daughter!

 

[philamena]

Why isn't this considered kidnapping?
Or is a 16 year considered legal?
Gawd, this makes me sick.
The teacher is nothing less than a pedophile.

 

[Floh]

Why isn't this considered kidnapping?
Or is a 16 year considered legal?
Gawd, this makes me sick.
The teacher is nothing less than a pedophile.

You need to read the articles to understand why this isn't considered kidnapping.

to my mind the ex-teacher is nothing more than a paedophile too.

here's a further article of a sad story of a girl/now woman who had an affair with her teacher:

My affair with a teacher wrecked my life

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=512703&in_page_id=1879

Sad story.

"For the moment, she is in love. Sadly, only the benefit of experience will teach her that while love may be a many splendoured thing when you're 16, it loses its glamour when you're still paying the shrink 20 years on."

 

[philamena]

hi Floh,
I only read a portion of the articles but I had a hunch the laws made the 16 yr old legal property. :furious:
IMHO, a 16 yr old is not mature enough to make wise decisions....period. I still think the teacher should be punished. He most likely chose teaching so he'd be around children. Makes me sick.:sick:

 

[Filly]

I'm sure once I have children I'll be leading the charge against people like this.

I just like playing devil's advocate.

Oh, you have no idea. Ya may wanna save yourself the ulcer, high blood pressure, worry, concern. Shall I go on? LOL

 

[philamena]

I was a little confused and wondered about this case. Now I know why this arrangement wasn't against the law, it didn't happen in the US.:doh:

 

[Paladin]

Yeah, I can't wait for you to have a daughter!

Should I take that as an insult?

It's like you're saying "I can't wait for you worry yourself sick."

That's not nice! :crazy:

 

[Floh]

I was a little confused and wondered about this case. Now I know why this arrangement wasn't against the law, it didn't happen in the US.:doh:

That's right. we're an international board! :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:

 

[FlowerChild]

A hundred years ago a 14 year old girl was a WOMAN and often married - a 16 year old might already have a child or TWO and by 30 might be a GRANDMOTHER. A woman was considered old enough to marry once she reached puberty

I do not think PEOPLE have changed so much, I think the TIMES and SOCIETY have changed and people are still the same. It is no longer acceptable to marry at 14 and yet I have friends in their 60's, 70's and above who DID - and had/have wonderful marriages - and now are celebrating Golden Wedding Anniversaries.

EDUCATION is the answer, not laws. We are NOT going to change 14 or 16 year old girls and they will do what they are going to do regardless of the LAW. I did, and almost every NORMAL woman I know did too.

My date to my 9th grade prom (I was 14) was 21 years old and a long-haired musician! I dated him with my PARENT'S CONSENT and you know what, NOTHING BAD HAPPENED. I am not scarred and I was not "damaged" by the relationship in ANY WAY. My parents thought me mature enough to date this young man...AND I WAS. I did not get pregnant, I did not get married until I was MUCH older (ancient by many standards), I graduated college and am very successful and have been a happy and optimistic person my whole life. In high school and college I always dated men AT LEAST 4 or 5 years older - the ones who were my age were immature and childish. My HUSBAND however, is my age. I chose him using the EXPERIENCE I gained from years of dating and serious relationships with men who were mentally and emotionally my equals, despite my age.

Every situation is NOT the same. I cannot imagine a 16 year old being attracted to a 50 year old man (I wasn't) but I also know that some relationships appear to be "night and day" and yet are in truth, the BEST and most rewarding and romantic and the couple are truly soul-mates.

At least she is being honest (and he is too) and while I would NOT APPROVE of them living together I cannot say in all honesty that she is a "child" or too young to date him.

My Opinion

 

[Paladin]

A hundred years ago a 14 year old girl was a WOMAN and often married - a 16 year old might already have a child or TWO and by 30 might be a GRANDMOTHER. A woman was considered old enough to marry once she reached puberty

I do not think PEOPLE have changed so much, I think the TIMES and SOCIETY have changed and people are still the same. It is no longer acceptable to marry at 14 and yet I have friends in their 60's, 70's and above who DID - and had/have wonderful marriages - and now are celebrating Golden Wedding Anniversaries.

EDUCATION is the answer, not laws. We are NOT going to change 14 or 16 year old girls and they will do what they are going to do regardless of the LAW. I did, and almost every NORMAL woman I know did too.

My date to my 9th grade prom (I was 14) was 21 years old and a long-haired musician! I dated him with my PARENT'S CONSENT and you know what, NOTHING BAD HAPPENED. I am not scarred and I was not "damaged" by the relationship in ANY WAY. My parents thought me mature enough to date this young man...AND I WAS. I did not get pregnant, I did not get married until I was MUCH older (ancient by many standards), I graduated college and am very successful and have been a happy and optimistic person my whole life. In high school and college I always dated men AT LEAST 4 or 5 years older - the ones who were my age were immature and childish. My HUSBAND however, is my age. I chose him using the EXPERIENCE I gained from years of dating and serious relationships with men who were mentally and emotionally my equals, despite my age.

Every situation is NOT the same. I cannot imagine a 16 year old being attracted to a 50 year old man (I wasn't) but I also know that some relationships appear to be "night and day" and yet are in truth, the BEST and most rewarding and romantic and the couple are truly soul-mates.

At least she is being honest (and he is too) and while I would NOT APPROVE of them living together I cannot say in all honesty that she is a "child" or too young to date him.

My Opinion

FANTASTIC post. :clap:

 

[angelmom]

Should I take that as an insult?

It's like you're saying "I can't wait for you worry yourself sick."

That's not nice! :crazy:

No, it's not like that at all. (Okay, maybe a little bit.)

It's more like going to a theme park with someone who's never been there. Half the fun is watching the joy, fear, and excitement as they experience it for the first time.

Plus, I have to say that as a parent one of life's great satisfactions is watching another person eat the crow you once had to choke down when you realized that your years of spouting off about everything wrong with "parents today" was coming back to haunt you.