IL - Steven Stepp & 2 others for sex abuse of 10yo girl, Romeoville, 2004

[southcitymom]

i am so sorry if i made you feel i thought you are pro criminal. i never thought any thing close. i know on some cases i see black and white issues where u see shades of gray. it is 1 of the things about you i respect. you habit of looking for good in people and your belief that there can be redemption is a great thing. on some cases you can open my eyes to a side i would not normally look at. i joke about the fact we do not agree but i like that fact. listening to what you have to say gives me a chance to look at my feelings with less of the anger i tend to bring to these cases. i'm sure it must be hard for you on some threads when 20 of us are screaming for blood to be the lone voice on the thread saying wait look at why this happened. when you say it i do look. i have a little more understanding for the parents that forget their kids in the car now. i once thought it did not matter if it was on purpose or accident. thanks to your post i now think it matters. i still think accident should get a small amount of jail time because it is neglect but i can be a project for you to work on. :blowkiss:

I feel no need to work on you at all, sherri! I adore you just the way you are!

I promise that you (no one here, in fact) have never made me feel pro-criminal. As a general rule, I feel very loved and supported by the members here - even if my perspective does not always reflect the majority's. That freedom and respect I feel is one of the things that makes WS such a unique place, IMHO.

It is good for me to hear the anger. Anger is a very honest emotion and I am all about honesty. When I first joined WS, I will admit that I was a little blown away by some of it for a while. But as I have been privileged enough to stick around and get to know some of the many awesome people here, I realize now that the anger comes from a place of loving and caring about those who are brutalized.

I would much rather live in a world where vitriol is heaped upon people who harm others than live in a world where no one cares enough to rage against the injustices!

Everything you people post makes me think - and that's a good thing, lest I be lulled into the false idea that I know it all!

 

[meowy]

Reading what you all say has made my day. Keeping it all secret is something I'm trying to not do anymore but it is hard, hard to tell the biggest secret of all. If it's secret then I still follow their control of not telling but that doesn't make it easier. So I set up a blog just for it all, feel better even if it's anonymous and told to strangers. Just getting it out is good.

I think the line about them repenting before being forgiven is a good one. I struggle to forget the "parents" for what they did to me and my brother and we both find ourselves unable to do so. I feel guilty because I can't forgive, but it's hard to forgive someone who still thinks they did nothing wrong.

You guys rock

 

[sherri79]

Reading what you all say has made my day. Keeping it all secret is something I'm trying to not do anymore but it is hard, hard to tell the biggest secret of all. If it's secret then I still follow their control of not telling but that doesn't make it easier. So I set up a blog just for it all, feel better even if it's anonymous and told to strangers. Just getting it out is good.

I think the line about them repenting before being forgiven is a good one. I struggle to forget the "parents" for what they did to me and my brother and we both find ourselves unable to do so. I feel guilty because I can't forgive, but it's hard to forgive someone who still thinks they did nothing wrong.

You guys rock

i feel for you hun. i wish i could give you answers. we all struggle to find our way and what works for 1 of us may not work for others. every person i know who has dealt with this issue finds some peace in talking about it. as a child we can not voice the pain or shame we felt. as adults no 1 can stop us. it wont matter if you write a book and go on all the talk shows or use a blog with a fake name. if you speak or not as long as it is your choice. as a child you are helpless to decide how the events unfold. if you keep it a secret forever you still have the power as long as you know it is your choice not theirs.

i dont think forgiveness means acting like it did not happen. you can forgive and still never speak to them again and even feel they should be punished. it only means to me that i let go of the hate. the fact i no longer hate some1 will not make them less guilty of a crime but means i am not making it a factor in my life any longer. i hope to reach this point someday but i doubt i ever will.

 

[southcitymom]

Reading what you all say has made my day. Keeping it all secret is something I'm trying to not do anymore but it is hard, hard to tell the biggest secret of all. If it's secret then I still follow their control of not telling but that doesn't make it easier. So I set up a blog just for it all, feel better even if it's anonymous and told to strangers. Just getting it out is good.

I think the line about them repenting before being forgiven is a good one. I struggle to forget the "parents" for what they did to me and my brother and we both find ourselves unable to do so. I feel guilty because I can't forgive, but it's hard to forgive someone who still thinks they did nothing wrong.

You guys rock

Meowy, :blowkiss:

Thanks so much for posting. Please please please don't feel guilty if you don't feel forgiving! Do not pressure yourself to feel a certain way. I speak from deep experience here - one of my major defects of character being that I am capable of putting enormous, unreasonable amounts of pressure on myself to be better, different, more, not so much this, a little more that.....and yet inevitably my real joy seems only to come from embracing who I really am and where I really am on this path.

Accept and honor how you feel today. Just keep taking care of yourself, keeping yourself safe and growing towards the light. My experience has been that everything I need spiritually falls into place as I learn to love and care for myself. But it is a process - often slow, rarely perfect, sometimes harrowing , and funny too!

Congratulations on being a survivor!

 

[Reannan]

....i dont think forgiveness means acting like it did not happen. you can forgive and still never speak to them again and even feel they should be punished. it only means to me that i let go of the hate. the fact i no longer hate some1 will not make them less guilty of a crime but means i am not making it a factor in my life any longer. i hope to reach this point someday but i doubt i ever will.

Sherri, I hope you DO reach that point someday. I don't think you will ever be able to forget, but I hope you reach a place that the memory becomes more like a bad dream. And I hope that the dream is in black and white, and when you wake each day, you are able to see the world in vibrant, living, joyful color. When you can remember, but not be dominated by the memory, you will have conquered THEM. You DO have the power inside you, as do so many other truly wonderful people here at WS's who have also suffered abuse, to kick the abuser(s) into the dust of history as you step forward into the sunshine of tomorrow. (Not sure where that last line came from....it just sort of flowed out - hope no one takes it as being too sappy.....I really do BELIEVE it.:blushing: )

 

[OneLostGrl]

What an amazing thread and as always, what an amazing group of people that have gravitated toward it.

To those of you who have been abused and molested by family members, I am so sorry you had to live through such a horrid betrayl! That you had to live for even one second thinking any of it was your fault or that you deserved it. You are all such strong people and I respect and admire each of you beyond words!

 

[MREG2]

I second what OLG has stated. You all are survivors. I am proud of you all and am very proud to call you all friends. I can not begin to imagine the pain you have endured as I have never been physically or sexually abused (emotional, maybe) but as the mom of 2 little girls and a little boy I live everyday with the thought that everywhere we go there could be a predator. I find myself giving "the eye" to any man who stares a little too long at my girls. Once I even picked up my 2 yr old because of a man who was staring at her as we walked down the street. I made sure he saw and made eye contact with him. (Of course she was also wearing a shirt with a cute princess saying on it and he could have been reading it but still...) I feel the stress everyday that something could happen to them. The weight of that responsibility is sometimes overwhelming but one that I will forever be as diligent as I can be. I could bawl right now for each of you that have suffered at the hands of an adult. I could bawl right now at the thought that anyone could harm my kids. I hate to admit this...but I even watch my kids close around my dad and brother (and even my hubby and his BIL) even though I believe in my heart that none of them would hurt them. But that is how paranoid I am. For I would never forgive myself if something happened to them.....

My prayers go to all of you on this thread and all of WS.... :blowkiss:

 

[Amraann]

Reading what you all say has made my day. Keeping it all secret is something I'm trying to not do anymore but it is hard, hard to tell the biggest secret of all. If it's secret then I still follow their control of not telling but that doesn't make it easier. So I set up a blog just for it all, feel better even if it's anonymous and told to strangers. Just getting it out is good.

I think the line about them repenting before being forgiven is a good one. I struggle to forget the "parents" for what they did to me and my brother and we both find ourselves unable to do so. I feel guilty because I can't forgive, but it's hard to forgive someone who still thinks they did nothing wrong.

You guys rock

You should not feel guilty for not forgiving them.
They do not deserve forgiveness. They are not worthy and your feeling guilt is only their control over you.
From the time we are small children we are taught that we are to love and honor our parents... It is brainwashed into us.
Sadly that does not address parents who do not deserve the title.
It adds insult to injury when people are made to feel like simply by having sex and producing a child qualifies them for such adoration.
It does not!!
Ask yourself how you would feel towards them if they were simply some neighbors??
IMO you would careless about forgiving them and not feel an ounce of guilt.
That is how you should think of them.
They are nothing to you and your who you are DESPITE having them as parents not because of it.

 

[SewingDeb]

Check out post 6 of 7 here for an update on the children:

http://forums.about.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?nav=messages&webtag=ab-crime&tid=17541

 

[Belinda]

Steven R. Stepp, Jr.

Housed: Big Muddy Correctional Center
Custody Date: 12/16/2004

Offense: Criminal Sexual Assault/Force - Victim 9-13
Sentence: 9 years (not 25 as reported above)

Projected Parole Date: 08/10/2012

I was unable to find sentencing information on the parents. You have to pay $240 to access Will County court records (for 1 year). Neither are in the DOC system now.

 

[Kymistry35]

my grandfather was in his 70's when he started touching me. my mother said he was old and did not understand what he was doing. then she would leave me alone with him and go to work. all of you who think a man can not rape a child at this age without Viagra are wrong. i told her over and over and she still left me with him. she made excuses for him and left me there. she moved out to live with a boyfriend and left me there. i stayed til i was 15 and could leave on my own. it never stopped.

my mother was just as guilty as her father. the scars on my soul are just as bad from her as from him. to know the person who should protect you allows this to happen to you when you are a child destroys your faith in good people. it leaves you bitter and angry. i hate my mother more than i hate him. he was a sick pervert that had a mind so twisted and evil he enjoyed sex with a child. what was her excuse??? when i was 25 i got a call from my mother. her father was dying and wanted to see me. i told her no. she begged me. "you know you were always his favorite and he loves you and wants to see you 1 last time." i told her i hope they both burned in hell and hung up. i meant every word.

sorry i went on and on but when i read storys like this it is so hard to not feel overwhelmed by all the emotions they bring up.

I just wanted to send you a big hug. I am so sorry for what you endured.

 

[jjenny]

I was wondering this too or possibly a foster child that is a relative.

I would guess the relative could very well be a biological child. They might say a relative to prevent identifying the abused child.

 

[kbl8201]

well if 'mom' was 16 months then she's already out.

and this sicko is gonna be out in 2 years? so what happened to 25? did he win an appeal or something?

 

[magicalmisty]

my grandfather was in his 70's when he started touching me. my mother said he was old and did not understand what he was doing. then she would leave me alone with him and go to work. all of you who think a man can not rape a child at this age without Viagra are wrong. i told her over and over and she still left me with him. she made excuses for him and left me there. she moved out to live with a boyfriend and left me there. i stayed til i was 15 and could leave on my own. it never stopped.

my mother was just as guilty as her father. the scars on my soul are just as bad from her as from him. to know the person who should protect you allows this to happen to you when you are a child destroys your faith in good people. it leaves you bitter and angry. i hate my mother more than i hate him. he was a sick pervert that had a mind so twisted and evil he enjoyed sex with a child. what was her excuse??? when i was 25 i got a call from my mother. her father was dying and wanted to see me. i told her no. she begged me. "you know you were always his favorite and he loves you and wants to see you 1 last time." i told her i hope they both burned in hell and hung up. i meant every word.

sorry i went on and on but when i read storys like this it is so hard to not feel overwhelmed by all the emotions they bring up.

Sherri I am so sorry this happened to u. It happened to me too only it was my mother's boyfriend..I have vivid memories of her "sleeping" next to me as he did it and another time I awoke to the door slamming and ran out the door in my pj's and begged her not to leave me with him, she ordered me back inside and I was so afraid to go back in that I climbed under a car in a night gown screaming please dont leave me here with him he hurts me. She dragged me back into the trailer and left..he beat me as he dragged me back to his room and raped me. It started at age 3 and ended at 7 when I told my grandma..and if I recounted them all we could be here for a while. As an adult I decided I would never let this happen to any child in my life. And when the time came for me to help a little girl in my neighborhood I stepped up quick and thought I was helping 1 and found out later I helped 4..3-7 year olds and a 10 yr old who said it started when she was 5. And I know I can save more...consider joining my fight by searching make.my.village.safe@gmail.com on facebook. If we ban together to protest in D.C. we can demand federal regulations, a 1 strike law for pedophiles u spend life in prison, no second chance, no more victims 1 is to many, an unregistered sex offender's list (if they never register they r never listed, non-compliant means they registered and then left that location check ur state for details) or a list by state of all convicted sex offenders and earlier education for this nations children regarding abuse.

 

[impatientredhead]

my grandfather was in his 70's when he started touching me. my mother said he was old and did not understand what he was doing. then she would leave me alone with him and go to work. all of you who think a man can not rape a child at this age without Viagra are wrong. i told her over and over and she still left me with him. she made excuses for him and left me there. she moved out to live with a boyfriend and left me there. i stayed til i was 15 and could leave on my own. it never stopped.

my mother was just as guilty as her father. the scars on my soul are just as bad from her as from him. to know the person who should protect you allows this to happen to you when you are a child destroys your faith in good people. it leaves you bitter and angry. i hate my mother more than i hate him. he was a sick pervert that had a mind so twisted and evil he enjoyed sex with a child. what was her excuse??? when i was 25 i got a call from my mother. her father was dying and wanted to see me. i told her no. she begged me. "you know you were always his favorite and he loves you and wants to see you 1 last time." i told her i hope they both burned in hell and hung up. i meant every word.

sorry i went on and on but when i read storys like this it is so hard to not feel overwhelmed by all the emotions they bring up.

I am so sorry you went through that Sherri.

I too have much deeper issues and feelings of resentment towards my mother than I do towards the men she brought around me as a child.

I am a huge believer in these "mothers" facing the exact same charges as the men do. It baffles me why a get away driver is considered to be of equal responsibility if a robbery goes bad, but a mother that allows her children to be raped are rarely charged with anything and when they are it is a handslap.

I won't even tell you how postal it makes me when the mother's are painted as yet another victim in the situation. T