May 22: “take our children to the park and leave them there day”

[southcitymom]

I hear you, but truthfully, statistics show that crime rates have actually gone down as low as they were in the 70s. I grew up in the 80s and 90s as a free range kid, and statistically speaking, kids would be safer now than I was back then.

It's kind of sad because you never see gangs of kids running around neighborhoods anymore. Instead, they're all inside watching TV, surfing the web, etc. Not to get too OT, but I think that's part of the reason why childhood obesity is such a big problem these days.

UBM

You do in my neighborhood - and plenty of others. And I don't live in some gated community. Maybe we're just too scared to advertise ourselves because we might be called "unfit parents!" LOL!

 

[Litespeed]

I couldn't agree with you more, Magic Roses. Nothing has changed! We didn't live in the "good old days" that are long gone. We're just (if we choose to listen to such junk) inundated with a 24/7, if-it-bleeds-it-leads news schedule.

Blech! Free range all the way for me!

I was a free range kid from Queens NY in the 1970's, we lived in a nice area but were close to some tough places. But I even got to make friends with kids that lived there too.

I learned how to be independent and enjoyed the adventures we kids would take on our bikes on and as I grow older (14ish), we would travel the subways to Manhattan and visit places like the UN and Statue of Liberty on our own.

I made many friends that I would never had a chance to, if locked in my own backyard. My Friends and I had no hovering Moms to watch over us, we had a chance to live out a childhood. Out in the morning, back for Lunch, then out till Dinner.

I got to learn firsthand how to handle the “do not talk to or take candy from strangers” and I learned to take care of myself and developed self-reliance. Today, kids never get the chance to do so, they have no Street Smarts and that’s a shame.

The world is not so different today, only the media is now scaring the daylights out of us each and every day. Many have only given into these fears.

BTW is it not more likely for a Child to be molested by a family member or “trusted” Adult that by a total stranger anyway?

 

[southcitymom]

I was a free range kid from Queens NY in the 1970's, we lived in a nice area but were close to some tough places. But I even got to make friends with kids that lived there too.

I learned how to be independent and enjoyed the adventures we kids would take on our bikes on and as I grow older (14ish), we would travel the subways to Manhattan and visit places like the UN and Statue of Liberty on our own.

I made many friends that I would never had a chance to, if locked in my own backyard. My Friends and I had no hovering Moms to watch over us, we had a chance to live out a childhood. Out in the morning, back for Lunch, then out till Dinner.

I got to learn firsthand how to handle the “do not talk to or take candy from strangers” and I learned to take care of myself and developed self-reliance. Today, kids never get the chance to do so, they have no Street Smarts and that’s a shame.

The world is not so different today, only the media is now scaring the daylights out of us each and every day. Many have only given into these fears.

BTW is it not more likely for a Child to be molested by a family member or “trusted” Adult that by a total stranger anyway?

Welcome to Websleuths, Litespeed, and thanks so much for checking in on this subject, which is near and dear to my heart.

Stranger child abduction is exceedingly rare and, as you point out, our children stand more of a chance of being molested by someone they know, some adult WE introduce into their lives.

Additionally, if you're into statistics (I'm NOT), you stand a much greater chance of your child being hurt or killed if you put them in a car than if you drop them off for a few unattended hours at the park. And yet I never see anyone call someone an unfit parent when they choose to drive their child somewhere.

I mean - don't get me wrong - stranger child abduction is awful, and I will fight tooth and nail to help create a world where it doesn't exist. But I will not let fear of a terrible rare potential dictate the way I parent. I'm not stitched together that way.

And that's what it all boils down to - different parents have different comfort levels with all this stuff. One set of parents may be fine with their 3rd grader anywhere in the neighborhood on a bike - other parents allow a smaller bike-riding range - others still won't allow it at all unless they are there to watch the child. None of these parents are "wrong:" they just parent from different levels of comfort.

DS9 ran into some conflict yesterday on his free range a travels - a bullyish boy who was being physically aggressive and verbally abusive towards him. Because his Dad and I weren't lurking in the shadows close by, he had to manage that situation on his own. He did a great job, IMHO.

 

[southcitymom]

so she's all for pushing her burden off on random strangers

if we put aside the chance of abduction/rape/murder, there's a zillion other accidental things that could go wrong

if we take it further and put aside both harm and accident, there's still the issue of kids needing guidance and supervision

she is abdicating her parental responsibility

sorry sweetheart - you made the choice to have sex, give birth, and raise a child

that means you - not me, not your neighbours, and certainly not random strangers

those of us with a moral conscience couldn't just walk away and leave children unattended and she knows that, which is why she's comfortable doing it - she's relying on the kindness of strangers to take on her mothering duty

and she'd probably be the first one to press charges if a stranger did something she considered inappropriate while supervising her kid in the park

sounds like a social experiment to me, either that or she's completely loopy

has the potential to be a social experiement gone horribly wrong if ya ask me

'course maybe she's thinking there will be cameras there and all the reporters can babysit for free

With all due respect to your parenting beliefs, LadyL, please let me chime in and say that I am not loopy or lacking a moral conscience, and it sounds like this lady and I have nearly identical parenting philosophies and styles surrounding this particular issue.

Just because a parent thinks the benefits of raising free range children far outweigh the risks, don't mean we're lazy people who expect other adults to do all the dirty work.

The point is to allow kids the opportunity to learn to manage themselves and their relationships (the good, the bad and the ugly) without a bunch of grown-up involvement. This is key to a successful adulthood.

Our belief that the world is a safe place is stronger than our fear that it's a terrifying place. This fact doesn't make us a bad parents.

More important to me than where we land on the issue is for parents to be able to have a kind respectful discourse about this free ranging without either "side" intimating that the other side somehow love their children less because of their comfort zone. That's nonsensical - we all love our children very much.

 

[Mr. E]

Welcome to Websleuths, Litespeed, and thanks so much for checking in on this subject, which is near and dear to my heart.

Stranger child abduction is exceedingly rare and, as you point out, our children stand more of a chance of being molested by someone they know, some adult WE introduce into their lives.

Additionally, if you're into statistics (I'm NOT), you stand a much greater chance of your child being hurt or killed if you put them in a car than if you drop them off for a few unattended hours at the park. And yet I never see anyone call someone an unfit parent when they choose to drive their child somewhere.

I mean - don't get me wrong - stranger child abduction is awful, and I will fight tooth and nail to help create a world where it doesn't exist. But I will not let fear of a terrible rare potential dictate the way I parent. I'm not stitched together that way.

And that's what it all boils down to - different parents have different comfort levels with all this stuff. One set of parents may be fine with their 3rd grader anywhere in the neighborhood on a bike - other parents allow a smaller bike-riding range - others still won't allow it at all unless they are there to watch the child. None of these parents are "wrong:" they just parent from different levels of comfort.

DS9 ran into some conflict yesterday on his free range a travels - a bullyish boy who was being physically aggressive and verbally abusive towards him. Because his Dad and I weren't lurking in the shadows close by, he had to manage that situation on his own. He did a great job, IMHO.

I honestly wish more parents would allow their kids to handle these things on their own. I know that bad things happen because I read about it in the news like everyone else (like that girl from Florida who was beaten severely over a text message). But in general, I think it's important for kids to deal with their own problems. I teach high school, and I see so many of them still relying on their parents to solve their problems -- and the parents are only too happy to get involved! I have one student in particular who calls her caregiver (she doesn't live with her mother) every single day to take care of the most benign things (I forgot such and such, can you bring it) to the bigger stuff (so and so said this or texted this and I'm upset). This girl is 17. Once she said she needed to call home and I said that she didn't, she is 17 now and can deal with these things. She actually tried not to call, but by the end of class she did call.

 

[southcitymom]

I honestly wish more parents would allow their kids to handle these things on their own. I know that bad things happen because I read about it in the news like everyone else (like that girl from Florida who was beaten severely over a text message). But in general, I think it's important for kids to deal with their own problems. I teach high school, and I see so many of them still relying on their parents to solve their problems -- and the parents are only too happy to get involved! I have one student in particular who calls her caregiver (she doesn't live with her mother) every single day to take care of the most benign things (I forgot such and such, can you bring it) to the bigger stuff (so and so said this or texted this and I'm upset). This girl is 17. Once she said she needed to call home and I said that she didn't, she is 17 now and can deal with these things. She actually tried not to call, but by the end of class she did call.

I'm with you 100%, Mr. E. A 9-year-old who never gets the chance to work through problems on his own is more likely to turn into an 18-year-old with the same setback. And we all know that life just gets more complicated as we grow up - there's lots more to handle as you march towards and through adulthood.

We do our children no favors if we don't allow them to learn how to do this through their own independent experiences with their peers. These types of invaluable learning experiences happen organically when kids are more free range.

 

[Lyn1001]

For me, in this context, it's not about free range or not free range. What bothers me is a specific day has now been announced to the public. Wanting to raise free range children is one thing, but telling everyone and their brother that on a specific day children will be at the park unsupervised is asking for trouble. IMO.

 

[Litespeed]

The sad part is that everyday Kids should be in the park playing and not just to make a point on this one day.

 

[RJA00]

that is crazy, I was born in 1969. I had pretty strict parents, my mom worried alot

all the kids came to my house, no sleepovers, she always said they can come here.


I grew up around the lyons girls missing in wheaton. I lived about 20 mins away from them, so, when i asked to walk to the mall or somewhere,
I was reminded about the lyons girls and was always told no . I wish that case would get solved/ My mom as always thought about them

 

[southcitymom]

For me, in this context, it's not about free range or not free range. What bothers me is a specific day has now been announced to the public. Wanting to raise free range children is one thing, but telling everyone and their brother that on a specific day children will be at the park unsupervised is asking for trouble. IMO.

I hear you, Lyn. But far from seeing it as asking for trouble, I see it as a brilliant idea. JMO, of course. Kids are at the park and all over the place unsupervised all the time whether it's announced or not.

 

[southcitymom]

The sad part is that everyday Kids should be in the park playing and not just to make a point on this one day.

I really think many of them who have access are, Litespeed! Naming a day is just to raise awareness - to allow us to think about our own parenting styles, our own comfort levels and how much freedom our own kids are given.

My boys love screens (computers, tvs, video games) just as much as all the other little kids. My youngest son, in particular, would spend every beautiful day in front of a screen from sun up to sun down....if I let him!

 

[Mr. E]

On the subject of where are kids safest...not that I have an answer, but I do have an anecdote. My kids never had any problems playing in the neighborhood. In fact, neighbors have often commented to me how nice it is that my now 14-year-old daughter will stop to chat with them if she sees them when she's out (she used to play, now she runs or walks around the neighborhood). But in the past when we've taken them to the mall, we would split up -- the kids could go to their stores and Mr. Mr. E and I could go to ours. We'd all meet up at a certain time in the food court. I can think of at least three times when my kids were approached by strangers. Once a man said my daughter, who was maybe 10 at the time, had pretty hair and followed them around the store (Claire's by the way, not a store for single men to hang around in). This was in a crowded store in a crowded mall.

This is just an example, but I feel very safe with my kids running around the neighborhood. I've never been a big fan of the mall (our mall has had incidences of violence, as well), but I guess the point I'm trying to make is that things do happen. It's important to educate our kids and teach them to make good choices.

 

[southcitymom]

On the subject of where are kids safest...not that I have an answer, but I do have an anecdote. My kids never had any problems playing in the neighborhood. In fact, neighbors have often commented to me how nice it is that my now 14-year-old daughter will stop to chat with them if she sees them when she's out (she used to play, now she runs or walks around the neighborhood). But in the past when we've taken them to the mall, we would split up -- the kids could go to their stores and Mr. Mr. E and I could go to ours. We'd all meet up at a certain time in the food court. I can think of at least three times when my kids were approached by strangers. Once a man said my daughter, who was maybe 10 at the time, had pretty hair and followed them around the store (Claire's by the way, not a store for single men to hang around in). This was in a crowded store in a crowded mall.

This is just an example, but I feel very safe with my kids running around the neighborhood. I've never been a big fan of the mall (our mall has had incidences of violence, as well), but I guess the point I'm trying to make is that things do happen. It's important to educate our kids and teach them to make good choices.

I hear you, Mr. E. Our comfort levels are definitely informed by the "where" when it comes to letting kids go. And we shouldn't send them out uneducated about stuff.

I hate what happened to your daughter (it's skeevy and gross and hugely inappropriate), but it definitely happened to me from time to time when I was growing up. Young girls (and females in general) need to learn how to handle that sort of unwanted attention because it does happen and we need to learn how to deal with it.

I'm certainly not advocating dropping elementary school kids off at a park that's a known dealer hangout in some shady location of town - I don't think is Lenore Skenazy is either!

 

[Lyn1001]

I hear you, Lyn. But far from seeing it as asking for trouble, I see it as a brilliant idea. JMO, of course. Kids are at the park and all over the place unsupervised all the time whether it's announced or not.

I totally see what you're saying. For me it seems to be asking for trouble to let people know exactly when kids are going to be alone. Although, do to the news coverage of this, there actually may be more adults present than there would be on a normal day....

 

[Mr. E]

Yeah, I had to deal with my share of skeevy guys too. My girls handled it well. I'd either be with them 24/7 or have them locked away somewhere if I really let myself sit down and freak out about all the creepers out there!

 

[LinasK]

Well, sorry to disagree with most of the recent posters:snooty:, but I think this woman is an idiot! :doh:She is offering up her child to any stranger that comes along, that's not teaching creative problem solving, there are other ways to do that!
A child cannot defend themselves against a stranger abduction, it even happens to teenage girls and grown women. The world is just as dangerous as it was in the 1970's, you just hear about it more now. I was a 17-year-old girl walking home alone from school and I was approached by a guy in a car. I now believe this guy was a serial killer who has been in the news. Call me a helicopter parent/overprotective, at least my daughter is alive, and unharmed. She has a rich, full, supervised life with plenty of opportunities to explore the outdoors and be creative!
Leonore Skenazy needs her head examined, or to be turned in to CPS in my book! Maybe she should talk to Samantha Runnion to see if she'd do things differently...
Moreover, neglecting your child and NOT paying attention to them is just as toxic as other kinds of physical and verbal abuse!
Also, to respond to another poster, you can get molested by a "trusting" family member, but why add strangers to the risk factor when you can prevent it? That's like giving a child a lit cigarette IMO.:twocents: