SIDEBAR #25- Arias/Alexander forum
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neesaki
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2 Brothers
There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians.
Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.
The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with,
"But, compared to his brother, he was a saint."
----------------------
Gram's Basket
The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate...
The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."
--------------------------------------------
What is it Called?
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for awhile when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is it called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds! And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you right now."
----------------------------------------
Let Mom Help
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you."
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta," says the mother.
"This is a job for Mama." :floorlaugh:
--------------------------------------
Grandma's Boyfriend
A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.
The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.
When he opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
--------------------------------------------------
Diploma
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, 'And here's something for you, Diploma.' or 'This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma.' and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who'd heard all this finally asked, 'Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?'
The grandmother replied, 'I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!'
------------------------------------------
Prayers
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."
----------------------------------------
Welcome back, Lamby- we missed you. :loveyou:
There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians.
Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.
The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with,
"But, compared to his brother, he was a saint."
----------------------
Gram's Basket
The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate...
The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."
--------------------------------------------
What is it Called?
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for awhile when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is it called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds! And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you right now."
----------------------------------------
Let Mom Help
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you."
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta," says the mother.
"This is a job for Mama." :floorlaugh:
--------------------------------------
Grandma's Boyfriend
A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.
The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.
When he opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
--------------------------------------------------
Diploma
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, 'And here's something for you, Diploma.' or 'This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma.' and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who'd heard all this finally asked, 'Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?'
The grandmother replied, 'I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!'
------------------------------------------
Prayers
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."
----------------------------------------
Welcome back, Lamby- we missed you. :loveyou:
YESorNO
The Queen (aka "mrsmuir") SWBB
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'Indiana Jones' Stuntman Terry Richards Dies at 81
"In his most memorable screen moment, Terry Richards played the Cairo Swordsman in the first Indiana Jones movie, giving an intimidatingly skillful sword display before being shot dead by a smirking Harrison Ford.
During the course of his five-decade career, Richards also battled four different 007s in nine separate James Bond films.....
https://www.yahoo.com/movies/indiana-jones-stuntman-terry-richards-dies-at-81-89872592282.html
Indiana Jones - Arab Swordsman Scene - YouTube
RIP
"In his most memorable screen moment, Terry Richards played the Cairo Swordsman in the first Indiana Jones movie, giving an intimidatingly skillful sword display before being shot dead by a smirking Harrison Ford.
During the course of his five-decade career, Richards also battled four different 007s in nine separate James Bond films.....
https://www.yahoo.com/movies/indiana-jones-stuntman-terry-richards-dies-at-81-89872592282.html
Indiana Jones - Arab Swordsman Scene - YouTube
RIP
YESorNO
The Queen (aka "mrsmuir") SWBB
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The Competition Is Fierce For This Year's Best Wildlife Photographer
"To commemorate the 50th anniversary of the prestigious Wildlife Photographer of the Year contest, the public is being given the opportunity to vote for their favorite images...
The contest, which is run by the Natural History Museum, will run until September 5th, 2014. The new category, called the People's Choice Awards, presents 50 pre-selected images chosen by a jury from more than 41,000 entries from almost 100 countries...."
http://io9.com/the-competition-is-fierce-for-this-years-best-wildlife-1597927431
You can vote here: (click on "Community" and then a photo- will see more photos, so keep clicking red arrows and then vote)
http://www.nhm.ac.uk/visit-us/wpy/competition/index.html
There are some wonderful photos.
I voted for this photo- it's the sign of the times :floorlaugh:... :
"To commemorate the 50th anniversary of the prestigious Wildlife Photographer of the Year contest, the public is being given the opportunity to vote for their favorite images...
The contest, which is run by the Natural History Museum, will run until September 5th, 2014. The new category, called the People's Choice Awards, presents 50 pre-selected images chosen by a jury from more than 41,000 entries from almost 100 countries...."
http://io9.com/the-competition-is-fierce-for-this-years-best-wildlife-1597927431
You can vote here: (click on "Community" and then a photo- will see more photos, so keep clicking red arrows and then vote)
http://www.nhm.ac.uk/visit-us/wpy/competition/index.html
There are some wonderful photos.
I voted for this photo- it's the sign of the times :floorlaugh:... :
daisymae
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Have you tried a low dosage of Benadryl?
daisymae
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The Competition Is Fierce For This Year's Best Wildlife Photographer
"To commemorate the 50th anniversary of the prestigious Wildlife Photographer of the Year contest, the public is being given the opportunity to vote for their favorite images...
The contest, which is run by the Natural History Museum, will run until September 5th, 2014. The new category, called the People's Choice Awards, presents 50 pre-selected images chosen by a jury from more than 41,000 entries from almost 100 countries...."
http://io9.com/the-competition-is-f...nhm.ac.uk/visit-us/wpy/competition/index.html
There are some wonderful photos.
I voted for this photo- it's the sign of the times :floorlaugh:... :
That monkey is flipping someone off! :floorlaugh:
YESorNO
The Queen (aka "mrsmuir") SWBB
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Daisymae! You bad girl, you!
rinces:I picked that picture because of the cell phone (how did you see that, you bad girl???) :floorlaugh:
neesaki
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Yes, a few years ago though, even that gives me a 'hang over'. I guess I'm a lost cause, lol. Thanks anyway, Daisy :seeya:
daisymae
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Daisymae! You bad girl, you!
I picked that picture because of the cell phone (how did you see that, you bad girl???) :floorlaugh:
OUCH Quit smacking me on the head! :floorlaugh:
My mind drifts to the gutter.
:loveyou:
ILikeToBendPages
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What, other than Skylar, do Bryan Cranston (Walter White) and Christopher Cousins (Ted Beneke) have in common?
hint; I wish I was a little bar of?
Dean Stella Cain Rogan
hint; I wish I was a little bar of?
Dean Stella Cain Rogan
Nymeria
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I was going to say both were on soap operas but they were on different ones so I did not think you would make it too easy for us :giggle:
Cranston did One Life to Live and Cousins was on Another World and As the World Turns.
Nice one Ilike :thumb:
daisymae
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Do you have anxiety often?
I just took 1/2 Hydroxyzine to see how well it works with me and to see if it makes me drowsy.
ILikeToBendPages
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Christopher Cousins was in As the World Turns and Another World along with One Life to Live.
Giancarlo Esposito was in The Guiding Light
Nore
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They wanted to get a new doggie . My friend recieved a free Puppy! She wanted a new one after losing one a couple of months ago; they couldn't afford one. They stopped at a no kill on their way to the store. She saw a puppy she loved! She asked if they had a senior discount. The woman told her no, but anyone over 62 could have puppies free!! She was so happy! They (her and Husband) have had a streak of bad luck so really were grateful. This is one lucky Puppy.:loveyou:
The board is acting up on posting..
YESorNO
The Queen (aka "mrsmuir") SWBB
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Hi, Kensie :seeya:
Is he going on vacation?
It was 94 degrees today. My car was very hot and my A/C is not working. :scared: I started out early this AM, after chapel, to beat the heat and to do some errands, but it was still hot and sunny. :hot:
I had to return a pillow case (there was only 1 in the package- suppose to be 2) and then the grocery store that I shopped at yesterday decided that my cucumber was broccoli :aktion1: , so I wanted a refund.
By the time I arrived home, I was dripping and needed another shower..
Bought a seedless watermelon. Want some?
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