Spanking illegal?

[Linda7NJ]

I don't believe in spanking, ESPECIALLY a child under the age of 4; however, I don;'t think its the government's business.

I disagree. Perhaps our opinion of the defination of "spanking" differ. Swatting a child's behind on occiasion if done correctly is very effective. Especially for children you can not reason with, those under the age of 4.

I can count how many times I spanked my child on one hand.

Two examples.
Once when in a parking lot he let go of my hand and ran, ignoring me at about age 2. Another time he was attemping to turn the hot water while in the tub & ignoring "no".

These are things my child did ONCE.

Spanking isn't meant to be brutal, just an attention getter, something that says...WHOA can't do that!

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I disagree. Perhaps our opinion of the defination of "spanking" differ. Swatting a child's behind on occiasion if done correctly is very effective. Especially for children you can not reason with, those under the age of 4.

I can count how many times I spanked my child on one hand.

Two examples.
Once when in a parking lot he let go of my hand and ran, ignoring me at about age 2. Another time he was attemping to turn the hot water while in the tub & ignoring "no".

These are things my child did ONCE.

Spanking isn't meant to be brutal, just an attention getter, something that says...WHOA can't do that!

There's no reason to ever put your hands on a child in my opinion. I've raised three of them and never had any reason to hit one, EVER. All that teaches them is when you don't know what else to do, hit someone. That's not what I want to teach my children. There are many, many other ways to get their attention.

 

[Pepper]

I disagree. Perhaps our opinion of the defination of "spanking" differ. Swatting a child's behind on occiasion if done correctly is very effective. Especially for children you can not reason with, those under the age of 4.

I can count how many times I spanked my child on one hand.

Two examples.
Once when in a parking lot he let go of my hand and ran, ignoring me at about age 2. Another time he was attemping to turn the hot water while in the tub & ignoring "no".

These are things my child did ONCE.

Spanking isn't meant to be brutal, just an attention getter, something that says...WHOA can't do that!

I totally agree with you! I was spanked as a child, and I spanked my children - not often, but on the rare occasion when I felt it was the way to make an impression. Ever watch the nature programs showing how mother animals raise their children? A bear will often take a swipe at her cub to get it's attention and to keep it out of trouble. This is natural, and it is effective.

Like you, I think that it makes the biggest impact on children over 1 year and under 4. It is the only thing some of these kids will understand. You can't reason with a 2 yr. old.

There is a big difference between spanking and beating, between dicipline and child abuse. There are laws against beating and child abuse already.

I certainly don't want some busybody legislator making laws on how we raise our children.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

I totally agree with you! I was spanked as a child, and I spanked my children - not often, but on the rare occasion when I felt it was the way to make an impression. Ever watch the nature programs showing how mother animals raise their children? A bear will often take a swipe at her cub to get it's attention and to keep it out of trouble. This is natural, and it is effective.

Like you, I think that it makes the biggest impact on children over 1 year and under 4. It is the only thing some of these kids will understand. You can't reason with a 2 yr. old.

There is a big difference between spanking and beating, between dicipline and child abuse. There are laws against beating and child abuse already.

I certainly don't want some busybody legislator making laws on how we raise our children.

Our ability to reason with one another is what separates us from the animals you watch on the nature programs. If a child is too young to be reasoned with, remove him or her from the situation. If the child is old enough to be reasoned with, why not take that approach? Believe me, I was spanked as a child and all it taught me was anger and fear. I don't want my children to be afraid of me and feel that sitting down and explaining what they're doing wrong goes a lot further than a quick spankin' and reducing the child to tears.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

hello this is jeana's daughter and i agree.

 

[Linda7NJ]

Our ability to reason with one another is what separates us from the animals you watch on the nature programs. If a child is too young to be reasoned with, remove him or her from the situation. If the child is old enough to be reasoned with, why not take that approach? Believe me, I was spanked as a child and all it taught me was anger and fear. I don't want my children to be afraid of me and feel that sitting down and explaining what they're doing wrong goes a lot further than a quick spankin' and reducing the child to tears.

Explain to me how that works please. IMO it doesn't.

A few years ago I found it rather entertaining to sit on my front porch and watch my next door neighbor chase her two year old as she ran toward the street, catch her, tell her no, walk back, try to get her involved with her toy again.....repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.

Sure she tried taking her inside, that didn't work either. As soon as that brat got outside again she'd make a dash toward the street.

Why go through all of that? It's annoying and frankly it's dangerous to have a mobile child that will not listen and refuses to follow even the most simplistic directions.

Her child is now 7, and still doesn't listen worth a crap.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

Explain to me how that works please. IMO it doesn't.

A few years ago I found it rather entertaining to sit on my front porch and watch my next door neighbor chase her two year old as she ran toward the street, catch her, tell her no, walk back, try to get her involved with her toy again.....repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.

Sure she tried taking her inside, that didn't work either. As soon as that brat got outside again she'd make a dash toward the street.

Why go through all of that? It's annoying and frankly it's dangerous to have a mobile child that will not listen and refuses to follow even the most simplistic directions.

Her child is now 7, and still doesn't listen worth a crap.

I've got a 26 year old son, a 13-year old son and an 11-year old daughter. Believe me in all 26 years, neither myself nor my husband have hit our children. I've also never "chased" them down the block. I can't analyze your neighbors 7-year old based on what you've told me, but it sounds like its the parents' fault rather than the child's. Why go through all that? I'll tell you why. As parents, its our JOBs to go through all that. I find in most cases, and I'm not talking about you, the laziness is the real reason that spanking takes place. After all, it takes time and energy to actually sit down and talk to a child. Hitting and saying "because I said so" is merely the act of a bully who never learned to put their feelings into words.

 

[michelle]

I got "Spankings" up until I was about 18. Now when I look back I know it was totally wrong. My parents "spanked" us when THEY were angry. I was not the best child but I can tell you I have a 5 year old and I have wanted to spank him when he has been bad but cannot bring myself to do it. I tell my mom that I will not hit him and she thinks I am nuts, I know it. I just dont want to instill the fear of a beating in him. I am not saying a "swat" is wrong but I was beat with belts, hands and by both parents sometimes. I would get it from one, go in the next room and get it from the other. But like a good daughter I will defend my parents by saying I got into a lot of trouble. My DH grew up in an abusive home and he will NOT ever hit our child.

 

[michelle]

I've got a 26 year old son, a 13-year old son and an 11-year old daughter. Believe me in all 26 years, neither myself nor my husband have hit our children. I've also never "chased" them down the block. I can't analyze your neighbors 7-year old based on what you've told me, but it sounds like its the parents' fault rather than the child's. Why go through all that? I'll tell you why. As parents, its our JOBs to go through all that. I find in most cases, and I'm not talking about you, the laziness is the real reason that spanking takes place. After all, it takes time and energy to actually sit down and talk to a child. Hitting and saying "because I said so" is merely the act of a bully who never learned to put their feelings into words.

Jeana, you hit the nail on the head! I was watching supernanny and the effort she teaches them to put in with their children is grueling. If you start from day one I think your chances are pretty good as a parent. My son wont eat anything healthy, so this week I have made him sit until he eats his veggies and have not given in. Well Guess what? He eats it!!! Go Figure, who would have known a litte consistancy would work.... I am not saying people here are lazy this is just my experience.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

Jeana, you hit the nail on the head! I was watching supernanny and the effort she teaches them to put in with their children is grueling. If you start from day one I think your chances are pretty good as a parent. My son wont eat anything healthy, so this week I have made him sit until he eats his veggies and have not given in. Well Guess what? He eats it!!! Go Figure, who would have known a litte consistancy would work.... I am not saying people here are lazy this is just my experience.

Good for you!!!! I'm not saying people here are lazy either. But you've got to admit that taking the "no spanking" route can be exhausting!!! In my family, though, I think its worth it.

 

[concernedperson]

Good for you!!!! I'm not saying people here are lazy either. But you've got to admit that taking the "no spanking" route can be exhausting!!! In my family, though, I think its worth it.

Good for you. And, in my children the same applied. I was tired but they are great kids and don't have this need to spank or hit anyone. It just wouldn't occur to them. This is good because a cycle was broken.

I can tell you that my sister and I (we were the oldest of six) were beaten regularly. I think it became sport. Some of the infractions could be talking on the phone, not making the bed or not changing the diapers of the younger ones in a timely fashion. It was never in pursuit of our safety or well being.

In fact it is only now that we are needed/wanted/cherished (?)/ because they are approaching 80 and are wistful. They can't beat anymore but they still use sharp words and manipulation. The worldview has changed however and this game of dysfunction doesn't affect the same way.

Beating children or excessive spanking is not a way to raise them and I don't care if that is how they were raised.

 

[Jeana (DP)]

Good for you. And, in my children the same applied. I was tired but they are great kids and don't have this need to spank or hit anyone. It just wouldn't occur to them. This is good because a cycle was broken.

I can tell you that my sister and I (we were the oldest of six) were beaten regularly. I think it became sport. Some of the infractions could be talking on the phone, not making the bed or not changing the diapers of the younger ones in a timely fashion. It was never in pursuit of our safety or well being.

In fact it is only now that we are needed/wanted/cherished (?)/ because they are approaching 80 and are wistful. They can't beat anymore but they still use sharp words and manipulation. The worldview has changed however and this game of dysfunction doesn't affect the same way.

Beating children or excessive spanking is not a way to raise them and I don't care if that is how they were raised.

Fantastic post!!

 

[michelle]

Good for you!!!! I'm not saying people here are lazy either. But you've got to admit that taking the "no spanking" route can be exhausting!!! In my family, though, I think its worth it.

It is exhausting! I am telling you, I have the most stubborn child and he will fight me tooth and nail. It is so easy to throw in the towel. I think that is mostly the problem with the children today is lazy parenting. JMO

 

[michelle]

Good for you. And, in my children the same applied. I was tired but they are great kids and don't have this need to spank or hit anyone. It just wouldn't occur to them. This is good because a cycle was broken.

I can tell you that my sister and I (we were the oldest of six) were beaten regularly. I think it became sport. Some of the infractions could be talking on the phone, not making the bed or not changing the diapers of the younger ones in a timely fashion. It was never in pursuit of our safety or well being.

In fact it is only now that we are needed/wanted/cherished (?)/ because they are approaching 80 and are wistful. They can't beat anymore but they still use sharp words and manipulation. The worldview has changed however and this game of dysfunction doesn't affect the same way.

Beating children or excessive spanking is not a way to raise them and I don't care if that is how they were raised.

You know when I was younger and got spanked I dont remember having many friends that got whipped. I was almost the only one except a few. I can remember being envious of the other girls because when they did the same things as me they got talked to, I got whipped. All I think I ever wanted was my parents to hug me and tell me they loved me, it sounds so cliche but it is true. Now that I am older my parents are very loving towards me. I dont know, I guess I was not an easy child to love? All I know Is I give my son love and hugs all the time, I am also quick to discipline, but in love. Its funny how when we get older our parents change towards us. My mother has hinted around quite a few times that she knew she was wrong with things but I forgive.

 

[IrishMist]

Seems to me we can all agree that abuse is bad. Excessive spanking- also bad.

But I don't think a swat on the butt is all good or all bad. What works for one family doesn't necessarily work the best for another. Not all kids are the same, if they were, parenting would be easy.

Do good parents spank? Yes. Do good parents not spank? Yes.
And bad parents also do both.

There's more than one right way.

 

[southcitymom]

Seems to me we can all agree that abuse is bad. Excessive spanking- also bad.

But I don't think a swat on the butt is all good or all bad. What works for one family doesn't necessarily work the best for another. Not all kids are the same, if they were, parenting would be easy.

Do good parents spank? Yes. Do good parents not spank? Yes.
And bad parents also do both.

There's more than one right way.

Well said! I'm not opposed to a swat on the bottom, but as a general rule I don't spank. I only want to spank my kids when I am super furious with them and that just doesn't feel like a good thing to me. Also, I've never gotten particularly "good" results with spanking - time outs, taking away privileges, talking...works well for us.

 

[michelle]

Seems to me we can all agree that abuse is bad. Excessive spanking- also bad.

But I don't think a swat on the butt is all good or all bad. What works for one family doesn't necessarily work the best for another. Not all kids are the same, if they were, parenting would be easy.

Do good parents spank? Yes. Do good parents not spank? Yes.
And bad parents also do both.

There's more than one right way.

I agree. I think my issue with it is that I can remember how I felt getting the belt. I do not however remember 3,4 or 5 getting a swat. I am not saying that is wrong. Every family is different and each child as well. Some people go way over board with it. I can remember hearing someone say that you never spank your child in the moment when something happens because you are angry, but wait till you cool down. I got it in the moment, and even years later my parents said that they did it when they were angry and I think that is why mine was worse and to this day I have issues with spanking my own. I just dont want them to feel like I did. But to each their own.

 

[OneLostGrl]

Good idea! Let's keep them in playpens until they reach the age of reason!

I know none of what is being discussed is funny but this post made me chuckle.

 

[OneLostGrl]

Society, or a judge. But really, it's not that hard to say that anything remotely resembling your experience is past the line.

Spanking - at least the type of spanking many of us are saying should not be outlawed, and does have it's place on occasion - does no physical damage to the child, doesn't really do anything more than at most smart a little. It's not done when the parent is angry or yelling or out of control in any way.

My mom did it - and I don't remember it ever hurting - I can't even remember it - but I remember that even mentioning that I might be due a spanking being a sign I had gone too far - that stopped me right there. Hard to remember, since after all, we were good kids, happy, creative, lots of freedom, and she naturally only used it when we were very young.

The classic example is in a parking lot - ever see a little kid see something or think it's funny to run away from mom in the few instants between locking the car and taking their hand?

(Bold is mine)

I know we are all different people and feel things differently than others do but I will NEVER forget the 1 time my mother hit me! The "spanking" didn't hurt me physically- but emotionally!

My mother, the one person in the world that is supposed to love and protect me had just struck me! Purpously attempted to HURT me! The sense of betrayl that I felt was so profound that I felt unloved and alone.

It took me a long time to be able to trust my mother again. Because, in my childhood eyes, she no longer had the desire to protect me from harm, she had caused me harm!

Again, I do not mean to imply that every child that is hit feels the way I did.. I'm just describing what *I* felt.

 

[OneLostGrl]

I've got a 26 year old son, a 13-year old son and an 11-year old daughter. Believe me in all 26 years, neither myself nor my husband have hit our children. I've also never "chased" them down the block. I can't analyze your neighbors 7-year old based on what you've told me, but it sounds like its the parents' fault rather than the child's. Why go through all that? I'll tell you why. As parents, its our JOBs to go through all that. I find in most cases, and I'm not talking about you, the laziness is the real reason that spanking takes place. After all, it takes time and energy to actually sit down and talk to a child. Hitting and saying "because I said so" is merely the act of a bully who never learned to put their feelings into words.

Uggh! For some reason the "more" button on my smilies isn't working tonight. I wanted to *Clap clap clap* to what you said in this post. So although you don't she the actual smilie, I am clapping!

Hitting is a control issue as far as I'm concerned! And you are sooo right about the "because I said so" response that some parents give. If you expect your child to behave, they have to know what you expect from them. If one never gives their child an answer, just a "because I said so", how is the child supposed to reason with that kind of answer and act accordingly?!

My kids know what is expected of them, though they may not always make the proper choices, they do always know WHY certain things are expected... therefore when they attempt to say to me "I didn't know I wasn't supposed to do ____" I can tell them that they did indeed know!

Hitting has never happened in this home- to anyone!

To be completely honest, the reason we started out not hitting was because of my Bipolar. I know without a doubt that over the years, had I struck my child, I would have hurt him! I had almost no control of my emotions and was angry ALL the time so it was decided that I would never hit my child. I couldn't be trusted to!

Although I am now stable on medication, I still do not hit, but my reasons for not hitting have changed. I'd never want to hurt a child, not my own, not anyone elses!