Parents pay kids for good grades

[Masterj]

I have a very strong, adverse reaction when people casually through around words like tramp, *advertiser censored*, *advertiser censored*, ho, etc. Those are intense words that are extremely hateful and degrading to women. I understand that some women may have questionable behavior that makes people think these words are acceptable, but IMO they are not. These are extremely loaded words that cut like a knife. We always say we want our women of the future to grow up being confident of themselves and not stand for disrespect from anyone. Yet we live in this culture where women especially are so quick to judge and label other women with these words. It is bad enough that men have no equivalent word - for many of them believe notches on the belt impressive. Until we stop using these words to cut other women down, how can we expect men to stop using them and treating women as such.

Don't get me wrong - I am not saying I approve of either women or men sleeping around. But the bottom line is a women gets slapped with a label while a man gets slapped on the back. I think it is more important to get down to the reason of why a woman is exhibiting these behaviors and how we as a society are partly to blame for creating this environment where such little thought or care is placed on the intimate act of sex.

If a woman dresses too sexy and doesn't exhibit your same morals and values, that is her perogative. But i really feel we should stop sitting in judgement hurling these insults. You might think they are just words, but they are so much more than that.

 

[GlitchWizard]

If a woman dresses too sexy and doesn't exhibit your same morals and values, that is her perogative. But i really feel we should stop sitting in judgement hurling these insults. You might think they are just words, but they are so much more than that.

I will not raise my daughter by keeping my mouth shut, crossing my fingers, hoping she will just assume how I feel about this kind of behavior.

If the general public would stop hiding their heads in the sand to keep from calling it like it is - maybe we'd have kids who would be motivated to have some respect for themselves, their bodies, and their peers.

My daughter is in a school that is a magnet school for the Microsoft IT Academy. It is housed with another school for kids that have kids. There is a daycare on the premises, and many girls who are picking up their kids are also pregnant again. Maybe if someone had told them it was undesireable to have sex at 13 and 14 (ie: Saying it's trampy behavior) they'd be in the IT Academy with my kid and not standing in line waiting to pick up their kids after high school gets out.

Someone, somewhere, was trying to protect these kids from getting their feelings hurt - by not using a term that defines this behavior.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I have a very strong, adverse reaction when people casually through around words like tramp, *advertiser censored*, *advertiser censored*, ho, etc. Those are intense words that are extremely hateful and degrading to women. I understand that some women may have questionable behavior that makes people think these words are acceptable, but IMO they are not. These are extremely loaded words that cut like a knife. We always say we want our women of the future to grow up being confident of themselves and not stand for disrespect from anyone. Yet we live in this culture where women especially are so quick to judge and label other women with these words. It is bad enough that men have no equivalent word - for many of them believe notches on the belt impressive. Until we stop using these words to cut other women down, how can we expect men to stop using them and treating women as such.

Don't get me wrong - I am not saying I approve of either women or men sleeping around. But the bottom line is a women gets slapped with a label while a man gets slapped on the back. I think it is more important to get down to the reason of why a woman is exhibiting these behaviors and how we as a society are partly to blame for creating this environment where such little thought or care is placed on the intimate act of sex.

If a woman dresses too sexy and doesn't exhibit your same morals and values, that is her perogative. But i really feel we should stop sitting in judgement hurling these insults. You might think they are just words, but they are so much more than that.

Its a good post; however, we can't fool ourselves. The image that we put out there for the public to see says a lot about us. There are, of course, no hard and fast rules, but to say that we don't make assumptions by one's appearance just isn't true. Not saying its right or wrong, but it is a fact of life. First impressions are lasting impressions.

 

[OneLostGrl]

I will not raise my daughter by keeping my mouth shut, crossing my fingers, hoping she will just assume how I feel about this kind of behavior.

If the general public would stop hiding their heads in the sand to keep from calling it like it is - maybe we'd have kids who would be motivated to have some respect for themselves, their bodies, and their peers.

My daughter is in a school that is a magnet school for the Microsoft IT Academy. It is housed with another school for kids that have kids. There is a daycare on the premises, and many girls who are picking up their kids are also pregnant again. Maybe if someone had told them it was undesireable to have sex at 13 and 14 (ie: Saying it's trampy behavior) they'd be in the IT Academy with my kid and not standing in line waiting to pick up their kids after high school gets out.

Someone, somewhere, was trying to protect these kids from getting their feelings hurt - by not using a term that defines this behavior.

When my mother talked to me about sex she told me that it is a GIFT we give to our husbands on our wedding night. She also talked to me about boys and hormones and pregnancy and diseases. She made her expectations very clear. All without telling me she would consider me a tramp if I had sex.

She told me she loved me and would love and respect me no matter what I did with my life.... or my virginity. She urged me to wait until marriage.

Sadly, I don't think it is anything as simple as "Someone, somewhere, was trying to protect these kids from getting their feelings hurt - by not using a term that defines this behavior".. I think in today's society- many kids are thrown away... even if the parents are home they are not there for their children. They don't communicate with them or have dinner with them, as a family, every night. They don't tuck them in at night or show them any love at all!
I think it is mainly these kids who end up "trampy"- they are looking for love and acceptence in the wrong places!

 

[GlitchWizard]

My daughter and I discuss it, whenever she tells me about the girls she sees wiggling while sitting on the boys laps at the skating rink "to make them hard", etc. The girls are 12, 13 and 14. She calls them *advertiser censored*. I call them tramps. I would not call my daughter any names - no matter her behavior. I think that is what posters are twigging on here. I don't cut my daughter down - but I also don't mince words about how I feel about that kind of behavior.

When my mother talked to me about sex she told me that it is a GIFT we give to our husbands on our wedding night. She also talked to me about boys and hormones and pregnancy and diseases. She made her expectations very clear. All without telling me she would consider me a tramp if I had sex.

She told me she loved me and would love and respect me no matter what I did with my life.... or my virginity. She urged me to wait until marriage.

Sadly, I don't think it is anything as simple as "Someone, somewhere, was trying to protect these kids from getting their feelings hurt - by not using a term that defines this behavior".. I think in today's society- many kids are thrown away... even if the parents are home they are not there for their children. They don't communicate with them or have dinner with them, as a family, every night. They don't tuck them in at night or show them any love at all!
I think it is mainly these kids who end up "trampy"- they are looking for love and acceptence in the wrong places!

 

[SewingDeb]

This seems somewhat on topic:
http://www.ktvu.com/education/9698808/detail.html

WICHITA, Kan. -- A perfect score on the American College Testing exam (ACT) is rare enough.

The same goes for perfection on the SAT Reasoning Test.

But acing both? That's what a high school senior in Wichita has accomplished -- 17-year-old Jakub Voboril of Bishop Carroll High School said he scored a perfect 36 on the ACT and a 2,400 on the SAT in the same week in June.

"It wasn't so much a feeling of, 'Wow, I'm shocked,' because I went in thinking I could do this," Jakub told The Wichita Eagle. "So it's just a good feeling. I'm really happy."

His perfect score on the ACT test is one of only two in Kansas. It came after he scored 32 and 34 on his first two tries. Jakub learned of his perfect SAT score soon after hearing about his other ace.

Jakub's father, Bob, is a school superintendent and his mother, Pam, is a school nurse, The Eagle reported.

"We don't ever say to them, 'We expect As,'" Bob told The Eagle. "The most important thing is not the grades they get, it's the kind of people they are. We truly believe that if you shape your kids to be good human beings, then they will naturally become good students."

 

[GlitchWizard]

Yes it is. The kids that internalize that success is it's own reward and enjoy that feeling - they excell best without rewards or punishments - self driven. Unfortunately, the majority of kids need an external motivation. :-(

This seems somewhat on topic:
http://www.ktvu.com/education/9698808/detail.html

WICHITA, Kan. -- A perfect score on the American College Testing exam (ACT) is rare enough.

The same goes for perfection on the SAT Reasoning Test.

But acing both? That's what a high school senior in Wichita has accomplished -- 17-year-old Jakub Voboril of Bishop Carroll High School said he scored a perfect 36 on the ACT and a 2,400 on the SAT in the same week in June.

"It wasn't so much a feeling of, 'Wow, I'm shocked,' because I went in thinking I could do this," Jakub told The Wichita Eagle. "So it's just a good feeling. I'm really happy."

His perfect score on the ACT test is one of only two in Kansas. It came after he scored 32 and 34 on his first two tries. Jakub learned of his perfect SAT score soon after hearing about his other ace.

Jakub's father, Bob, is a school superintendent and his mother, Pam, is a school nurse, The Eagle reported.

"We don't ever say to them, 'We expect As,'" Bob told The Eagle. "The most important thing is not the grades they get, it's the kind of people they are. We truly believe that if you shape your kids to be good human beings, then they will naturally become good students."

 

[SewingDeb]

This is true, Glitchwizard. I have been lucky with mine in that they do well in school and excel without rewards. The youngest needs a little push halfway through each school year because he starts slacking off and not turning in assignments. I find that a little talk and a little break from computer time works wonders...lol.

 

[GlitchWizard]

This is true, Glitchwizard. I have been lucky with mine in that they do well in school and excel without rewards. The youngest needs a little push halfway through each school year because he starts slacking off and not turning in assignments. I find that a little talk and a little break from computer time works wonders...lol.

Is it luck, or can you take a step back to look at yourself through their eyes - and maybe see someone who is good at leading by example?

 

[southcitymom]

I have a very strong, adverse reaction when people casually through around words like tramp, *advertiser censored*, *advertiser censored*, ho, etc. Those are intense words that are extremely hateful and degrading to women. I understand that some women may have questionable behavior that makes people think these words are acceptable, but IMO they are not. These are extremely loaded words that cut like a knife. We always say we want our women of the future to grow up being confident of themselves and not stand for disrespect from anyone. Yet we live in this culture where women especially are so quick to judge and label other women with these words. It is bad enough that men have no equivalent word - for many of them believe notches on the belt impressive. Until we stop using these words to cut other women down, how can we expect men to stop using them and treating women as such.

Don't get me wrong - I am not saying I approve of either women or men sleeping around. But the bottom line is a women gets slapped with a label while a man gets slapped on the back. I think it is more important to get down to the reason of why a woman is exhibiting these behaviors and how we as a society are partly to blame for creating this environment where such little thought or care is placed on the intimate act of sex.

If a woman dresses too sexy and doesn't exhibit your same morals and values, that is her perogative. But i really feel we should stop sitting in judgement hurling these insults. You might think they are just words, but they are so much more than that.

The problem with me is not so much the words - I DON'T have a strong negative reaction to words such as tramp, *advertiser censored*, ho, *advertiser censored*. Maybe that's because any of those terms could have been applied to me from the ages of about 14 to 28. And I'm real comfortable with the fact that I am an experienced woman. My path was anything but virginal and it was the perfect path for me. It lead me to where I am today, and today I couldn't be happier. The fidelity I gave oath to when I married actually means something to me and I'm more aware of its meaning because I know what I turned away from to give it. The thought of saving myself as a gift to someone on my wedding night doesn't even compute for me. Never has. Believe me, the gift of me is MUCH greater than the gift of my sex.

The problem I have is with the general attitude that - as Masterj put it so well - a promiscuous woman is negative or less than and a promiscuous man is just being a man. I loathe the double standard.

I haven't been given the responsibility of raising any daughters - (though I do have a god-daughter I am crazy about, but she's only six ,so all that sex stuff is far away) - so I have no idea what I would tell daughters about my sexual past and my sexual expectations of them. I know that my path is not the only one. My sister has never been with anyone but her husband and that's been the right path for her.

Luckily I have boys and I am committed to raise them as best I can to love, respect and cherish other humans. Hopefully, I'll get off light on the sex stuff and my husband can handle that!

 

[GlitchWizard]

Hopefully, I'll get off light on the sex stuff and my husband can handle that!

Good luck with that! Being a single Mom, I can't even DREAM of passing that particular buck! I think I'd rather pass the "teach me to drive" buck, though. Something about that scares me even more!

 

[Details]

My mom had 4 of us to teach to drive - that was definitely the harder task. By the last she was just too high strung to be an effective teacher - my sisters and I taught the last one how to drive.

There never was a formal sex talk - it was just built into conversations, discussions about tv and movie shows, talking about what she had done in her life, and what she thought was a mistake in retrospect, etc. Seems to have worked pretty well - no virgins at marriage, but no children outside wedlock either.

 

[GlitchWizard]

no virgins at marriage, but no children outside wedlock either.

And those were definitely the worries of the day! She did well. The worries of today, I think, have evolved. I'm more worried about her contracting HIV than I am having an early grandchild. :-(

 

[Jeana (DP)]

There never was a formal sex talk - it was just built into conversations, discussions about tv and movie shows, talking about what she had done in her life, and what she thought was a mistake in retrospect, etc. Seems to have worked pretty well - no virgins at marriage, but no children outside wedlock either.

That's what I'm doing with my kids as well. With my son I talk more about how to treat girls with regard to respect and that sort of thing, oh, and that his weenie will fall off if he has sex without a condom. Nothing usual.

 

[GlitchWizard]

That's what I'm doing with my kids as well. With my son I talk more about how to treat girls with regard to respect and that sort of thing, oh, and that his weenie will fall off if he has sex without a condom. Nothing usual.

You know, with a kid who has quite a graphic mind's eye - I could use the same tactic and REALLY freak her out. Honey, you know how tampons have little strings to get them out with? Weenies don't have strings... and will fall off without a condom.

Heck, I'd never get to play with grandkids then!

 

[Jeana (DP)]

You know, with a kid who has quite a graphic mind's eye - I could use the same tactic and REALLY freak her out. Honey, you know how tampons have little strings to get them out with? Weenies don't have strings... and will fall off without a condom.

Heck, I'd never get to play with grandkids then!

Yeah! she wouldn't want to get blamed if it fell off while SHE was playing with it.

 

[GlitchWizard]

Yeah! she wouldn't want to get blamed if it fell off while SHE was playing with it.

I can't even begin to think of what kind of reputation that would lead to!

Oh no! She has braces. The rumors would be a killer!

Okay, this is my kid I am laughing about now. I'm done. *going to go wash my brain out with soap now* ha ha

 

[southcitymom]

My mom had 4 of us to teach to drive - that was definitely the harder task. By the last she was just too high strung to be an effective teacher - my sisters and I taught the last one how to drive.

There never was a formal sex talk - it was just built into conversations, discussions about tv and movie shows, talking about what she had done in her life, and what she thought was a mistake in retrospect, etc. Seems to have worked pretty well - no virgins at marriage, but no children outside wedlock either.

My Dad lost his older brother in an automobile accident when he was ten, so he was totally wigged out as each of his three daughters approached driving age. He made sure each of us had private, individual lessons from a woman named Joan. Joan was the most unattractive person I have ever met in my life, but she was patient as the day is long and a great teacher. I credit her with how comfortable I am in a car and I can parallel park with one hand behind my back!

Never got the sex talk formally. My Dad strayed away from that due to the father/daughter thing and left it up to my Mom and step-mom...who had totally different theories on the subject. But I learned enough to keep myself out of trouble....most of the time.:angel:

 

[IdahoMom]

My mom had 4 of us to teach to drive - that was definitely the harder task. By the last she was just too high strung to be an effective teacher - my sisters and I taught the last one how to drive.

UGH!! The driving thing is awful! My oldest just got his license and I am on pins and needles constantly PLUS I seriously think I need to get a prescription for Valium for when I ride with him. I can't help it but I am a nervous Nelly! My other son starts drivers ed in October. God help me!!!!!!!!!!:chicken: :chicken: :chicken: